Road to Habituation

Hi All,

As you can see I am new here. I got tinnitus in May of this year (2018). I currently don't know the exact reason for my tinnitus, but there are some clues. It could be a nervous breakdown, use of clonazepam / anti-depressants, a sinus infection, or an infected wisdom tooth (I will expand in a wall of text if you're curious).

TLDR

Had a nervous breakdown, took a benzo for a short period, came off benzo, had to re-instate. Bi-lateral tinnitus after 1 month of re-instating, but also had a sinus infection, and an infected wisdom tooth. Tinnitus changed to uni-lateral about 3 months ago (after using Engineer's Eustachian tube cleaning protocol).

At this point I guess it does not matter what caused it. I am trying to learn to live with it. There have been days where I don't think I can go on, then weeks where I almost forget about it. But one thing I have noticed, is that lately, I've had more good days then bad ones.

I keep a simple spreadsheet, with the date, and I how I'm feeling that day. I have some simple formulas that show number of days where I felt good, and number of days where I feel bad (with 30, 60, 90 day breakdowns). This helps me to see the "truth" rather than succumb to depressive thoughts of it's always been bad, and will remain that way.

********************************** Wall of text **********************************

Last year was a year filled with highs and lows.

In Feb, I had to put my mom into a long term care facility, she was just not able to take care of herself any longer, we tried to go over and help her, but she needed around the clock care.

She fell ill again in March, we don't fully understand what happened, but she was in intensive care for several days, refusing to eat. We placed her on hospice care, and stayed with her for several days. She pulled through and was stable.

During the same month we found out my wife was pregnant, we tried for 8 years to have a child, and just kind of gave up on it.

In April we got a call from the hospital, my father was found unresponsive, and then resuscitated. He was without oxygen for 30 mins, so he was pronounced brain dead. I went up to the hospital (by myself because I did not want my wife to go through another traumatic experience while pregnant). My father was on life support and convulsing every 5 minutes, he had a DNR, so I was given the task to ask the doctors to remove life support. He was dead within hours.

During this time, we were also selling our home, in negotiations to purchase a new home, and I was applying for jobs.

After moving into our new house, and starting my new job, things settled down a little bit, and I was doing OK. Then in October my mom started to sleep all day, and hallucinating, the nurses believed she only had a few days to live. We spent the week with her, and she passed away.

Fast forward to December, my wife gives birth to a beautiful baby girl! I take 2 weeks off of work to be with them, but things are going as we planned. We didn't have a lot of support from family, and being new parents we were frazzled. I started to feel really depressed, and was having a hard time functioning.

I was to return to work in a few days, and I knew that could not happen. My job would not give me any more time off (was not there long enough for FMLA), so I quit.

I sought counseling, but was having a hell of a time getting health care (hooray for the exchanges!). I ended up finding a counselor, and decided to pay out of pocket until the health care kicked in.

Things seemed to start getting better until my wife returned to work. She had to go on a work trip. This meant I had to be alone and care for our child. I ended up having several horrible panic attacks. Thankfully we had someone who could watch our daughter until my wife came back.

I went to see a doctor, and they prescribed Zoloft and Hydroxyzine. I had a bad reaction to Hydroxyzine (pounding heart, agitation, etc). So the doctor prescribed Klonopin (.5 Mg a day). I was no longer having panic attacks, but was having issues sleeping. The doctor then prescribed Remeron. Within a few weeks I was able to sleep again.

I tried to wean off of the Klonopin. I was able to stop taking for a about a week, but had horrible rebound anxiety. So we re-instated the Klonopin, and the doctor refereed me to a psychiatrist.

About month into re-instating the Klonopin, I started having a ringing noise in both of my ears. I thought it was related to the sinus infection I was having so I just tried to ignore it.

It's been about 5 months, and I still have the ringing. It's changed to just ringing in one ear (right ear).The psychiatrist does not believe it's the Klonopin, because I would have had the tinnitus after trying to wean the first time.

I also had an infection in my right bottom wisdom tooth and had to get all of them removed. Ringing was still present after removing them.

 

I am sorry to hear about your current state. I am not sure as to what may have caused your tinnitus because there are many potential causes. I don't think that, that is that important right now anyway.

First step is to take the fear / anxiety / worry out of the tinnitus. It is amazing how our emotions directly effect it in an adverse way. I know this is a lot harder said than done, but it will help with future relapses where your emotions trigger your tinnitus.

I wonder if maybe you keeping tracking of your tinnitus is a constant reinforcement of it. Perhaps since you now realize that you have more good days than bad you can stop tracking it? I think when you put down you had a bad day it might have a negative impact on your general thought process about it. I think it is safe to say that we all have good and bad days. I just yesterday had one myself, but am feeling better today. Perhaps try to avoid giving it that much acknowledgement for a short time and see if that helps?

I know you will start feeling better soon enough!

Jack

 

@khavelka,
Welcome to Tinnitus Talk .
You have been through so much in a short space of time losing your parents,moving,baby and job and enough give anyone a big wobble in life emotionally and now tinnitus.
You have found a lovely place to come for support and make some friends along the way, we are here around the clock and everyone is lovely and supportive.
I lost both my parents not long ago and it's hard but will get easier over time im told.
Congratulations in becoming a daddy and you have so much to look forward too and life will get better.
love glynis x