So Sad and Hopeless : Update

The same here in the UK, the humidity is unreal..... us poor brits are not used to hot weather and me moan when it’s too cold and moan when it’s too hot, never happy us lot haha

 

Gorgeous view!

 

Good for you. You keep going girl. Keep the faith. One day may the dream we all collectively pray for come true.

 

Same here in Canada, Jcb. We complain when it is snowy with ice and cold and then the heat comes and we are too hot.

 

Is that where you live? I’m not sure how I missed this. Lucky you, I thinks it’s one of the most serene looking places in the world. 100% agree, we are never happy My poor dog is on the floor next to a fan and with ice cubes in his water bowl.

 

@Jcb where do you live JCB?

 

I’m in the south west buddy.

 

I am lucky, Jcb. It is a beautiful country to live in. I have travelled quite a bit and visited some beautiful places, but home is where my heart is, always will be.

You are very kind to your dog, he is lucky to own you!

 

Hi @emmalee
I’ve been reluctant to post because I don’t want to tire people out with my struggles.

 

So sorry you are struggling, Tracy.

 

Yes for sure, if I’m honest Canada is somewhere I could see myself living. It’s such a beautiful country. I love him to bits Emma, but he’s not the smartest cookie, spent about half an hour licking the fan Wouldn’t have him any different.

 

@TracyJS Dont be silly. I post gloomy suicidal **** all the time and nobody seems overly perturbed or bored of me

 

You have managed to make me laugh out loud, Jcb! Thank-you!

 

Tracy, you are not tiring anybody out. Please try and not think that. You’re in a dark place at the moment and we are all here to listen and support you.

 

We had to get him checked out by a vet, brain scans etc as we were not sure If he had something wrong with him as he was constantly walking into doors, doesn’t listen to a thing we say, untrainable and constantly chases his own tail. All tests came back negative so apparently he’s just not that smart. He gets into some crazy situations, but i wouldn’t have the little menace any different.

 

@emmalee @Bam @Jcb
Thank you

I’m just so tired of being in this dark place.
I have so much anxiety and fear.

 

I totally understand, I never suffered from anxiety before I got T and then it hit me out of nowhere. I felt like a flickering light, it kept switching from light to dark and I was having/fearing the most irrational of thoughts. I lost weight and had this permanently sick feeling right in the gut all the time. I still get the odd panic attack out of nowhere but it’s nowhere near as bad as I was.
I know I’ve said this before so apologies for repeating myself, but with your body going through the chemical changes it is with your meds/tapering It’s going to take time. I wish I could say something to make it all better Tracy.
The one thing I noticed is when I started to feel all panicky and my chest started to get tighter, I found a long walk helped me some. It seemed to calm me a bit, probably the combination of fresh air and endorphins kicking in.
Just hang in there, and never apologise for the way you are feeling, and you are not tiring anybody out, come on here day or night. You aren’t alone even though you feel like this at the moment. Just keep thinking tomorrow is another day.
Have you had any luck with a doctor or psychiatrist?

Ps sorry for the rambling post.

 

Hi, I’m in the South West too, are we looking at the same bit of sea!
Eve
@Jcb

 

That pic was bam, I think I remember you saying you lived In Cornwall? I’m a bit away from you unfortunately. I bet it’s lovley down there with this weather.

 

@TracyJS it will get better Tracy. The anxiety

These could literally be my own words. Long walks, and i mean several hours a day, in the fresh air with the dog chatting to shopkeepers, other dog owners, any old random people we come across has literally kept me alive. It’s still a minute to minute battle for survival but i sometimes get brief glimpses of who I was before T and my subsequent breakdown. If you get out and around people @TracyJS maybe you will have those same glimpses of the old you.x

 

I’m in Brighton. Living with @Michael Leigh. We’re flatmates. We chat about headphone misuse over curry in the evening.

 

If you really live in Brighton Bam our paths may have crossed and we wouldn't know each other!

 

Sorry to hear that man. I’ve always loved walking with my dog, and funnily enough I did exactly what you did. When this first hit me, I wasn’t that talkative so would just walk and give one them half smiles to people. But bit by bit I’m slowly getting glimpses of my former glory as well. I agree the anxiety will get better in time, it can be such a debilitating condition and add everything else in and you can feel well and truly f*****..... All you can do is take it step by step, bit by bit.

 

Thank you @Jcb for being so accepting of my feelings and encouraging me to share them with you and others here. And thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.

I did have anxiety before tinnitus, but it was never, ever, anything like this.
This is unimaginable. It’s anxiety and fear on steroids!
I have been trying to get out more and be others.
It’s quite challenging.
The bigggest challenge for me is feeling held hostage by this thing.
I have had a few disappointments in looking for a doctor. Still working on it.

 

I do live here now and I would be delighted to meet up with you Michael for a coffee or a clonazapam, depending on how we’re both feeling?

 

Thanks for the invite Bam unfortunately for reasons I'd rather not say, it's not possible. Very hot in Brighton today and hope you're enjoying the weather.

Take care
Michael

 

Of course Tracy, I may be a hot head sometimes but I’m mostly all bark
I know I’m probably sounding like a broken record by now, but writing down your feelings can be extremely therapeutic, if anything to look back at this bump in your life and see how far you’ve come.
It takes time so try and not put any added pressure on yourself If things are aren’t moving along as fast as you want it to.
Just take little steps, maybe go your local shop and buy a pint of milk and start a frivolous conversation with somebody about the weather, the selection of chocolate and ice creams they have.
Just take yourself off for a walk everyday, increase it by a hundred or so steps a day.
I will happily annoy you on here and talk about anything you would like.
PMs are open as well, you can message me anytime or not, just wanted to let you know the options there.

Ps again apologies for my long rambling post

 

That comment actually made laugh out loud cheers man

 

I would love to see some glimpses of the old me. Talking on the phone with a friend recently gave me a tiny glimpse. He offered a witticism and I burst out laughing. Felt so good.

 

No apology necessary...You are never rambling.
Thank you for your suggestions and for letting me know I’m welcome to PM you as well