Musicians with Tinnitus Support/Advice Thread

Discussion in 'Support' started by SoulStation, Apr 22, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Hey Everybody. I've been reading on this site now for about a month and I have learned a great deal and have found some great advice. I can't seem to find a single thread that's dedicated to musicians who have Tinnitus and/or Hyperacusis and choose to continue their careers, dreams and ambitions in this field that we love so much. So I decided to start one.

      SO I just want to introduce myself. I am a professional musician/music teacher/producer who has had Tinnitus on and off (depending on the night) since around 2010. I have been totally OCD about protecting my ears since about 2008. I almost never played a loud show or went to a bar with out either musicians plugs (ER-15 or ER-25) or Foam plugs (I am talking like 98% of the time). I teach about 6 days a week (about 2-7 hrs a day) privately/in schools from September-June and run clinics/continue teaching through out the summer just on a slightly less busy schedule.

      I play Guitar/Bass/Drums/Keys and sing as well as produce/record in my home studio. Since I graduated from a great music school with a BA in Performance back in 05 I have been going strong just playing and recording as much as possible. I've worked with a lot of singers/bands and put out a record but pride my self on my sideman work. Anyway enough about my resume.

      About a two months ago I had a really tough night when I decided to start turning off all noise in my apartment and letting myself hear my T which I had been really just ignoring for years because the level is so low that it is almost always masked by something. But after all the noise was off, it was there, just very faint, but still there. That DROVE ME to tears and just the thought of having to quit music for a life made me very depressed. So I decided I was going to quit my meds I was taking for depression (I had been a very low dose of Lexapro for years) thinking that it might have been worsened by the SSRI (Lexapro).
      It didn't really do too much and I was way more depressed about it. I also noticed I started getting small bouts of hyperacusis. So I decided to do something about it.

      I did as much research as possible and started taking Magnesium, Zinc, Garlic, B-12, Bioflavanoids (Lipoflavanoid complex is good too I had been on this stuff since 2012), and homeopathic stuff like ring relief etc... I'm not going to lie. Some stuff might not do too much but the magnesium is proven to protect your ears and lower the volume in many cases. I also quit smoking herb and coffee/alcohol. (I have since gone back to a cup of coffee a day and a beer maybe once in a blue moon).

      Also changed my diet to avoid : High Sodium, Saturated Fat, high amounts of caffeine, fake sugar.

      All of these things along with daily exercise /starting back on a low dose of lexapro (3-5 mg a day) and lorazapam (ativan) (1-2 mg a day as needed)and sticking with my regular dosage on attention meds has really helped me not dwell on Tinnitus and I really only hear it if I'm in a near silent room.

      I won't lie. I have cut back a bit on doing lots of studio work after a day of teaching or performing to protect my ears/hearing but I am still very active performing 1-4 times a weeks (sometimes more but very rare). I work with a few different singers and play in a high end cover band that makes very good money and always wear ear plugs on stage, keep volume at a reasonable level in car and never go to super loud shows w/out STRONG protection.

      So here's what I really want this forum to be about. Being able to know that if you are in the music field and you get ringing in your ears, it's ok.
      TONS of famous musicians have it and I know that thousands more don't talk about it cause of the stigma attached to it.

      If you need to vent, have advice on what gets you through your days/nights or what have recommendations for what to do when shit gets tough. Post it here. Post questions, comments anything!

      Ok I gotta go but I hope to hear from some other musicians, singers, engineers, producers, song-writers, very soon.

      SoulStation
       
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    2. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      Mate this is great :)
       
    3. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      Soul station how did you find the er15 ? I play in pubs on the weekend ? And I love live shows my t started about 6 weeks ago now and it's only at night in the quite it sucks but starting to get through it but I'm sick of not playing live ?
       
