The Big Picture

The Big Picture

Tinnitus can affect us in a variety of ways. One of the most difficult hurdles for some to get over is to stop thinking of their past. The way life used to be before the onset of the condition. If we are not careful this can cause stress, anxiety and in some instances delay the habitation process. Understandably, a person wants everything to be as it once was but sometimes this is easier said than done.

If the tinnitus was caused by exposure to loud noise, which is often the case and not an underlying medical problem, this could be another cause for concern, as some people might constantly berate themselves. Thinking what they are enduring could have been so easily avoidable if they had known of the potential risks involved and what the eventual outcome would have been. Many times I have been on the phone listening to someone say: if I hadn’t gone out clubbing so much or listened to music through headphones at such high volumes then I wouldn’t be going through this terrible ordeal now. As compassionate as one might try, it is not so easy to convince someone they are not to blame, when their own conscience has decided they are judge and jury. The benefits of hindsight can be a wonderful thing it’s just unfortunate we haven’t the ability of foresight too.

Of course not all loud noise exposure is avoidable because a person might just happen to be in a particular place or situation at the wrong time. Nevertheless, some people do find themselves at a crossroads and not knowing how to get over the stumbling block that’s set before them and therefore, I have a few suggestions.

We cannot change the past because what has happened has happened. No matter how many times we replay that video in our mind it will remain unchanged. I believe it’s a total waste of time and energy to keep reliving it. Lay it to rest and forget it and move on. However, we can do something about our future because it hasn’t been written yet and there is a world out there and you’re a part of it. Put your mind in gear and start thinking what you’re able to do with your tinnitus instead of thinking what you’re unable to do. The positive vibe will come through with time, patience and determination.

It is the important things in your life that really matter so hold on to them. In essence I am saying to look at the big picture. This will give you clarity, perception and will cut a clear path, that will enable you to see where you want to go in life.

Michael

 

The big picture hurts even more.

 

Lovely post Michael as always.
Things can seam bad but look for the bigger picture and know the future will get better as the only way is up when life has brought you down through health or loss or anything we might loose our way a little and emotionally but looking at the bigger picture of life ,Life goes on and gets better...lots of love glynis

 

With time things will get easier SilverSpiral
All the best
Michael

 

A lot of people have had good experiences, so they know what health and happiness is like, so they know how to overcome their tinnitus, and find enjoyment in life, they may never get back to the same place, but they can get close. Other people don't even have tinnitus/hearing problems, and they still will never find health or happiness. I've seen it first hand. My dad never got better, as he got older, he became worse and worse, he became more violent, and more deranged. There is nothing positive to say about his life, he ruined lives. Everybody hated him. My half siblings think they hate him more than me, but they don't even know. My mom never stopped being used by others and completely lacking genuine self esteem, she never stopped keeping secrets and living in fear. Neither did her mom. She always thought things would get better, but all it ended up doing was creating situations for herself and her children to be tormented.

It's like some bloodlines are "cursed".

I was actually proud that I lived a life where I didn't end up like them. I never had friends or socialized, all I did was focus on music. I was able to make friends or aquaintences online through music, but then I realized and was even told directly you can only do so much in isolation, so I started trying to get involved with live music. Then I went to one single show without earplugs and it all is lost.

I know you can't change unless you change your attitude. I know objectively there is more to life than hearing, but it isn't that simple. You know that if you have T and hearing distortions, you can't stop hearing. It's different than any other sense, at least for me it is. But then I feel guilty that I can't get over it, people lose their hearing, and limbs in war, people die of cancer, people become quadrapalegics. So why can't I deal with it. But that also makes it so that nobody understands and it's too hard to talk about its just a sad secret, but I also know how much things like that can damage people in the long run, even if they try to overcome it. The ways they cope can damage others. Even if they think they've overcome it. I've seen this first hand.

 

@SilverSpiral

Life is problematic SilverSpiral and very few of us go through it without problems. Perhaps this is the way that it’s meant to be although I believe some people get more than their fair share. I believe in time your tinnitus will reduce and your hearing will return to normal. This all takes time and if you are able to get help at a tinnitus clinic so much the better. TRT would be good or at least some tinnitus counselling via an Audiologist or Hearing Therapist.

The way I see it, most of us have only two choices and at some point we will have to decide which one of them it’s going to be. Try and make the best of the situation that we are in, or do nothing and remain the same? There is a third option of course but I don’t want to go there as I’m sure many reading this post will know what I mean so there’s no need to explain.

