My Initial Thoughts of Tinnitus — Written 4 Months Ago

This is where I was 4 months ago. I wrote down my random feelings one night and thought I'd pass them along. Through the many positive people on this site, I have come along way since writing this. Thanks TT and all who have reached out to help me through this difficult stage of the almighty "T". It's still a struggle everyday but I have a better understanding on what it will take for me to get to the next round. I hope I succeed?

This is a dark narrative but lightens up at the end. So, here it goes:

"I have lost my sense of purpose and have had not one minute of joy or peace since last April. I have searched for solutions and treatments to relieve me of this torture, but worry there are none short-term. Acupunture is a possibility and hope it will help as I enter into it.

My noise seems to be getting worse instead of better, with the occasional and tolerable lower levels thrown in as a teaser. I have given up almost everything of interest now and just manage to eat, sleep and do minor things around the house. Busy work with a buzzy head. I slide into total despair at times and still contemplate just getting this noisy life over with. I might have months ago, but believe there maybe some hope through prayer, faith and all those who keep telling me, "It will get better, hang in there!"

I pray and plead for forgiveness with the Lord, but fear he doesn't hear my prayers? I guess my faith is not strong enough? I do fear meeting him, especially if my demise is by my own hand. Once you leave this world, there are no safety nets. There are no do overs. No running home to Mommy, for her to help make it all better. It's permanent and unknown. It scares me, but this condition scares me with equal force.

I've had many successes and have made many mistakes in my life. Additionally, I have exposed my body to many abuses over the year's. Especially with loud noises. I lived in the moment. I suppose I just pushed my body and my hearing, just a little to far. Maybe, I used it all up? Never once thinking of getting older. Even now, my mind thinks youthful thoughts.

Having the energy level of three people, coupled with excessive / compulsive tendencies, control issues and being a perfectionist, is a curse! Being a lover of music and at loud volume levels, surely contributed to the damage. Maybe all the sports I've done, especially water related ones, might have exacerbated my condition? Who knows for sure? I'll never know what triggered this demon to invade my life.

My hearing loss, along with this life altering whistling and squeeling Tinnitus, has consumed me from the inside out. It has ripped out my heart, my spirit and my core being. It's just to loud for me to operate as a marginally, functioning, human being. I'm a zombie, controlled by an excessive and "meaningless stimulation". An exceedingly loud stimulation! I'm pertified of it! It has driven me mad and I may die from it. It gnaws at me non-stop. It's a hideous and unwelcomed guest, that controls my life! It steals my silence and even invades my dreams. I can never fully concentrate or feel less than on edge, on red alert! The worst thing is, I'll hear it until I take my last breathe. What a way to exit this wonderful and beautiful world and life. With no peace! The sad part is, I have so many things to do. So many dreams, so many more projects.

I'm thinking of what could have been, if this thing hadn't hit me. Like sitting with family and friends, enjoying a serene and beautiful day. To have a quiet moment to myself, to concentrate on my inner thoughts and plans. Of entertaining and cooking with plenty of good food and wine in my quiet home. Or just relaxing by the pool, only to hear the birds and crickets. I'm thinking what happened to these thoughts? What has happened to my peaceful retirement?

It seems possible to me now, that I may never joke around and have fun again? Not unless there's a miracle from God, a cure or I somehow habituate to this demon. I wish I could have a second chance. A pardon at least until I'm old and gray. To work hard all these years and have this occur, at this moment in my life, is a catastrophe! A crime! Just when I should be happy and enjoying life! This is why I retired early and moved out of NYC. This is why I live on 2 quiet acres here in sunny Florida. To be able to relax and take in the serenity and beauty of this world. A beautiful world that God has bestowed upon me. Seems all a waste to me now. Paradise lost!

As I sit in bed, writing this sad story, I'm remined of days when my hearing was perfect and just taken for granted. It's as if I had no idea how good hearing affects everything you do. From the moment I open my eyes, until I close them at night, my ears are aware of every sound, every second of everyday. Even when I sleep, the're on duty. They are super sensitive, watchdog's, that never sleep. They guard me from dangers that may cause me harm. However, now they have stopped functioning as normal and they have turned against me. Their becoming dangers themselves. The once guarded, is now left defenseless.