    4. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      ER-15's are great. Very Flat even response but if you're playing anything that's going over 100 db (most rock/pop stuff with drums will easily surpass 100 db). I would recommend the ER-25 . I have a set of both filters for my plugs and interchange them depending on the gig. Thanks so much and spread the word !!! Cheers
       
    5. Grace
      No Mood

      Grace Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/14/2013
      Helllo!!! I am a drummer who has been playing my whole life! I got T back in november from jammin on drums with someone on guitar and it was very loud basically the T i got that day afterwards which was very loud went away after 48 hours and now am left with mild T from it. I say it went away because what i am left with now is usually only audible in a dead silent room compared to the first two days where it was screaming at me loudly over any backround noise and very frightning. I find myself lucky it died down to what it is now and has not changed much other then sometimes it "seems" louder and tends to constantly change tones ex. Goes from hissing to tinkering to ringing sometimes all at once! But its very quiet so do not notice most of it usually. Ive heard that sometimes the mix of multiple tones heard can eventually die down to one of them left. Hoping mine stabilizies eventually because its more of a wave of sounds like continuous hiss in backround with a wave of tinkering and ringing. And sometimes reversed. SO here i am havent touched my drumset im almost 6 monthes now.. ( well one day i played for 2 minutes) and was fine then my anxiety got the best of
      Me... And i know now thats what preventing me from playing. I know even wearing earing protection can cause/worsen T but in my case i never experienced ringing when wearing protection. And i play soft so even makes it better. I need help getting back to playing cause its to the point where im dreaming about playing everynight and its like a sign my bodys tellin me to just play! And be careful ofcorse! And i also am having trouble finding proper earplugs with high protection to go out with.. (Small ears) and foam ones even the small ones slide right out!!!!
       
    6. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      I have recently brought a set of musician ear plugs er15 $450 electronic Think there called etymotic HD 15 gotta follow our dreams here ;)
       
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    7. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      Grace get on eBay and look
      For the 45 industrial range
       
    8. Boxdra

      Boxdra Member

      Do you teach in a high school? Because a lot of teschers also get T because of the loud noise in the classroom. I also got a degree in education, but i'm not going to teach without protection. Those kids can scream!
       
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    9. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      No in an electrician in the construction game so I bought these ears for that as well. But I also play pub gigs and stuff on the side of that I'm glad you are on here . I'm the front man of my band so I need something so I can hear everything I guess . But the thing is guys a lot of musicians that I talk to
      Have the same issue and they keep playing and most of them don't even care .
       
    10. Steven Blade
      Balanced

      Steven Blade Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2014
      Great post- thanks for looping me in. I've been doing well. Still playing and recording. I've been playing with foam plugs and coincidentaly, I have an appointment with an audiologist today to have a mold of my ear canal taken for filters. I struggled with the anxiety from the initial onset at first. It obsessively drove me insane and put me in a but of a panic. But things like this forum, as well as a musician's forum I joined quickly got me back to enjoying life and the things I do everyday. By the time I saw an ENT, I was already prepared and coping. Istopped playing for a few weeks and getting back on that horse was the best thing I ever did for myself in coping.

      Although it's still there, I notice the T very infrequently as I am able to keep my mind occupied and focussed. Funny- working outside on the yard doing spring chores, and I can't tell half the time if I am hearing birds chirp or if it's the Tinnitus! But I feel I've turned a corner over the last couple months. I'm looking forward to the filters so I can get some frequencies back when playing. The foam plugs just block out everything. And they're a pain in the ass to put in and take out which is necessary to have conversations. I have a show with a killer engineer at the end if May so I'm hoping I can successfully put the filters to the true test.

      Thanks again for starting the thread.......I'll be checking in. I have no intentions of putting down my sticks after 34 years of playing. I'm just going to be a little smarter with hearing protection. I'd rather be playing and performing than sitting around in misery over the fact that I can't. It's very common and there is a large community of musician's that do it safely every day. Life is good.
       
    11. Steve H
      Creative

      Steve H Director Staff Benefactor Team Trobalt Team Tech Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      York, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Flu, Noise-induced, Jaw trauma
      Good idea for a thread. When I first got my T I thought that my music life was pretty much over; it totally isn't, you just need to make a few changes and protect your ears.

      I don't do live music any more, but there are plenty of famous performing musicians with T that carry on. As long as you have the right protection and you don't feel worse after performing it's all good. Moulded plugs and some of the hi-fi plugs have good reduction across most all frequencies. And you can get some decent enough sound-meter apps that will give you an idea of the dB so you know that your plugs are reducing to a level that won't damage you.

      I reckon that music, nice timbre at reasonable sound levels, is actually helpful. When I haven't done anything for a while I genuinely feel better for working on some tunes, like I'm keeping my brain happy.
       
