Acoustic Trauma, Losing Hope

[Jason37]

I have been losing hope lately and realize that my tinnitus isn't going away. I got tinnitus from one gunshot from AR-15 after my rifle stock dislodged my right earplug before firing.

I am having a hard time forgiving myself for it, and making such a hardship on myself and family. I went to two different ENT's and audiograms were the same after 4 months.

I lost 17 dB out of the normal range of hearing in my right ear at 6000 Hz.

I try not to complain as I understand my tinnitus isn't that bad compared to some but today it is getting me down.

It has gotten softer and is very intermittent in tone and pitch. It always changes day to day but the intermittent electrical sound is what bothers me.

Today I have stressed myself out about it and just haven't talked to anyone who has it.

I woke up twice last week and it was literally gone for awhile. I even stayed up for 5 minutes listening making sure I wasn't dreaming.

One Dr. says it may go away and he's seen it happen...the other told me it was here for life after I saw him 3 weeks in. I have been on an emotional roller coaster blaming myself for months.

I am Mr. Careful and I can't believe I did what I did. I have been reading everything and just wanted to talked to someone who has been through it. Sorry for the long post.

 

[Jiri]

First off, your post isn't long and you don't have to be sorry at all. There is a reason why this place is called 'a friendly tinnitus support board'.

I haven't the knowledge yet nor experience to eleborate further on your subject as I'm in my 2nd month of fighting bilateral tinnitus.

I noticed however several important remarks in your post:

It has gotten softer and is very intermittent in tone and pitch.

It always changes day to day

I woke up twice last week and it was literally gone for awhile. I even stayed up for 5 minutes listening making sure I wasn't dreaming.

One Dr. says it may go away and he's seen it happen

That is all SUPER positive news! From my reading observations of what other people posted on here, the fact, that it changed in tone & pitch, subsided even is surely a great thing!

It has already faded and this trend may very well continue.

It is just going to take more time. From what I've heard, you can only give up hope of it ever going away if it's there without a change (the same pitch i.e.) for about 2 years. Your body showed already signs of fighting this condition and being able to recover itself. Awesome news! Just chin up now and hang on in there! I feel your 1st Dr. is correct.

Just remember, always protect your ears. Earplugs, earmuffs and the like

Oh, and reading this thread by Bill Bauer might prove helpful to you: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/

 

[Jason37]

Thanks, I have read those stats several times....I am having trouble accepting I might have gave myself a life long condition for such a stupid reason. I just feel like I am making it worse by stressing out about what I did was not necessary....accidents happen, but I feel like I haven't handled this well at all. Then I start to feel bad I complain about it when others have it much worse. Both tones are intermentant and can only hear one in the day that is staticky and electrical. I've been reading on these shooting forums and it seems like most of those guys don't even give it a second thought. I just don't know how to stop monitoring it.

 

[Jason37]

Also, I really feel for these soldiers coming back home with ptsd and stupid T. I never see those guys and gals complains about it....amazing.

 

[glynis]

Please don't blame yourself as accidents do happen and it's now managing from any aftermath.
If you have lost some hearing you might find a white noise generator or hearing aid helpful ( It might not be for ever but could help you cope better and that will give you relief and emotional turmoil time to settle).
Think of the bigger picture about doing what you can to make you happy and feel good about yourself and confidence.
Stay positive it will settle and cope better .
Love glynis

 

[Jiri]

I am having trouble accepting I might have gave myself a life long condition for such a stupid reason

Yup, we're in the same boat here. I keep blaming myself for going to that one damn stupid Bday party too. Who could've known, tho? Can't travel back in time to fix things unfortunatelly.

On the bright side. You saw some progress. I believe in your case it will keep getting better. What helped me was also talking to a psychiatrist about this. The first couple of weeks were pure pain and torture. Try even a psychotherapist. You need to try all the options available is my point. There's a problem and you should attack it. If someone isn't helpful or not interested, ditch them.

The one thing that I'm worried about are setbacks. I did hear during the weekend the electrical voltage buzz sound myself. Just when I start to feel my condition is getting better, and I'm all like Yeeew! Let's be productive. I drop a metal shower head - loud noice. I knock into a wall with my safety earmuffs on (cheap plastic) - loud clunky noise, and just today when I'm home, supposedly safe, a bunch of kids starts firing a firecrackers next yard..

Well.... like I said. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Protect your hearing (sorry about your hearing loss btw) and you will forge ahead and see success one day.

P.S.: Yeah, those soliders are heroes.

 

[Jason37]

Thanks Glynis, I'm just don't know the best path to proceed with. Have hope that it will go away or accept it's here to stay for life. Either way I feel very trapped and have been praying non stop for faith and grace to handle this. I am a believer but I feel like I have been living in fear and anxiety, and not handling this like Paul wrote in Phillipians 6:4-8. I have been crippled by fear lately.

 

[Bill Bauer]

If it has been improving, there is no reason why it wouldn't continue improving (possibly at a slower rate) in the future.

 

[Jason37]

THANKS Bill, I have a a lot of positive and low days that are easy to ignore but I get a "faster voltage" day and I start to go down hill and panic. My family practitioner gave me kolonapin for sleep (.05). I have rarely taken a whole one and only take half at nite when I panic. 60 of them have lasted me 41/2 months. But the scare me as well....I am taking NAC and b complex as well as D3 and zinc.

 

[Bobby B]

Outcome depends on age as well - the younger the better

How old are you ?

 

[glynis]

@Jason37,
Melatonin is good for sleep and only natural so you won't get adicted.
The unwanted emotions that come with tinnitus can be just as hard to deal with than the sound itself.
Keeping relaxing music on will help you relax and controlled breathing.
Take each day as it comes and try not let the tinnitus win the day by lowering your mood and feel at ease at the end of the day that you got through it and stay positive each day will get better.
Some times its good to plan our day and help it by looking forward to each day.
Love glynis

 

[fishbone]

Thanks Glynis, I'm just don't know the best path to proceed with. Have hope that it will go away or accept it's here to stay for life. Either way I feel very trapped and have been praying non stop for faith and grace to handle this. I am a believer but I feel like I have been living in fear and anxiety, and not handling this like Paul wrote in Phillipians 6:4-8. I have been crippled by fear lately.

There is no best way. We simply take it day by day and live for today and not worry about tomorrow. Each day can make you stronger and it will take time. All of us faced your issue and still do, we simply do our best to make each day count and grow stronger

 

[Jason37]

I'm 37

 

[Jason37]

I am just reaching the peak of an emotional meltdown right now. I've been the strong one for my family and they don't know what to do either. I just can't believe I let this happen. I have never felt so desperate in my life.