6 Years Later, Tinnitus Does Not Matter to Me Anymore

If anyone remembers me, I've been a member of Tinnitus Talk for at least 6 years. In January 2017 I went to a house party that changed my life. As a long time musician (no hearing protection... yes I know), I was not diligent with my hearing. No one talks about tinnitus, no one talks about the way it can flip your life upside down in a matter of hours... or minutes. I suffered for at least 4 years with debilitating tinnitus. I'm talking a whole slew of noises from 5 kHz - 15 kHz. ringing so painfully that I thought of ending my life. I sat through it all. The mental anguish, thoughts of suicide, how my life would never be normal and only being productive on "normal" days when my tinnitus was low. Through diligence in protecting my hearing and being very VERY cautious in what activities I do, I can say that, 6 years later, my tinnitus does not matter any more. It's like an itchy ass. Sure it's there, some days worse than others, but it doesn't define me.

It's been a long journey, many sleepless, anxious, stress-filled nights.

Tinnitus Talk has helped me so much in learning and processing what's going on. I hope you all find peace in the madness and we can find a solution to this BS.

I might be around to answer to questions, but I'm forgetful and work a fucked up schedule.

Take care,
Peter

 

Good to read your story!

What do you do for work and did tinnitus impact it?

 

@Stayinghopeful, thanks! I work as a public safety dispatcher so ya, I did for sure. It was tough to hear the radio through the ringing!

 

Thank you for reporting back. Can you provide more details? Did you habituate or was it a combination of tinnitus loudness being reduced? Four years is quite a time to reach "no longer bothersome" stage.

 

Hopefully @PDodge will reply to you, but what I have seen in many stories of habituation is that it comes in stages and you have setbacks. Probably they weren't suffering everyday during those 4 years, they had good days and other days were not so good, until approximately 4 years later their tinnitus was not a problem at all.

This is also what is happening to me. I'm almost 9 months in, and I can't say I have been suffering everyday, but for sure the last month I have been feeling happier and more "normal", while I still dislike my tinnitus. And I don't discard that I might have an emotional setback, but hopefully not... And most probably I'll be able to also shake those feelings and habituate.

 

Combination of habituation + loudness reduction. As @RainbowCat said, I had constant, horrible tinnitus for about 2 years straight. And healing is not linear. I'd have one good day, then a bad week, then two good days and a bad month etc. until I had more good than bad days.

I had horrible ear pain + hyperacusis for a while, both went away after some time (year+?). I still have tinnitus but when I hear it, I just shrug my shoulders and am thankful I'm no longer suffering.

 

You people are so strong. I an with fairly severe tinnitus and mild/miderate hyperacusis, no pain, yet I feel like I need to end it. It's the anguish that's killing me apparently.

 

Ah, you remind me so much of myself. I did, however, get over my anxiety stage much faster, and unfortunately my tinnitus hasn't gone down, but the massively improved stability has played a massive part. I, however, live my life to the fullest of my abilities and value every new day. I applaud your progress, brother, and wish you the very best in life

 

You are also strong. Most of us had or still have those thoughts. In my opinion, the difference comes when you challenge them, when you don't listen to them. For that there are many techniques.

 

I wish. I am not sure. The worsening hyperacusis is truly debilitating me, and that's just loudness hyperacusis, no pain. This is hell on earth already, yet it can be worse? Fuck it.

 

It can also get better. Going the route of the negative what-ifs won't help you. We have risks of bad things happening all the time, in regards of anything, but you can't go living in fear and avoiding things all the time.

It's good to take precautions and know your limitations, of course, but even if you lie to yourself, it's much better to tell yourself positive things like "It's hard, but I'll learn to cope. I'll habituate, time is on my side".

 

I suppose. I am kinda trying to do things, get out, drive, see people, but since my condition has been (slowly) worsening I am not sure it is the right strategy. And I am not really pushing it.

You're right that while living normal I wasn't worried about "what ifs". Yes, the common thought was a car accident, driving is probably the most dangerous thing we engage in (except DIY'ing, which is how I hurt myself), yet we don't think about an accident every moment. I kinda did, and always have been hyper focused on driving (no distractions behind the wheel, etc), and it has so far worked. Wish I paid similar care to safety around loud tools. Well, I did, just made one time (fatal) mistake.

At the end of the day it's the suffering from the internal (tinnitus) and external (hyperacusis) noises that's killing me. Frankly, I begin to worry less about the future. The present is bad enough.

 

Spot on @RainbowCat.

This is so true, and has always been my mantra deep within throughout this journey. All the "what ifs" makes you stuck in the past. Let us also remember that you only have to think about today, and cope with that (if that is where you are at right now). You don't know what tomorrow brings.

 

@PDodge, congrats my friend. I'm really happy to see you have moved on so much.

It is incredible how fast the years pass, I feel like it was just a short time ago that I registered on Tinnitus Talk and read your and others' stories in search for some hope. Now it is also for me 5 years since getting tinnitus.

I hope to read an update in the future from you

 

Here for you gameover. Lean on us while we lean on you too!

 

Two recurrent problems with @PDodge's success story:

1) A chronically itchy ass would drive me to insanity nearly as much as tinnitus has;

2) Various prescription lotions and steroids are available to alleviate this condition.

I swear that I do not go tendentiously looking for such objections; they just automatically occur to me while reading these habituation success accounts.

There is thus a hollow core at the heart of all of this advice that when considered feels like being told that it is easy to drive a car with two flat tires.

The summer has always caused a real, unbearable exacerbation to my tinnitus (and I have no idea why).

I frankly don't know if I am capable of suffering through another one; there seems to be some principle involved in refusing to be tortured any further by a Pitiless, Hideously Indifferent Universe.

 

@PDodge, I hope you still visit here from time to time to answer this question.

Regarding loudness reduction, can you describe it more? Sounds like it was bad for 2 years, then what? Did it start gradually to go down? How would you describe its present level now? Thanks!

 

Imagine a train coming to a halt + the pain that comes with that, that is how it was. I quit using any headphones. Any power tools, so much as a drill, I used earplugs/earmuffs. I found the pain went away first. I couldn't tell you when because I was still so distraught from the sounds. Definitely over a year or two. This might sound stupid because so many people here haven't had success with it but I made my own sound therapy that I used 30 minutes a day. Sometimes It would quiet the tinnitus, sometimes not.

I would say my tinnitus is present (same frequency level: 10 kHz+) but less intrusive. I don't know if I got used to it or if it got quieter because the first time with tinnitus is fucking awful. Either way I don't think about it often, but when I do, it's a fleeting thought and I am so diligent now with hearing protection that I never do anything risky with my ears.

Wish you all the best. Again thanks for Tinnitus Talk and its members for helping me through such a dark period in my life. I literally would not be here if not for this platform and you guys!

I'll be back once in a while for anyone who has questions. Thanks and take care.

 

Amazing. Gives hope. Thank you.