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    12. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Thanks to all you guys who have replied on this thread...! It's great we can keep this loop of musicians supporting each other on this fantastic site. I teach music privately (and at a music store) and in a school once a week for two hours(at least for the time being). Steven I do the same thing for mine. Just hardly notice it unless I stick my fingers into my ears or am in a silent room. From time to time it seems to completely go away but those days aren't too common. We can't let it ruin our lives and what we love to do. I always wear the foam 33 db NNR ear plugs when I teach drums and when I perform with my band I use the ER-25's or the 33 db foams.

      Grace---I suggest you look into getting a nice set of electronic drums. Some of the the Roland and Yamaha models are Sick and you can totally control the volume.

      One thing I've been doing occasionally lately is finding the exact frequency of my t if it's bad and playing it on my piano---the phase cancelation (at least I think that's what it is) makes it go aways for a little while. It gives me a sense of control along with the supplements. Ok gotta go live my day.
      Cheers and Ciao and keep on writing everybody.
       
    13. generalfuzz

      generalfuzz Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ototoxic reaction to relafen
      I took a 6+ month break from music when I got T + H. I found that the ringing was always worse after I was working on tunes. It was devastating. I instead focused my energy on coding projects (I always need something to invest in outside of work + family) - which is when I built the ACRN app.

      Over time, I learned to obsess less about the ringing and recognize that it always returns to a base level after a few hours. Music is such a central part of my identity - and the thought of loosing music was what really sent me into a tailspin. I've fully re-engaged on music production in the last few months. I've become a far happier person since then. I'm starting to enter the end game on a new album, and the sense of pride and joy I'm having around it is unparalleled. If you like mellow electronic music in the background, check it out: http://www.generalfuzz.net

      I've pretty much given up concerts, which is hard. My favorite thing to do is go see shows. Fortunately, since we live in the future, I can catch a lot of shows via streaming. It's not the same, but its a hell of a lot better than nothing.
       
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    14. Steven Blade
      Balanced

      Steven Blade Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2014
      Good stuff! I just got fitted for the plugs with filters. I had to choose a filter so I went with the 15db. In addition to protecting my ears, I'm really concerned with my ability to hear my vocal blend with the others when we harmonize. I'm going to start there and may order 25db filters as well to keep on hand as an option.

      Thoughts?
       
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    15. Steve H
      Creative

      Steve H Director Staff Benefactor Team Trobalt Team Tech Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      York, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      2003
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Flu, Noise-induced, Jaw trauma
      Are the filters 15dB on top of the plug dB reduction?

      Check out the chart for the plugs and see how they perform across the frequencies and maybe take the lowest reduction as your benchmark. Then see if you can get a sound meter (or a good app) and measure your noise on stage.

      From there you should be able to check that the reduction keeps your ears safe over your performing time. Attached is a chart that shows the safe time at different noise levels.

      Of course it's all down to how you feel too, you might want to reduce a little more to feel safer. Screen Shot 2014-04-22 at 19.06.33.png
       
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    16. Steven Blade
      Balanced

      Steven Blade Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      January 2014
      Thanks Steve- that is exactly what I want to do. I need understand what noise level environment I am in.....and for how long. Any suggestions on a good app?
       
    17. Markku
      Inspired

      Markku Director Staff Benefactor Hall of Fame Team Trobalt Team Tech Team Awareness Team Research

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Syringing
    18. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      @Steve : As far as a Db Meter ---Phones are limited in the the number of decibels they can handle. My droid can only read up to 90 db but i've found that with the band I play with ( and we do usually 4- 45 minute sets per weeks with 15 minute breaks), we average about 108-111 db and I track it on my iPad--- which can handle more Db.
      Also you may want to look in to in-Ear monitors with isolation for hearing harmonies if you're a big part of the singing in your group.
      On A DIFFERENT NOTE....

      I've been struggling lately with the fear of my playing in this band making my current T worse then it is now. The band is a business that I've worked my ass off to get into and I don't want to let it go, but we play long sets and 4 hour gigs (with breaks of course and not all sets are super loud, but the dance sets are) and are scheduled at least once a week till november. I'm not going to give up and will protect my ears like an over protective guard dog but still concerned.

      Any body have thoughts?
      Advice?
       
