My Dad Is Losing His Mind! Please Help.

Hello,

I wondered if you could help.

My dad has had tinnitus for the past month. He is new to it and not coping at all well. It's really loud for him and I think he is on the edge of a nervous breakdown. He said if he could just get it a bit quieter he could cope with it. He has been to see numerous doctors but with not much avail. He is going again on Friday. He can't sleep and isn't eating. We hate seeing him like this. I wondered if you could give us some help or if anything else just a sense of hope that we will get our dad back!

Many thanks

 

@New newby the first couple of months are the hardest. Things will improve. Very important to get sleep. Tell him to use masking to help him sleep. If he gets some sleep his days will be better. stay calm try doing breathing exercises. relax and try not to react to it. stay calm, go for walks do things to keep the mind off of it................ best

 

A warm welcome to Tinnitus Talk.
When tinnitus invades our life and the added unwanted emotions and lack of sleep can soon have us in a downward spiral to depression.
Their is help for it.
The first thing would be to find a way to sleep better.
Lavender on your pillow
Warm drink
Sound therapy at night set below your tinnitus.
Natural sleep aids
Doctors medications.

Eating well also helps as lack of food can soon have you rundown and picking up every germ you come across.
Talking therapy like friends and family or forums or BTA advice line or CBT .
Or MIND.
Understanding about tinnitus helps you cope better and it would be great for you along with your farther post on here.
We all know just how bad tinnitus can be and wish we had a magic wand to make it go away.
Getting your ears checked and hearing tested helps also .
We are all here around the clock to support you both....lots of love glynis

 

Like above its always rough for everyone when they first get T.

I myself was the poster child for anxiety and nervous breakdowns from it.

Im about 6 months in and im 99% better. The biggest thing is relax and make sure to not over think it.

Your dad will be OK. Help him keep positive and be patient with him.

 

When your Dad goes to the doctor tell him to get his doctor to prescribe some ambien for sleep and xanax for the anxiety and depression he is suffering from . That will take the edge off so he can get some rest and not so scared and worked up. Explain to him that there are millions of us that have developed T and most of us have trouble adjusting to this new sound in our head. At night I play nature sounds from youtube to help mask the high pitched sound of my tinnitus. Assure him that he is going to be OK and with most T it will settle down some when he gets into a more calm state. Stress feeds T and tell him to try to avoid sugar, caffiene and alcohol for they can seem to make T louder called a spike. Go on youtube and Julian Cowan Hill an expert on T can help with his short videos. Some peoples T can leave but you need to remain calm and dont dwell on the T and it will take awhile but we all improve with time. I dont here my T when my brain is occupied with doing other things...

 

Go to a hearing aid place and get a hearing test. Even if it is a mild loss tell him to try them out. Even if it is a mild loss have him get hearing aids and ask the guy to safely amplify the frequencies a little bit more where the tinnitus is located. Have him get one with maskers too. In the meantime, have him go to the doctor asap and get a short term prescription for Xanax. Tell him not to take it long term b/c it would be very bad. This is just to calm him down right now. Go to mynoise.net and have him choose a sound to listen to while he is sleeping. He can adjust the sliders.

 

Just to let you know I feel very bad for you and your dad. This can be a bad experience to go through. I do think however, that you can get your dad back. If the above advice does not work, he may want to get on an anti depressant such as Remeron or a mood stabilizer like Lamictal. If either of those increase tinnitus, he needs to get off them. Remeron can be a nice anti depressant for many but he needs to be careful because it can increase appetite big time. Lamictal is a mood stabilizer but has to be titrated up slowly and you have to be careful about getting a rash. Of course he will have to talk to a doctor about any medication and ideally he won't have to take any medication (the doctors may suggest an SSRI or an SNRI drug). The less drugs people are on, the better.

 

First couple of months are the hardest. I too stopped eating and didn't sleep much. I was very depressed and pregnant.. Maybe see if they can prescribe him something to calm his nerves. I have heard Xanax helps to lower the tinnitus volume although I myself have never tried this. See if you can find a mindful meditation teacher to work with him and teach him some relaxation techniques. Spend time outdoors, the natural sounds tend to make tinnitus less noticeable. Start masking with a sound machine and see if that helps too. My tinnitus prefers quiet but I have read people benefit from masking!

 

Hey newby, please give an update on how your dad is or what you all plan to do if you can. I hope things get better asap.

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but how are you 99% better after 6 months? I'm 6 months in and it's just as difficult for me. I can hear it everywhere, it screams in quiet places and at night when trying to sleep. Still waiting for it to "get better".

 

Because I don't react to it.

 

I'm 5 years in and like you it screams at me everywhere - not used to it yet lol
People who recover within 6 months, don't have loud tinnitus...sorry but that's the reality of T.

