The Positivity Thread

Tonight I woke up and heard a mosquito. I was annoyed by it, I thought: "Now already? The summer hasn't start yet. Go home mosquito!"
Too lazy to search for it and kill it, I turned to my other side. The mosquito's sound suddenly originated from inside my pillow.... So it was just my tinnitus! (My tinnitus changes a lot and it can be extremely different from day to day). I was so happy to find it wasn't a real mosquito and fell asleep right after.
I found it funny to able to say that my tinnitus is now WAY less annoying than a mosquito! It took some time for me to reach this state, never thought I would ever reach it. But I did! You can do it too!

 

Haven't been on the site for a long time, years. I was suffering like many of you since 2014. I will keep this real short because I just want to say that I still have loud high pitch T and I am fine. 70 decibels in volume as measured.

Over the last 2 years I have totally habituated to my T. Even 3 months ago when it turned up even louder for no reason. It only took my a few days to habituate again to the new volume which I would guess is probably 80-90 decibels now.

I have loud T and it doesn't impact me in any way at all. I never hear it during the day unless I stop to listen. Then I just laugh to myself and ignore it.

My point is, if you are suffering like I was in 2014, basically wanting to die, here I am 3 years later with worse T than ever and I am 100% fine with it. Anyone can habituate to any volume IMO. It's all about how you react to it. Let me say that again. IT'S ALL ABOUT HOW YOU REACT TO IT.

My ears are ringing as I type this, and I have no reaction to it. Within 2 minutes of me hitting the Post Reply button and walking away from my computer.. I won't hear my T for the rest of the day.... I'm fine. You can be too. It just takes time.

 

Love, love, love this! This made my day, thank you DmanLamb!

 

INNOCENT ON DEATH ROW: THE FEAR OF 13 | True...

Watch this PodCast. His story is amazing. Especially encouraging at 25:30.

 

Awesome thread, stay epic guys!

 

This is my first post to the positivity thread. I seriously thought I would just be reading this thread, that there would never come a day where I'd feel like everything is going to be okay. It's not my first good day, but my good moments used to be so rare that I'd be just waiting for them to subside. I even feared in a rather paranoid way that if I said out loud "my T seems quieter" it would come back with revenge. But here I am!

My tinnitus hell started last September, over 8 months ago. After that, it took control of my life. All sorts of sounds seemed to make it worse and any stress made it intolerable as well. I kept having setbacks: first from movies then from dental work. I really hopelessly felt it was just going worse and limiting my life more and more. Just a couple of weeks ago my T was at its worst and I was just screaming and crying for it to go away. So yes, been in a really dark place with this... But today I finally have hope.

My loud, intrusive, ultra high frequency, multiple tones etc. tinnitus is not controlling me today. I have actually been able to feel happier and that has not happened for a long time. I don't even want to measure my T and try to compare whether it is in fact quieter or if it just feels better. It doesn't matter. What I do know is that:

• I have found wonderfully soothing masking sound that keeps my T calmer during night - it helps me to relax and sleep. (I use app called Sleep Pillow with wind chimes and chirping in forest, I can tell details if someone with different high frequency tones is in need of a good masking set-up.)
• My T doesn't feel extremely reactive these days, it's more stable instead. The volume seems to stay reasonably similar whether I stay home or go outside and predispose myself to the normal sounds of life. Perhaps I don't have to isolate myself from almost all social activities anymore. Still feeling careful, but hey, baby steps!
• Multiple tones have reduced to two main tones, one in each ear. The tones are more clear now and there is much less screeching, beeping and random fluctuation. This does make it easier to start adapt.
• More and more things seem to mask my T. Before my T would scream on top of most things, but now a dishwasher, a computer fan or the wind can mask it quite nicely.
• Now this is the most important thing! I don't want to put all of the positivity on analyzing the current state of T. This is because the best thing that is happening right now is that I don't obsess over T every waking moment. For the past week or more I don't keep constantly checking whether it has gotten worse and I don't go in full panic mode for every single dropped spoon. I do notice T, but am able to let it go. I am working towards not to fear the sound and the less I am afraid, the easier it is to ignore it more - decibel by decibel.

I hope things continue this way and let me define tinnitus, rather than it defining me. We are not our T, it's just a small part of the wholesome persons we are. Sometimes we hit the rock bottom and feel desperate. I was at that point just weeks ago and had been there for a long time. But now I am posting here, in a much better state of mind. Ready to battle it out and focusing to keep this new positive attitude going.

