I Feel the Need to Vent

This year so far has possibly been one of the worst I’ve ever endured for so many reasons. I sometimes wonder if I’m being punished for my previous life or something. For starters, I seem to be chronically ill and have so many ongoing health issues now that you’d think I was 90 years old or something. My shoulders are so seized up that I cannot even scratch my back anymore, and the pain in my knees means I struggle to get up the stairs. I also have pain in my chest from all the scar tissue that’s so bad some days that I have to be careful how I hold my daughter. I have already been hospitalised this year which seems to be a common theme in my life right now. It feels like I spend more time in hospitals than with friends sometimes. Even my wife was sent to hospital when the Dr feared she was having a miscarriage (And yea, I’m having another child ). It was so stressful that I thought my heart was gonna brake out of my chest.

I can mostly deal with all this but I feel like I have the weight of the world on me at times. There was a tragic death in our family, and then another within the same week. My mom is severely depressed and I do my best to help her but she’s been deteriorating to the point that I’ve felt like I’ve been on suicide watch. It’s a huge burden to bear. My dad is too ill to look out for her. Anyway, I suppose the straw that broke the camels back happened last weekend when my mom became so ill that I took her to the Drs to get some more professional help. She had a complete nervous breakdown and was crying and screaming in desperation and it was soul-destroying for me to witness. There was nothing I could do that would help. Within an hour of the same day, the crisis team came out to my moms' house and spent over an hour with her. They spoke with her about her childhood - which I’ve heard before - but it never gets any easier to hear. She had such a terrible upbringing which is obviously the root cause of her mental health issues. She also discussed her previous two suicide attempts in which she took overdoses of Effexor XL. There is nothing any of us can say at this point that can help and she has already seen every psychiatrist and psychologist going, including private ones. However, the current crisis team seem to have calmed her anxiety down and she told me that the psychiatrist she saw yesterday was brilliant. It’s a long story, but in the past a psychologist who was clueless, and who I’m still extremely angry with, completely messed my moms head up by doing something that she has never got over. When she explained this to the new team they apologised and said “we’re so sorry this happened to you. This person was clearly not trained properly.”

Next week she is starting CBT and they are changing her medication. I really hope it helps her as it’s really been weighing me down on top of everything else. I feel defeated right now. OCD and depression are pure evil.

Sorry for the long post but it’s been slowly building up within me and I felt the need to vent a little. Life can be brutal at times, so when I see others suffering on here I sincerely feel all of your pain.

 

Hey Ed, sorry to hear of your troubles. I sometimes feel like I'm collecting physical ailments too.

I had a time when I had a lot of shoulder trouble and couldn't lift my arms above horizontal level. I couldn't dress myself or have a shower without wincing in pain. Does that sound like your problem? Physiotherapy sorted me out. A little old lady with a house full of what looked like torture chambers, but they were actually heat pads, electromagnetic pulse machines etc. After 20 minutes on each of them, she just manipulated my arms a little, and I was getting ready to yell as she moved them upwards - and the blockage was gone. I never had to get any follow-up treatments afterwards.

The lady in question used to be a physio for a fairly successful local soccer team, so she knew how to get people back in action quickly.

Hope that helps you or someone!

 

I’ve been through physio therapy already, but I suppose I could try doing some more regarding my shoulders. It’s all down to calcific tendinitis.

I was planning on putting a routine together myself to try and help it.

 

Yeah, physios can't always solve everything. I've been to half a dozen in my life and they all seem to have such a different approach. I had a little tendinitis in my arms when I was doing a lot of driving and lifting my kids around the place, and that can take longer to deal with. Good luck to you with everything going on. Hope things get less hectic soon.

 

Cheers, buddy, that means a lot. I hope things getter better as well before I lose the plot.

 

@Ed209

Feel for you, life can be so hard at times.

What I do know is that you are resilient and have the ability to cope. When our beaker gets full we need to make sure things are not spilling out so it’s good to preempt that.

