Just made my concious decision that I cannot live with T for another 40years. It's just to difficult for me emotionally. If they don't find a solution to cure or reduce my T to acceptable level say within 5 years, I'm gonna finish with myself. Another 5 years of masking I can bear, another 40 years - I cannot. I put all my trust in cochlear synaptopathy treatment being developed now by Decibel, if they fail - I fail. I think I indeed have cochlear synaptopathy which makes my chances 50/50 in my view. This thought that it's in in my hands to finish the suffering comforts me a lot. My life is said and miserable and I see no point in living sad life for decades. I lived till T a happy and productive life but at the age of 36 it has finished. I give myself quite some time - 5 years is a decent period in my opinion. And this decision is not anxiety driven - I managed to get rid of my T related anxiety quite some months ago. I just can't see my mood to improve any further, I'm stuck. I don't idealize life, as said before decent T reduction to a level when it's perceived only in silent room at bed time I'm fine with. But not what I have now.