My Story So Far :(

I'm a 21 year old college student. Before tinnitus, I struggled with anxiety, panic disorder, depression, and OCD. Last semester, I got the worst cold of my life. My boyfriend had it, too, but his experience was much different than my own. He got an ear infection, but no tinnitus. I got two, and very loud tinnitus. When I first woke up with the ear infections in early October of last year, my hearing was warped and strange. I went to the doctor, who cleaned out an ear because he couldn't see into it (which hurt, although I don't think this caused the tinnitus), and told me I had an ear infection (he didn't check the other ear, butI knew I had an ear infection there as well). My tinnitus didn't come until after that appointment, and it was a very loud, mid tone ringing that scared the hell out of me. I of course looked it up on the internet immediately and saw stories about tinnitus being incurable and never going away. This didn't help much. I cried constantly, panicked.

That weekend, I rushed home, and my parents got me into see an ENT doctor very quickly. The doctor looked in my ears and saw fluid in both. He told me my tinnitus would go away, and that I was lucky, he couldn't tell most people that. Many people came in with no obvious cause, and he could offer them no comfort or advice. I think it made him really happy to be able to give a patient a reason it was there. I was so comforted. And sure enough the doctor was correct. The fluid drained away, and with it, my tinnitus went, for the most part. I could still hear a very high pitched, vague noise that seemed to come from my head rather than my ears. It didn't bother me one bit, because to me, it was just a step on the way to the tinnitus going away. For weeks, I felt happy again. I had a couple recurrences with the ear infections - every time, fluid, then loud ringing, that eventually went away when the fluid did.

After this occurrence, my winter break came around. I spent the break relatively happy. I had panic attacks/anxiety because I always have my whole life, but it wasn't about the T. The T was quiet, easy to cancel out. When I first had the T, I'd given up thoughts of a happy life in the future, now, I didn't feel that way.
But then, at the end of the break, I noticed I still had T. I went back to school and visited home for a weekend when my dog fell very ill and had to be put to sleep, that I noticed for the first time how loud and grading the T could get when it wanted to. I loved my dog very much - to me, he was my son, and maybe the trauma of that really brought it to a head. That night, it was like the sound of a knife coming out of a sheath, and couldn't really be masked, because it was so high pitched. I dealt with it for about a week, but the following weekend, I cried and cried and cried. My life felt over. I'd already wondered, could I be happy, have a career, get married, have babies, being like I was - with a host of mental health disorders. Now, with this added to the mix - I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again. I didn't even know this existed.

The part that's so strange about it is I could ignore it before. And I don't even think it's really changed since then - I've obsessed over it, wondered if there's multiple tones of it, but I don't think there is. I think part of it is just the normal noises that are in your ear, little bits of white noise. But I'm obsessed over the high, crackly tone that appears to be in my head rather than my ears. I think about it all the time. It sucks knowing that just a month ago, I had this noise in my ears, but I was happy regardless - my life wasn't much affected. My tinnitus isn't so loud, isn't so awful - yet it colors every moment in my life now. With it being in my head and not my ears, it's really hard to cover up. Sometimes, I think I'm imagining things, making it worse. Now, it consumes me. I figure with OCD and panic disorder already, how do I habituate?

The worst part is - I have a few friends who have tinnitus. They don't care, they haven't cried once about it, or had a single panic attack. I had a friend who walked in on a conversation we were having about tinnitus. She asked what it was, and when I told her, she said "Oh, I have that." she had it all the time, sometimes louder than others. She hadn't even been bothered by it enough to look up what it was called. I also have a memory of being a little girl, playing on the computer, and noticing that I heard ringing (maybe i had an ear infection?). I told my mom, "Mommy, have you ever noticed that quiet isn't really quiet, that there's actually ringing?" and she agreed with me, probably so I wouldn't be bothered. I wasn't, I thought i had discovered something cool. I just didn't care.

 

Hi @Allie

The last 3 weeks I've had Tinnitus like you. It wasn't loud when I went to sleep and only seemed to be on my left ear. 2 days ago it became louder. It became a ringing tone and it drove me crazy. I'm a Senior in high school, ad am supposed to graduate this year so I can go to college next year. Before this T I had a really happy life, but ever since a few months ago, I've been depressed. My T fluctuates. Today it isn't that bad and rather quiet so far, but yesterday it was loud. I cried yesterday because I was so afraid it would stay and affect my life.

I remember being a kid too, and hearing T randomly, but that's normal. Like you I've asked my friends if you hear a ringing or buzzing when it gets quiet. He said sometimes, and only when I think about it. My T feels like its coming from my head too.

I feel like T is more brain related than ear. The hearing nerve is stressing out inside the brain causing the T, and since it never calms down, we have constant T.

Like you, I obsessed over my ears and T. It drives me crazy sometimes, but today is a good day. I've been inside to long thinking about it when I wake up till I go to sleep. Its usually always on my mind. I have OCD too. I wish I never listened to loud music or gone to concerts without hearing protection. But I did. School never educated me on ear health, and how delicate it really is. If I was educated on it I wouldn't have this problem, and would be enjoying life right now.

I don't know why sometimes I can barley notice it, but other times it flares right up. I feel like ENT really don't know a lot about it, and it's incurable like you said. I don't want to go through life like this, and honestly I don't know if I can.

I dropped out of school in my senior year to go to OCD/Anxiety therapy. It helps having someone to talk to about my problem. I've done Cognitive Behavioral Charts. These charts help you realize what you are worried about or what triggers you. Through the chart you realize how absurd the thought really is. I feel better going to this class on a daily basis. Everyone has similar problems with OCD/Anxiety. I'm still enrolled in school, but I don't know if I can return with this.

Honestly, this sucks, but hopefully the T goes away. Sometimes, I can barley hear mine. I just want it to go away more than anything in the world. I used to think that God could grant me my most powerful prayer. It used to be to fall in love with this one girl, but I've switched it to stopping my T forever. I hope it happens.

I would recommend you consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's helped/ helping me overcome this. Because you and me both obsess over this and have OCD/Anxiety about this.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

I'm sorry to hear how much you've been struggling. At three weeks, yours could certainly go away or become less bothersome. I think the most comforting thing to me is that there's people out there who find T to be annoying and nothing more. Doesn't that sound wonderful? the next best thing to not having it at all, I'd say. We're young and we can get there!!

 

This is actually quite common that some people just have the ability to tolerate even loud T without stressing out. I have a lady family friend whose T is so loud that she said sometimes she could not even hear what people were saying to her. She even said once she couldn't hear the siren of a fire truck coming to her apartment due to a false alarm, lol. Yet she didn't display any anxiety and panic about it, and just said that she would just live life normally and that she would get used to the ringing. Go figure!

Here is a lady heavy truck driver whose turnaround happened after she learned that 70% of her colleagues have T but not bothered by it, and she then said to to T 'screw it' and then learn to ignore T and eventually got well enough to write her success story. Here is the story if you like to read it:

Jade’s success story with super loud T:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/6-months-tinnitus-still-going-strong-but-so-am-i.3226/