I must admit that this new hope makes me a bit afraid, too - what if there's a setback, what if I am just imagining this all etc. I also realize that phases can come and go. But I have suffered enough and I am sure all of us have! Any bit of suffering caused by T is too much. So when we get good moments, days or longer phases, let's enjoy and cherish them. No one knows what future brings, so the good moments are precious and something we can hold on to.

PS. LotR fan moment alert! I wanted to share a certain quote with you guys. It has been important to me and somehow quite comforting. It helps me when the burden grows too heavy:

 

@NimQ You are the primary example of a T sufferer that gone from being a victim to actually moved on to coexist with your T and i love to hear you progressed in that matter. And it is also what i'm trying to teach newcomers to T realize but their battle will take time in their own way, through anxiety, denial etc. before they can get to the mindset you have today.

My journey been shorter then yours but i decided on day that i WON'T let T control me no matter what, i have a life that i love (most parts.. besides paying bills, laundry etc.).

Jokes aside, i'm very happy for you and i wish you the best with your new mindset!

/Fred

 

Ironically, as I am writing it I am experiencing a spike after a night of heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy drinking on last Friday night that got worse yesterday night and this morning and is getting now better.

But not what I wanted to write it. My T is present since end of last December. However over the last nearly 5 months, I can say that it got better. The sound got quiter (though not now), but that is just a part of it. My onset of T sparket panic attacks, though I admit I had that stuff coming, was going through bad stuff before that I am certain played a role in onset. However in time, slowly, very slowly, I learned to first live with it and later to start ignoring it. I think somewhere in brain we have wired some instinct that triggers us once we hear some alien noise, in this case a T, that screw with the cogs in your head. And I have been trying for months to get brain used to the sound and just let go. And what helped was, ironically, giving up. I just stopped fighting it. I got off T support forums. I stopped googling everything and anything about it. I just let go. And slowly, but surely, things got better. Pre-this stupid spike I actually went for multiple weeks when I thought of T only very rarely, if at all. Of course, fact that T got better played also a role (switched from EeeeEeeeEee sound to white noise that got really fricking low on most days where I simply didnt even hear it through noise of a fridge). Anywho, just wanted to share what I wanted to do on Friday. Before I smashed whole bottle of rum inside my belly. Was tasty, though.

 

Yay! Love this! Thanks for being brave and sharing how you feel - I really needed to read this today!
xoxo RM

 

@Nikopol You have a good mental focus and that is all that's needed. And with your quite short period of T, i wonder if you had a chance to get your T checked on by medical proffessional?

On the support side, sure we all have different triggers, i have as you with alcohol but when i want to celebrate something i know that in advance my T will be hell the next day and take it. In the body with alcohol the synapses go haywire when trigger substance enters our body and depending on how your body response on T. It's all about cause and effect.

But im happy for you on the good days that your T is low and you can live a awesome life!

 

@neo1 I actually have quite a large dossiers from docs. I have been to two public ENTs and one private. Two GPs, CT scan, vestibular tests (where they put you on the chair, spin you and are measuring movement of your eyes plus also connect those things to your body and measure the response), neorologist, RTG of spine, you name it. After the onset you can imagine how stressed I was, I was doing doctor Google and I saw myself having a tumour in brain, cancer, this or that and I have never been good when it comes to health anxiety so that kicked straight out of Solar system.

Well, eventually I got tired of it. Results were negative, negative, negative, negative, negative and negative. As I mention in my profile docs speculated of 3 cases - problems with neck (I think that is most likely one), or sinuses as I had some sort of sinus infection though tests came negative (I had full nose every morning for months, eventually ripping my mucous membrane which led to blood in my mucous prior to onset, however it went away after I applied treatment that I was prescribed properly as I misunderstood the way I should do it and basically just did it even further harm) or anxiety as I was a basketcase thanks to tension headaches that started about a month prior to onset thanks to muscle relaxant medication that likely put a pressure on some nerves or something.

Anywho, its a long story and after some time I figured that its a mental battle at the end of the day whatever the reason behind it all is. I just decided I am stronger than that and at my age of late 25 I will not allow some stupid stound to be controlling me for the rest of my life. I feared reading because that is when I heard it. Didnt read for months. Than I started using sound maskers and I started reading again. Today, I do it without them as a good book managed to take all my attention towards the story on pages and I wouldnt even notice if someone would be bombing my city.

And funnily enough I am one of those few freaks who are actually not affected by loud noise at all. Couple weeks into my T I went to loud metal concert. No change. I have been using ears on two occasions when I went to gigs since, because I learned how harmful that can be, but again no change. As for drinking, I generally dont get trashed the way I did last Friday, but my boss threw a party and all drinks went onto my company bill and I have a bone to pick with them so I went all-out with my colleagues. Had hangover for 2 days. Probably did wee bit overboard. Before, it either didnt affect it as much or not at all but generally because even if I went hard, I had that mental block to stop when I felt like I had enough which last Friday went out of the window. Anywho, its getting better by day and I am getting nearer and nearer to point I was at week ago.