 

Totally agree, I had it for 18 years and I still not habituated it because it's very l'oud.

 

Sorry, but that's just not true, and is a pretty ignorant statement to make. Mine was loud enough to make me suicidal for a year and a half. Could hear it in the car, the shower, over music. My posts on this site in the past will testify to that. Everyone's brain is different, your loudness might be a factor in your habituation (and I'm sorry if it is), but it wasn't for me, anxiety was.

I'm 2 1/2 years into it, and the noise hasn't reduced at all, but I barely even notice it most of the time because I stopped reacting to it, like the poster above said. That really IS key. I had so many sh$#@y things happen in my life when I got my tinnitus that my anxiety and depression reaction to it was extreme. Habituation is a real process your mind goes through, but you are able to speed up the process.It's perfectly possible for someone to be able to go through this process in 6 months. Sure, noise might have something to do with it, but it's been shown that habituation isn't linked to how loud your tinnitus is.


My suggestion for your father is the same as the above, play some white noise on spotify, or buy a box fan while he sleeps. Eventually it's either going to calm down or he is going to get used to it and it's not going to bother him. I had to be on a benzo for the first little while, it was really, really freaking hard, I wanted to die if I couldn't make it go away... But I'm here, and my tinnitus is not something that pulls me down anymore. Be there for him, no one was for me and they didn't understand how devastating it was during that first year. Stay strong!

Also, treatment is on the horizon, and it's not truly considered "chronic" until the two year mark. There's always hope, and if not, habituation

 

You had tinnitus for 2 years before you were able to habituate - not 6 months, but Ok I get what ur sayin'.
I remember your posts - I really thought you wouldn't make it lol....but you did and then some! congrats.

Interesting, may I ask how many tones/sounds you have?
Also you posted a thread saying - "My extremely high pitch tinnitus does not seem half as loud or sporadic with earplugs in. Any thoughts as to why?.. I don't understand it."
Well this is extremely odd behaviour of tinnitus, as in 99% of cases tinnitus seems LOUDER with ears plugged...so maybe you have a special tinnitus that you were able to habituate.
I always look at old posts of recovered people and have not seen one yet where their tinnitus was truly a classic case of loud tinnitus 24/7 with all the bad properties.
If you can reduce your tinnitus with earplugs, hey that is amazingly lucky.
Everybody thinks their tinnitus is the worst lol....well maybe it is and maybe it isnt.

 

I looked at your first post

I'm not trying to single you out, I'm glad you got better, but I would love to get to that point. In 6 months even on my best day I could still hear it while driving on the highway. To me only being able to hear it in quiet places would be as good as a cure. I just held on to hope that it would get better from a lot of people saying it's worst in the first few months then gets better or you get used to it after 3-6 months, only to later find that theirs was easily maskable or they could only hear it in quiet places.

I'm not trying to compare, it's just if it was quieter I really think it would be easier to ignore and move on. If you could actually mask it with something, I think that would help too.

Thanks for this. Your success story gives some hope! As far as habituation not having anything to do with how loud your tinnitus is, I have to disagree. Maybe some people habituate easier than others, some it takes longer. But I would assume it takes longer to habituate to some forms of tinnitus depending on the severity.

I saw this posted a while back:
http://archotol.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=482183

 

I understand dude. I still have bad days don't get me wrong, but I can't sit around and feel bad about it. That's why I say I'm 99% better. I look at it like this, its here I can't do anything about it, I accept that and once I did that things got a little easier.

I hope yours lowers and I have faith you will find it in you to harden yourself to it and habituate.

If you need to talk just PM me

 

I forgot to mention it was quiet at first and it turned into a metal on metal screech.

It goes up and down and up and down.

I'm probably a 5/10

Regardless of how loud some people can't deal with quiet T any better than those with loud T.

 

Yes, a person's response to it is just as variable as the loudness itself. But the fact that some people are greatly distressed by quiet T doesn't mean it's only how a person's responds to it that matters. I have had several people tell me once they stopped trying to fight it they started getting better, maybe there is some merit to that.

I have always been bothered by noises, maybe you could call it misophonia, and loved silence. I was this way ever since I was a little kid. Six months ago I went from zero tinnitus to 7-8/10 constant tinnitus that I can hear on an airplane. Ratings are subjective but the lowest it's been for me is 5/10, but only on a few days, and the highest 8/10. I only say 8/10 because of reading postings from people like telis and snow I know it could get a lot worse. On those few 5/10 days I was so much more relaxed, like I could still hear it, but it wasn't in front demanding my attention. Felt like I could habituate to something like that. Another funny thing I've noticed is when I'm in the shower (I have a high flow, high pressure shower that is pretty loud) I can't hear my T. During those few minutes while showering I'm free to daydream and think about other things without the tinnitus screaming for my attention, it's like I have my old self back because I'm able to mask the tinnitus. That's very short lived, though, and that's literally the only time I feel free from this nightmare.