    19. Mikey Cliff
      Fine

      Mikey Cliff Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Hey everyone, I'm a drummer and teacher. I've been playing in bands for years and teaching drum lines as well. I've been protecting my ears considerably over the last 8 years. Much like Soulstation, I would hardly go anywhere without my plugs. I've noticed that a lot of musicians say that their's mild. Mine is not and have been in fear of losing my career. I would say it's a solid 7-8. It's only masked when I'm in the shower or at the pub. I may have some tmj issues which I'm thinking about getting treated after seeing a dentist. Anyone else here not in the mild category? I didn't notice the exact time mine happened but it did occur after a noisy weekend and band rehearsal. My H was off the charts but has gotten somewhat better since I noticed this last April. I've been super depressed to the point that I have pondered ending my life as I have potentially lost the last thing that I truly had a passion for.Two decades down the drain. Anyone else have it pretty bad that's a musician?
       
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    20. yonkapin

      yonkapin Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Melbourne, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2012
      Take a break from the drumming if you are still suffering from hyperacusis. You just got tinnitus/hyperacusis in April of this year right?

      Still early days for you, and still plenty of opportunity for your condition to improve. I'm a musician also and can empathize greatly with your struggle, but it's all about patience and being smart about how you approach your career from here.

      If you still experience hyperacusis; pain from sound or any sort of chronic ear pain, take a break from drumming. If you're really feeling the itch to jam out - get a MIDI drum set and continue your practice using one of those. This will give you the freedom to continue practicing but also gives you complete control over the volume of your set up. Once your hyperacusis goes away, and your tinnitus isn't bothering you as much, you can begin to start playing on your drums again.

      You need to take it slow and see how you react. Space out any gigs you have, make sure anytime you practice that you make the best use of your time so you're just in there banging drums for no reason. Get custom fit musicians ear plugs, being a drummer you can go one step further and forgo the usual DB filters and just get molded solid inserts. Solid custom molded silicon inserts provide +30db of attenuation if I remember correctly. I would recommend them over foam as they will fit your ear properly ensuring maximum protection.

      If you're still finding it hard on the ears with the plugs and having taken time between gigs and practice sessions, then you can always pop some ear muffs on top your plugs for extra protection. I've seen many drummers play sets using ear muffs, no one will care as long as you're pulling off a mean jam.

      Make sure you're getting plenty of sleep, eat well, drink plenty of water and exercise. You can supplement with B12, niacin, magnesium and NAC. Magnesium and NAC in particular have demonstrated otoprotective effects in multiple studies, so while supplements might not make your current tinnitus any better - they will help protect you from any further hearing loss or increase in your tinnitus. If you for whatever reason get into a situation where your hearing is seriously compromised and experience a significant increase in hearing loss, tinnitus or hyperacusis - go your GP and ask for a course of oral corticosteroids as soon as possible to limit any possible damage that may have been cause. If you're experiencing any sort of sickness, like the cold or flu - or you feel that you might have some serious congestion - avoid playing any gigs until the sickness has resolved as it leaves your hearing more vulnerable to damage.

      It's hard being a musician with tinnitus, but there are many of us out there. You're career is not over, and you can continue your passion. Just take your time, don't rush into playing balls to the wall straight away. Give your ears time to recover, and take every possible measure you can to ensure you protect your hearing while you continue to pursue your career/passion. It's difficult but it can be done.

      Good luck!
       
    21. Mikey Cliff
      Fine

      Mikey Cliff Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Thanks for your reply! I did stop playing after the T started, I quit my gig and an audition I could have easily won that would have paid 20,000 a year. I taught a little through the summer but it was only drumlines from far away. I didn't play set for more than a few minutes until 6 months later. I still haven't plaid for more than an hour and that was once a few weeks ago.. I'm not sure the ear muffs work as I was wearing ear muffs and foam ear plugs for years. I feel that the muffs make a chamber that could actually make it much worse. I wear filter plugs now called the earasers. I can't wear my foam plugs or custom molds anymore because it makes the ringing un-bearable. So I have pretty much done what you have been saying, just recently have I eased back into it. Weird thing is that I teach a university band and have been working with the drumline...slowly no more than 15 minutes at a time once a rehearsal. Being around that loud environment oddly never makes it worse and sometimes seems to make it better for a brief time afterwards.