It's sad that we are not educated enough, on the severe consequences that can arise from damaging these fragile senses. As man creates more and more noise in our environment, these delicate instruments will be destroyed with more frequency. The young people today, if not fully educated on noise pollution, will face dire consequences.

I believe there should be mandatory "Hearing Awareness Programs" that begin in grade school and continue through High School. The sounds of Tinnitus and muffled hearing, should be presented to demonstrate the devastating severity of both these conditions. The Federal, State and local governments should put pressure on Congress to pass strict noise related guidelines, with respect to products produced for consumer consumption. Including the long list of power tools, lawn equipment and household appliances, etc., that create potentially damaging noise levels.

In the short-term, decibel warning labels should be applied to all products whose noise levels exceed 70 db's. Especially, MP3 players, Smart phones, Earbuds, etc. This should include stereo equipment for the car and home. Give people a warning, to better defend themselves against noise related hearing loss.

If manufacturers can put strangulation stickers on every product that has that deadly potential, then why not label products that can potentially lead to hearing damage? Not everyone will subscribe to reading, yet another warning label, or use the proper hearing protection, but with millions of people suffering from hearing loss / Tinnitus, it's a start. I wish I would have been warned early on, it might have saved my hearing and beautiful life!"

 

"I believe there should be mandatory "Hearing Awareness Programs" that begin in grade school and continue through High School. The sounds of Tinnitus and muffled hearing, should be presented to demonstrate the devastating severity of both these conditions. The Federal, State and local governments should put pressure on Congress to pass strict noise related guidelines, with respect to products produced for consumer consumption. Including the long list of power tools, lawn equipment and household appliances, etc., that create potentially damaging noise levels."

Absolutely. The dangers of loud noises were almost never mentioned in my primary education. I remember my shop class instructor in High School insisting on getting wood work done with perfection - ZERO scratches. I used a band saw with no hearing protection and no discussion about hearing protection. I got T with a VERY limited exposure to loud construction noise. I had no idea such a limited exposure could wreck such havoc. Even if my T subsides the many weeks of lost productivity and anxiety are worth more to me than any cost of operating more safely. Saving me and others from ailment through safety training doesn't make companies money. A primarily capitalist society does not address human needs well. This is but a small example.

 

Personally I think there has always been plenty of warning about protecting your hearing but when people don't have a problem they refuse to listen because everyone always thinks: "that will never happen to me." It's just human nature especially with the young! So you can do all the warnings you like but people still take drugs, still drink and drive and kill people in the roads, still have unwanted babies and get diseases because of living immoral lives and still insist on playing their music in their cars so loudly that the whole line of traffic in their wake is rocking from the vibrations. And then when they develop hearing loss or tinnitus or whatever problem they'll sit and say: "why me?"

 

I assume Mad Maggot, that in New Zealand, there is education and warnings, beyond what we have in the states? If so, that's great! We have basically zero ed, with regard to the dangers of hearing loss and Tinnitus.

Yes, I agree, being young, puts the blinders on and we think we're invincible. However, if modern and informative ed programs, were developed in schools, with actual young victims attesting to the misery and suffereing, maybe some would get it and would be saved from a lifetime of torment.

Sailboardman

 

I never ever heard of "tinnitus " in my highschool and I'm 19 and I got it ( now. I know )

 

I had never heard of T prior to getting it. I knew about noise and hearing loss but had absolutely no clue medication could destroy your ears.

 

@Telis,

What medication did you attribute your T too?

 

I have heard of T but usually it is the come & go type people mention, or those people feel light-headedness after an illness. Never know about 7/24 T or intrusive T with such loudness or pitch that can turn you insane. Gosh!

Anyway, glad to hear that you are improving Sailboardman. Sometimes we can't improve on T loudness but with time and some effective strategies, we can help improve the reaction side of thing. That is the one area we can try to improve until the medical field can come up with a magic pill to solve the problem.

