My Life with Tinnitus

Hello,
Firs of all, I just wanted to say that mt English not so good,
so I hope I can write everything i want the right way.

Ok. I'm suffering from tinnitus almost 8-9 monthes.
At first, i didnt even was aware I have something in my mind that is like ringing,
Anyway, after realizing that something is wrong, I started to remember that there was a partty,
that I went to, and that I stend very close to the speakers and after leaving the party I had
vert strong ringing in my ears , even the next day...
After that is slowly went and get quiet over the days , and i forgot about it.
I think the reason why I didnt realy realized that I have constent ringing in my ear, is because
now and then i had ringing in the ears that came for like 10 seconeds and go away,
so every time I pay attention to the ringing i was sure that this is the sane ringing that come and go.
I realized that after 2 monthes after that party,and ever since I know its there.

That time I went to doctor who send me to MRi, hearing testing, that came not so good,
and after all, I ger the answer that I need to learn to live with it.
I was ruined. I couldent stop crying, stop thinking, how is my life will look like now?

Im 21 years old, and I just dont wand to live anymore...
I had up and downs over the time,
sometime I was ok, and sometime i had a breaking point were I just didnt want to live.

At this point, I'm kind of in a breaking point...
I dont know how i will continue with my life.

I'm so frightened from the fact I can't concentrate in reading,
and I'm scared I won't be abale go to University and learn and do something with my life,
only because of this ringing ....
To be real Im crying right now taping this because I'm so scared that my life is ruined...
At some points, I really do belive that I will be better of dead than alive...

 

A warm welcome to the forum Maria21,
At the moment with your tinnitus you might feel your life as you know it is going be hard as with the tinnitus comes floods of unwanted emotions as tinnitus invades our quiet life.

In time your life with tinnitus will start to get better and your brains natural filter will stop you from focusing on a sound that is not a threat to you a bit like a ticking clock.

For some people tinnitus will go and for some it comes and goes and some it will stay but not with the emotional disruption and suffering tinnitus can bring as we learn to control our reaction to the sound we hear.

Keep posting in the main forums for support and we are here around the clock for you....lots of love glynis

 

Welcome to the forum. Most members here have been where you are. You are not alone. I understand your anxious and fearful feeling there. I have suffered from anxiety and panic disorders for decades prior to T & H. So when T & H first hit me, my anxiety just went through the roof and panic attacks greeted me every time when waking up with loud, screaming T. No amount of will power could stop the panic attacks and I had to use meds to survive each day. So yes, I understand how tough it is. Saying that, try not to buy in what the anxious mind is suggesting to you about the future at this tough stage of T suffering. Don't project the doom and gloom of a future based on the worst time of T suffering. I made that mistake myself and paid dearly with immense mental sufferings.

The truth of the matter is that the future is never as projected. I am now living a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. All the sufferings about the future didn’t change a thing but can prolong the suffering. If I have any comforting words for you, it is that people do survive T & H, anxiety and panic attacks and all, and write their success stories after some time. Just read up as many success stories to learn insights how to win over T. You need to give yourself time and learn some strategies to guide your T journey. Explore the success stories to give yourself hope for the future. That was what I did, reading as many stories as I could to give myself hope. You can get better and do believe that. Most people had a rough start like you, including myself. So it is quite common to have high stress as well as suicidal ideations for new T sufferers. If you have the time, check out my story which lists many good strategies that work for me:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

If you haven’t yet, get masking going asap to help reduce the anxiety of T. Once the brain feel that you have some sense of control over T, it will be less anxious and stressed, and that will help calm the ringing for most people. That was what I had to do. I used to mask all day every where I went. Here are some masking suggestions below. Take care & God bless:

1) Mask at bed time so you can sleep better. Find whatever sounds/music that are soothing to you. You can use a sound machine or sound pillow for this, or a computer with speakers.

2) If you need masking on the go, try load an ipad with nature sounds or music using itune, or use smart phone. You can also order some nature sounds via ‘itune’ to play on your PC.

3) If you have computer and speakers, you can try these excellent masking sounds:

TT's audio player: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/

or this online sound library, particularly the self-mix nature sounds: http://mynoise.net/

or download free sound generator ‘aire freshener’: http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html

or search youtube with words like 'tinnitus masking sounds', 'white noise', 'rain sound' etc.

 

Hi Maria!

So pleased that you have joined the Forum and decided to send us your precious story.

Of course, every story is unique, but each one of us goes through the same sense of pain, stress, anxiety and desperation at one time or another. We have all worried about what our future life will hold and how our relationships might change.

But the wonderful thing is, there is a life out there waiting for you! T&H is something that many people, like us, have to pass through on our journey of life ... but there is light and hope at the end of that tunnel, and in many ways we will be so much stronger for having passed through it.

Not only that, but our experiences will also point us in the direction of wanting to help others, in whatever way we can, who are struggling with T&H. Those kind words of response, above, from glynis, billie48 and Karen only go to prove how that sense of desperation can turn into such a positive way forward!

If you would allow me, Maria, I would like to put you on my prayer list. In the meantime, do keep in touch with the Forum ... and as I said, do stay positive because there is life and hope just waiting for you around the corner!

Blessings to you,
Paul

PS: Your English is so good ... I understood perfectly, every word you wrote!

 

What is that mean prayer list ?

 

Hi Maria

Thanks for your question about the 'prayer list'.

Whenever I say my personal prayers, then of course I will say a prayer for you ... as well as all the other people who suffer from T&H, because that is something that lies heavy on my heart.

But when I meet-up with my friends, so that we can say prayers together, then I think it is only right and courteous to ask you if I can pray for you by name, within the prayer-group. If you should say 'no', then I would not use your name out-loud in the prayer-group ... (although I would still pray for you, silently, in my heart!).

I do hope you managed to have a better day, today, knowing that there are people in this Forum who were touched by your post. I especially felt touched when you wrote that you find it hard to concentrate when you try to do some reading ... That was something that I also suffered from when I started with my tinnitus, but it will get better for you, as it did for me.

Blessings to you, Maria
Paul

 

Hii.
Well after I understood the meaning of the prayer list, then , of course you can and I'm thankful for that !
Can I ask you how did it get better for you ? Just with time ? Im considering try the TRT thing even though it's expensive and I don't really have faith in anything after reading all around the Internet that nothing really get it off you mind and it's still be there, literally. I can't understand how you can ignore this when it is there anyway ?

 

Hi Maria

How wonderful ... you are now on my prayer-list ... and it will be my pleasure to keep you in my prayers!

Yes, with me it just took time. It's almost one year ago since mine started after having a major operation. I have a feeling that it came about after I caught an infection and the tinnitus started the day after I was given extra strength anti-biotics.

I haven't taken anything else since for my tinnitus ... I think I just got used to the noise and tried not to get too stressed-out, because whatever the problems we have in life, stress always makes things worse. I saw my tinnitus as a 'noisy-neighbour' ... but I wasn't going to let it stop me doing all the things in life that I used to do. There are some things that do have to guard against, of course, like no noisy environments and trying not to get too tired ... normal things like that.

Do keep in touch, Maria ... you are in my prayers!

Blessings
Paul