Hard Day

So, I went to my PCP today. It was a good visit and he didn't see anything wrong that could be appreciated with a physical exam. He is referring me to audiology for an exam to make sure I don't have any hearing loss issues. He was actually great, took my problem seriously, reinforced that what I'm hearing is real and so on. And, I've been having a pretty low T day as well. So why am I having such a bad day? I'm only a week and a half into this and I still just can't eat much and didn't get to eat today (running late for work from the doctors office) and I think just being so undernourished (I've lost about 15lbs in a week and a half) is starting to really make me feel bad..especially when combined with the sedating effects of klonopin. I just have ZERO appetite. I also just reached a point today where I was trying to sign out my cases, had music on in the background to help mask the T a little, had the air vent going overhead and my T was doing it's thing and I just nearly broke down. I used to sit in silence for 6+ hours a day doing my job. I LOVE silence. I picked my field of medicine in part because you get to work in the quiet. Its just like I'm on complete auditory sensory overload right now. I finally just turned everything off and listened to my T. I am so worn out I honestly couldn't let the T bother me too much. I'm sorry to whine. I know that my T isn't so bad....I can sleep pretty well, I have had some really good days where I didn't hear it much, my husband, friends and family are all really supportive....but today was just damn hard. I'm working hard to overcome my anxiety it is inducing and I think I'm making small, consistent progress. Sometimes it just seems to hit you all at once and while I'm not suicidal or anything I just don't know how I can live like this forever if it doesn't go away. I'm trying hard to stay positive.

 

@Nich We know what you are going through. You are very new to this. You sleep which is good. Sounds like it is the quiet times where you have problems. I am going through a rough patch now. It will get better. We do live with the T. My concern is your appetite. Nutrition is important as well as your state of mind. Your stress will only feed the cycle. I know it is hard. Time is your allied.

 

Please don't apologise. TT is here to allow us to rant about out T. I have done it enough times.

We all have bad days. Try to think of it this way: you've had a bad day, but now that this day is over it brings another day, and a chance to have a good day. I also like to think after a bad with T - at least the day is over, and that's one day closer to a day when my T might finally disappear.

I too had zero appetite for good when my T first began. It sounds like it is because of stress/anxiety. I would try to relax. I only felt better when I said: well, it's only been a week; it could go. What I would try is having some snack next to you i.e. A selection of chocolates or crisps or grapes, and every few minutes just have one. Try and do it as a chore, like taking a tablet or something. I understand that you don't want to eat, but if your body has an ear problem (I'm afraid I don't know the cause of your T) then you need to stay healthy in order to fight it and maybe get rid of the T.

Good luck and don't worry - we all have bad days.

 

@Ken219 The appetite is a big problem. When this first happened I got really sick at my stomach and while the nausea went away 4-5 days ago eating is just so not appetizing. I missed breakfast so I could do blood work today and then ran late to work and missed lunch. Since I'm eating so little anyways I've got to pay more attention to my nutrition.

 

@citigirl13 Thank you. I will try having stuff like that beside me tonight. My stomach situation is because of stress/anxiety. When the T came on it made me have panic attacks. I'm not having panic anymore but my anxiety is still really high and I'm not really used to having high anxiety. I'm just so boggled/pissed that a SOUND in my head can cause this much suffering.

 

Tell me about it. I try to tell myself: "it's just a sound" but we both know it's more than that.

I was actually sick due to stress. I thought that it had been because of the cold I got the week before my T began, but I now know it was because of anxiety. Eating will help though. Do something that you love e.g. watch a film you love, meet up with some friends. You won't feel like it, but I believe in the"fake it till you make it" way.

 

I wish I could help.

A visit with an ENT is of course a good starting point. But audiology exams cannot be used to diagnose tinnitus; they were not invented for that purpose. An audiology exam will examine speech frequencies (0-8 kHz) and the ability to hear speech and associate hearing loss (> 25 db). These variables are only mildly correlated with tinnitus (and cannot therefore be used for a concrete diagnosis). In most cases hearing loss is the cause of tinnitus - even if the audiogram looks normal. Long term use of certain medication is another possible cause of tinnitus (ototoxicity leading to detected or undetected hearing loss).

In specific circumstances steroids may be of help early on.

