4 Months Since Major Increase, Really Need Help Believing in Habituation

Made a previous thread about it but it was removed because of profanity. Probably for the best, now I can write it one more time without needless profanity and maybe shortern it someway.

So yeah, it's almost exactly 4 months since I managed to increase my T in a major way, due to a stupid needless loud noise incident. If you want to read more about it, look in my previous thread, I won't go into further details here. I guess you can pretty much say it went from mild to high-moderate. I hear my T 24/7, but I can "ignore" it somehow and it doesn't seem to have any effect at all on my focus on my work, watching a movie or while studying. I can even study and read books in silent environments, despite my constant T. There's some things that can mask it, such as moderate traffic right nearby, but not many.

For about a week after the increase, I couldn't sleep for more than 2-3 hours as I would wake up in the night and not be able to fall back asleep. That problem has however went completely, and I would say that my T has pretty much zero effect on my ability to sleep (thank god).

This summer was pretty bad. I feel like I mostly spent it working at my stressful summer job and then coming back home to my empty apartment. Because many of my friends were out of town or working with different schedules than me, I only had a few good days with friends.

Then summer ended and I came back to university. I was extremely grateful to see that my T had pretty much no impact on my studies, as I had feared it would have. Right now I'm practice-working (is that the correct term?) on a hospital, and things are going good there.

I really wish I could say I was doing fine and T was a minor thing in my life, I really wish I could be writing a success story instead, but I can't. Because the thing is that my T is a big energy-thief, and it feels like it's draining my life of happiness. It's there when I wake up, it's there on the bus on the way to work or school, and it's there on the way home, and it's constantly making me feel like my life is less enjoyable than it should be. For example, today is Friday and I should be happy to head home to relax after a week of hard work. Instead I broke down crying when I got home (first time in a couple of months).

I know that many want to say that I shouldn't let T ruin my only life on this beautiful planet. The problem is that spending time in nature has been a big source of joy to me, and has helped me enourmously in periods when I've felt sad. Now when I go for a walk in the woods, my constant T is there and reminds me that I can't enjoy the woods as much as I used to, and it makes me sad.

I know that I should keep busy, and I think that I am trying to do that, but the problem is that I feel like it has no effect. After doing fun stuff like spending time with friends, my T is right back there when I finish it.

I'm not asking for my T to go away, I know that's not realistic (as I've managed to worsen an already existing T). I'm not dying for a cure (Though I know it's possible, and perhaps even probable that there will atleast be a way to lower it in my lifetime, or maybe even in the coming decennium?)
I've also mostly given up it fading in any big way, or going back to the old baseline. It's okay. What I really need, however, and unfortunately can't get myself to believe in, is the big H. Habituation.
You know when people say that "I can hear it 24/7 if I focus on it, it's as loud as ever, but I don't notice it anymore and it has almost no effect on my life"? THAT'S exactly what I want. I would give my arm for that to happen. I'm entirely content with that. Because right now, I feel like my T is constantly bringing me down. The coming years should be amongst the happiest in my life, but I feel like I'm just mostly gonna spend it, fighting to keep on. And I'm tired of that, tired of feeling like I have to fight every day.

Somewhere deep down I know realistically that things are not as bad as I feel like now, and that today is a unusually bad day (and that those bad days are probably fewer now than right after the incident), and that I've had many happy moments since the incident. (Even went for a solo-trip to another country this autumn). But the problem is that right now I feel like I'm spending most of my life, just "existing" and "fighting", if you know what I mean... Because I don't feel right now like I've made any progress in the past 4 months I feel extra down, but probably I've made some progress but just haven't noticed it, but yeah... Can't get myself to believe that right now, unfortunately.

All your replies are extremely appreciated. I see that my post became way longer than I meant it to be (as it most often does). I apologize for that, and if you've made it to the end and listened to my whining, I'm extremely grateful.

 

Hi @MaxK ,

There are many examples of habitation on this forum. Look at the "Success Stories" section and you will find a lot that should help you realize that it is possible.

Here are a couple that I refer people to frequently, hopefully they will help and inspire you to seek out others here.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

But, please, read through the "Success Stories", you will see that it is possible.

 

@MaxK How are you doing these days?