Got Tinnitus from a Rave — Blaming Myself for Not Protecting My Ears

I was at a rave before Christmas, which I already thought could be a bad idea because of corona, but I was in the area and there were almost no COVID-19 cases either in the area, so I went, also a bit because some friends of mine were going.

I had lost my filter earplugs already earlier in the fall, and I was late to order new ones because I could not decide which to buy, and then it was to late to get them, and I never thought about going to physical music store. But I bought some normal ones at a shop before the rave, two pairs. And then I went to the rave. The music was super loud, some of the loudest I have experienced. A friend of mine asked if I had some spare ones, which I gave him. This should have also made me put mine in, but I did not, because I wanted to hear the music. But then at some point I felt it was to loud and I got the other pair from my jacket. But I was tripping out on LSD and it was a new environment for me where I did not feel super confident, so I got self-conscious about what other people were thinking about me putting using earplugs. The music was super loud, but I never got myself to put them in, even though I was thinking this music is damaging my ears, and I also knew about tinnitus and that I wanted to avoid that. Tripping there on the rave, I also was thinking I am damaging my ears, and I even did not enjoy the rave to much. I was looking around if others used earplugs, which I could not see people doing. In the end I was just hoping the music stopped because I felt it was damaging my ears. And I was thinking that all our ears were going to get fckd.

The music stopped, my friend asked if I wanted back the earplugs he had borrowed, and I felt stupid for never putting in mine. Next day I could feel the music had been to loud, but no I did not have any significant tinnitus or anything else. But I felt so stupid for risking my ears. I was thinking then that I should never let that happen again, and hoping there was no damage done. I was then hanging out with some people I did not know too well, and this one guy a few days later wanted to also show me his speaker setup where he blasted it really hard for a minute. On my way home also listened to some podcast on the bus with only one in-ear headset on the left ear because the right headset had lost some piece to it. And then I flew home on an airplane. A few days later I started noticing the tinnitus in my left ear, I was a bit worried about it, but still only some days after the rave, so I was thinking it still could go away. But it did not.

Almost two weeks after the rave I went to a cabin trip, the day before I had smoked some weed and drunk alcohol and I felt really bad about the tinnitus. And I was thinking maybe not the best thing to go to the cabin trip because of the tinnitus. But I went. At the cabin trip we took LSD, and I started freaking out because of the tinnitus, and that I was so stupid not protecting my ears at the rave. Ended up in a panic state over it, and in could not control myself. Ruining it for the others on the cabin trip. I landed from it, but then I smoked some weed again, and ended up in a new panic. Could not sleep or find peace, only walking back and fourth, and smoking many many cigarettes. I was in a panic for a few days, where I also went to work away in a new job I started in. I eventually landed from the panic, but still felt so so stupid for getting myself tinnitus. I even was thinking I did it to myself on purpose almost for not protecting my ears. And I was also unsure about also going to the rave because of the COVID-19, and it did not make me feel better.

So now I have a tinnitus in my left ear. There is this one really high pitch tone, and also some morse code like other tinnitus going on. Sometimes the tinnitus is barely able to hear even though I plug my ears in a quite room, but I have heard it every day still. And mostly I can hear it if I plug my ears. I am also listening for it all the time, which is stupid. I really wish I was never so stupid as I was, and I could have done so much for not getting the tinnitus. I also feel stupid about panicking over it on the cabin trip. And yeah, it really really sucks. I am around 2 months in now, and I am afraid I have it permanent now. I am also afraid it will get worse my raves and concerts in the future. There will be no raves for some time, but I have definitely learned a lesson, and will never not use earplugs if I feel the noise is too loud.

In start of March I have an appointment at the ENT, and hopefully my hearing is not (too) damaged.

I am afraid I got it permanent, and I am freaking out from smoking weed now, and I am for the first time in life afraid of taking psychedelics. I am also afraid the tinnitus will affect my mood in the future, and that I will be less fun being around, and that it will fck it up a bit with friendships.

I also so hope the tinnitus will disappear and that my hearing is not damaged, but I fear it has come to be, and that my hearing is a bit damaged now.

And sorry about going to a rave in the pandemic, it was stupid to do, not something I planned, but since I was in the area I still went, so it was stupid.

I read all the success stories on the internet hoping for the best. My tinnitus is also not really loud, but it is making me quite sad, and I feel so stupid and blaming myself for not protecting my ears. I wish so hard I had prevented it.