Standard "recipe" as a starting point for sleep management: 6 mg Melatonin, ½ hour before bedtime.

I always recommend putting forward an effort during the early stages of tinnitus; during the early stages, there is a window of opportunity where the symptoms can be reversed. Or at least partially so.

Finding an audiology centre for very high frequency assessment (0 - 16 kHz) may be of help. I recommend getting this done; no one knows what happens "on the other side" of 8 kHz.

Alternatively there are on-going clinical trials for tinnitus; the possibility of enrollment depends on the cause of tinnitus.

Take care.

 

@citigirl13 Did your anxiety ever get better? From your profile it looks like you've been dealing with this for 6 months or so. I feel like if I could get rid of the anxiety and get the stomach back in line i'd be so much further on my way to learning to deal with this.

 

Hi, @Nich: I feel for you. Just as you and @citigirl13 said, your appetite problems are due to anxiety. Like you, I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks with my tinnitus onset. I lost 20 pounds in two months (10 that I didn't mind seeing go, but didn't want to lose the other 10). And I am a small girl.

As citigirl said, try to eat throughout the day, even if its just little bits of stuff. Eat whatever tastes good to you. I lived on fruit and veggie juice smoothies; my stomach was flipping around so much, I could not tolerate more.

Sounds like it is taking awhile for your klonopin to kick in, which is to be expected with that drug. Have you considered something more fast acting, like alprazolam? (Xanax). You can transition over to klonopin, or off meds completely, later on when you have your anxiety more under control -- which is critical in the early stages of tinnitus, along with sleep.

I found cognitive behavioral therapy was very useful in helping me deal with the anxiety. I also learned what some call four-square breathing, or the general deep breathing exercises used in meditation. Very easy. I still use it, a year into tinnitus, as sometimes my anxiety will flare up.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2276767_do-foursquare-breathing.html

I also found the panic and anxiety CDs by Bella Naparstek helpful. They include guided imagery and guided meditations. I would leave my desk when it got too bad, go sit in my car in the parking garage, pop in a CD and do one of the exercises until I calmed down.
http://www.healthjourneys.com/?gclid=CPq6-s_Jk78CFYRcMgodCjQA1w

You are in the worst of it now, I promise. It WILL get better. It did for me. Hang in there and hugs.

 

@Nich Some people say they are afraid of meds. It does help and whatever assist is needed use them.

 

Nich
So sorry about a bad day; good on you for coming to the site and letting us know. As far as 'living with this forever' the answer is absolutely, yes you can (and be just fine to boot). Your future will not be like it is right now (regarding T); take heart, habituation will come and you will be back to your old self again.

I lost my appetite and lost a bit of weight too (when my T hit). My sister made sure I had some high-quality supplements to help keep my nutrition levels up (and I stayed hydrated) but I know what you mean about not wanting to eat.

One remedy that I found helped a lot was exercise; it would help me relax, I regained my appetite and, though my T went up a little during the exercise, my T would settle down quite well afterwards.

We're here for you!

Prayers

Mark

 

We all feel your pain @Nich. After the first month of trying to deal with T by myself I was a real anxious mess. I lost 12 pounds in the first month. In the second month I got some sleeping meds for a week and then my doc put me on Xanax. It helped tremendously, along with the support I found here. My weight is back to normal and I'm living my life. I went for CBT and worked on getting used to the T because my reaction to it at onset was that I was terrified and panicky all the time. It will get better. It just takes some time-- so be gentle to yourself and try to keep busy with things you love.

 

Thank you all so much. Now that I'm off work and home I have calmed down considerably and while I'm still jumpy and tired I'm much improved. I went and got a slush drink which is basically pure frozen sugar and I'm sipping on it through the night. I also forced myself to eat something out of a vending machine at work. Which while gross did help.
There have so many great suggestions and I will use by them. The reason I think I build up and freak out at work has to do with my biggest fear which is that this thing will make me unable to do my job and seriously mess up my life. Basically as I sit there working it slowly builds up and at some point it becomes hard to concentrate and focus and then it causes serious anxiety. I think I will take some time to start doing calming techniques and pay more attention to my anxiety level. Also, I honestly think that when you are used to 6 hours of silence and then all of a sudden you have a constant ringing and some other sound going to help mask a little it just wears you out because you're not used to it. The most bizarre thing though is that I think I got so worked up today I just stopped caring about the ringing. I'm sitting here in a quiet room just a ringing and having zero reaction to it. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be back to reacting but I think I must've burned out all my give a shi* earlier. Lol