      I participated in the AM-101 trials which I currently believe made my condition worse but may have helped the H. I was talking to the guys I teach today, particularly the few I taught this summer. I've gotten to where I can be around them a significant amount of time and it doesn't bother me. One of them said today "yeah you wouldn't have stayed this close to us for 5 seconds this summer."
       
    22. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Btw my T has gotten worse since the start of the thread. Just be careful to everyone out there.
       
    23. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      My T was getting BAD a while back. It started in the 70's. Someone on this forum talked about gauging my response instead of my T and it's made all the difference. Last spring I was a nervous wreck, panicky, shaky, and it seemed the T was in my head all the time. I was over protective with my ears and searching out "Cures," which led me to this forum. Today, I'm off benzos, feel great, don't notice my T, listen to music, sometimes loud, and the best part is that I went back to playing some of my louder instruments. But I can never play electric music or go to concerts again.
       
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    24. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      That is so rad.
       
    25. BreezewayR
      Alienated

      BreezewayR Member

      Location:
      Virginia, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Leaf blower
      Through an entirely stupid single action on my part, I damaged my formerly perfect hearing last November.
      For someone whose identity is as a musician, this is soul-crushing. I don't like to listen to the stereo anymore, and I know I couldn't work in the studio anymore as a producer. I used to have golden ears. Now, the thought of sitting in front of monitors and doing a mix (one of my greatest joys) just makes me sick. I also have hyperacusis and often feel a pressure or fullness in my ears. I still like concerts (with protection, of course) because of the real-time human connection. But as far as an auditory experience is concerned, my ears are just shot.

      The fact that I stupidly gave it to myself is something I just can't accept. I know that sounds crazy and ego-driven. But it's the truth. And all it's going to do is get worse (that's just a fact). I had perfect hearing before I did this, and now it's torment. I'm a cancer survivor and have had my share of life challenges, but this is by far the worst thing. I feel damaged, useless, and am resigned to going deaf.
       
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    26. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Whoa! You're not going deaf. Everyone's hearing diminishes over time but you're not going deaf. I know your pain more than you can ever imagine and am struggling here too - trust me. If you need to talk. Pm me.
       
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    27. BreezewayR
      Alienated

      BreezewayR Member

      Location:
      Virginia, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Leaf blower
      Thanks, man. I might PM you when I figure out how. (LOL.)
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    28. Xynic

      Xynic Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2015
      I know loads of musicians with tinnitus. I've learned pretty much everything I know about music already after getting tinnitus, including music production. Since the increase this year I've been more careful with going to shows, but honestly with earplugs it's always been okay. During the tough initial phase I also found it hard to get myself to work on music, but luckily I find that it actually gets better when I do! My increase was stress-related so that makes sense.

      I've no intention of giving up anything and currently working on my instrumentals mixtape. I find that aside from still being depressed and therefore finding it somewhat hard to fully immerse myself, it's no different from before the increase. Again, there's loads of successful and great musicians with tinnitus which makes sense if you consider that musicians are regularly exposed to high sound volumes. Most of the musicians I know who have it aren't even bothered by it at all.

      BTW, even before the increase I sometimes could hear the tinnitus very clearly, as it was excited by certain drones. I was never bothered by it, nor did I think it was keeping me from creating a decent mix. Honestly my mixing skills are so subpar that the little bit of tinnitus doesn't really play a role on that level. Maybe if I was Steve Albini or something it would matter. :D Still, the last mix I sent to a mastering engineer earned some praise from him! So there you go.
       
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    29. wishingluck
      No Mood

      wishingluck Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      not sure, but probably acoustic trauma
      Soulstation, I am also a musician. I play several instruments and I also compose and write music. I never made a cent from music, nevertheless, neither me nor people who heard me playing, had the slightest doubt that I am a pro. I have never understood the word 'hobby' when related to music, as 'music' to me means learning something, constantly, and therefore it's work. That's what I am about, that's who I am. I can't think of a single day that I have not involved myself in the musical process. Also, as I had been afflicted by other chronic health problems and various sh**tstorms in life, music is pretty much the ONLY thing I had. Somehow, socially I have never been successful to any degree, although I have improved. Always had a tendency to introversion, and therefore to isolation.

      I am going through an extremely harsh time. My life has never been worst, and it has been bad before, dealing with bad health, grief, homelessness, isolation, loneliness (the latter to me has never been a problem until now).

