Silence...

I don't want to hear sound of any kind, no singing dolphins or chirping crickets or whatever tosh the clinic told me to try, I just want quiet. Those kind of things, as much as I've tried them, don't work at all for me. If I put it on at night, even the radio or any kind of sound, my brain will focus entirely on that sound and it'll keep me awake like trying to sleep next to a snorer or a road drill would. That's partially to do with the face I have Asperger's Syndrome on top of all this, which means I have entirely different ways of processing a lot of daily information than many others. Not necessarily wrong, but different.

My parents worked this out a long while ago as my mum would try leaving the radio on in my bedroom if I would not go to sleep, thinking it may help me, but she'd come in 30 minutes later and I'd schpeel back the entire radio show to her, and be even more awake.

The bottom line now is my life is about two things, being very upset, sad and angry, and going out of my way to avoid noise of any kind.

I've also got to be careful what I listen to, because the tinnitus in my right ear changes and mimics some sounds long after they stop. All sound makes it louder too.

I've lost all my interests, I no longer enjoy listening to music, I can't even stand the phone ringing.

I also have these other symptoms that I've mentioned before, like the full body internal tremor and when this gets worse, so does the tinnitus, the tinnitus feels like it's my brain hearing the sound of the tremor as it runs through my skull.

The medics don't care, nobody has taken this seriously, I think they think I'm either making it up or 'drug seeking' or both.

I don't want to hear sound at all, I just want quiet.

I can't stand the thought of living with this anymore.

 

How you feel is very normal. It takes quite a while to get a grip on this matter, having been on benzos can also be adding to your issues. I was on benzos myself and the shaking and tremors were all part of my life and still with me today and I quit taking them 2009. So I can feel your pain and know just how you feel. I can recall my journey, when I was tapering off the benzos, it was so so difficult. each day was hell and a fight for my life.

All I can say to you is this, just take it day by day. Dealing with tinnitus is not a one night fix. It took me a long time to get a grip on the situation. If you suffer from hyperacusis, then it makes it even more horrible. I had painful ears for 2-4 years, when I first got tinnitus and the hyperacusis was HELL.

I been through these HORRIBLE experiences and I can come and support, others that need to get through it. So do know that you are not alone and many have been in your shoes and still are in your shoes. Silence would be amazing, but I am not stressing myself out for it.

The mind over matter logic, really does work. The sound will always be there but your focus on it, can be shifted to somewhere else......

Be well!

 

i'm afraid i can't relate since i don't have asperger's. i would say just continue with your life as normal and you won't be so bothered by it eventually. but even then, it still gets to me sometimes. i guess all i can say is don't give up! try to find what works for you, but just keep going. for me, i think i would feel so much worse if it weren't for the fact that there's so much i want to accomplish. until i can no longer hear i will continue to work on my music(maybe even after that), and if i really can't handle that, i am interested in photography and other visual arts. i will make my contributions.

it's not easy, but you can live through this. i know you can!

 

@Chezombie

Sorry to hear your struggle with tinnitus. It is very important not to rush yourself with tinnitus as the struggle/battle with T is often a mind game. The more we insist on something not attainable presently or threaten ourselves with serious consequences if what we wish doesn't happen, the more the mind get stressed and feel stuck. That will create tremendous mental storm and trauma and therefore extremely negative reaction of high stress and anxiety plus depression and sleeplessness. So we need to play a smart game with the mind.

To insist on silence right now when your T is front and center is to create a lot of stress. Why not make a change in your approach? Such as saying that silence is the ultimate goal, but to be able to habituate to T so that you won't hear it most of the time is just as good for the time being. I say that because our perception of T will change over time, and your insistence on silence may also change over time. You can read about such change of perception all over the success stories. Here is just one illustration of how desperate some new members were initially, a desperate post from Neenie who, like you, initially insisted on silence or else... She changes her perception of T over time, from suicidal to don't care a dime about T and even question why the fuss about silence.

When Neenie first posted here, she was so very desperate and panicky, depressed and questioning the value of living on with her severe T. She started a thread 'Tinnitus has taken my life away':

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-has-taken-my-life-away.2737/

after a while, more desperation post about T not improving and not habituating, and crying over T:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/why-wont-i-habituate.2785/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/always-crying.3251/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-nature-of-habituation.3303/page-2#post-32375

Now the turning in perception and tone about her T:
Mental illness and tinnitus

And her triumphant post over her T in a Christmas message:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/merry-xmas-members.7343/

I hope you will hang in there and learn some good advice from others. I hope you will give yourself time to see if such insistence on silence will change. You sound much like Neenie when she first posted about her T, saying she just can't live with T and the goodbye to silence. Neenie is no super woman and many recovering members are not bionic. We all suffered a lot and were suicidal initially unless silence returns. Try not to rush yourself that T has to be gone or else.... Try give yourself time and be fair with your body. It needs some time to get used to T and to heal itself. You can outsmart T. It is a mental game/battle with the T bully. You can beat it by giving it time and learning/applying some success strategies that you will learn from others. The bright future for you is waiting for you. Believe it. Take care. God bless.

 

Great post, very informative