So much crying :(

Discussion in 'Support' started by derpytia, Jun 3, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      I have no idea how two weeks after getting T I could have a week and a half of being semi-okay and then go back to square one again? I've been crying off and on everyday for the past week and a half! I even broke down in between classes and then at the beginning of class and had to leave it for like 1o minutes. I can't seem to get my mind off the T for more than 10 minutes at most. I knew it would be hard but not this hard. And to top it off, I think I'm starting to get slight Tinnitus in my left ear now unless my brain is just playing tricks on me... Anyone else have setbacks like this?
       
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    2. nills
      Barefooter

      nills Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Belgium
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      Hey Derpytia,

      The fact that you start hearing T in the other ear is a bit of a trick of the mind. Don`t focus on it, perception of T changes but it is never completely stable. don`t worry about it too much. We all have our setbacks but it get`s alot better. Focus on health and eating well, cutting out sugar and such.

      I`ve had T for 5 years now and i`m never worried about spikes and loud days, something made it appear diffrently and that always changes again.

      put some effort in getting into the AM101 trial.

      best of luck
       
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    3. Asian

      Asian Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      4 weeks
      The only thing I can tell you is what I've found to be true with all tinnitus, accept the fact it sucks big time, see it for what it really is & push your mind away from it

      I know it's easier said than done. I know it sounds ridiculous & I know it's hard as hell to reach that state of mind, but it's the way out, the only way I've found to beat this

      It's the same old story ,change the way you think about it. Change your bad attitude. Let the bull**** go. Move your focus back to your life at hand. Forget about the bull**** & move forward

      Mine is screaming 24 hours a day. There is never a second where something in this world drowns it out. So, what the f*** do you do? Well, you do the only thing that works, you change the way you approach it & think about it. You use your mind to achieve this, You stop letting it scare you. You stop letting it drive you nuts. You stop giving it the ultimate importance in your life

      It screams all day & night. It changes from this to that. It goes up & down. Whatever. You let it do it's thing while you do your thing, living your life. Reaching that state of mind is the answer, regardless of what your tinnitus does

      I consciously or unconsciously hear it most the time. It's like I have two separate brains, the tinnitus brain & my life brain. The tinnitus brain tries to bug the %%%!(e) out of me with this f***ing noise, but my life brain says "screw you", & keeps my focus on my life. The noise doesn't scare me. I give it little importance. Hearing it annoys me, but it doesn't put me on edge. It just reminds me I have tinnitus. I can easily go from thinking about my tinnitus to thinking about something else

      And that works for me. I'm back to normal. I have a condition, a f***ing annoying condition, but I accept that & just live my life. It no longer interferes with life. Yeah, it sucks. but I'm used to it. OK, I have to live with this nonsense. So be it. Just stay out of my way while I live that life

      F*** the noise, & f*** all the bull**** that goes with it. Push out of the distress funk & get back to living. Make your mind work for you. You can do this. If you can't do it, time will do it for you eventually believe it or not
       
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    4. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      I've heard of the AM101 trial and it sounds kinda scary to me. I'm terrified it might actually make my T worse or that it will damage my eardrum permanently. And they haven't released test results yet which means that there's no guarantee that it will work at all. I'm at a loss...
       
    5. nogood
      Torn

      nogood Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ototoxicity/infection
      AM101 is the latest treatment out there. ..
      You should give it a try... so far no one reported any side effects from the medications. . Its just a small hole in the ear drum which can be treated easily if it does not heal. .
      I would gladly get into trial but I can't. .

      Aside that. . Initial days of my t I had not slept for days.. depression anxiety .. panic attacks..
      now depression and anxiety are subsiding..
      Sometimes not knowing what to do can makes things harder.. if you can't handle it alone get some help..
       
    6. nills
      Barefooter

      nills Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Belgium
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      1. it will not make it worse in the long run,
      maybe a little bit for few weeks which is logical effect cause of the fluid in the ear that blaocks sound and makes T APPEAR louder.

      2. don`t wait for results cause than it is too late! ... you don`t know and no one knows if it will help after 3 months. So you are at the perfect stage to do it.

      3. eardrum will heal! it`s a small puncture in a clinical setting with followups by doctors..

      Before you get scared get informed cause all your worries are just because you don`t have the right information. You can read the thread in the research section...

      if only I had the chance you have right now, it would not take a split second.
       
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    7. Jay M
      Thinking

      Jay M Member

      Location:
      South Carolina, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/4/14
      At some point we all reaching a breaking point with T. When i did i think my wife finally understood what i was dealing with. You have to be stronger mentally now until you habituate. You are not alone.
       
