Dad Doesn’t Believe I Could Have Tinnitus Because My Hearing Tests Came Back OK

Discussion in 'Support' started by Lynny, Sep 8, 2019.

    1. Lynny

      Lynny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      December 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, possibly stress
      My hearing tests came back and it turns out I have decent hearing for my age. My dad does not believe I could have tinnitus if there’s no ‘visible’ damage (i.e. medical ‘proof’). He swears it has to be psychological (i.e. I must be crazy).

      He refuses to read anything I ask him to because he thinks it's all conspiracy theories on obscure internet forums (not entirely disagreeing on that, but still). Are there any fact-based, scientific articles that could help me explain to him that no, I am not making this up / going insane?

      It’s a really frustrating burden to have to prove myself to others on top of dealing with it. I keep getting into arguments about it that end with me crying.

      Any helps is greatly appreciated.

      Lynn
       
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    2. John Mahan

      John Mahan Member

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      God it would suck to have a father that ignorant and insensitive.

      Only thing you can do is put him in touch with an audiologist who can inform him otherwise.

      In some ways your father shares the broader belief of the public that those with profound ringing in the ears are crazy. Which to a degree is true. Loud ringing in the ears can make people crazy as we see all the time here.

      In any event Lynny...doesn't matter. Your dad is either going to accept your mental illness due to loud tinnitus or not.

      One of the things you will learn is just how stupid people are. You are a pretty smart girl and I believe you know that already.

      Manyy psychologists share the view that since we can't pick our parents, if parents are toxic to our mental health, move away from them.

      Good luck.
       
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    3. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
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    4. Lilah
      Bashful

      Lilah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, Lupus
      My dad does not understand the severity/loudness of my tinnitus as well (my mom does). He basically said the same thing at the beginning, since all my tests came back normal, maybe it's in my imagination? That the mind can imagine many things? And that people live well with worse health issues. He was more focused about me keeping my job than my ears/mental health. He is more understanding now though; I told him I cannot read now and he has not said anything.
       
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    5. John Mahan

      John Mahan Member

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Lilah....you clearly wrote your post and read this thread. What do you mean you can no longer read?
       
    6. Krolo

      Krolo Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999 , Worse in September 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Volume
      I think she means that she can't keep focus on reading. I had this for 5months. @Lynny I hope your father reads the links other users posted here since having family helping is so much better. I was literally in the worst place imaginable for 6 months until it started getting better.
       
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    7. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Lynny

      Lynny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      December 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, possibly stress
      Wow that’s almost exactly my situation.. My mom is an angel, for example she’s been up nights researching cures and sending me links to succes stories to help me.. I don’t deserve her. My dad does ‘believe’ I hear ringing but he’s convinced it is (at least in part) due to my mental health. He’s been pushing me to take antidepressants because he thinks it will fix all my problems.
       
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    8. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      Damn, as if life with tinnitus couldnt be any worse, being told you are imagining it. I'm so sorry to hear this. Well, you know we all believe you. Im sure you could easily find one of us to be your new dad. @Bill Bauer ? Or maybe even @threefirefour ?
       
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    9. Extreme
      Paranoid

      Extreme Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      8/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I'm so glad your mother is trying all she can. That's wonderful. I think you should focus more on her and care more about her thoughts than your father's. Because he's just wrong. It's not your job to convince him.

      He also can't diagnose you. Whatever your dr recommends is the best thing to try. If your dr does recommend an antidepressant, then I would encourage you to listen. But don't do something your father is asking.
       
    10. John Mahan

      John Mahan Member

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Lynny,
      We all want you to get better. As it turns out there is a linkage between mental health and tinnitus loudness. Not linear, but a relationship. The reason this board spawns such controversy and people believe like your Dad even though your Dad doesn't really understand this is...because if mental health can be reeled in on some level, your tinnitus 'may' lower. There are countless accounts of this. Many people off the deep end initially learn to live with it and in several instances and not all, tinnitus loudness can diminish. So there is a clear correlation between mental health and tinnitus.

      In fact...no way to know the stats on this, but many with acute tinnitus had mental health issues as they contracted tinnitus. This is a common theme and likely with you as well. Anxiety, depression, OCD etc can make a person vulnerable to contracting tinnitus and make them very vulnerable to living with it.

      Work with your Mom and find a shrink that will work with you to try and reel in your mental health and your tinnitus as with many here will become 'bearable'. There is a huge relationship between mental health and tinnitus which begs the age old axiom. Which came first? The chicken or the egg?
       