Anywho, last bit of a rant. I saw here and elsewhere a lot of things I shouldnt do. Dont drink coffee. Dont eat salty meals. Dont listen to music, instead go full silent with your enviroment. Dont, dont, dont, dont, dont. Looking back I think those advices are given in very good faith, but we have to remember that we cannot let some stupid, ridicolious and evolutionary useless sound take control of our lifes. Instead of "dont", its perhaps better to advise "do, but with moderation". Just I figured that fear of T getting worse taking hold of us is something rather counter-productive.

Anywho, thanks for reading my long rant, I just had this all in mind for some time now and needed to vent it out. I will be probably taking hiatus from this side as it helps me with habituation. Off eyes, off mind as my grandma used to say.

 

Hi Nikopol
Love your rant! You are very wise for your young age of 25. I agree about the don'ts - it's good to not focus on them and just live your life as normally as possible. I've come to the realization that everyone has something they're struggling with - not just those of us with T. Enjoy your hiatus and say hi when you come back now and then! Your grandma's advice is very wise too lol! Rosemerry

 

@Nikopol A good rant is what support forums are here for. I can for sure say i am much like you in much. In the beginning i was a pro in masking, now i only use sounds from my enviroment when i need to sleep otherwise i don't give a damn.

I can listen to loud sounds with out my earplugs but i do use them at concerts, to be proactive and also it makes good conversation topics for people that don't use them event with loud sounds.

Books i don't read alot anymore, primary for i have had concentration problems long before my T was "born". But i do know in the beginning the sounds increased a lot when i was focusing on a good book. Now i listen to books instead.

Finally the boundries part. Our bodies doesn't tell us what we can and can't do, our minds does. So i do love your spirit when you found a healthy was to see on that part. Plus taking a break from support forums are one way to not focus on your T. It doesn't fit everyone but for some people it does.

If you ever need some "powerboost", TT will be there for you.

Take care and stay epic!

/Fred

 

Hello,

I have Tinnitus (high pitch and general buzzing) for more than two years now and try to cope with it. They way you guys deal with your noise is still impressive! I hopefully find my own way to deal with my sound.

(Sorry, don´t speak english native).

 

I went to a pool party with loud music bumpin today and bad a GREAT time. I used my downbeats plugs and no spikes. Just exhausted from the hot ass sun!

My son was in the pool for 3.5 hours! To let him be out and enjoy himself was a reward. I felt "normal" even with plugs in, had a great time with awesome music. Nowhere near the speakers of course

Here's to better days

 

Fantastic! May you have more and more of these fun, normal days with your son! I will have to look into the downbeats plugs you mention. My husband and I have tickets to a Hall & Oates concert next month! xoxo RM

 

Have a good time! <3

 

What a great thread and thanks for posting.

Something we all need and as a T newbie, I'm extremely grateful.

 

I've got some positivity I'd like to share! This weekend I went to a 3 day comedy festival. It was great! I wore ear plugs (and I even saw someone else wearing them too lol. Made me feel a little better) and sat near the back most of the time. So far, my T hasn't been bothered at all! There is life after T, please please please don't let yourself think that there's not. You just have to be more cautious that's all! <3

 

@alyssalee97 This is fantastic! Thanks for sharing. I also think spending 3 days laughing at a comedy festival helps too! I saw Chris Rock at a concert hall a few weeks ago and had to sit with my hands over my ears most of the time, but I still laughed my a$$ off! This past weekend I went to a wedding reception and got smart and put earplugs in when the music started. Everyone was saying how loud it was but I was fine! Glad you saw someone else with the ear plugs - the truth is, we're not alone. We just have to make some minor modifications and adjustments in our wonderful, fun lives! xoxo Rosemerry

 

Thank you for such positivity! I love your reference to "our wonderful, fun lives". After my diagnosis, I was afraid my life was over and had so much guilt for what I perceived I would no longer be able to do with my family. Now I feel I can one day do those things, I just need some time to heal and need to be smart about hearing protection.