It’s great to vent and let it all out too. Sometimes we just want to do that and are perfectly capable of finding solutions ourselves, which I know you are.
Because I like to fix stuff I will offer some advice anyway:
- Try and do some physio with your shoulders
- Try and to do the same with your knees
- Can they help with the scar tissue - i.e. cutting it?
- You can be there for your mum but you can’t meet everyone’s needs. You’ve got her in good hands and CBT works very well for psychological conditions. She’s come this far, she’s obviously more resilient than she thinks she is. Let her know that CBT carried out by a good therapist is very effective and can be life changing.
- I have the number of a good clinical psychologist who does Skype sessions, let me know if you need it.

As our parents get older (I’m dealing with some of this too) and we have kids it’s tough. Throw in a load of ailments and boy it’s hard.

Call me any time x

 

That’s a lot to have on top of severe tinnitus. I cannot empathize, so I will sympathize. Good luck man. You’ve always appeared to me as mentally strong from your posts.

 

You’re an angel, Candy. Thanks for the advice and support, and thanks for all you’ve done in the past as well. I’ve been steadily feeling myself slide as we all have a limit and so much has been happening; it’s almost hard to believe in all honesty. My urology issues are still unresolved; I’m still under a consultant for it, and I have the added stress of being a glaucoma suspect and with the knowledge that my dad went blind in one eye with it, it doesn’t look great for me since it’s genetic.

My mom is my biggest concern, though. Seeing her over the weekend has really shaken me up, but I’m glad that the people who have been going to her house every day have been really good so far. That really takes a weight off my mind.

The scar tissue in my chest is because of how many times I’ve been cut open so there’s no way they could cut it again to cut it out. If anything, that would likely make it worse. I could maybe try massaging it or something.

Anyway, I hope you’re doing ok.

 

Aww thanks Ed... I’m hoping that once your mum is feeling better you can find some energy looking into the rest. That kind of experience is really destabilising.

The good thing is that you know about the glaucoma and are at an advantage.
Yes there must be something for scars...and urology issues can be kept at bay with a good consultant.
Get yourself a nice folder and have a plan of action for each problem, write it all out. Get relief where you can.

Take care of yourself, it’s winter and a bit rubbish so everything is even more bleak x

 

I’m sorry Ed. Tinnitus alone is enough to break you into pieces but add in all this other shit and sometimes you just feel like you don’t want to get out of bed.

Just to mirror what a few have said, you have a will of steel man! You will get through this, just make sure you don’t take too much on as we can only deal with so much before we brake ourselves, self care is a must as well and it sounds like you could do with some right now.

Sorry to hear about your mother Ed, mental health in this country is still so under funded but there has been a recent change of late for the better.

Stay strong man you got this and congrats on the news about another baby, that’s something to look forward to and some light at the end of the tunnel and all that.

 

Seeing my mum tomorrow - she's just out of hospital due to kidney failure, partly on account of all the medication she's been on, partly because she doesn't drink (or eat) enough.

I can only go usually at weekends as it's a 4 hour round trip to see her. Last weekend I went to see her and she just wanted to sleep. Hoping for a better visit tomorrow.

 

I ain’t gonna lie, JCB, this year so far has been horrendous. Sometimes I just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but there are so many others who suffer more than I do on here. Markku runs this place on his own whilst facing his own health battles so huge props have to go to him. Everywhere I look on here there’s a lot of people going through hell, and you know this all too well, JCB. You’ve been through the storm and know it well, you are still in it, but keep going because you’ll eventually find the other end, and if you don’t, I’ll come back in there with you and drag you out myself.

You’re a legend, buddy. Keep putting smiles on faces because that’s what you’re good at.

 

Im really sorry to hear that. It’s hard seeing our parents suffer; you have my sympathy.

I hope your visit goes as well as you could hope for.

 

We sincerely feel your pain, also, Ed. Coming here to vent is a very good thing.

Please know that I am sending you positive, healing thoughts from across the ocean.

 

Thank you Emmalee, you’re a beautiful soul.

