Losing Hope

[Chey]

Hey there. My name's Chey and I have really bad luck.

I'm really superstitious. I always lift my feet up over the train tracks, I never walk under ladders or open umbrellas under roofs. But I think I remember breaking a mirror or two and maybe now I'm paying for it.

Two months ago, I noticed this sound in my right ear. I called it a vacuum because I couldn't quite put a proper adjective to it. Sometimes it sounds like an owl. It's always rhythmatic. It took me a while to realize, but it goes in tune with my hear. Beat beat beat. Except it's more of a woosh. Almost like rushing water. Except it's called pulsatile tinnitus.

Actually, let me back up a little bit.

Last July, I had a bit of a mental breakdown and I ended up in the hospital, long story short. There wasn't anything physically wrong with me but the doctors took a look at me anyways because that's their job. Everything was normal but it came to their attention that my tonsils are huge and were probably causing sleep apnea. So I took a sleep test and because my tonsils are so big, when I sleep, they relax and I can't breathe. No need for a CPAP. They said, "once you get your tonsils out things should be fine."

A couple of months later, my dentist told me I have TMJD.

So back to the tinnitus. I told my family doctor. She didn't really say much about it and it didn't seem all that concerning to her but things kinda got worse and I got super close to pulling a Van Gogh. I went to urgent care and the doctor I saw gave me a nasal spray thing and some antibiotics. No change.

It's been a month since then and it's gotten worse. Not only is the tinnitus pulsatile but there's a low ringing too. And my ear feels full and blocked constantly. I can't really hear through that ear, everything sounds distorted I guess. It hurts more often than not and when I yawn or swallow sometimes it kinda like cracks or whatever. If I press my fingers against my neck, right by my jawline and behind my ear, the wooshing stops. There's no relief other than this. When it first started, there were 5 minutes in the morning when I first woke up of silence.

I've done a fair bit of research (it's hard to sleep when it's so loud) and I'm pretty sure the cause of it is my Eustachian tube. I don't know if it's because of my TMJ, because of my tonsils, or if it's just open, but I don't know how much longer I can take this.

All my doctor's really said about it is "I don't think it'll last forever" and "we might have to put tubes in your ear" but I dunno. Apparently my ears look fine. Maybe she just thinks I'm crazy.

I can't seem to get help anywhere. I have an ENT (y'know, for my tonsillectomy) but I've only met her once and she's transferring in April. I'm new to the ""adult world"" of medicine. I don't know how to find doctors and book appointments all that.

I don't really know what I'm doing and I'm asking for help from everyone but no one can help me and I've cried more in the past two months than I have in the past two years. Everything's a mess and I just want to give up most days. From what I've read, people have lived with this for years and I don't think I can do that. It freaks me out. I'm 18. I've got another 60 or so years ahead of me, my life has just begun.

And I really don't want to listen to this for the rest of my life. I miss silence. I miss quiet, even. I miss anything but this.

I don't really know.

Anyways, yeah. That's it.

Thanks.

 

[AnxiousJon]

We have a pulsatile tinnitus section of the forum you'll want to check out.
Lotta people suffering from TMJ problems on our forum.
I don't know much about it, but it seems like a loose jaw can cause alot of inflammation in that whole area. There's nerves and blood vessels(which could explain the puslatile factor) around there. The inflammation must be severe enough that even the middle ear area is inflammed, inducing your body to fill your middle ear with fluid, making it more difficult to hear. The inflammation in the ear, or the fluid, or both could be the cause of your standard subjective tinnitus. The inflammation from TMJ might have been the cause of your swollen tonsils as well(which caused the apnea).
I would recommend MSM crystals(not powder); it's a natural anti-inflammatory.
http://www.amazon.com/MRM-MSM-Cryst...e=UTF8&qid=1455619950&sr=8-3&keywords=Mrm+msm
And of course a doctor that specializes in TMJ stuff.

 

[Chey]

Honestly probably the best advice I've received throughout this journey so far. Thank you so much. I'm definitely going to look into that!

 

[billie48]

From what I've read, people have lived with this for years and I don't think I can do that. It freaks me out. I'm 18. I've got another 60 or so years ahead of me, my life has just begun.

You have been given excellent advice above. I will only address the psychological side of the battle with T. A big part of the suffering with T is mental. You worry that you are so young to have T. But being young with T doesn't mean it will be suffering for life time. Young people sometimes can recover faster or better than older members. It takes time but over time people learn to adapt to life with T. How do I know this? Because I had severe T & H. I freaked out with T & H big time too initially and suffered. But today I live a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. I even wrote my success story like many other members.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

If you can learn to accept T or at least accept the reality of T, it is a lot easier to move on with life. There is a young pretty lady Zoe Cartwright who was completely deaf at young 15, and so her loud T was unmaskable and often &%$*#!^ loud. She was smart to make a decision early to accept the reality of T in her life. She said either acceptance or risking a life time of misery. She made a tinnitus film after 10 years of living with 7/24 loud, unmaskable and amazingly she said she loves her life despite T. You can read a more detail story of her and also watch her film on page 14 & 15 of the Positivity Thread (at the top of the Support Forum).

She is not alone for being young and doing well even after T. There is a 12 year old and a 17 year old on TT who wrote their success stories and perhaps others too. So don't worry that you are young with T. Here are a few links of success stories from young people. Don't panic and be positive. Take care & God bless.

success story of 17 years old Zach:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/fake-it-until-you-make-it.7590/

success story of Jari with T since 12 years old:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new.7670/

 

[Chey]

If you can learn to accept T or at least accept the reality of T, it is a lot easier to move on with life. There is a young pretty lady Zoe Cartwright who was completely deaf at young 15, and so her loud T was unmaskable and often &%$*#!^ loud. She was smart to make a decision early to accept the reality of T in her life. She said either acceptance or risking a life time of misery. She made a tinnitus film after 10 years of living with 7/24 loud, unmaskable and amazingly she said she loves her life despite T. You can read a more detail story of her and also watch her film on page 14 & 15 of the Positivity Thread (at the top of the Support Forum).

Thank you. The mental struggle is the worst part of it, I think. Thinking you're going crazy, feeling like no one wants to help you. Feeling trapped within your own mind and set back by something like T, a word I really wish I didn't even know the definition of.

But I love hearing about other people who have made it because it gives me hope. Maybe I'll be okay, too. I think a lot of the time I think so negatively: telling myself I'm not going to get better and I won't be able to live a "normal" life, but. I need to start being more positive about it. And it's easier said than done. I mean, I'm not dumb. I know that thinking negatively is going to produce negative results; my life has kinda been living proof of that. But sometimes I feel like my T and my mental health control me, ya know? I feel like. I dunno how to explain it. They overpower like, the real me. Who's a happy person, most of the time, and who's positive when it comes to other people, but not herself.

This should help, though, I hope.

Thank you, again. I appreciate it.