 

You need some damn zopiclone/clonazepam or a short trial of steroids to see if that helps (not both).

For noise induced both will likely help your symptoms temporarily in an emergency.

Keep calm, it will very likely fade away for you or not get any worse if you don't subject yourself to more loud music. Just don't go on some impulsive crusade trying to fix it, you will very very likely make it worse. What's done is done (and it could be a lot worse).

 

Zopiclone/Clonazepam for sleeping? I don't have problem sleeping, except for when I was in the panic state, I sleep really good. Sleeping has kind of been my strong side always. Or is it good against the tinnitus? Or if I end up in a panic?

Is it too late to take steroids? I am in quarantine now (because of COVID-19 at my work place) until two days before my ENT appointment, but should I ask the ENT specialist for steroids even though it will be over 2 months after the rave?

I hope it goes away. I am not going to subject myself for more loud music. I always keep earplugs on me now, and I use them at work now when I feel it could be a bit loud or if I anticipate it being loud, and also have earmuffs I use, even both at the same time if there is noise (work on a shipyard). I will try to be be good at cleaning the earplugs also.

Good that you say not going on a crusade trying to fix the tinnitus, I have read some stories of people doing it worse. I will definitely be careful not do anything stupid.

I will keep away from all raves until the summer, and I have already bought several filter earplugs (Alpine Party Plugs), and I am going to order two pairs of Earasers musicians earplugs also (19dB and 31dB) as they should be really good, for future concerts/raves. And stack up some foam ones also. Not that I am going to any concerts/raves the next months anyways, because of COVID-19 and I also want my ears to heal, but can't see myself stopping going to all concert/party/rave in the future either. But I will definitively not take any more chances, I have done so in the past a bit, also before the last rave where I fucked it up for real. But the last rave I was so so stupid. And if I end up on a really loud concert/rave/club again I will leave. Headphones I have not used since I noticed the tinnitus, and will not use for a long time. I have never been the one to listen on loud on headphones, but in future it will be really really quite only, and not for extended duration, but I will give it a year without.

But yeah, you are right, that what is done is done, and it could have been a lot worse. Getting tinnitus has also put things a bit into perspective for me, in that health is the most important. I also now kind of feel I will get over it at some point, but I am afraid it will take quite some time. Looking forward to ENT appointment, and to check my hearing, just so I don't need to question if it is bad like I do sometimes now. I have no clear proof of bad hearing.

Hoping for the best.

 

Your tinnitus is mild and recent, it'll either fade away or you'll get used to it. Let your ears rest for a few months and you'll be fine.

However, in a single post you listed 1) taking psychedelics, 2) smoking weed, 3) smoking cigarettes, and 4) knowingly subjecting your body to harm and not stopping because you're too drugged up and too self-conscious to use basic protective equipment.

Please, for the love of God, lay off the drugs for a few days and think about what you're doing with your life. Mild tinnitus will be the least of your worries if you continue on this self-destructive path.

 

I'd definitely stay away from psychedelics and weed, I'm sure that would spike your anxiety.

I went to an extreme and cut out all the alcohol (I really enjoyed occasional wine/beer). I had a weak moment yesterday and drank a small bottle of beer, then got a panic attack this morning. Just not worth it really...

 

Benzos and Zopiclone abolish the noise but it's temporary.

 

Thanks for encouraging words. It is like my brain actually already sometimes has filtered out the high pitch tone. If it fades away completely I will be forever grateful.

It probably sounded really bad since you you said I should lay off drugs for a few days. The only drug I really have misused is weed and LSD (and cigarettes maybe, they are kind of not healthy, hehe). But I kind of stopped the daily weed this fall, so I am not anymore smoking weed, now I have only smoked it 10-15 of the last 120 days.

Hopefully I will try to control it better.

LSD could be good I would say, but not in a party setting and not too often. I want to try taking smaller doses in future parties (half dose, instead of 1-3 doses).

Cigarettes are bad, so I use quite some nicotine gum also, but I kind of like the nicotine, feels it is a bit like caffeine.

But yeah, drugs are not good to take, and there are many I won't do because they are unhealthy physically and/or really addicting (except I still smoke tobacco, but less than 5 a day last 1.5 years).

But am I able to quit them? I am not sure to be honest. But I have been 2 weeks without now (except tobacco and 1 beer).