 

I know the debate about negativity has been aired already, but I’d like to raise the point that somebody took the time to create a fake account today, just so they could laugh at what I’m going through. The fact that my mom is desperately ill and wants to kill herself is actually funny to this person and this is exactly the kind of behaviour I was talking about yesterday. It’s negative, it’s toxic, and it’s vile.

The person who did this is so incredibly stupid at covering their tracks that I knew who it was pretty much straight away and all I can say is that I truly pity them. If you’re reading this then shame on you.

 

They do not deserve your pity, Ed. They are truly vile.

 

Dear Ed, you and your poor mother have my full sympathy. You've been dealt a very unfair hand in life. I'm so glad you came back to this forum... You have so much to offer and contribute with, and I missed your presence while you were away.

I'm really hoping you'll soon find at least some relief.

The person who made a false account only to bash is truly pathetic.

 

Very true, Emmalee. I’ve just noticed that this person has now created yet another fake account and has done exactly the same thing, again. It’s equally both tragic and pathetic that there are people in this world who are willing to spend (waste) such inordinate amounts of their time creating all these fake accounts just so they can attack others whilst they hide in obscurity. How cowardly can one possibly get?

What I find even more cowardly is that this person threatened Tinnitus Hub with legal action and then in the very next breath has the gall to criticise the BTA (in pretty much every post they have made!).

I feel sorry for this person way more than anything else as there has to be a reason behind this incredibly strange behaviour.

 

@Ed209 - I’m curious.
Why would anyone do that?

 

Regarding your poor mum @Ed209:
I suffered from birth because my mother was too mentally ill to attempt to bond with me.
I grew up in isolation.
I was very schizoid (crushed) until I found the right psychoanalyst.

The only reason I mention myself here is because I know that life itself becomes a psychological minefield.
Finding a way across this no-man’s-land is a nightmare.
I guess mentally ill people all require different treatments.
I found a therapist who could sooth me, listen to me, calm my fears, and when I sobbed, which was in every session by the way, would stroke my head for me, like my natural mother should have done.
Touch, itself, was very taboo in those days.
Unheard of in fact.
But I needed it.
I - felt - untouchable.

I got better.

I so hope your poor mum can find the love that might make all the difference for her.
Obviously I do not know your mum.
If it feels relevant - give her my love.
Take care brother,

Dave xx

 

You really struck gold with that therapist. I have had sessions with quite a few over the years and they have come across as more or less the same: Kind but with a professional cold stance. Really wish more was like the one you met.......When we are in a crisis we sometimes just need to be hugged and held........I know I yearn from that, because I sadly very rarely get it from anyone. My mother like yours didn't hand out any love when I was growing up and she still hardly does, so I feel your pain in that area sweet Jazzer.

I wish you and Ed lived nearby. Then I'd come around and give you both a reassuring and understanding hug.

(I don't want to make this about me - just thought it was really interesting that Jazzer had met a wonderful nontraditional therapist like that)

Back to you Ed: I hope your mother gets a good therapist that can help her.

 

Exactly, Dave. Unfortunately, some people just have no integrity or dignity whatsoever and so they resort to doing stuff like this which is pitiful.

I know about your past from your previous posts, Dave, and it’s incredibly sad what happened to you. Nobody should ever have to suffer like that.

In my mom’s case, she will never get back to who she once was but the goal is to get her to a point so that she can at least function. The crisis team, who have been really good, have visited her every single day this week for nearly 2 hours at a time. They have been giving her Zopiclone so she can try and get some sleep. She is already on Clonazepam, Sertraline, prednisolone (for her breathing) and many other drugs including ones for her heart. It’s getting increasingly difficult to combine these drugs as they all interact with each other. The psychiatrist wants to try her on Quetiapine for her OCD but it seems to be an off-label use and they have to check whether her heart will be able to take it. She’s been through hell and her childhood was like something out of a horror movie. This all started in her 40’s; she just had a sudden breakdown which was obviously a delayed onset of her horrific past. She has seen so many psychologists and psychiatrists now that it’s obvious she will never fully recover, but I at the very least don’t want her being tortured every day like she currently is. When she talks to people about it she cries and screams in desperation through the utter agony she is in and often says she just wants to die.

