How Can I Be Upset with Doctors When My Own Family Has No Understanding?

Nothing more to add really!

It’s an ongoing battle, a cry for a nice word of understanding. A hug or reassurance to tell me he’s here for me!

Instead it’s always my fault, I don’t do anything to change my situation, I don’t listen to doctors (!!!), I only do what I want and as of today it’s even wrong to look photo albums (typical sign of depression I’m told) because who does that????!!!!!

My mother is the same, cold and heartless person who, I believe, would rather bury me than be dead herself!

Every day I just have less and less desire to be here

 

I fully get where you are coming from, trust me I do. When I first got tinnitus in 88, I was looked at like I was some weirdo. I use to tell my father and he'd laugh at me. We'd be at the family table and he'd raise the volume on the stereo. So, don't let your family get you down. It was always my fault as well, everyone in the family was perfect except me, the one with the ear issues.

Everyone in life, pretty much has their own agenda. if you can find people that share your passion, pain, then seek them. if not, distance yourself from them and don't even give it a second look. I learned that because they share the label "family", it really doesn't make it that they actually care. Remain strong, this board will support you and I will support you.

Even the doctors I use to see in the early days, were mocking my tinnitus. It's something that I guess we get use to.

Hope you feel better

 

I hear you Valeri. My mother is a total sociopath. She should never ever have had children. If she died tomorrow I would feel absolutely nothing. I don’t know if tinnitus has blunted by emotions or I’ve just finally realised that she is a heartless narcissist and I genuinely cannot stand even the thought of her.

Friends have no idea....... ‘Don’t be so depressing’ and ‘you’ve had it for a year now so it must be normal,’ are classics I’ve heard in the last few days.

I don't have the heart to tell them it doesn’t get easier. It gets worse........ because you increasingly realise that your life will never be even remotely enjoyable ever again and the only way to escape this f***ed up noise torture is doing away with yourself. And none of them will ever understand.

We’re just depressed after all. Tinnitus has nothing to do with it.....it’s just a noise.

 

Unfortunately, this is the struggle of having a hidden condition that turns your body into a CIA torture chamber from which there is no escape.

If you have ever seen the video "One" by Metallica, in my opinion that is the closest physical equivalent to severe Tinnitus...both offer you no way out.
People are trained to judge the book by its cover.

 

So awful to read this Valeri,
you deserve and need all the loving care and attention possible.
Above all, you need recognition of your suffering, and validation of your courage for living with this ‘thing!’
How can those people who live the closest to us be so unbelievably callous and hateful.

We all need to know that, even though our heads are noisy, we are still loveable - and we should all be given ‘arms all round’ cuddles.
There should be more love and concern, not less.

Whoever your ‘he’ is - he should be ashamed of himself - and as for your mother - well words fail me.

You were once her little girl.....x

Well we all love you - and we will never let you down - so there !!

Dave x
Jazzer

 

HE is my husband

I ask for nothing but support. I don’t need to be dragged through the mud with his opinion!

 

@Bam yesterday I was looking through my photo album from 2010. I was not crying but sobbing.....

The life I had, the person I was.... all gone!

Then he said why am I doing THAT? I’m clearly depressed because I’m doing THAT!
So, CLEARLY, depression is the problem and not tinnitus!

Seriously who wouldn’t go crazy here!

 

Oh dear Valeri - I was afraid so sweetheart.
What can I say - you deserve so much better.
When we have severe Tinnitus we absolutely need our nearest to wrap us in a security blanket, and then, magically, we can not only survive, but we can make it through together.
You are in my thoughts babe,
love
Dave x
Jazzer

 

All I can say is that you are on your own with it, hide it the best that you can. If you show it, it makes you look weak, and there is nothing more repulsive to most than a weak person. I don’t care what people say, it is just not a quality that pulls people towards you.

I know that you aren’t weak, but this is what they see, after all, they aren’t living your life, they don’t know, maybe they are the weak ones. It’s your reality, keep it yours to do with as you see fit. Share it with others in your life, and face the pain. Share it here and, well, fuck it, you are just online, no big deal, it’s a great place to let it all go.

Go easy on those around you, as if this isn’t totally impossible to understand, can you actually say that you would understand if you didn’t have it , I sure wouldn’t.

I would just forgive and move on, it’s not imperative for people to understand you, in the end it’s just you, and not them anyway. Harbouring feelings of resentment won’t help. Your suffering won’t be eased by your loved ones, so why complicate it.

 

As you know from the Tinnitus is not Tinnitus thread I have both severe physical pain and severe tinnitus. I never mention a closest equivalent comparison as to which one is worst because of respect for others. Emotional pain comes with both, but with all human conditions compassion understanding is needed. I think that you agree.

@valeri - You are very dear.

 

Unfortunately you are right!
But it saddens me that my immediate family makes me feel like a burden.
I live with that feeling every day so their attitude doesn’t help.

I shouldn’t be on my own! I shouldn’t be forced to keep it all to myself!
Isn’t family suppose to be here for us?

And this is how people break! I can totally understand how poor Danny was pushed over the edge by lack of support from people around him. At some point it becomes too much to handle.
It hurts! It really does

 

@valeri,
I'm so sorry to hear what your going through and I wish I was near to put my arm's around you and to say with help and support that you will be ok.

I wish your hubby and family could come on here and see for themselves how others suffer with tinnitus and also Hyperacusis.
Ring Mind or the Samaritans whom will listen to you and know that you are not in the wrong .
Family need to be more supportive and recognise when your down and by just feeling loved and reassured they care and understand is a big help.

We all love you on here and sending you lots of hugs.
Love glynis x

 

Yes of course...but in this case it has nothing to do with lack of respect.
It is simply my style to look for analogies and try to simplify things, whether it comes to Tinnitus or any other situation in life...my brain automatically looks for analogies and in the past I managed to help other people understand more complex situations by doing so.
I know you suffer bad...hope you didn't take anything I wrote the wrong way.

 

Ask your family to read through any of Jazzer's or Bam's mega threads, such as "Trojan Horse", "Tinnitus is not Tinnitus" or Bam's classic "I'm not comitting suicide, I'm being murdered by merciless Tinnitus".

If they aren't complete sociopaths, they will understand your situation.

 

This sadly is why people with intrusive tinnitus often become reclusive and suicidal. The torment of being slaughtered by head noise while being helpless and utterly misunderstood by those who you were previously close to, only adds more misery and frustration to this demented curse.

So you naturally retreat in to a dark hole.....like suddenly dropping through a trap door in to hell.

People can dress this up however they like.....whatever gets them through the day I guess...... but the truth for a lot of us is that this is an existential horror show.

The worst possible thing that could ever happen........happened.

 

Val,

People wont understand something which they don't have themselves. I don't expect others to understand my own suffering these days, as i think it's unrealistic. However, I do expect some level of compassion, which I think can still be extended in the light of suffering.

If someone tried to enlighten me about their own journey with tinnitus before my onset, I probably wouldnt have understood either.

Coupled with a lack of understanding will probably be a sense of frustration and helplessness. That might be why you sense your family dont understand because they dont know how to help you. So, its probably good if you can be more explicit with your family about the ways that they can best support you during tough times.

Where are you at with exploring mindfulness and stems?