Afraid, But Not Defeated

Hello. My name is Rodrigo, I'm 18 years old, I live in El Salvador, located in Central America.
I finally had the balls to come and open my account here in Tinnitus Talk, something I had been afraid to do for this 2 months I've had the T, but tonight I decided "You know what? Fuck it, if it's going to heal, it'll be, if it's not, well...whatever" and here I am, finally accepting the fact that, yes, I HAVE TINNITUS.
It wasn't easy to get to this point though, I first noticed my T one night when I was trying to sleep, I've had the T before as a result of an Otitis, but it faded away after a few days or weeks, don't really remember. Having the T was always one of my worst fears, and life has challenged me this way. As a normal person, I got desperate, I cried, I yelled, I lost sleep, I became an emotional wreck. I have visited my ENT just once, because he says that my Tinnitus comes from a blockage on the eustachian tube, probably caused because of a jaw problem I have. So I'll visit him again in a few days since the treatment he gave me has done nothing. I won't lie, I'm very afraid, I still get anxious about the T at times, because for a while I couldn't hear it, but now it's back, I think it never went away, I just stopped paying attention to it because of a technique someone posted in here, but now I'm paying attention to it again, and here I am, afraid, but not defeated. I was an emotional wreck for a couple of weeks, I even looked for ways to commit suicide without feeling any pain, but later on I decided I couldn't be such a weak person. I have always been the kind of person who likes to fight even in the hardest of situations, and this will not be the exception, I will go to the last resource I have to fight my T, and if it doesn't go away, I won't fall apart and cry over it my entire life, I will keep living, because I have so many goals and dreams to accomplish in my life. I want to finish my major, I want to graduate, I wanna move to Sweden and I wanna have my own P.R company, I want to have a fancy apartment, share it with my loved one and enjoy life, drink a margarita in Santorini, eat pasta in Italy, kiss my loved one in Paris, go shopping with no budget, buy a dog, love my family. I have so many things I want to fight for, I won't let a stupid sound stop me from that, I will fight everyday, and if I ever feel I can't, I will get strenght from who knows where to keep fighting!

This is my short, but for me, meaningful story.
It's nice to be here, we are all fighters, we are all fabulous as I like to say.

Cheers! For a wonderful life.

Rodrigo.

 

Hello @Rodrigo Rivas and welcome. I'm so sorry for your troubles but happy that you joined TT. This is the place to be if you are struggling. I am much older than you and truly feel sorry that this has happened to you at such a young age . I can say that it will get better and there is no reason why you can't have all those wonderful goals (I've been to Paris for an extended visit and loved it!).

Try masking to get a good sleep, or talk to your doctor about a temporary med to help. I find relaxation exercises to be very helpful--there are many on iTunes -- look for Yasmine Buraik --her voice is very soothing. I also used her breathing exercises to help with anxiety. If you don't have iTunes, just google her name.

You are not a weak person--you are a person with tinnitus and it is very distressing at first. It will either fade back to where you didn't notice it or you will get used to it again. We are here for you and if you have any questions, please ask.

(((hugs)))

 

Once you defeat T, you will conquer the world again with full force. No wonder why tinnitus starts with the letter Time . Never say never.

 

Lately I have been feeling better, I can see life shining again for me! I've always been hypocondriac, so basically all my life I'm dealing with a different disease, it has been stressful, but somehow I've managed. After I get my test done (Which I don't know the name in english) the doctor said that we are gonna work in making the sound tolerable, which I already started doing by masking it to sleep, and keeping myself busy. For a few weeks I thought my life was over, but now, I realized, it has just started! Thank you for your words!

 

Good story man @Rodrigo Rivas

 

Excellent advice from notable posters above. You are showing great improvement within a short 2 months. That is great news. Yes, you have a good story to tell so when you are ready for a success story, please do write one for others to read and benefit from.

 

Thank you for commenting my post <3 I don't know if my Tinnitus went away for a couple of weeks and it came back, or maybe I just stopped paying attention for a while. But the thing is, it's back, and even though I'm afraid I've decided to not let it defeat me! I have been analizing myself to see how Tinnitus works in my body, and I've made some good improvements. I hope this will lead the way to a nice life

 

I believe the hardest battles are fought by the strongest soldiers. We are all strong, we are all struggling at times with Tinnitus, but somehow, we keep on going every day, and that, is a success story, everyday that passes by and you don't give up, is another huge victory!

 

Thank you, I noticed you were the first one to read it. I send you a hug back! What's your story?

 

Thank you! I won't lie, it has been hard, I keep getting anxious at times, I keep asking myself "Why me?", "Will it ever go away?", "Is it gonna get louder?" (Which I hope it doesn't). I try to take better care of my ears now, and even though I'm afraid, I try to keep myself calm and remember that I must get through it When I'm ready, I'll follow your advice and write a success story, there's a long way till there yet I think...but I'm happy with my improvement

 

Yeah man , I'm ur age as well , I still don't have a clear cut reason just like you I went to bed and noticed a sound while laying on my ear 5 months ago , since then it never stopped it could be , loud music from that day , low vitamin b12& zinc , or Tmj my jaw clicks every time I eat , I live a very noisy active life style as well