 

I came home from shopping about 10 minutes ago and while cutting the pineapple I bought I suddenly realized that my tinnitus was almost completely gone, as someone outside was mowing grass and the sound and frequency masked it so perfectly that I basically didn't hear it anymore. So I went to my office room, opened the window and ate my freshly cut pineapple in peace. This is the first time in a year that I've found a sound that masks my tinnitus almost perfectly. You can imagine that I am elated right now. I know it's short lived because at some point the grass will be cut but I'm just enjoying the moment and thought I'd share it with you because it's the first time in a year that I've got a break from that high pitched annoying noise.

 

2 weeks back I finally got to massage done by therapist who has been recommended to my by my friend.

Anywho, funny thing, she found a nerve blocade at upper cervical area (C3-5 around IIRC) by the size of fricking smaller walnut that she removed via massages and instructed me to daily use muscle-regenerating cream, magnesium and some sort of a tea and come again. Yesterday I have been again.

Now I dont want to jinx it, but unless past nearly 2 weeks are one of the "good days" I think I see pretty significant results. She says there has been chronical inflamation in my left, back neck muscle that caused nerve blocade which affects muscular area from your back, all the way to ear, resulting in tinnitus. She is also careful about not saying that continuous massages will make it go away fully, but given that I got used to previous baseline, and current one is lower, still a good result. I try today to not use sound maskers when going to see, see what happens.

PS: Thanks to the 5 months of regular swimming I built muscles in my upper chest area and, if you dont mind me saying, damn I look good now.

 

@Lianne Thanks so much for sharing! These kind of posts make me really happy. I almost play a game with myself to see what noise masks my T. Today it was walking to my office past a large fountain - perfect masking! Then I don't know if it's the AC or what in my office, but it runs all day and does a good job of it too. I am so proud of you for enjoying the moment because that is all any of us really have, right? xoxo Rosemerry

 

I would like to share some funny positivity today.

I have been more and more active over the past 5 years, and in the last year or so I have started jogging. (I'm getting close to 60 so believe me, it's NOT running!) I hit some ice in NY in December, hit the ground and popped both a rotator cuff and a biceps tendon. Fast forward to my MRI in March when it was finally diagnosed completely - I scheduled surgery immediately. Had the surgery 3/22 (went well), then had all the attendant fun of sleeping sitting up for about 6 weeks, all over the house in all manner of chairs. Well, for those 10 weeks - basically NO T AT ALL. I was not getting a lot of good sleep, since there was discomfort from sleeping position, pain from the shoulder etc - but hey, no T!

Now that the shoulder is doing much better (Physical therapy is ongoing, and exercises etc), I'm back to sleeping in my bed next to my loudly-snoring husband. You guessed it - the T is back. At least now I can say with more certainty that it's triggered from loud noise right next to my ear. If I am sleeping in a chair in the same room, more focused on my shoulder and that pain, I don't have any T at all. The difference of 8 feet distance between snorer and ear makes a BIG difference.

I CAN sleep with noise-cancelling earbuds, but it's not comfortable long-term, so that is something we will be working out.

The positivity part of this: For several months, my T was absolutely silent. Was that because my brain was too busy focusing my shoulder? Or because I was not in the "noise threat" zone while I was healing? Maybe both. The good news is, I know that if I get aerobic exercise, listen to my AudioNotch playlist, and avoid the loud noise situation, my T will be quiet again in a day or so. And my shoulder is improving every day, so I am going to try Zumba tomorrow for the first time in 6 months. Wish me luck.

 

Having a lot of beeping now, did it go away on its own? I'm freaking out a little.
On the bright side, on Monday I'm going to an ENT specialised in Tinnitus that works with a full team of psicologists, psychiatrists and tmj specialist, hope to find something out about what's going on.

 

Nice to hear that there are specialists who collaborate together. Keep us updated about it. Good luck.

 

Hello from London,

Thank you guys needed this today!!! only 11 days into tinnitus from Acoustic Trauma and noticed i wasn't thinking about it whilst reading the positive comments. Think i will just stick to this thread on the Forum from now ......or maybe pick up my guitar, or maybe go out on that date.....

Have a 'Peaceful' Saturday all,

Mark

 

If it is from noise please stay away from that guitar at for a while and if you must: use earplugs! @Mark G

Also drink lots of water and eat lots of fruit for recovery.

My positivity of today is that my ears were screeching like there was no tomorrow the entire day. Luckily they calmed down now to base level.

 

@NancyL Good luck Nancy! At this very moment, I'm procrastinating doing some chores and am instead watching a documentary on HBO, If you're not in the Obituary, Eat Breakfast. I am so inspired by these 90, 100 year olds who just keep going - some of them running, exercising, performing. I would imagine at that age, many of them have T or are hard of hearing. One of the 100 y/o women runners had a big hearing aid in her ear. I'm very inspired by them and you too! xoxo Rosemerry