Due to the immense audience that this forum attracts there are some fine people here that give their support and encouragement to those that need it at a particular time. As wonderful as this is, everything has its limitations and in some cases, the help that a person needs goes beyond the scope that members can provide. My thoughts are drawn to the young woman that has been posting regularly here over the last few weeks. Not only does she have loud intrusive tinnitus and hyperacusis to deal with she clearly has family problems that are causing her an undue amount of stress and heartache.

Her latest post yesterday was written in no less than 1300 words, and I defy anyone to read it and not be touched by the sheer emotional content within it. It is a tragic outpouring of events that has affected this person throughout her young life and at the same time, I can't help but marvel at the way it’s so beautifully written. @Nathalie If you happen to be reading this post, please follow the advice that fellow members have given you and get some professional help. You are intelligent and have the wonderful gift in expressing yourself so articulately through writing. If you’re able to get the help, I believe all that you’re going through will soon be a distant memory and you’ll go on to do some great things in whatever profession you choose.

I encourage others that are reading this post and in a similar situation to Nathalie; every problem has an answer. If you’re unable to solve it yourself and there’s no one close to you that can help, then seek professional advice for it’s the best way I know to turn your life around.

Michael
PS:
I was in a bad place when my tinnitus increased to insurmountable levels back in 2008 and it took 4 years for me to habituate for the second time. In 2010 after 2 years of TRT, there was improvement but not like the first time when I had the treatment in 1996 to 98. In 2010 I had reached a very low point and for the first time I started to feel depressed and felt like giving up so I know how that can feel.

I asked my consultant who I had a good rapport with, to please be candid about my condition, because I felt I wasn’t making any more improvement and had reached a plateau. She looked at me and said: “You are the second worst tinntius patient that I have met”. I wanted the floor to open and swallow me whole. I asked for the truth and got it. However, she added: “ I will never give up on treating you”. I really needed to hear that and it gave me the encouragement to carry on regardless and it’s one of the reasons I’m still here today.

 

You clearly had the money to pay someone to say the parts in bold to you, or else that treatment was available to you through the healthcare system in your country. Others don't have the same resources, and ultimately, word's don't actually treat tinnitus anyways.

 

@SilverSpiral. The words were just comforting to hear at the time. My consultant started me on clonazapam but warned me of the risks and advised me to only take it when my tinnitus was very severe. That was the only additional treatment I had after finishing the TRT treatment. It took another 2 years to habituate 4 years in all. This was believing in myself that things would get better and having a positive attitute which I have written in many of my posts. These are avialable by clicking on my Avatar picture and choosing "started threads".
A person can have the best treatment in the world for tinnitus but if they have a negative outlook on life, or additional problems it can be difficult to habituate and move forwards.
Regarding treatment, in the UK we don't pay for medical care but a contribution is taken from everyone via their salary known as National Insurance. It is unfortunate that in certain parts of the world treatment for tinnitus and other conditions are not free.
I wish you well
All the best
Michael

 

We don't pay for medical treatment in my country either. But yet TRT is not covered by public healthcare. It is private and costs 200$ an hour. My GP said the reason it is not covered is likely because it is not proven to be medically effective. He said he has had veterans spend a lot of time and money trying to get tinnitus treatment in other countries, all to no avail. He said that the best thing to do is realize that it isn't a fatal condition (arguable) and live with it.

 

@SilverSpiral Your GP is entitled to his or her opinon but I've had TRT twice with good results.
Michael

 

Then it is very fortunate such treatment was available to you.

 

Indeed, it was fortunate that I managed to get TRT twice in the 20 years that I've had tinnitus. However, this treatment or others such as CBT are not effective if a person has a negative attitude towards it or is looking for a complete cure from the tinnitus as I believe some people have this mind set on the thread: Why isn't TRT the holy Grail. Due to the expense of TRT, I can understand a person's reluctance to try it especially as there is no guarantee it will work and results are quite variable between people.

It is for this reason I wouldn't recommend anyone that is new to tinnitus to try TRT. It is best to wait for a least 6 months. Many people habituate to tinnitus within this time sometimes a little longer without any treatment. As I said, it took me 4 years to habituate for the 2nd time. My previous experience with tinnitus prior to 2008 helped me a lot through this difficult period until 2012.
Michael

 

At the moment 200$ an hour makes it out of the question regardless of how much faith I have in it.