 

I was the same way about noises. I always wanted silence. Probably one of the many reasons it can get rough sometimes with T.

I am a strong believer in accepting what is and what isn't.

 

Welcome to the forum @New newby. As ambassador to the site, I invite you and if possible your dad to come here to post more and to explore the various sections of the site. If he can rant out his fear and frustration to people who understand him, it is a big help psychologically and will help him accept his condition better. T may not fade by this, but his reaction to it can get better. The less negative reaction he has, the more positive he can get, and the better chance for him to turnaround from the suffering.

Many of the members here have very bad T too, as you can see from the posts before me. But they are still here contributing to help others, and Dan has some of the worst case out there and he has been around for 5 years. Take this as a positive to let your father know that T is survivable even though the beginning is tough. The more positive we are, the less T can hurt us, usually. That is why I focus on positivity instead of my T and its negativity nowadays. My T is still loud and I can hear it above the jet noise and the roaring rapids of the salmon rivers I fish. We may not be able to cure or change T (but new drugs are being tested now which may just do that), however we can improve our reaction to it to reduce its impact on our lives. Time and experience will help us cope better. Ask any of the posters, they can tell you that the first few months are hell but they are getting better with time.

A few years back I was hit with ultra high pitch dog whistle T and then severe hyperacusis soon followed. I also suffered PTSD for witnessing the tragic accidental death of my 5-year old son, and having suffered for decades of anxiety and panic disorder prior to all these. So I was in a mess just like many others initially. I often thought my end would be near and that good life, even if I survive, would be gone forever. But here I am today living a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. So never say never. If you like, check out the success stories and you will know that many members get better. Share some stories with your father to help him find hope for the future. Here is my story and the most read success story by IWLM who is back to silence after 40 years of T with a simple method, just for example. Keep up the faith. God bless your dad.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

T is quite common. Millions have it, even celebrities. And if your father love comedy or late light shows, he should know David Letterman. He may also know William Shatner, the Star Trek Captain Kirk. These two have T too and Shatner had suffered bad and was suicidal at one point. But over time, he got better. In this 1996 show, they both talked about their T (of course in a light mood due to the comedic nature of the show). It may help your dad to know that some of the famous names he has grown up with have T too without us knowing, and are living normal life. Letterman just retired recently and Shatner is still in show business. That may hopefully help him ease his mental burden of living with T.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCdx8aueK9I

 

I totally understand that "accept that I can't do anything about it and move on" attitude. I am able to do that sometimes but since I suffer from what I think is Bipolar II (not sure) my brain will not always "accept it" It sucks because I wish I could be that way all the time.

 

I can't remember if I ever asked. Have you ever tried a drug like Xanax? If so, did it lower your T?

 

Hello. I read your story and it sounds just like my dad. It's amazing that you can get to the stage you have.

We have never seen him or would expect him to be suicidal. He just isnt that type of person.

At the moment he is having bad days and slightly better days with regards to the loudness. Is this normal?

Also what were the first steps you made towards getting better?

Thanks again
Emily

 

The first months are always full of both depression and anxiety, but they are indeed temporary. However I suggest to watch on youtube the videos of julian cowan hill, along with the success stories here on TT. Things will get better

 

It might not be a bad ideal for him to go to an audiologistes that specializes in Tinnitus. The ones that do TRT treatments and cognitive behavioral therapy. many of those center can give a sense of hope. and even a psychiatrist, lunesta or something for sleep. its very very hard the first few months. if I didn't have family to care for, I'd had myself committed or something.

 

@New newby ,
I think it is so sweet that you have joined us on behalf of your dad! It's really tough in the beginning because of the human "fight or flight" response. Many people verge on nervous breakdown and suicide when tinnitus first invades. That's a pretty normal response. Your dad says he believes he could cope if the noise would get a little quieter. He is a resolute person then and I think you will get him back. It may take some time though. I'm so glad that he has the support of a loving family to help him!

 

All I want to say is that even though you can't *see* his condition it's important as a family to realise that T is an extremely stress-inducing and life changing condition and you should support him by realising that and adapting your living environment accordingly by making sure that until he habituated to it you keep a noisy environment that masks his T sufficiently.
As long as he has single tone T he will adapt to it eventually- it's all about his reaction to it. First stage is forgetting what normal hearing sounded like, then acceptance, then your brain will not fight it and the pitch will lessen. With any luck it's just mild T, if so he won't even hear it at all in a year or so.
Put a fan next to him when he sleeps, tell him to take slow, full lung breaths when he panics, and to try to focus his mind solely on the whirring of the fan, focus on the pattern within that whirring.
He'll be ok.
Try to bear with him if his personality becomes a bit somber and cynical in the future, as it probably will