Just Got Severe Tinnitus, Am I Ever Going to Enjoy Life Again?

Really sorry about spamming with new threads, but I didn't feel the other two ones was on topic...

So, I've more or less accepted that this new level of tinnitus is something I'm going to have to live with. At first I hoped that it would be atleast partially related to psychological factors. Mostly slept 2-3 hours, worked at my stressful job and then gone back to my lonely home and being depressed. But last night I did get a full nights sleep (Check my other thread for more info) but still today, it's just as loud as yesterday.

I don't get it at all. It wasn't this loud at all for the days after the loud noise incident last Wednesday. It was louder than before that but I could still do stuff without paying attention to it. I could enjoy fishing with my dad, take forest walks etc. But then it feels like it has just increased. I've of course stayed away from loud noises etc. The only thing I can think of is that I've probably done too many hearing tests online to check my hearing. Perhaps I did turn up the volume too much when I was trying to hear the frequencies that I can't hear? Could that have damaged my hearing and caused my T to increase? I'm not talking about going too high volume on the ones I hear, I mean if those frequencies you just can't hear still can hurt your ears? Like, I can hear up to 16khz (though very vague), could I have damaged my hearing by putting 18khz to a high volume when I can't hear it?
Or could I still hope that some parts of it is psychological, and that one nights sleep isn't enough to decrease it? I know that I can't hope for my old T to come back. It's gone from being masked by the computer fans to not even being masked when I'm in the car with the radio on, or by the TV. But I would give anything in the world for it to be just like last week just after the incident when I could still enjoy life...
How can it go from semi-loud the days after a noise incident to loud-loud several days later?
I reported sick for work for a couple of days next week and I'm going to visit my parents at our summer house, and spending time with friends this weekend, so I'm still gonna try to keep active and happy. I still want to hope that a week with better sleep and relaxing away from stressful work will help me, but I'm losing hope...

It was beautiful weather today, really warm and sunny and I decided to go to the beach with a friend. As I was trying to enjoy it I still couldn't stop thinking for a second about the new T. I could still hear it even though I was just right next to the water with waves and very loud wind in the trees. I tried to think of other things but it's still there. I broke down in tears right when I got home...

I've been in very dark periods in my life before, and I think that what has helped me the most is spending time in nature, hiking, fishing etc. What the hell am I going to do with myself if I can't enjoy those things anymore?
I really don't want to think about suicide. I know that I have a long life ahead of me and many many people I love and who loves me, but still... If I years from now still can't get myself enjoy a day's hike, or sitting out reading on my yard next to the trees with the birdsong and nature sounds, or if it would increase even further... I just don't know what to do... I'm a nurse student and I am feeling really enthusiastic about my career choice and working as a nurse, but I have no idea of how I'm gonna be able to be a good nurse and to help people living with this.

Another thing that really worries me is that I'm just 22 years old, and I've already managed to fuck up my ears like this. How am I going to live a long life without damaging it further? Even though I can't even imagine how it could be worse right now, but I still know that it can... Of course I am going to pay massive attention to the safety of my ears. Instead of bringing earplugs when I'm going to a place I know is gonna be noisy, I'm going to always bring them when I go out, no matter what. But still. I have many decades ahead of me, and there's gonna be plenty of dangerous sounds that you just can't erase. Such as an ambulance with sirens blaring passing by right ahead of you when you're not prepared... The alternative to that it just staying at home all the time, and I know that would drive me into real depression.

I would love to hear all of your thoughts on all these matters. How have you been able to enjoy your life when you got T? Did you manage to habituate and still enjoy birdsong, the sound of running water and other nature sounds? Can you still enjoy hiking and spending time in nature, despite the constant ringing? How have you managed to keep putting one feet in front of the other despite severe T?

 

Okay, feeling a bit better now. Regarding what I wrote about suicide etc: Fuck that. I'm not gonna let this monster win. I'm gonna beat the shit out of it and enjoy my life. I realize that how it is now is the worst it's gonna be, and I'm not lying in bed dying of incurable cancer or having constant incurable pain. Next year I'm going to look back at this post and then think of all the happy moments I've had since then, and all the good things and experiences I would have missed if I had offed myself. I'm gonna think of how fun I had every time I come back from spending time with friends, or from a hike etc. Habituation to this new sound may be very far away in the future, but it's not gonna prevent me from doing what I love. I'm gonna force myself out in the woods regardless and enjoy nature. I'm gonna study hard and become a kick-ass nurse, spending every work-day helping people. I'm gonna travel the world and see awesome sights. I'm gonna come out winning. Fuck you T. Period.

 

@MaxK damn straight! You tell that bitch who's boss.

I'm going through a spike which started last week. On the first day of realising it wasn't going down I was thinking about the big S. but hell no. Just got to going through the first few weeks and tell my subconscious brain it's not a threat. As soon as I start believing it I know I'll be on the mend and in a few months I'll be having a beer and my mind will be able to concentrate on the mundane again.

Stay strong pal! T may not be temporary but the initial fear and anxiety is.

 

Yep thats the winning attitude!

 

Distraction is how I do it. Do something that is safe for you and your ears and take that attention away from the ringing. Tinnitus is horrible, but life still goes on...

 

Thanks extremely much for the responses! We need to stay strong and do our best not let it take over our lives. Easy to say but I guess that's what it boils down to.

Yeah, distractions is very good from what I've heard. Though I don't have a problem with falling asleep. I'm just hoping that the propavan will stay effective so I'll continue to be able to sleep through the night.

I really shouldn't base my thoughts about the future on the situation today. All in all it's just a sound. An extremely annoying sound, but nothing that prevents me from enjoying hikes and nature. I'll probably never be as focused on my T as I have been for the past week, and thankfully I have no major hearing loss and no H.

I think one thing I'm extra worried about is not being able to go camping and sleeping in a tent on hikes anymore. But even though it's quiet in the woods at night, it's probably more quiet in my apartment (I live in a really quiet neighborhood with hardly any traffic, silent neighbors and good sound isolation). One good solution would be to bring my cellphone and some ebooks or podcast, and to have a shutdown-timer app. Just like with my clockradio with timer here at home

 

The answer is positively yes. I used to suffer immensely when both my ultra high pitch T and severe hyperacusis first hit me. I was wondering what life ahead would be like with so much suffering and I ask the same questions as you are doing now. Today I live a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life and I wrote my success story sharing some helpful strategies. For brevity I list the link. Check it out and try to read as many success stories as you can to have hope. Take care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

You will enjoy life again. First off you need to realize that you need time to settle to your knew situation. This doesn't happen over a night. And secondly, you must be careful. For instance I was the movies today for the first time since I got T, I used earplugs...and no problems. So you need to be more careful and avoid certain enviorments.

 

Also there is always the hope that your T might improve as mine has .
I have had T for over a year now from an infection and it was so loud for many months that I could hear it easily above a Euro Fighter jet screaming very low over our house .It was like that 24/7 and I wanted to die because I was a lover of silence ,the sound of the wind in the trees etc and used to love reading and learning . T took that from me for a long time and I considered many ways to kill myself. Eventually I did start to habituate anyway and feel better....

However ! The last 3 or 4 months my T started to ease after I reduced my blood pressure and now i get weeks where I hardly hear the T as it is so low . I had 2 days last week where it was gone ! I mostly hear it at night now if at all and I think it is down to teeth grinding and stress .
Now I try not to attach any emotion to T when it does come back .
So,you never know ,you might get better or you will beat it with your winning attitude .
Do mot give in . You have an important job to do in your nursing in the future . We need people like you .
Good luck !