 

I would be in the same situation if I had to pay for it. It is two years of counselling and having to buy 2 white noise generators that are quite expensive.

 

Please tell me what I can do to make this happen. I have been taking Vitamins B complex, zinc, magnesium, coq-10, krill oil, ginkgo biloba, d3 (already have to take it), astaxanthin. I want my hearing to return to normal so bad. I have I believe habituated to the constant tinnitus tones, even the one that cannot be masked. I just want to hear correctly again, I want things to stop sounding bad, that is the most destroying part. I can't escape it, there is music and sound everywhere you go, and it sound FUCKING BAD. It has these horrible resonant tones over certain frequencies that make me fucking sick to my stomach.

 

I assume that the UK is one of the only countries where TRT is provided for free, which is a very nice benefit imo. Here in Belgium it's also around €2.000. Only people with overall hearing loss above 40 db are refunded.

 

40db across all frequencies? Also my gp has never mentioned trt to me and im in London...

 

I think across all frequencies or perhaps an average over the speech recognition frequencies, not sure.

 

2000 euro is still a hefty lump sum. But where I live they haven't even informed me how long the treatment may take, or the cost of related resources (white noise hearing aids etc.) They just say it's 200$ per hour and try to get you to book an initial consultation at that price, not letting you know how long the treatment takes to be effective, or letting you know that you will eventually have to purchase devices which cost a huge amount of money in addition. Almost like a pyramid scheme. I wonder if scandinavian countries have it covered? they seem like pretty good places regarding health care.

Whats funny is people with access to TRT and all related treatments get better, and then get to judge others who don't have access to such treatments as "negative". And then judge them furthermore if they don't take TRT at their own huge unmanageable expense to get past their "negativity". It's like saying all the people living in poverty stricken nations are just victims of their own "negativity".

 

It always astounds me when people talk about how they are afraid to commit suicide because they are worried about nothing being on the other side. In my experience that means that either their tinnitus and hearing condition is not that bad, or they have no concept of what the other side is like. I'm not sure if there is another side that relates to our consciousness but I can be assured that it likely doesn't involve the maladies you experienced in this life.

My father used to regularly strangle me, and stop and some point (assumedly when you face turned a certain shade) and then start again, stop again, start again, stop again etc. I can't explain to you the actual euphoria this would bring. There was a point when you long stopped struggling for breath, you actually completely lose track of when you are being strangled and when you can breathe you lose track of everything and you enter something else. Your whole body and being just gave in to the experience, it was completely different than anything you can experience in your waking life, you lose your senses completely, yet there is something there something very intriguing, and when it does stop, there is actually a kind of sadness that you didn't stay in that state, that you had to return to one where your senses are aware, you realize how painful reality is once it sets back in. Each time draws your further into love with this state, and each time makes your more aware of how painful reality is. I don't for an instance fear death, the moment in which I felt most comfort was when I was closest to it. It is living that is hard, especially living with T and all the other hearing shit.

 

Also, many people report that in their dreams, they don't experience tinnitus as severely, if at all. Why is that? I think it is because it is an indication of how our consciousness is not adherent to our physical body, though I do know of some, including myself, that experience tinnitus in their dreams, but this may be an indication of how chained to their physical reality their dreaming is. Interestingly, noticing tinnitus in my dreams, always results in waking up shortly after doing so.

 

My dreams have tinnitus in them now as well. Once I initially became aware that I was dreaming without tinnitus, it started to show up. Funny how that works.

@SilverSpiral , do you have in person friends these days or outlets for possible romance? I'm not going to try and convince you that the world isn't a cold, dark place, but it's much easier to find solace when there's somebody you can talk to and share this hell with in person.

 

I fully agree @Jacob83 to share your life with someone that understands tinnitus (or any other ailment) is usually better and especially when one can benefit from a listening ear. However, it is unfortunate these days, that we live in a more selfish and materialistic world. Or perhaps its always been that way? Some people are only with someone when everything is wonderfully happy and there are no problems. Alas, as I've read many posts in Tinnitus Talk, of someone's partner leaving them because of their tinnitus. When tinnitus is loud and intrusive it can be a very debilitating condition. Fortunately, many people experience times when it is not so intrusive. However, this can put restrictions on one's lifestyle and therefore an understanding partner is absolutely crucial as a relationship can change fast.
Michael