Bringing Up Children Whilst Having Tinnitus

I have just helped bring two boys into the world, they are now 3.5 and 7 months, and I'm looking for advice of how to cope with bringing them up whilst having intrusive tinnitus. I'm an older dad and knew I had to be in shape if I wanted kids. I was, then tinnitus struck. I'm 49.

My tinnitus started about 4 months ago and has totally altered my world to the point where I feel what's the point of living like this. I'm suffering very badly. But then I have 2 kids to bring up, and it wouldn't be fair on them if they didn't have a daddy. Talk about bad timing. My kids don't deserve this, and they did nothing wrong. It is my burden to carry.

Luckily, or unluckily, I can work from home (although I haven't done much of that lately). Currently my wife and children are living abroad, and I was too, but the idea is to move to the UK permanently. Looking for a house now.

So can any fathers or mothers give me any specific advice on bringing up children whilst suffering from this affliction? I want to give my kids the best upbringing I can, but I fear it will be far inferior to the one I could have offered 4 months ago. I'm always sad and never smile, which is in complete contrast to the old me.

My wife has little sympathy for my suffering as she sees it as secondary to the children's welfare. She's right, but it still affects me greatly. She doesn't really understand how a sound can cause so many problems.

Is life still great bringing up kids regardless of the tinnitus? I've actually started counting down the days until I'm 67 when my youngest will be 18 and my oldest 21. I have worked out that I have gone about 1% of the journey since getting tinnitus. How sad it all seems! And I fear that the tinnitus will just get worse and worse and that I will forever be a housebound parent.

 

It is not always easy to say the least. Toys, playing, crying, playgrounds, other kids, etc. It can be like walking in a minefield. My little creature is 3. Welcome to life difficulty level: Expert.
Best of luck to you fren. Protect your ears!

 

Do you wear ear protection around them at all times?

 

No, I don't need to. My tinnitus is very very mild and intermittent and my hyperacusis only comes and goes. The hardest part about my tinnitus is focusing at work when it flares up, and the emotional hit from losing my ability to play electric guitar and drums.

 

I'm surprised you're on Tinnitus Talk then. Did you have it worse before?

 

Yes. I have improved quite a bit.

 

@all to gain

I'm in a similar situation with a 3 year old and a 1,5 year old. I don't like to wear protection around them as it makes my tinnitus more intrusive. I would say try to be the best dad you can be and learn from your good and bad experiences and adapt accordingly. Know what you can and can't do. For every activity that you can't do, try to find one that works for both you and the kids. They can and will be loud, but I can now ask my oldest to be quieter and she'll mostly do so. With the youngest it's a matter of being able to see into the future and stay one step ahead of his needs. (Pacifier, video's, food, sleep)

Some days I manage better than others and my wife knows when I tell her I need a break. Mostly, my kids deviate my attention from tinnitus, but sometimes I feel incapacitated (not being able to go to the school play, or generally any activity with parents stuffed into a small place with horrible acoustics)

Shower time is the worst when it's time for washing out the shampoo. I wear earmuffs then, but I always dread that routine...

Another thing is in the car. If you're on the wheel there's no escape from the crying. I make sure to have earplugs or muffs ready. It made me almost pull over on the emergency lane but my wife would threaten divorce...

All the best mate!

 

I have three boys, 10, 6, and 3. Last night I put on my earmuffs while they wrestled for a bit. I eventually asked my eldest, can I take these off, he said yup... coast is clear. Be careful when they are swimming in your back and close to your ear... it’s really dangerous. Be patient and educate them... they do get it... but be vigilant... if there’s a situation that’s really exciting and dangerous, plug up. Sometimes I put on my earmuffs if I go into tickle the little one. I can’t go to school functions anymore, movies, festivals.......my ears are to sensitive.

My kids are so cool, they understand. When I drive, I keep earmuffs next to me in case the shit hits the fan.

Bartoli, you are doing great... just be prepared and have fun. I took them to play badminton last night, played football with the little one... he’s strong. An angel at school and a demon at home.
Let your wife do the showering if it hurts... team work...

P.S. When the shit hits the fan I pull over and clamp down on the chaos fast.

Explain to your wife your disability... she should understand... kids need time outs... I was a school teacher for years. Kids need parents to guide them.
It’s our duty and it is love.

Threats of divorce don’t work on me... there’s the door... feel free to use it.
Honey don’t play that... not with brain damage... hell no.

 

That was mostly meant as a joke, although I sense she doesn't truly understand. Her knowledge doesn't go much further than what the internet has to offer on first sight. With every hospital running some sort of CBT or TRT program for need of a treatment, she feels that it's the right thing to do. I always fear coming across as a tin-foil hatter when I explain I don't put my faith in science when it comes to tinnitus. It's just so disappointing that they're in the Middle Ages regarding this illness...

If you have a heart attack, every hospital takes the same steps... If you have tinnitus, it really depends on the hospital and country, but mostly they preach Jastreboff like it's 1988.

 

Fair play... I am a bit of a bastard, sorry I missed your joke... oops. Perhaps you could educate her a little. Mine is hopeless, a lot of it’s just culture, our cultures are so different.
Lots of illness are in the Middle Ages, we just may get lucky. Just tell her to be supportive and loving. That should be enough. Brain damage is pretty easy to understand.
Be strong, be patient, and good luck.............for all of us.

 

Thanks. This is going to be one hard and long slog. I wasn't expecting this 6 months ago.