      Previous to this goddamn disaster I am dealing with now, I was already battling to solve my other problems. And believe me I tried, for years. Not only nothing changed, but since 2009 I started to get an incredible row of problems and bad luck, mainly dealing with health. Prior to tinnitus, life was bad but I managed like a champ, always adapting, always trying to make something good out of all the crap. Even people who knew about my problems, always agreed.

      But this, this is different. I feel like I am fighting a phantom. A part of me is dead inside. I feel finished, although I still try to do some practice and record something every day.

      My biggest fear is this: what if this s**t gets unmanageable? I will have to pull the plug. And believe me, I would not worry about this at all. The problem is that even though I left my home and am alone, I kept in contact with my family for all these years. My family is a special bunch, but we are all dispersed, following my mother's death, which happened 25 years ago and am still dealing with.

      The problem is, I can't 'pull the plug' because I would devastate these people who always loved me.

      This is my biggest fear. If the only problem was 'pulling the plug', I would think about it with a smile on my face, believe me.

      I really have nothing good to say, as you can see. My thoughts and feelings are extremely dark and negative, and I don't want to talk too much of this to other people, especially here, as that's not what they need.

      Yet this is my reality. I have never felt so oppressed before, and again, I have been in bad situations before. They were easy trials in comparison, although most people who led more 'normal' lives (whatever that means....what's 'normal' anyways?) would not agree.

      The only thing I can think of is: don't stop doing whatever you like doing. In fact, we need to do it more than ever.
       
    30. wishingluck
      No Mood

      wishingluck Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      not sure, but probably acoustic trauma
      My only consolations are:

      1. I am sleeping like a log most nights. Some nights has been very difficult. One night I could not sleep at all, it was hell for me in particular as I have had chronic fatigue syndrome for most of my life. But luckily, for the past few weeks I have slept well enough. Sometimes I wake up with a tinnitus flare, that stays there for about 15 minutes. That's a major problem, but fortunately most nights it doesn't happen.

      One thing that helps even better is, I hop on the exercise bike for 3 minutes and pedal like crazy. That exausts me, which makes me sleep a lot more easily.

      2. It doesn't look like I am going deaf.

      3. I still didn't exaust all the possibilities and causes for this huge problem. For now I try to manage the best I can, but it feels like as if a horrible creature just settled on my shoulder, and it's always there.

      As for music, I have always been crazy about it. No matter what happened in my life, I have always felt a huge motivation to make music. I never cared about material outcome, not even modest. It was like a drug addiction.

      But now it's different. I feel finished and I feel as motivation is much, much weaker. This experience also taught me that anything can happen, anytime, to anybody. I don't know what the hell will happen tomorrow.
      I have a huge collection of pieces and musical ideas that ideally I want to record as completed pieces. I have done so for some, but there's a ton, and they are all very good themes and ideas, I never keep any of my music that I think it's mediocre. So I am thinking about how am I going to record all this music. It will require months of work, not easy.

      I try to think the opposite way to negative too, I try to be as 'scientific' (rational) as possible, i.e. life can go both ways. It can also improve, so all hope is not yet lost, but it feels like the hope of a castaway on a raggy raft dispersed in an ocean, in the middle of nowhere.

      Still, the proof that things can change for the better, is there. I see it continuously in history. I always tried to learn from the experiences of others, not only my own. In the excellent series 'Banged Up Abroad', there's the story of Tim Jenkins, an activist who got jailed in a horrible place. Jenkins worked incessantly towards escaping from the prison, until it actually happened. It's incredible to see how that guy managed to work systematically and unlock room after room after room in a place where this would be thought to be impossible. Incredible.

      I had always had a fascination for movies like 'Escape from Alcatrazz' and real life stories of prison breaks. From Casanova's to Frank Morris. I am not saying that I approve of criminals escaping a too often, unjustly light punishment. But not all people who escaped from prison were murderers or rapists, and to me the escape from a prison holds a symbolic meaning.

      To me Clint Eastwood scraping away in his cell with a miserable spoon, digging in the wall and making a fake mannequin, and seeing the baffled look of the guard after he realizes that Morris/Eastwood escaped and the guard desperately blowing his whistle, and looking at the angry superintendent looking ashore saying 'I am sure they didn't make it!', has a very special meaning.

      Now more than ever before. All hope is not yet lost.
       

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