Vertigo! Emergency

None of this is easy for me. I stopped all meds and had a meltdown a month ago.
I'm trying to stay alive for my family. The T brought this shit on but the depression/ anxiety has been overwhelming. I'm at the breaking point and maybe the meds I was perscibed hurt more than helped but I don't have a lot of options.
I may go for ECT if I can't shake this hell in my mind.

Maybe I'm just weak or scared or pathetic but I am trying to stay alive for my family .
I don't have a gauge if I'm worse with these meds other than having nothing to cling to for mental relief

 

@Magpie
I did consult my doc. He didn't suggest taper as I was only on it for 2 weeks.
The side effects were too dangerous and I was experiencing the worst ones.

 

Thank you Amandine.
I am trying so hard. Parts of days are manageable. Other times are misery and devastating. If my brain would let up and not be so spaced out and confused it would be easier. I can barely walk from dizziness at times and other times I can be ok. It changes every hour.
I've lived through such misery in my head and body and now I fear leaving to be in hospital back home. The only reason I'm am able to even convey this is because I am so medicated.

But mostly I hate what I am doing to my family.

 

Larry don't come down on yourself so hard ,you've read the stories on TT ,why beat yourself up over what's happened you didn't ask for it ,non of us on here did ,your doing the best you can .Thats what your doing for your family .to me it's like any one in a family with any kind of illness,you would be there for them ,I'm sure yours feel like that just want to help you ,that's what families do ,I do it with my own ,even though I'm not so great .
I believe meds made me worse ,maybe you need to get what your on looked at .sometimes it can be taking meds at the wrong time in a day ,that's doing it for you ,my cousin had that prob with heart meds ,also my aunt again .Once that was put right they were both fine .Lets both hope 2015 will be good for all of us ,see if some of these issues can get put right Stress can well be doing a lot towards your Dizzyness.Big Hug Larry X

 

@Larry OT

I truly understand this.
If you can get some sleep tonight - a good sleep you may be better tomorrow.
I dont know why you are getting this vertigo but maybe you need to take it real easy and not move around too much.......i feel for you Larry - try to hang there for your family even though it is hard........
Let us know how you are getting on and know that we are thinking of you and sending all our prayers to you.

 

Thank you Marlene. Your words always put my mind as ease.
I guess I'm feeling less than human with all these issues. Your right though.
I will try and find a kinder look at myself. Thinking and feeling are things I often avoid to deny my reality. They too often come with pain.
Hugs and happiness to you too.

 

Hey Larry if you were here right this minute I'd give you the best of a hug ever .Were get there got to have some faith ,well a lot of it .Were sure being tried ,tested .We still get up the next day and perservere ,it's what we excel at ,how many can say that .Only ones with that greater inner strength .You have it ,I've got it .
We've all had dark days ,but think hey tomorrow that day could be whole lot better ,than today .Its how I think ,a day a time Larry ,a day at a time .
2014 was the pits glad to see back of it .So up and onwards we go .never know this could be the year all of us with balance going on. Get it gone ,that's my goal .your come good ,your see .Get a game plan ,and aim for it ,I am .X

 

@Larry OT

How are you getting along Larry? Don't mean to be a pain in the whatsit to you so if you are better and having a great time with your family then please dont take time out to reply to this....
Just wanted you to know that thinking of you and sending out positive vibes and thoughts to you.....

 

@amandine
I best be left to doc care back home.
I've disturbed my family enough.
Something happened to my mind and maybe it's just the depression and anxiety or the drugs I take to keep me going at times.
All I know is I can't keep this up.
Moments of clarity when I focus here at TT.
Other times I am lost in pain and anguish over what's happened to my life and the suffering to my family to see me deteriorate.
Hopefully in hospital they can monitor me on something that can get me better.
I have to get off pain meds and see where that leaves me.
I am scared.
I leave me family tomorrow and meet my sister at return airport.

To all of you here, please be stronger than I have been.
I have not quit, I just need to find a new path.