    11. Rb86

      Rb86 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      5/31/19
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Lynny my dad actually has tinnitus and downplays mine. Says just learn to deal with it. But I now know how different the cases can be. He does not.

      I feel for you, but ignore him. He will or won't come around to understanding this.

      On the other hand, I'm excited your hearing is not damaged and is good. Mine is NIHL and is an additional layer of suffering here. I have high hopes you will find your way out of this.

      What I can offer - I did go on trazodone for a while to help with sleep. I had some very quiet days on that med, but felt like I had odd side effects so I stopped. There's a chance that if you find an antidepressant that makes you feel more mellow and in control, it could really lower your tinnitus.
       
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    12. David S

      David S Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      @Lynny so sorry to hear that. Not too surprising. Most ENTs do not know too much about tinnitus and hidden hearing loss. Really too bad.
       
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    13. Harley

      Harley Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      This is one of the perils of this condition.
      Most people won't belive you, since they cannot immagine that something this bad is even possible.
      I was easily one of those people, before I got blindsided something, which I never even heard of.

      However I'm 100% certain, that if there was some way for you to transfer the sound you are hearing into your fathers head, he would beg for it to stop within 10 minutes and if he has any heart, he would appologise to you profusely.
      I know that is not much comfort, but it is human nature.
       
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    14. Lilah
      Bashful

      Lilah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, Lupus
      I still cannot relax and read a novel. I enjoyed reading novels before.
       
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    15. Lilah
      Bashful

      Lilah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, Lupus
      Haha sounds like the same situation. My mom has been entirely supportive. My dad at the beginning told to me take Valium and get to work. My mom thought I should take a break and come home (we live in different cities).
       
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    16. Selah1281

      Selah1281 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      My soon to be ex-wife told me everyone she’s told that I had mental breakdown over tinnitus and went to the psych ward rolls their eyes and scoffs. I said did any of them have tinnitus. She said everyone’s had tinnitus at some point. So somehow ringing after a concert for a day or the like is comparable to having it daily and not being able to sleep without medication.
       
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    17. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Most people don't understand tinnitus. Heck, doctors and ENTs don't treat it. General physicians tell you, "you need to learn to live with it." They're useless.

      Although, it's not surprising that a relative doesn't understand what you're going through, I think it's disheartening and disappointing for a very close relative to not be supportive at least. But, I have talked to young people who have tinnitus and unsupportive family members.

      I think it will depend on how stubborn your dad is whether he will come around or not. Sometimes, it's a psychological issue on their own. They are in denial on the seriousness of the tinnitus . It's easier to be in denial and blame it on mental illness. Also, since they don't understand, it's easier to say it's a psychological issue since society can wrap their heads around that.

      If you can, print out brief, to-the-point information sheets about tinnitus. Explain how it's still mysterious why it effects people regardless of what an audiogram shows. Look up hidden hearing loss and mention that it is often linked to tinnitus.

      If all fails, tell him to check out the forum. I don't know if audiologists will help or not. Maybe.
       
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    18. all to gain

      all to gain Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dirty drugs
      I feel for you man!! Even my brother and Dad, who both have tinnitus, scoff at me. Maybe they are more capable of dealing with it or simply don't have it so bad.
       
    19. Selah1281

      Selah1281 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Yeah my dad has it too. For 10 years and didn’t even tell me till I got it. But he says he can only hear it in a quiet room. He doesn’t protect his hearing. He races drag cars, works on heavy equipment, and uses tractors and woodchippers on his land. My hyperacusis and tinnitus would have me on the floor in tears if I did any of that. So he can’t relate and when he saw how bad I was suffering he just avoided me when I was at his house after getting released from the psych hospital. Broke my heart truly.
       
    20. Harley

      Harley Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      I'm glad to hear that she is soon to be your ex and I really do hope that one day she is crippled by Tinnitus.
       
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    21. Harley

      Harley Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      He is most likely under the impression, that all Tinnitus is exactly the same.
       
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    22. Extreme
      Paranoid

      Extreme Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      8/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Hey now. Let's not wish it on anyone. Especially someone a member loved enough to marry.

      I too am glad she's going to be your ex. You deserve better.
       
    23. MBH

      MBH Member

      Location:
      Upstate NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Overloaded stress
      I have head tinnitus, It is real. I went to 3 audiologists and I have no hearing loss. Also, mine is from stress. Not all tinnitus is from loud noise. Tinnitus catches us all off guard, but worse is when doctors look at us with no clue, to me which is the biggest insult.
       
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