 

Psychedelics I will stay away from for now for sure. And weed I really really should try to stay away from completely as I can get anxiety from it. But I have had my moments of stupid where I smoked weed and then got super anxious. But yeah, staying away from weed I will really try.

 

I will ask my doctor for some, could be nice to have some in case. I've always been a bit afraid of benzos because of potential to addiction, but having a few in case I feel really bad about the tinnitus could be nice.

 

Also go for anything that increases GABA, so proteins, GABA supplements (there's one drug that is a vasodilator and GABA and crosses the blood brain barrier). Also, Potassium helps to stabilize the nerves, so go bananas.

Those are safer bets.

Some people use alcohol or Kava too.

 

You only hear it when you plug your ears?

 

Thanks for the tips. I will check these out.

 

When my tinnitus has been at its quietest, then I could only hear it when plugging my ears in a close to silent room. Now I hear it without plugging my ears in a close to silent room. I have also been kind of able to hear it in a quiet silent setting without plugging my ears. So the volume has not been the same all the time.

 

If your tinnitus isn't really bad like you say, then you are lucky but be warned, it can get bad. Start looking after your body and your ears. I don't want to lecture you on your self-destructive lifestyle. You know what you need to do. You are lucky as hell if you get a second change with this. Don't waste it!

 

I really hate that I did not protect my ears on the rave, it is really really hard on my mind I have to say. Feel so stupid, but yeah. Can't change the fact :-(

I will forever protect my ears from now on, but I can't see myself never go to another rave/concert either.

Getting the tinnitus has been maybe the worst thing I have experienced ever. Because I could feel the music was to loud but never did anything about it. Just thinking it is damaging my ears, but not doing anything about it.

I am lucky it was not worse, but I never wanted the tinnitus. And it really sucks getting it. I just so hope it goes away, and that my hearing is not damaged. I have prayed a lot for it to go away.

I will never waste my second chance for sure.

 

I got away with doing what you did at least a thousand times over before it caught up with me. Concerts, West African drumming, grass mowing and a few raves in the 90's, all without any ear protection. Did quite a bit of LSD also. I was lucky for a long time and only got mild tinnitus, but when things got worse a year ago all I could do is blame myself. Step 1 is to stop doing that because it only makes your mental state worse.

As for the drugs I won't peach to you to stop, but I will say this, LSD is a powerful tool when used right but it shouldn't be used too often. I wish I knew better 30 years ago and used it way less than I did. Also, most of the times that I had bad experiences with LSD it was because I either took too much or because I mixed it with another drug, usually marijuana. LSD amplifies experience and if marijuana makes you paranoid then that can turn into pure hell.

I hope you heal well and get back to live music with ear protection.

 

Sucks to hear your tinnitus went bad :-( Hope it gets better. I know I can't blame myself, but waking up today, I have to say I almost got a bit nauseous thinking about the whole rave. How loud it was, me wishing it would end, and me not putting in my earplugs. I have kind of always protected my ears to some extent, always using earmuffs in work situations, and never listening to loud music, and last 2.5 years also using earplugs in raves/concerts at times. And then on this rave, which is maybe the loudest ever I have been to, I did not put them in, even though I went out of my way to walk to the shop beforehand to get some. Feels so so self-destructive of me, and so shortsighted in the moment to let the damage happen. I am not helping to blame myself, but it is hard for me to stop doing so.

I hope it heals yes. I have an appointment with ENT 3rd March, and after that I just have to let it go. Stop thinking about my ears. Or I should try stop thinking already now, but it is difficult.

 

I am daily really struggling with the tinnitus thing. I was already a bit uninspired and did not enjoy life too much before I got the tinnitus, in the weeks before. But now with the tinnitus it is really really easy to be depressed about it. I need to stop focusing on the tinnitus at all. And I need to stop the drugs. And I can't continue partying. I am moving out of my traffic noisy place in the summer, and I should do something completely else this summer. See if I could rent a sailboat for 4 weeks, and then maybe find some cabin to live by for a few months. I need to just chill out in nature for some time. I am also too addicted to small information bits and I have no attention span. Working on/off weeks. I think my mind just needs some peace and silence. And I need to quiet down my mind and thoughts. Try living more in the moment.

