Joke Line :-)

Please join in and post your jokes and have a good laugh....try keep them clean if you can and no racist ones.....lots of love glynis

 

A man goes to the doctors to lose some weight.
Doctor says put all your food up your bum for a week and come back to see me.

The man goes back a week later and so happy he had lost weight.
The doctor says "why are you walking funny"

The man said I'm chewing a caramel ............. hope you're laughing

 

@glynis... I think you'll enjoy some of the humor in this thread. There are some really good ones:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/perhaps-we-can-add-some-light-humor-to-this.6341/

 

Thank you JimH,
They did make me laugh so thank you for putting the link up...

 

@Jazzer I know that you will laugh at this.

Two women are walking by a small pond when they hear a voice, “Ladies!” They look around but don’t see anyone. Then they hear it again, “Ladies! Ladies! Down here!” There on a lily pad is a frog.

“Is that you talking?” one of the ladies asks the frog.

“Yes,” replies the frog. “I’m actually one of the world’s greatest jazz saxophonists and my name is Dave. However, I was turned into a frog by an angry witch.”

“Really?” say the women.

“Yes,” answers the frog, “and all it would take is a kiss from either of you, the curse would be broken, and I would return to my former self.”

One of the women gets down on her knees, reaches across to the lily pad, and picks up the frog. Standing up, she quickly puts the frog in her pocket, and starts to walk away.

Her startled friend says, “Hey, wait a minute! Aren’t you going to kiss him?”

“Are you, crazy?” says the other woman. “I can make a lot more money with a talking frog than I can with a jazz saxophonist.”

 

Hahaha - and I know the truth of that Greg.

A very well conceived joke. xx

Perhaps we ought to tell each other the odd joke??
I usually write stuff on here in the ‘Off Topic’ section to try to get both myself and others away from the sole ‘obsession’ with Tinnitus, Tinnitus misery, Tinnitus research etc....
Of course, it seldom works precisely because I go ‘Off Topic.’
Tinnitus is obviously ‘Miserable,’
it is also ultimately a pretty boring subject to dwell on IMO.
I’ll put a joke on here Greg.
Of course - I will not know if you’ve already heard it.
How about one on mental health to start with...?

 

Two old dears are scrubbing the steps of a mental hospital, when all of a sudden the front door is flung open, and a wild woman in a hospital gown lunges forward to try to escape.

Medical orderlies grab her, and pull her back, but she is screaming,

"I want a man!

I want to strip him off and screw the living daylights out of him till he screams for mercy!

Then I'm going to.....mumble mumble mumble"

as a hand goes over her mouth.

They manage to drag her back inside and the door slams shut.

The scrubbers say nothing.


Five minutes later she's there again,

"I'm gonna grab him, unzip his trousers, grab his cock and pull it.....mumble mumble mumble' "

And the door slams shut once again.

The two old dears go on scrubbing.


Then one more time, the door flies open, and she screams, "I'll get hold of his dick and stick it up my fa...." mumble mumble mumble...etc"

the door slams shut once again.


Ten minutes later one scrubber turns to the other and says,

"There don't seem to be much wrong with 'er, does there....?"

 

.........er......I did try to keep it clean Glynis
it just got a bit saucy round the edges......x

 

@Jazzer now you know im a single lady ..... I wonder what I would like to grab....

 

Hahahahahahahaha......Glynis !! xxx

You really are a caution.

I think about you so often babe,
and really hope you are doing okay,

Dave x
Jazzer

 

A man was terribly overweight, so his doctor placed him on a strict diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds, 'his doctor assured him.

When the man returned he shocked his doctor by having lost almost twenty pounds.

'Why, that's amazing, 'the doctor said, greatly impressed, 'You certainly must have followed my instructions.'

The man nodded, 'I'll tell you what though, I thought I was going to have to stop this routine after the third day'.

'Why, from hunger?' asked his doctor.

'No, from all that skipping.'

 

Steve Cleary was in his early 50's, retired and had started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. However, he was a good worker, really clever, so the Director of the government owned aquarium was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Steve into the office for a talk.

'Steven, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a top class job, but you're being late so often is quite a worry.'

'Yes, I realize that, sir, and I am working on it.' replied Steve.

'I'm pleased to hear that, you are a team player. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?'

'They said," Good morning Admiral".'

 

“You know that look women get when they desperately want sex, and they’re absolutely gagging for it...?”

“No - me neither.....”

 

@Jazzer I clicked the image to show the full-size version. Wow. Expressions of the clouds.