Ready to Leave This World and My Kids :(

Hi I'm really not coping well with this i feel ready to leave my kids and this world i hate this its turned me into a nasty mother who doesn't won't to do anything but cry I'm only 27 and can't even imagine living with this forever

 

Hey nomoredreaming, I'm 22. Being young with T sucks. I can hear it above pretty much everything except the shower and it changes pitch every couple of seconds. Had it for 3 and a half months now. Right now it is bad but I can't let my family down and have to keep pushing on. Your children need a mother, don't give up. If you feel that bad I suggest seeing a phychiatrist asap.

 

Welcome @nomoredreaming to TT. Here you are not alone. Your reaction, even the suicide ideation, is quite common to new sufferers. If you read the success stories, even those who had gotten better would tell you that initially their sufferings turned them suicidal. So take that as a process of T suffering to have those thoughts but very few would go ahead to do the unthinkable, the path of no return.

A few years back my body was taking immense sufferings from ultra high pitch dog whistle T, severe hyperacusis, as well as relentless anxiety and panic attacks. The combined sufferings were too much to bear and the big ‘S’ word was tempting to my tired and stressed out mind as it saw no way out of the long dark tunnel. But I didn't want to die this way at all cost. I began to search on Internet, and those youtube videos of people coming back from near-death experience after attempting suicide have painted such an unpleasant experience on the other side that they helped to convince me to stay put and fight these T & H bullies while I am alive. There is no greener pasture on the other side via suicide. I then I humanized T & H as my most hated bullies in life and I refuse to kneel and bow to their supremacy.

I used the approach that, if I can just find examples of people who have survived severe T (and H too in my case), then I know it is survivable, and I would use their attitude, strategies, philosophies or whatever they rely on to help me soldier on with T & H. Additionally, I used examples of people surviving the tortures of Gulag to help motivate my fighting spirit. I searched internet with people dealing with acute chronic pain to see how they cope (there I found Darlene Cohen who survives her pain from young 20 to near 70). Ultimately, I searched for people with loud and unmaskable T to see how they can survive this ordeal.

Well some people with deafness are known to have unmaskable T. One lady actually was in the same area I live. Through our conversation, she had survived 12 years of unmaskable T due to partial deafness, been to ER a few times, lost her marriage with no kids to hang on, on Klonopin for this long too to cope, but she has survived her T and now moving on. Another lady, a young Zoe Cartwright who became totally deaf at young 15 and then developed ^%$#* loud, unmaskable T, she shows me how positivity and acceptance of her T reality has helped her lived a normal life. She even says she loves her life. She made a short tinnitus film posted on youtube and you can witness her courage and undaunted spirit. I posted her story on my success story. I also explained how I got out of T & H hell.

Today I live a perfectly happy and enjoyable life, free from the T tyranny. I never thought I could recover but I do. I am glad I didn't off myself. I have a family and loved ones to care for. At the worst time, I literally considered that I had donated my body for them. I told T if he turned my life into hell, I would make sure my family live like heaven and I was extra nice to them. I talked about this in more detail in my success story. If you are interested to read how I change my life over, for brevity here is my success story. Make sure you read many other success stories too to learn some insights and to have hope for the future. You won't feel the same about T given time. Believe it and good life can be back. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

nomoredreaming,

Please get some help from a therapist or psychiatrist. Your kids need you. I know that I went through a lot of the same thoughts. There are things that can help. I went on medication and it has helped. I use maskers when needed and I tried to involve myself in everything I could to keep me distracted, especially with my kids who need me so much. I found reading the success stories on this site so helpful and encouraging. On a bad day I would read them over and over again. And I would ask questions of the posters about how they got through. Please give them a read. The doctors's corner is good too. I found a lot of positive insight there.

Please know that you will find lots of support on this forum. Please please do not give up.
Danielle

 

You can get through this. After a year of torture, I found a way out.

It is there inside of you. Not the beast known as T.

What do you have to do? Channel your T inner pain by not giving up but by staring down the evil T.
After all, and it took me a long time for me to figure this out, life is worth living. Even with your
darn ears rattling. First step is to scream at it. Really scream in a private place.

Socream so loud that it blocks out the T. You have just conquered T for a moment.

Then imagine enjoying yourself for the rest of your life. Take a minute for yourself. Work up your rage at the T and let it fly. T whines and can be submissive. It is really afraid of you. Don't let it bully you.

If you have kids, you know about the external racket of children.

Your T is also your child. It won't shut up (like most kids). But you can tell your T to go to a corner.
Don't expect it not to cry. It is after all your whining baby.

Treat it like yours.

 

I can't see myself ever accepting this for the rest of my life I look at other people and wish I was them and I'm bit really a nice mother like this I hate it

 

If you're tinnitus can be masked and not awe fully loud you will be fine trust me ,, other wise it is just a waste to be taking you're life and leaving you're kids behind , I've lived in Syria in the first year of the war and have some friends from the army and families who got very extreme t from mortars hitting near they're houses , in your point of view consider you self lucky take care