The tinnitus is not looking to die down, and I have also had fears about feeling a bit dizzy and stuff like that, but it could be a lot just things I think, and I have been in a quarantine for 10 days, so I probably got a bit dizzy from that. Soon I have an appointment with the ENT. Looking forward, and being a bit afraid also to know. But I really need to get my mind together. And stopping doing stupid stuff like tripping on too much acid on a rave party in the middle of a pandemic, with mostly people I don't know. I need to get my shit a bit better together, because right know I am not too functioning when I am alone.

I will stop talking about tinnitus to new people, and also try to stop talking tinnitus to people I have talked it with. And I need to stop reading about the tinnitus all day. I need to stop making it stronger by focusing so much on it. I am afraid what could be wrong more than the noise itself. I am afraid I have damaged my ears, and I am afraid I will get even worse tinnitus. I am also afraid it won't reduce in noise at all from where I feel it has been the last 10 days. Where I have been alone in quarantine, but yeah, it is there kind of all the time. Sometimes I don't hear it if I listen to music or I am outside walking, or in a car. But sometimes I hear it then also.

The high frequency sound is also sometimes pulsating with maybe my breath? I don't know. The other sound, the "morse code", or maybe like an old computer or something would make, is there sometimes. But I feel the high frequency sound has been easy to hear often, and it freaks me out a bit. I have also been dizzy the last few days, but I have also been quarantined, I have been afraid it is because of something in my ears being fucked. And then I fear it will be really traumatic to think back to the rave for the rest of my life.

On the good side, I can still hear, and music does not sound distorted. I am afraid, but I can't let the tinnitus control my life. I think I will also not go for the raves in the same way. I need to find something else to focus on.

 

I've been to the ENT, and I have 25 dB hearing loss at 7000 Hz left ear, other than that it is maximum 15 dB hearing loss (I can't find the audiogram right now, I will update when I find it). I think the tinnitus in my left ear is around 7000 Hz. So yeah, probably that is the fuck up. I hope it heals somehow, who knows. I am trying out microdosing of Psilocybin now, because it could maybe help with "neuroplasticity" I have read. So let's see if it has some effect.

I have some good moments, but it is really really difficult to not think about the rave and the tinnitus. I can't let it consume my life. I have been hanging out a bit with some friends, and I am better able to do so, but I keep thinking about the incident quite often, which sucks bad.

The tinnitus has been quite loud lately, but today morning it was quite lowish. But yeah, does not look super promising in that it will go away I guess, now 2.5 months since incident.

About moving into a cabin in the summer, maybe not the best idea, I think I need to socialize to keep sane in the end. And I can't just isolate myself.

 

I have kind of started to think that the damage I did to my hearing was not good at all. I am thinking 15 dB hearing loss, if that before the party was 10 dB or 5 dB is not good at all. While 15 dB loss is maybe not the worst, then 15 dB is closer to 20/25/30dB.

I used up all my extra lives, and now I am really starting to using up my lives. I have still not found the audiogram, but I will also try to find the audiogram I took from 2 years ago (through work), and compare. If the one 2 years ago was mostly 0 dB/5 dB loss, then I will feel really bad I am afraid.

I am also feeling that it is a tiny bit more difficult to always understand what people say, but it could also be something I imagine.

 

I just wanted to share a life hack, also I can recommend the book "The Ultramind Solution". The lifehack, is the vagus nerve. By "poking" the nerve, which you do by taking a deep breath into your stomach, so it really fills up, this will then relax the body. You can also swallow the air, and then inhale more, then swallow it, then inhale more etc. This will "poke" the nerve even more. This relaxes the body from "flight/fight" response.

About the audiogram which had -25 dB in left air. Maybe I could not hear lower dB because of the tinnitus which is about 7000 Hz i think. This is also because left ear at 6000 Hz was -5 dB and 8000 Hz left ear was 0 dB. The ENT also told that since both 6000 Hz and 8000 Hz were really good, then he was unsure if the 7000 Hz was correct.

 

The positives from getting tinnitus, is that other worries and fck ups become much smaller. Doing something wrong at my workplace did for example not even touch my feeling almost at all. The most important is the health in the end.

I still wear some Alpine party-plug earplugs at home a bit, because of traffic outside. But I can listen to music at the same time also, giving me less traffic, and less music both (I am not playing loud at all).

I will also try to meditate, it is really hard for me, but I will try to meditate to the sound of the tinnitus.

 

I have decided to not put my fingers in my ears at all (to hear if the tinnitus still is there). This, and also I am not trying to talk to new people about tinnitus (at least for a few months, later on it could still be good to raise awareness). And trying to stop talking to my friends about my tinnitus unless it is good news.