 

Nich, your latest post above already shows that you definitely can win this battle with tinnius. There are good signs. Being so new with T and yet you already can stop caring about the ringing. And you have time T is low. That is great. You are doing much better than me in the first month. I was in full panic mode all day and had to depend on meds to survive and to sleep within the first 6 months. If you just follow the great advice from earlier posters, you will do just fine. You need to buy time. Your body is still in shock about the T ringing, being controlled by the limbic system which makes things worse than it actually is. But given some time, perhaps following a good treatment such as CBT or TRT, and by keeping positive, your body will be more back to normal and things will get much easier. The brain just needs time to break in with the experience with T. Forget about the distorted thoughts about the future now. You won't always think this way. Your T being so new may just go away. Even if it doesn't, life goes on and you can still live a good life.

How I know? Well, a few years back I lived through 'hell' with my ultra high pitch T and severe hyperacusis which turned all normal sounds piercingly hurtful. I had to wear ear plugs all the time, but the earplugs blocked all normal masking sounds, making my harsh T so unbearably dominant. So I was stuck between these two devils and the brain saw no way out and it just caved into relentless anxiety and panic attacks. Like you, I made the mistake of projecting into the future with utter dread for the sufferings ahead and I paid big time with anxiety & panic attacks. Little did I know I would recover. But I did and today I live an absolutely enjoyable and productive life. T still rings but my brain is hardened to the ringing. It just ignores it and doesn't give a dime. Never thought this was possible at the start but I now now this is a reality for many people who have recovered. Just read up the success stories and you will know there is still good life with T. Don't worry about the future. It will be better and better. Just give TIME enough time. Take care & God bless your recovery.

 

Yes Nich, my anxiety is a lot better. Don't get me wrong, I still have bouts of panic now and again, but I get through them. Unlike the first week where I was obsessed with the ringing, I can now ignore it. Let me tell you, I can now read in silence and ignore it. I don't need any sounds to mask it.

It's a good sign that you can sleep with this. It helps you deal with this. Also, it might be worth trying to exercise as that is a natural way to ward off anxiety/depression. Of course I would wait until you are eating and feel a bit stronger to do this.

How are you feeling today?

 

Today is going much better so far. Remarkably my T is really low again today. I'm starting to notice a big trend. When I freak the T gets really loud, if I stay calm it is much less intrusive, and less loud. Also, I'm off the klonopin today. I slept without it fine last night so im going to just use it PRN. I honestly think the foggy, hard to concentrate feeling is more due to the klonopin and just exacerbated by the T and anxiety. And that's the feeling that's causing me to freak out. So I'm going to try to go without the klonopin unless I have to use it to stop a panic attack or to sleep. After we return from Vaca after next week if I'm still having anxiety I'm getting on an SSRI/SNRI until this goes away or I get more used to it. This morning I was able to review a manuscript for one of the medical journals I review for and really focus well. Good reviewing and my research writing is the most concentration dependant work I do and being able to do that gave me a big boost of confidence. I also took a moment to look back at last week and realize that I've made a lot more progress than I've been giving myself credit for. I've eaten solid food everyday this week, I'm no longer sick at my stomach, I'm needing the klonopin less, I spent the weekend having fun and ignoring my T most of the days, and I went from dreading our Vaca next week to being genuinely excited again. I'm also getting a lot better at not being scared of everything I do causing the T to spike. It's gonna spike, and that's gonna suck but in the meantime I'm trying hard to enjoy the low days and stop worrying about what might happen in an hour or in a day. I'm so glad today is better than yesterday!!

 

That's exactly the right attitude As bad as a sucky day can be, good days are usually just round the corner

 

It is nice that you are doing well. Hope it keeps on for you. One thing towards recovery is the possibility of setbacks. We have to be careful not to let T and its loud ringing dictate our emotion. If we budget in the likelihood of setbacks and don't freak out whenever T is loud on any given day, then we will have a much smoother road towards recover or eventual habituation. There is also the good possibility that your T will fade & disappear because of the newness of your T. So keep it positive. All the best.

 

All the best. Stay possitive.