My Life Is a Train Wreck

To begin, I am a pretty depressing guy. Don't have a whole lot of friends nor have I been in an intimate relationship. I just graduated from college and I went to work for the summer then moved around a couple of places. The last year I've been so busy I never really done anything fun or myself so a band I really liked, Motorhead, was doing a show near by in September. They are known for being really really loud. So I planned on bring ear plugs, but when I got there I checked my pockets, I had to ticket, no ear plugs. Big deal? I've been to countless concerts without ear protection. Whats the worse that could happen? Well the day after the ringing started. It subsided in a week. All that was left was a tiny ringing in my left ear, nothing in my right. Okay, my Dad has tinnitus from shooting a gun in his right ear, if he can handle so can I.

The pattern I experience is once when it gets better, something happens that makes it worse. I started working at a printing lab and one day it was really loud. The next day my hearing was off. I felt deaf in my left ear. So I started wearing ear plugs to work. It helped but the day after this one day I had those ear plugs really deep in my ear, I had a hissing sound coming out of my right ear. Now I have ringing in one, hissing in the other. So I go to urgent care clinic to get my ears looked at. They clean them and they set up an appointment with the ENT. At the ENT they did an audiogram and a hearing test. No hearing loss, no damage to my ear drum or anything. The ENT just said it will probably go away on its own since there is no damage to the actual ear itself. Give it time. The only way it wont is if I keep getting expose to loud noises without hearing protection. Being in environment daily could be harmful. Well I took no chances, my current living situation was awful, and took all of this as an opportunity to leave my situation to make sure my ears didn't get worse.

So I moved back in with my parents. Yes, I admit it. Didn't know where else to turn. Things were getting better. Much much better. The tinnitus wasn't a problem. Then my brother came into town during Thanksgiving week and he wanted to go barhopping. So we went to this one place that usually didn't play loud music, but holy shit it was loud, and I didn't have my ear plugs I usually bring with me since the concert. After we left ringing in both ears. I cant believe I was so stupid yet again! The ringing dissipated to the ringing in one ear and hissing in the other after a few days of ringing. Just a few days ago I was in my car and all of sudden. I hear a loud hiss like static. The back of my neck and bottom of my head were aching and the sound wasnt coming from my ears, it was coming from my head! How can this happen? I rolled down the window to mask it, nothing could mask it. Even right now I have a fan going in the other room, my Dad is watching something on the computer in the room next to me, and I can hear it. The hissing sound in my head.

Honestly I do not know what to do. I saw an ENT in October as mentioned before, but it just keeps getting worse and worse. It makes me depressed even more. I try to go out and socialize but being back in my hometown, people dont want anything to do with me, mainly because im depressed all the time. The tinnitus isnt helping. I accepted long ago that it wont go away, but I wish it could be masked or buried. I feel like my brain is on fire and its shorting out my nerves. I really dont know what to do. Been getting more intoxicated to not think about it but it makes it worse. I just dont know what I can do and I dont want to do something ill regret. I really dont know what to do and there is no way it can get better. Nothing can save me.

 

You need to troubleshoot your T and try to narrow the cause.

when you do that, you need to eliminate the cause to minimize T.

this is how you need to think and stop blaming yourself.

If depression is the cause, you must ask yourself how can I eliminate deoression.

Diet, stress management, goals management, taking actions.

Do sonething to change so your T changes