The Vent Thread

Hello everyone. I just wanted to create a thread where everyone and everyone can vent without getting judged.

I know some people, like myself, cry over 3 times a day due to the struggles of life. This is because we have no one to turn to.

Yes, you can talk to your parents or friends but they can't relate. Not everyone can afford sound therapy to ease T.

So I thought about making this thread. You can vent to people that know what you're going through. We can all understand and relate to each other.

All I ask is that we don't mention suicide and self-harm. That is something that should be taking care to a health professional.

I also wish that no one is rude to each other. Only words of support. Now, enough talk, more VENTINGG!

 

I havnt cried about my issues with my hearing at all. I often wonder why that is, I am depressed about it yes but I havnt cried. I have also noticed that since all this started I don't seem to have emotion about anything.

I have lost my love for life too. I was a car guy and loved my cars, car forums, car meets, now I never visit motoring forums and my cars havnt left the garage in months. I was an avid music fan now music just sounds broken. Just seems I have lost all my motivation. Nothing makes me happy, nothing makes me sad, I just feel numb all the time. It's like I'm trapped inside a broken body watching life fly past and I am no longer part of it.

I still get up every day and go to work. I havnt missed a day of work, I own the company but I feel the only reason I can still do this is because of the routine, I always get up and go to work, I am far from productive at work now and I really rely a lot on my staff more than ever. I am still sort of in my old life I just kind of exist in it, but a lot of things are being cancelled or just not being done at all. It's odd, I look at all my clothes and things and wonder where I will wear them too as I can't really enjoy the social life I had. I get emails about travel but I can't go to these places now. We had planned to go to Hong Kong and Macau next year for a holiday but no longer.

It's Saturday night, my Facebook is full of my friends from my pre T life all out having fun and I am sitting at home as I can't really go out into loud fun environments any more.

Christmas is coming and I can't go to the parties, even Christmas shopping will be an online experience this year as the shopping centres and malls are too loud with all the music that now sounds broken too me (actually that is a good thing as I won't be listening to the bloody Xmas music ever again)

 

You are still in the early stages of tinnitus Jason and things will improve. Have a word with your GP about how you are feeling and you may be prescribed an antidepressant which can help. Alternatively, you can try St-John's Wort. It's a natural herb (non addictive) and used to help with mild depression. Everything that you are feeling is not unusual with the onset of tinnitus. I know I mentioned this before hope you don't mind me saying it again: try and get a referral to a Hearing Therapist, it will help you.

Many of us with tinnitus have experienced similar things to what you're feeling at this time but things will improve.
Michael

 

Michael, again I do appreciate your input here but you live in the U.K. As far as I can tell. Therefore you know as well as I do that doctors/therapists here in the U.K. both private and NHS are about as much use as a chocolate tea pot when it comes to these issues.
My depression is not treatable, no anti depression drug is going to make me feel better. I am depressed because my life as I knew it has been destroyed. I appreciate that things could indeed be worse but for me it really is hard to see how. A ringing in the ears I could deal with but everything else is just crazy.

 

I can't cry. Somehow lost the ability to. I had anhedonia before getting tinnitus, meaning I don't feel pleasure from once pleasurable activities. Not even alcohol or opioids give me pleasure now. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't suffering, I was just completely numb and going through the motions in life. Now, with this tinnitus every fucking day is torture. It was caused by someone else, it was treated as a non-issue making it as though I'm faking it, then I was threatened and told I'm not allowed to talk about it. I never knew how easily you could fuck someone's life over and get off scot free, but now I do.

I live alone, nobody in my life, no children. The only thing that keeps me is my parents, siblings, and their kids. I don't want to do anything they wouldn't understand.

 

We care here my friend. I really suggest you seek some therapy to help you deal with these issues from the past. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and determination to finally move forward. Please, I beg you to make an appointment with someone in the mental health field and start dealing with this. Don't keep it bottled up. You will begin to feel so much relief once you can finally open up to someone and accept treatment options.

This really is very important. I know others personally who had to do this. Others that carried rape and incest with them for years and years. Others that were neglected and beaten as children. Please look into this. You will be happy you did in time.

 

I do live in the UK Jason born and bred in London now living in Brighton. Care for tinnitus is varied throughout the country for sure. However, compared to other places around the world it is a lot better. I know because people contact me. Many hearing therapists that practice tinnitus counselling also have the condition, as mine has who was born with it. Glynis, also lives in the UK and she's from the north, and has good care the same as I have here in the south...
I wish you well.
Michael

 

No joy, only everyday getting to work, twisted on my chair and stare to a monitor for 8 hrs when trying to concentrate. Then back home, where noone is waiting for me. No plans for future.
As well, trying not to think about my past life - because i KNOW FOR SURE if I compare good and bad moments from passed life, the result would be absolutely negative. Thaks to selective memory there are only better things i can remember, but it is only a very few moments. Rest is a black hole.

 

I'm about to cry. My T sound changed from high pitched to a sea shell sound...does that mean more damage?

