- Jan 3, 2015
- 635
- Tinnitus Since
- 04/21/2014
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Sensorineural hearing loss right ear.
This is where I was 4 months ago. I wrote down my random feelings one night and thought I'd pass them along. Through the many positive people on this site, I have come along way since writing this. Thanks TT and all who have reached out to help me through this difficult stage of the almighty "T". It's still a struggle everyday but I have a better understanding on what it will take for me to get to the next round. I hope I succeed?
This is a dark narrative but lightens up at the end. So, here it goes:
"I have lost my sense of purpose and have had not one minute of joy or peace since last April. I have searched for solutions and treatments to relieve me of this torture, but worry there are none short-term. Acupunture is a possibility and hope it will help as I enter into it.
My noise seems to be getting worse instead of better, with the occasional and tolerable lower levels thrown in as a teaser. I have given up almost everything of interest now and just manage to eat, sleep and do minor things around the house. Busy work with a buzzy head. I slide into total despair at times and still contemplate just getting this noisy life over with. I might have months ago, but believe there maybe some hope through prayer, faith and all those who keep telling me, "It will get better, hang in there!"
I pray and plead for forgiveness with the Lord, but fear he doesn't hear my prayers? I guess my faith is not strong enough? I do fear meeting him, especially if my demise is by my own hand. Once you leave this world, there are no safety nets. There are no do overs. No running home to Mommy, for her to help make it all better. It's permanent and unknown. It scares me, but this condition scares me with equal force.
I've had many successes and have made many mistakes in my life. Additionally, I have exposed my body to many abuses over the year's. Especially with loud noises. I lived in the moment. I suppose I just pushed my body and my hearing, just a little to far. Maybe, I used it all up? Never once thinking of getting older. Even now, my mind thinks youthful thoughts.
Having the energy level of three people, coupled with excessive / compulsive tendencies, control issues and being a perfectionist, is a curse! Being a lover of music and at loud volume levels, surely contributed to the damage. Maybe all the sports I've done, especially water related ones, might have exacerbated my condition? Who knows for sure? I'll never know what triggered this demon to invade my life.
My hearing loss, along with this life altering whistling and squeeling Tinnitus, has consumed me from the inside out. It has ripped out my heart, my spirit and my core being. It's just to loud for me to operate as a marginally, functioning, human being. I'm a zombie, controlled by an excessive and "meaningless stimulation". An exceedingly loud stimulation! I'm pertified of it! It has driven me mad and I may die from it. It gnaws at me non-stop. It's a hideous and unwelcomed guest, that controls my life! It steals my silence and even invades my dreams. I can never fully concentrate or feel less than on edge, on red alert! The worst thing is, I'll hear it until I take my last breathe. What a way to exit this wonderful and beautiful world and life. With no peace! The sad part is, I have so many things to do. So many dreams, so many more projects.
I'm thinking of what could have been, if this thing hadn't hit me. Like sitting with family and friends, enjoying a serene and beautiful day. To have a quiet moment to myself, to concentrate on my inner thoughts and plans. Of entertaining and cooking with plenty of good food and wine in my quiet home. Or just relaxing by the pool, only to hear the birds and crickets. I'm thinking what happened to these thoughts? What has happened to my peaceful retirement?
It seems possible to me now, that I may never joke around and have fun again? Not unless there's a miracle from God, a cure or I somehow habituate to this demon. I wish I could have a second chance. A pardon at least until I'm old and gray. To work hard all these years and have this occur, at this moment in my life, is a catastrophe! A crime! Just when I should be happy and enjoying life! This is why I retired early and moved out of NYC. This is why I live on 2 quiet acres here in sunny Florida. To be able to relax and take in the serenity and beauty of this world. A beautiful world that God has bestowed upon me. Seems all a waste to me now. Paradise lost!
As I sit in bed, writing this sad story, I'm remined of days when my hearing was perfect and just taken for granted. It's as if I had no idea how good hearing affects everything you do. From the moment I open my eyes, until I close them at night, my ears are aware of every sound, every second of everyday. Even when I sleep, the're on duty. They are super sensitive, watchdog's, that never sleep. They guard me from dangers that may cause me harm. However, now they have stopped functioning as normal and they have turned against me. Their becoming dangers themselves. The once guarded, is now left defenseless.
It's sad that we are not educated enough, on the severe consequences that can arise from damaging these fragile senses. As man creates more and more noise in our environment, these delicate instruments will be destroyed with more frequency. The young people today, if not fully educated on noise pollution, will face dire consequences.
I believe there should be mandatory "Hearing Awareness Programs" that begin in grade school and continue through High School. The sounds of Tinnitus and muffled hearing, should be presented to demonstrate the devastating severity of both these conditions. The Federal, State and local governments should put pressure on Congress to pass strict noise related guidelines, with respect to products produced for consumer consumption. Including the long list of power tools, lawn equipment and household appliances, etc., that create potentially damaging noise levels.
In the short-term, decibel warning labels should be applied to all products whose noise levels exceed 70 db's. Especially, MP3 players, Smart phones, Earbuds, etc. This should include stereo equipment for the car and home. Give people a warning, to better defend themselves against noise related hearing loss.
