Dear commnunity, I'm six month in now and it seems that my severity level changes periodically with increasing periodic time. My last "up" was about maybe 1 week long culminating ten days ago with writing my mom that for two days I've almost no T anymore. I stayed away from TT because I didn't have the urge to visit it. Since then it was getting worse again, writing my mom 7 days ago that I've power line in my head. This "low" condition has been stable since. I can hardly put the disappointment in words. This variation in stress is really grinding me. It's almost impossible not to search manically for reasons for this behaviour instead of accepting it. Even if you know there is no change in lifestyle, there can't be a reason. It's almost impossible not the get angry with your destiniy because it seems to bother you the most it can. Even the "ups" I dislike, since they are giving your a glimpse on unreachable lightness of being I enjoyed so much and they are just leading to disappointment. The downs are raising the fear if it will always be like this with no improvement. How do you handle this ups and downs?