 

This kinda enforces negativity

 

@Karam

Yes, but it's for venting. I want for everyone to reason their feelings ever once and a while. It's not healthy to keep emotions bottled up inside.

 

As @Michael Leigh says,
We do get great care in the UK in the NHS but not options with trials.
I got fast tracked with Menieres and hearing tests and was under the hospital audiology and given two White noise generators and tests and MR and CT scan.
Years went by on medication and my recent stay in hospital had every test and scan going and lumbar puncture .
Now under Specsavers audiology and wear duel purpose hearing aids and due back in two weeks to have another hearing test and get aids adjusted and awaiting be seen by ENT again after many years to see if anything else can be done.

At the moment big changes are taking place with audiology in Stoke on Trent as the community hospitals won't be doing audiology and refured to Specsavers.( Not yet sure what will happen to tinnitus sufferers as they delt with that too )
Will update this info when find out more....
Nice to have a rant place but seek help if your mood drops as their is help so don't be afraid to ask for it and help for sleep loss....lots of love glynis

 

... i feel sad , like my life was taken over young . at 38 years old . Ive never been a depressive person , until last year my every day life was ; swimming 3km , cycling 2 hours training , enjoy life at its full , nature , I builded up hand crafted hifi equipment , have an electronic lab at my home , I was like a child , curious to everything . Then vertigo and T come up , one year ago , im the shadow of that man , not even . Every day is like fighting a war . I have faith that my mind will go through it but for now I must learn to be patient . I had quitted my life of study because all I want to do is rest now , I think Ill have to begin all over again , like learning to walk again , taking baby steps is that the way I feel now .
Lets stay all strong and take our lifes back little by little , I have all of you in my mind , every day .

 

Can we vent about anything on here?

 

That's hilarious

 

Getting home after doing work into a quiet room and realising i have Tinnitus

 

@Breezer
Yes you may. As long as it doesn't includes self harm and suicide.

 

Although you're not back to your old self tinnitube, you're pressing on and not giving up and that shows inner strength, character and determination to survive. Our greatest glory is not in ever falling but getting up every time that we fall.

 

Positivity is key to a happy life. It's okay to have your ups and downs, as long as you keep going. Yes you should take baby steps. Start doing the things you love once again. Don't let T take over your life.

 

You and your trademark gifs. It never fails to cheer me up.

 

Thank you Michael , I was a triathlete back ago , went to med school , so this thing will not beat me , im going through this even though Ill have to crawl to reach the pool again and self build endorphins to come out . ill send all my strength to the community

 

@tinnitube

I was struck down with tinnitus 20 years ago and I thought my world had ended. I was eventually medically retired from my job but I didn't give up. I had two options: sink or swim and I chose the latter. In 2008, my tinnitus became worse and reached unimaginable levels of intensity. After two years of TRT (for the 2nd time) I made some improvement but not like the lst time.

I was getting depressed. I asked my consultant to be candid with me about my condition. She said: " In all the years I have been an Audiovestibular consultant, you are the second worst patient that I've met with tinnitus." I felt crushed and wanted the floor to open and swallow me whole...But I asked for the truth. She then said something that gave me hope: " I will never give up on treating you". Her words were like a medicine and I carried on and it took me 4 years to habituate to tinnitus for the 2nd time. And I'm standing here today.....Michael

 

Venting....

Like Michael I am a longer term worse case tinnitus patient. I over came this but that is a long story. It does not mean I don't have bad days though.

I was so angry at myself because my friend who lives next door wanted me to come over and see the demolition in her house. I did not realize the workers were still there banging away tearing out walls. I unfortunately over stayed while helping her decide on different ideas for her kitchen.

I came back home with my head exploding in noise. For the last two days I was a basket case. But I knew how to get over this because it has happened before. I knew I would settle down to my usual level. And I did.

But I was SO mad at myself for not leaving immediately.

Just felt like griping myself here.

Ahhhhhhh.....

 

My issues are not emotional; they are physical. I actually did see a psychiatrist about the anhedonia before my hearing injury. They said it sounded more neurological because I didn't have any of the other signs of depression.

These things you mention all leave emotional scars, but my scars are all physical. I don't mean to detract or compare any from the above, as all those things are awful, but I have three things that happened that greatly affect my quality of life. Tinnitus being one of them and the most recent. They are all permanent and there is no amount of positive thinking that will make them go away.

 

I'm pissed, tired and completely fed up. I work 32 hours a week and I sometimes have to struggle to get up and go to work. My collegues and boss cannot fathom what's inside my head, they just see the outside. Now I feel like I'm breaking up. Taking meds, ad, but they cut my emotions. (as they should)
I realised I've never mourned about the loss of silence..

 

Fair enough. I suppose I may have jumped to conclusions over the line I stated above.

Wishing you only the very best my friend. Hope you can deal with this demon and in time push forward in life. We all care here. Get well!

 

Just want to bring this thread back...