So I've had Tinnitus for a long time now. Ever since 2001 when I got it from listening to music via headphones too loudly. I was so stupid at the time. I remember maybe 2 or 3 times after I was done with the music hearing the ringing and thinking "Oh whats that? thats weird" but then it would go away. Then one time it didn't and I was stuck with it forever. Wtf was wrong with me why didn't I see the warnings and stop using it after the first time? However it was always pretty mild and it didn't bother me until 2014 when I had a bad increase after a cold and antibiotics. It took a few months but I managed to get over that increase and get back to my normal level however it left with with a second ringing noise in my left ear but the weird thing was I only heard it when I laid down in bed to sleep. Never during the day or even with earplugs in so it wasn't a big deal. Then this year 2015 was the bad one. About 4 months ago I had yet another cold but it was a weird one. I had all this pressure in my ears for almost a week due to the stuffed up cold feeling and I couldn't pop my ears unless I forced it hard which gave relief. It eventually resolved it self but left me with my right ear much worse with a new ringing noise that's much louder and high pitched which has been really hard to deal with. It's gradually gotten a tiny bit better but it's still bad and never went back to normal. I think about 5 weeks into that spike it actually started to go away and I had a chance to fully and finally get over it but due to some unlucky noise exposure I lost all that progress and it got locked into place. And now this week for no reason my left ear has gotten worse so now it's like that spike I had from 2014 which would only appear in that ear in bed I now hear all the time during the day which I suppose was only a matter of time. It's really hard to live and while its not super loud but it's the cutting high pitch whine of it that makes it bad. I think this is maximum worse its going to get now and it's pretty devastating. I'm upset all the time and it's putting alot of stress on my mum. Last night I was having trouble sleeping, tossing and turning and was moaning and saying things to myself things like "damn it" "ah shit fuck this" etc.. and apparently my mum was awake at the same time, came out and was standing outside my bedroom door and got upset hearing me have so much trouble sleeping. The next day she mentioned me having a bad night which I asked how she knew and she told me she could hear me which crushed me and made me very upset. When I sleep now since I had this 2015 spike in my right ear I've pretty much slept on that right ear on the pillow the whole time now. Something about being on the otherside makes it worse and sleeping on it kinda blends into my normal tinnitus and makes it not a problem. But now since my other ear is gone bad sleep has become a real problem as it's just so high pitched. I really just feel like just killing myself already as it's been bad the past few months but I've been just hanging in there but now my left ear has gone to shit which I couldn't believe my luck. I finished up my last job around August the same time as my cold which started all this 2015 hell and haven't worked since. I had lined up a few interviews which I canceled as I just can't work at the moment. So I really don't know where to go from here. This left ear getting like this just feels like the tipping point for me.