I have seen a small positive shift in the last couple of days so I’m hoping she can keep on this path.

 

Thank you, Danish Girl. As you know, depression and OCD can be extremely cruel just like tinnitus and hyperacusis. Your post only just appeared so I wasn’t ignoring you, and thanks for the support. Life can really kick our ass at times.

 

Dear @TheDanishGirl - first of all I want to thank you for supporting me yesterday, when I felt under attack for confronting an issue which had been annoying me for some long time.
Thank you xx

Yes I was lucky with both of my therapists.
However I do believe that the sufferer holds the keys to recuperation, and always knows exactly what they need.
The difficulty is in having the courage to ask for it because of the fear of rejection.
I plucked up the courage to ask both of my therapists (one a man - the other a woman) if they would be prepared to stroke my head if I got deeply upset.
They both agreed - and I got better.

Feeling physical and emotional love is our birthright - I would settle for nothing less.

TDG - I would really like you to look up this post from me from April last year.
I believe it will ring bells for you too.
(Oops - Sorry!)



Very best wishes
love
Dave xx
Jazzer

 

I sincerely wish it was that simple, Dave. My mom is critically depressed and has a bad case of OCD (intrusive thoughts) thrown into the mix as well. This has plagued her for the last 25 years or so and has become so bad in recent times that she has already tried to end her life twice, and has lacerated her legs pretty badly in the past as well.

No disrespect intended here, but she is way beyond a stroke on the head fixing her. All they can do right now is change her drugs, talk to her, and then hope for the best.

 

I understand Ed.

(My therapy lasted eight years by the way.
There was obviously more to it than what I have mentioned here.)

 

I think so much of it has to do with the therapist(s) and other factors such as whether medication is involved, etc.

For some people, it just sticks and won’t let go which I suppose is very similar to tinnitus. She’s been in and out of therapy for over two decades and has seen lots of people, both private and NHS.

If I knew there was a way to make her happy again I’d do it in a heartbeat.

 

Hi @Ed209 -- I'm sorry to hear what difficult times you're going through, and I hope things can improve for you going forward. Your above comment caught my attention, as it seems to have somewhat of a "cosmic" element to it. I have a few thoughts on the subject, in case you'd want to compare your "notes" about life to some of mine.

I assume what you're referring to is some kind of "karmic" situation that brought on some of your challenges. I'm a big believer in karma, and have done fairly extensive reading on the topic over many years. One of the things that I think is most important to know about karma--and which few seem to understand--is that karma is never some kind of punishment; the lessons learned from experiencing karmic situations are always remedial.

That is, we have karmic experiences so that we may learn -- Another thought on karma: We often think of karma as solely an individual thing, but there's many different kinds of karma. From national karma, to racial karma, cultural karma, religion karma, etc. When it comes to some of the deleterious health issues that people deal with, it's easy for some people to say, well, it's just your karma.

But it could be a result of national policies (national karma) that allow all kinds of pesticides and other poisons to be released into the environment, and which can profoundly affect the health of the people who live in those kinds of conditions. -- Anyway, just a little expounding on your thought. Perhaps one last thought; I've heard that when a person is in the process of figuring out how to deal with health issues that are caused by karma, that the process is in itself a way to dissolve some of those karmic patterns.

I've come to believe there's a lot more to karma than most people realize. Even though I feel I've learned some of the "basics", I'm also aware that I still know relatively little. One thing I'm grateful for is I feel I've learned that karmic patterns can be recognized and dissolved, if only we take the time and make the effort(s) to do so. -- Love is critical in this regard; it's the great healer of all things. -- Take care Ed...

 

I am so sorry that you have had such horrific experiences this year, Ed.

I have also been having a bad year...