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    8. Jeff M.
      Cowabunga

      Jeff M. Member Benefactor

      Location:
      La Jolla, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct. 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic

      Asian, you NAILED IT!!! My exact encouragement as well (y)!! T does suck and is super annoying/disrupting!! But we gotta get on with life! I love your two brain analogy!! :wacky:

      Derpytia, I KNOW how hard it is to hear people tell you that you will get through this and things will get better! I know, because I hated it when I was suffering so bad (and I mean BAD!) and people here on TT and elsewhere encouraged me that I would get through and "habituate"!! I didn't want to freakin habituate!! I wanted the insanely sharp, loud ringing in my head TO GO AWAY!!!:banghead:

      But, just as has been shared above, it is possible to "learn to live with it"!! Habituation, while not perfect is possible! I, and many others, am living proof! :) I still have gnarly T, but I have victory over it! I own it, it doesn't own me! And you WILL overcome this!! Get your SLEEP on solid, focus on today and don't stress about the future!! Stick to the plan (& if you don't have one, make one!) and know, just as Jay encouraged you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
       
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    9. washashore
      Fine

      washashore Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Massachusetts
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      I know how you feel @derpytia. I've been at this for about 9 weeks now and have gone through several cycles of doing well/freak out/doing well/freak out. Hang in there, we'll both get through this and be stronger for it.
       
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    10. Kathi
      Balanced

      Kathi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      NJ/USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/30/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      HFHL and stress
      Don't be hard on yourself @derpytia --it's very difficult to deal with in the beginning. I had a meltdown a month into having T and a couple after that. Please believe me that it will get better. I'm not habituated yet but I've started taking my life back--and I've laughed and had good times. I just got home from camping and my husband and I rated my functioning a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10! A few months ago I wouldn't have gone camping.

      You are not alone. It will get better. I have no reason to fib to you--time is on your side.
       
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    11. earsnothappy

      earsnothappy Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      May 2014
      One thing to consider trying as it's something that has helped me. I read somewhere about Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT) and the writer suggested thinking about the ringing as a noise made by an appliance in the room that you can't turn off...much like a refrigerator or something similar...so when you hear it, just think, oh that's the fridge, and then forget about it and go on about your day.

      I found the website, the section I was talking about is

      HOW DO I STOP THE NOISE FROM BOTHERING ME?

      http://blog.szynalski.com/2010/12/24/tinnitus-tips/
       
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    12. Leah

      Leah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chardon, Ohio USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      I pray every day to do what you have done!!
       
    13. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      Hey all. Thank you for all the lovely support you've been giving me. It really does help. So far, I've come home from college (hooray summer break!) and I'm doing a bit better. I grew up in this house and it's out in the country with hills and trees everywhere. I wake up in the morning to birds, the fish tank filter making water noises, and the wind chimes outside... and my floor fan hahahaha (can't sleep without it). It's not too hot for summer yet and I can go outside and feed our horses and walk our dogs and water our garden and it's really relaxing. Sometimes, I even forget about my T. I'm not hearing it as much but I think that's because of all the masking around me (we don't like using our air conditioning too much cause it makes my mom sneeze) with all the fans going. But every once in awhile I'll hear my T and I don't crumple into a big mess like I used to but it still bums me out. I went with a friend to a choral festival today (we have always been choir girls and always will be choir girls) and it was good to listen to live vocal music again though I had to step out for a minute about an hour in because my one ear was getting a little testy with me and the music grrr! Anyways, I'm doing better and being with my mom and boyfriend again helps. I'm still... not 100% okay and I don't think I really will be for a long time but I don't have anywhere to go but up; I have too many expectations to just give up completely. My happiness and future rides on what I do now.

      Still, this is the hardest fight of my life and sometimes I honestly doubt my own mental strength. I'm still not sure whether I should go to a CBT therapist. My best friend who battles with depression has gone and she says that CBT therapists are a big help (which is why she's studying to become one). Anyways, I'm still kind of sad but I'm taking time to just relax at home and that helps a bit.
       
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    14. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Your latest post above is showing quite some improvement from your initial post. That is a good sign, derpytia. To have moments you are not aware of your T is just amazing at this young stage of your T life. So take the positive and have faith that give time you will be just fine. I couldn't have this much improvement in short 2 months like you and I had to take meds to help me cope. I had severe hyperacusis too besides tinnitus. I also suffer decades of anxiety & panic disorder prior to T & H. So if I can live a normal and enjoyable life after some time, have faith that you can too. Just need to be patient for the moment.
       
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    15. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      So I'm pretty sure life hates me. First it just started in one ear. Then it spread to both with multiple tones. Now. I have a beep beep beep in my left ear... I've only had T for about two months and I've been careful to have ear plug in when I go to loud places and I don't play music or TV loud or anything! I've done nothing wrong and I just keep getting more tones! I'm pissed! This is so completely unfair, I've done nothing wrong or anything to make it worse. Two steps forwards and ten steps back again... I literally cannot win. The moment I start to make some progress on acceptance this stupid T throws something at me again.
       
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    16. citigirl13
      Dreaming

      citigirl13 Member

      Location:
      North Yorkshire, England
      Tinnitus Since:
      17/1/14
      Hey derpytia. That sucks, I am so sorry to hear about your new tone. I will tell you that I don't think that you are doing - I think it is just T. Unfortunately that is the only explanation I can give you. The good news is that whether is one tone or twenty, you can still learn to habituate and ignore them. Just keep doing what you are doing, spend time outside with friends at home, and try to relax. T is a bastard in the sense that it seems to know when we are doing okay and attack us again, so don't let it win. Go outside and enjoy yourself :)
       
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