 

It's probably not a bad idea. I have been making an effort to stop blocking my ears to monitor tinnitus. Not perfect but instead of doing it every 10 minutes I'm doing it about 10 times a day! I also tried getting off this forum. That lasted half a day LOL.

 

I have not blocked my ears with my fingers today So try to keep it like that. 10 times a day is better than 120 times a day.

I should probably also keep off the forum, hehe. But today I feel a lot better about the tinnitus. I took some MDMA yesterday to try to detraumatize myself from the incident (that was the goal). And I kind of came a bit more to peace with that I can't change the past, so it is no reason trying. And I also was thinking that I will also be able to habituate to the sound, and I will probably do so. I have no problems sleeping, working, or even reading a book. The sound is still there, and it is not really quiet, but not loud either. But today it has been changed a bit, to that it also sounds like an old TV between channels sound, and the old computer sounds at the same time. Maybe a bit of high pitch tone also, but not so noticeable. So I will see how it goes from now on with me not getting to upset again about thinking about the incident, but changing the past is impossible.

 

Found the audiogram from this week:

Right ear:
125 Hz: 15 dB
250 Hz: 15 dB
500 Hz: 10 dB
1000 Hz: 10 dB
1500 Hz: 0 dB
2000 Hz: 10 dB
3000 Hz: 0 dB
4000 Hz: 0 dB
6000 Hz: 15 dB
8000 Hz: 15 dB

Left ear:
125 Hz: 20 dB
250 Hz: 15 dB
500 Hz: 10 dB
1000 Hz: 10 dB
1500 Hz: 0 dB
2000 Hz: 10 dB
3000 Hz: 0 dB
4000 Hz: -10 dB
6000 Hz: 30 dB (I think my tinnitus is around this tone, in this ear)
8000 Hz: 10 dB

So what do you think?

I don't like the dips down to 15/20 dB I have to say.

 

Don't worry too much, everything under 25 dB is technically classed as "normal" - the best you can do is make sure you don't ever forget wearing earplugs ever again and fuck what people think, you only have one shot at keeping the hearing you have, wear earplugs.

As for 30 dB, that's the very tip-toe of mild, I assure you if you look after your ears properly, you should be able to sustain it at that if your damage/tinnitus was indeed noise induced. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wear your earplugs in loud surroundings and never listen to music too loud on headphones.

 

I've been feeling better about the tinnitus, but worse about potential hearing loss.

I think I will habituate to the tinnitus at this moment, I also feel it is more quiet now than it was some days ago.

But I feel really bad about if my hearing is worse than before the rave. I was first not feeling too bad about the audiogram, because of the ENT told be I had no hearing loss etc, but since I found the audiogram again, I have been feeling quite bad about the results. Not because they are really bad, but they are not really good either. I have probably fucked up more from that rave than I would do the next 10 years if I had been good at protecting my ears.

I will tomorrow call and see if I can get the audiogram from a bit over 2 years ago.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words. I kind of feel I am asking "what?" a bit more now than I did before, but not sure if I actually hear worse than I did.

Yeah, I will always wear earplugs, and I if I end up at a really loud party/concert again, I will for sure just leave. There was this one girl who ridiculed me a bit this fall at a festival because I used earplugs, and on this rave I was thinking it would look stupid putting in the earplugs. But yeah, nothing to do but not fcking it up anymore.

 

30 dB at one frequency is not even classed as clinically significant, although it is technically a minor hearing loss at that frequency. Thank your lucky stars it's not worse and look after your hearing from this point onwards.

As for the girl, she's clueless. Music actually sounds better with earplugs in, it gets getting used to but you'll see what I mean once you get used to it. The problem with music too loud is it has a lot of boomy/harsh frequencies that add absolutely nothing to the experience besides damaging your hearing. Earplugs cut those unnecessary and harmful frequencies out and leave you with the music itself, it sounds better and still more than loud enough.

You don't have to leave loud events, just make sure you have your earplugs on. I wear ones that attenuate -23db [Elacin ER25] (pretty significant protection but fuck it man, gotta keep whats remaining of my hearing that still isnt lost).

I'm talking about custom made earplugs though or decently priced ones, not the foam ones you get over the counter. Some of the ones you can buy online that go for $25-$40 or so are pretty good as well.