 

I took seriously every safety concern I was alerted to in my US education. Seat belts, danger of illicit drugs, driving safely - you name it. I was not a defiant teenager and had a high personal health sensibility very early on. We were taught that STDs would be so horrible our D**** would fall off. Letting a friend drive drunk was the worst sin. Eat loads of carbohydrates and avoid animal fats to extend your life and avoid cardiovascular disease - that proved to be an EPIC public health failure that is the opposite of a healthy diet and its outrageous that it continues to this day. I lead an exceptionally healthy life and I am always chided by friends for being too safe and not indulging in beer, liquor, adderall, over 100mg/day of caffeine, sugary foods, loud clubs, pot, other recreational drugs, loose women etc. I bought a new car mostly because my old one lacked vehicle stability control. I read injury risk charts to identify common bias's and pay attention to more likely health risks. In short I am Captain Safety. But I had a blind spot. Short term loud noise exposure and perhaps a weak hearing constitution was my kryptonite.

I have high frequency hearing loss but I could care less about it even if it impaired speech recognition occasionally, which it does not. Hearing loss is a piece of cake to accept and live with. T is a psychological trauma that requires a tour de force to acclimate to. Had I had a hint of education that T could be caused by noise trauma I would have completely wiped out the possibility.

That said I realize now - thanks to the wonderful people on this amazing forum that a recovery and habituation process that includes a 95% return to a normal life is very likely.

 

I'm pretty sure that I got mine from metal poisoning. But agree there should be jarring warnings everywhere as this seems to be the main way people acquired this totally debilitating condition.

I am not optimistic for a cure or method of control as if it can be acquired in so many ways surely that will make it more difficult to find suitable treatments - what may work for one may not work for another

I could have written the opening post :-( so the OP has my heart, I just made different mistakes

 

i know me too ive had a couple of episodes of that kind of T but never did i think it could be permanent even on onset i never worried bcuz i thought it will go away two months later got a permanent spike then i knew damn its not going away and can get stronger.

 

Yes I'm the same. I'm usually obsessive about health and safety. Always protected my ears when using chainsaws or machinery to protect against hearing loss. I didn't know about the risk from attending just one small indoor music concert. I'm in Australia. Where are the warnings? I've never seen them? Venue noise levels and placement of amps near public seating should be regulated. How about even posters at venue entrances 'have you brought hearing protection' and the option to buy ear plugs at the door. That would have got my attention, and I would have bought some. How about free foam earplugs handed out at the door as part of the price of entry. If you are going along with the intention to listen to music it was not obvious to me that I needed to use ear plugs. I also did not notice anyone else using them. I realised it was rather loud when I was there and would not have gone to another one. But alas one mistake of 2 hours is all it took. Bring on regulation and education!

 

+1

 

Thank you all for sharing nearly identical thoughts as my own. Legislation always lags behind changes (not entirely advances) in any large scale activity, object or idea (patented or otherwise). For example, as cars got faster, seatbelt laws were enacted. As others have stated here, many of us heed every warning label and public health and safety education effort we have received.

In the Wikipedia entry called Loudness Wars, I read (post tinnitus) that as sound equipment has improved to reduce static at much higher decibels than older sound equipment, the only limit is preference of the sound technician, DJ and/or performer(s).

Law simply has not updated to include warnings on tickets purchased for events reaching decibels that are assaultive to ear anatomy according to U.S. Deopartment of Health and even internationally (World Health Organization).

In fact, I read a legal case in which a judge ruled in favor of a person in Florida who fought his car radio noise ticket. His car had speakers that could project sound at decibel levels that eminated 25 feet or more from his vehicle. A police officer gave him a ticked for breaking an existing ordinance.

The judge, obviously u aware of the physics of sound waves and ear anatomy, ruled that the loud car radio projection was protected by freedom of speech.

It's amazing how much horrific stuff is protected by a strictly abstract interpretation of the First Amendment. Much of was is so horrific is that speech can directly or indirectly produce concrete and physically assaultive consequences.

Tinnitus is our salient example.

 

I got permanent tinnitus and hearing loss, according to hearing tests, from AC/DC at the BBT&T Center in Sunrise, FL. It's owned by Broward County. Sunrise city enforcement is none whatsoever. I called the police and city attorney within a couple of weeks.

I have no intention of dropping my efforts to get legislation enacted to lower the decibel levels at parks, movies and concerts.