Love always,
Larry

 

@Larry OT

so sad to hear this. But I am sure that your family understand. You have done your best. You are down now but you will get better. Maybe too many meds in your head? You need time to get better. Then in the new near future, you will be a strong and happy man......living and loving with your family. You are not weak Larry, you are suffering....but the suffering will ease.

 

@Larry OT
Im pretty sure what youre suffering from is derealization. This is a state your brain gets into from traumatic events, very high anxiety or depression. It is a defence mechanism of your brain. It makes your mind foggy and things seems less real and out of place. It is not dangerous but can be very foregin and frightening sometimes. Depends how hard it hits. It happens to around 70% of the general population atleast one times in life. Weed, marijuana and psychadelics can also trigger this condition and makes it worse if you already have it, but im pretty sure yours is due to stress. Just remember that youre not losing your mind. This is very different from psychosis. You will get over this Larry. The faster you can calm down, the faster these symptoms will fade

 

@Larry OT
Hi Larry,
I am sorry you have such a hard time.
I am also with my family on vacation currently and was very anxious about it.
Every day staying together making a happy face, impossible.
So I 100% relate what you are going through. You want your loved ones be happy and want your old yourself back. This makes you depressed and anxious. Then, you take Valium and think this is the only way to cope. With fears how the next day will be. Man, I know what situation you are in.
My situation is even more difficult since my wife is in addition suffering from breast cancer. We both do not know if we will survive 2015. And we have two kids, 7 and 12.
This is hell of suffering.
So what do I do: I sleep longer (10 hours) as good as possible. Sleeping longer means less time hearing T. Remeron (45 mg) helps as sleeping aid.
Taking a shower, sometimes 20-30 minutes.
Going outside alone, sometimes crying and praying.
Masking with crickets, listening to audio books.
You are only 7 months into T. This nothing, absolutely nothing. What I mean is, it takes more time to get habituated to it. Dr. Nagler took two years, I know many others who took 1 to 3 years.
Believe me, I believe too, there will be an end of this suffering.
It just takes time.
Ask your doctors if they have an anti-anxiety med (no benzo) which sedates you a little bit.
Tell you every day: Every day that you made it through, is a day towards a better time.
We are here for you. I take you into my prayers my friend.
Martin

 

Thank you all for the support.
@Martin69
I am putting myself in hospital to hopefully be monitored for something that I don't even know what.
I've fallen so far.

I am so sorry about your situation and my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope as a family you heal together and I pray for you.

If I can just get a small handle on the depression I could manage better. I'm tired of my kids being afraid for me.
That's the worst part. Dad hasn't been getting better. They don't understand this condition or the depression. Nor do I.

There is no masking my T when it gets bad. It does get bad every 3 or 4 days. But now even my quiet days are filled with depression.

May your family be strong with you and my thoughts are with you my friend.

Thanks to all here. Everyone please heal your pain and pass it on.

Larry

 

Larry stay in touch with us on TT ,let's know how your doing ,how long do you think your be in hospital,think your doing the best thing you can ,let's hope your start getting the help you so much need
New year .New start ,that's my plan to Larry .Booking in to see my Dr first thing in New year .
Your be okay ,question all .Take the I pad ,any questions ask those on TT . We all truly care in your well being .
God Love Ya Larry X

 

Thank you.
May God be kind to you too.
I will be in touch, as I can.
Not sure how long I will be there.
May just be a 3 day evaluation.
For what I don't know...depression and brain fog / dizziness.
Just knowing all the love and care from TT is sooooooo warming and comforting.

I could not have made it this far without the support.

 

Thank you.
May God be kind to you too.
I will be in touch, as I can.
Not sure how long I will be there.
May just be a 3 day evaluation.
For what I don't know...depression and brain fog / dizziness.
Just knowing all the love and care from TT is sooooooo warming and comforting.

I could not have made it this far without the support.