If manufacturers can put strangulation stickers on every product that has that deadly potential, then why not label products that can potentially lead to hearing damage? Not everyone will subscribe to reading, yet another warning label, or use the proper hearing protection, but with millions of people suffering from hearing loss / Tinnitus, it's a start. I wish I would have been warned early on, it might have saved my hearing and beautiful life!"
This is a dark narrative but lightens up at the end. So, here it goes:
"I have lost my sense of purpose and have had not one minute of joy or peace since last April. I have searched for solutions and treatments to relieve me of this torture, but worry there are none short-term. Acupunture is a possibility and hope it will help as I enter into it.
My noise seems to be getting worse instead of better, with the occasional and tolerable lower levels thrown in as a teaser. I have given up almost everything of interest now and just manage to eat, sleep and do minor things around the house. Busy work with a buzzy head. I slide into total despair at times and still contemplate just getting this noisy life over with. I might have months ago, but believe there maybe some hope through prayer, faith and all those who keep telling me, "It will get better, hang in there!"
I pray and plead for forgiveness with the Lord, but fear he doesn't hear my prayers? I guess my faith is not strong enough? I do fear meeting him, especially if my demise is by my own hand. Once you leave this world, there are no safety nets. There are no do overs. No running home to Mommy, for her to help make it all better. It's permanent and unknown. It scares me, but this condition scares me with equal force.
I've had many successes and have made many mistakes in my life. Additionally, I have exposed my body to many abuses over the year's. Especially with loud noises. I lived in the moment. I suppose I just pushed my body and my hearing, just a little to far. Maybe, I used it all up? Never once thinking of getting older. Even now, my mind thinks youthful thoughts.
Having the energy level of three people, coupled with excessive / compulsive tendencies, control issues and being a perfectionist, is a curse! Being a lover of music and at loud volume levels, surely contributed to the damage. Maybe all the sports I've done, especially water related ones, might have exacerbated my condition? Who knows for sure? I'll never know what triggered this demon to invade my life.
My hearing loss, along with this life altering whistling and squeeling Tinnitus, has consumed me from the inside out. It has ripped out my heart, my spirit and my core being. It's just to loud for me to operate as a marginally, functioning, human being. I'm a zombie, controlled by an excessive and "meaningless stimulation". An exceedingly loud stimulation! I'm pertified of it! It has driven me mad and I may die from it. It gnaws at me non-stop. It's a hideous and unwelcomed guest, that controls my life! It steals my silence and even invades my dreams. I can never fully concentrate or feel less than on edge, on red alert! The worst thing is, I'll hear it until I take my last breathe. What a way to exit this wonderful and beautiful world and life. With no peace! The sad part is, I have so many things to do. So many dreams, so many more projects.
I'm thinking of what could have been, if this thing hadn't hit me. Like sitting with family and friends, enjoying a serene and beautiful day. To have a quiet moment to myself, to concentrate on my inner thoughts and plans. Of entertaining and cooking with plenty of good food and wine in my quiet home. Or just relaxing by the pool, only to hear the birds and crickets. I'm thinking what happened to these thoughts? What has happened to my peaceful retirement?
It seems possible to me now, that I may never joke around and have fun again? Not unless there's a miracle from God, a cure or I somehow habituate to this demon. I wish I could have a second chance. A pardon at least until I'm old and gray. To work hard all these years and have this occur, at this moment in my life, is a catastrophe! A crime! Just when I should be happy and enjoying life! This is why I retired early and moved out of NYC. This is why I live on 2 quiet acres here in sunny Florida. To be able to relax and take in the serenity and beauty of this world. A beautiful world that God has bestowed upon me. Seems all a waste to me now. Paradise lost!
As I sit in bed, writing this sad story, I'm remined of days when my hearing was perfect and just taken for granted. It's as if I had no idea how good hearing affects everything you do. From the moment I open my eyes, until I close them at night, my ears are aware of every sound, every second of everyday. Even when I sleep, the're on duty. They are super sensitive, watchdog's, that never sleep. They guard me from dangers that may cause me harm. However, now they have stopped functioning as normal and they have turned against me. Their becoming dangers themselves. The once guarded, is now left defenseless.
It's sad that we are not educated enough, on the severe consequences that can arise from damaging these fragile senses. As man creates more and more noise in our environment, these delicate instruments will be destroyed with more frequency. The young people today, if not fully educated on noise pollution, will face dire consequences.
I believe there should be mandatory "Hearing Awareness Programs" that begin in grade school and continue through High School. The sounds of Tinnitus and muffled hearing, should be presented to demonstrate the devastating severity of both these conditions. The Federal, State and local governments should put pressure on Congress to pass strict noise related guidelines, with respect to products produced for consumer consumption. Including the long list of power tools, lawn equipment and household appliances, etc., that create potentially damaging noise levels.
In the short-term, decibel warning labels should be applied to all products whose noise levels exceed 70 db's. Especially, MP3 players, Smart phones, Earbuds, etc. This should include stereo equipment for the car and home. Give people a warning, to better defend themselves against noise related hearing loss.
If manufacturers can put strangulation stickers on every product that has that deadly potential, then why not label products that can potentially lead to hearing damage? Not everyone will subscribe to reading, yet another warning label, or use the proper hearing protection, but with millions of people suffering from hearing loss / Tinnitus, it's a start. I wish I would have been warned early on, it might have saved my hearing and beautiful life!"