 

@Larry OT
Larry, it is good you are in hospital. You will be better after some days. I am sure.
Maybe the stories of @billie48 and @Jeff M. help a little bit. Billie took meds for a long time to go through the first year. Try to get meds that help you coping. Maybe Remeron is not the one which is helping.
In your situation I think the best is to get the right meds and talking.
I also sometimes think that I need something else. Speak with the doctors about this.
Maybe something sedating which is not addictive.
For short periods, Valium helped me a lot to get the one or other quiet day.
Maybe another idea would be Trobalt.

I know what you mean with the kids. I am also scared to death that I won't become better.
So take a little bit of comfort that you are not alone.

Unfortunately I do not have much more than words. I really hope that things will get better.
I really, really wish and pray for you.
Your kids will need you, however you feel at the moment (reactive depression because of T).
Once the depression is lower, things will become better.

Martin

 

@Larry OT
Larry, there is one another thing coming into my mind.
T makes us most problems once unexpected things happen. At least this is for me.
So I try to not plan anything for the day which could become stressful (if possible).

I spoke with Stoyan from the Yuku board. What he did for two years nearly every day:
Try to work (as good as possible, but he could not do much)
Go home and cry for 30 minutes with his wife. Praying.
Sleeping. The one or other day taking a Xanax.
He did this for two years and had non-stop anxiety.
But after two years it became much better.
He is fine now. Stoyan has multiple sounds in his head.
He can now be in silence for hours and work like before.

I read so many stories that time will do its job.
We must believe in this.

 

Well....for those interested:
The hospital was a no go. Turns out they don't allow cell phones on the psyc ward.
My extensive apps for white noise that I often rely on for sanity are not allowed because they are on my cell phone.
The doc also didn't have much to offer for monitoring me while having to be there for two days other than Xanax and Zoloft and group therapy with people who he said I may not get much from because of their conditions.

I'm not sure what I was expecting but two days without noise apps was not going to happen. A longer stay was out of the question. They don't allow iPads or computers either.

As it is, at least my T is having a quiet day. Hard to believe all the stress didn't spark it off. That's my cycle.

Flew back 1st class. That was a treat. The food was actually pretty good.
The seats are sweet. Crazy expensive.
Met a very kind woman who works in medical bio tech who is looking into clinical trials and Her resources for us. Nice of her to offer. She was very concerned for all of us.

Plan B is unknown. Gonna have to dig deep in my mind and soul for this.
thank God for my sister who helped me through this.

I hope you all are doing well as can be. I don't want to sleep as I stopped tracking my cycle to avoid anxiety.
My cycle also affects my emotions as this post is a far cry from previous.

Tomorrow may be another story for me.

Thanks to all for the support.

 

@Larry OT

Thanks for posting Larry. Whereabouts did you fly back from? Crikey! First class! - must have cost a fortune!

Sorry to hear that the hospital didnt work out for you but heaven knows what on earth they would have been able to do anyway? Give you more meds? That doesnt help much does it?

So you are back home now? Hopefully you feel better being at home. Did you pick up Max yet and are together with him....did he enjoy his few days with the neighbours there? Bet he was glad to see you come home!

What is all this about the woman who is looking into clinical trials - did you meet her on the plane or at the hospital?

Anyhow glad to know that you are safely back home....you have a fantastically supportive family and are very lucky to have this....as I am sure you know........just try to imagine how you would cope if you didnt have your family....some people have no one to turn to at all so to have your family makes you a very lucky and wealthy man indeed! Count those blessings Larry!
Hoping you get to feel better and thinking of you

 

@Larry OT
Hi Larry,
Good that you are in a little bit better shape.
BTW, just found that your 4 day cycle seems very common. See second entry on http://www.tinnitus.org/email2.html.
Seems it is linked to the limbic cycle, whatever this exactly is.

 

@Larry OT
Hi Larry,
Good that you are in a little bit better shape.
BTW, just found that your 4 day cycle seems very common. See second entry on http://www.tinnitus.org/email2.html.
Seems it is linked to the limbic cycle, whatever this exactly is.

 

I tryed in past vasodilatators drugs and the most worst was the pentoxyfilline. Cinnarizine gave me T-spyke after 30 mins. I was shifted on betaserc with the same results. Ironically i got vertigo (not permanent)!