Very Small Success Story for Others — Life Changing for Me

Hello everyone,

At first I want to make some excuses for my horrible englisch writing, i'm from the Netherlands.

At first, I'm 24 years old. About 9 weeks ago I developed some way horrible loud tinnitus. I could here it everywhere, and I mean everywhere. At onset in 1 sound in 1 ear, after one week in both ears multiple sounds. I was in a VERY dark place. Thoughts of suicide where overwhelming. One moment i just went out for random jogging. Just in an impelling i thought of killing myself by a passing train. 1 Second after that impelling, luckily, I thought about my beautiful wife, loving me. About my family, my parents, my brother who was to marry in 4 weeks, my dog (could sound stupid, but i wouldn't miss her, not even for 1 million), all my plans for living.

Lets say I have everything I could wish for (beside of silence). I was very happy with my life. Never experienced some suicidal thought or even depressing thought. Everything in my life went as it used to be. Did university in engineering, have a very good job, loving my wife and my life. And she loves me. The first weeks were very awful and I will never forgive my T for that.

At one point I had an conversation with my wife. I spoke to her, because i thought it was better for me, and for her to kill myself. I really thought that was the right thing. She knows how I was suffering, how i was not able to sleep, how depressed I was, all those things. I said she could not live a happy life with someone like me suffer so much from T. I said she better was with someone else who could make her happy like she deserves. I really wanted that because I love her so much. She started screaming and crying like I never seen before. She yelled at me saying "NOOOO NO NO. PLEASE do not do that. I would never forgive you doing that. I would never be able to live my life like i'm doing. I would never be able to be happy again. I don't want anybody else, I want u for the rest of my life. Please think about the children we could have in the future. Think about ALL those people who have it and said it will be better. Please think about it like the man u used to be. PLEASE." And I started crying. I started crying a lot. The last time I cried was when i was 10. I cried because I know how right she was. She was really right. At that point I really thought killing myself was the only way, so she literaly saved my life. I don't know where i would be if I didn't had her, really.

After we cried a lot together in our arms, i started speaking. I said everything in my life was perfect. She said no, everything IS perfect, beside of those horrible sounds. I thought about it for a moment and said, yes u are so right. My life hasn't changed. Nothing has changed, beside of those horrible sounds (intermittent morse code beeping right ear, intermittent loud hissing in right ear, tonal T in both ears, low humming/bass in right ear). We had a really good conversation together, she really said better things to me than my
psychologist did, I think. She buyed a 2 tickets that night for 3 days holiday. It was on an island not so far away from our living. U can go to the island with your car by a ferry. She said, when u kill your self i will go there and throw myself of the boat halfway trough. I will really do, so give it 4 weeks. Because I know her, I believed her.

The little succes story i want to tell about are the last 3 days. 4 Weeks ago i would never expected i would writing this right now. I was so anxious and aware of my T every second, literally. At friday we went to the island. I don't know why, but i really loved travelling all my life. For some reason I don't know, that felling came up to me at friday. I was feeling some luck. Happy to be able to go to the island with my loving wife.

We have done really enjoyable things. No big things, but lovely things. At friday we went to the restaurant for some food. Despite we went to restaurant before, for the first time I was experiencing some moments I wasn't aware of the T (like 10 seconds). It scared my literally. I literally thougt by myself; u weren't thinking about ur T. So I created the bad habit to scare when i realise i was not thinking about my T. Later that evening we shared a whirlpool together and I was really having fun for the first time in 8 weeks. I really enjoyed it, despite i could never really enjoy such things. I would rather do some nonsensical things on my phone than have some quality time with my wife, sadly. Later that night we watched The voice. Don't know if u know it over there, but it's about music. I watched the show, and enjoyed the music. I believe there was a minute i wasn't aware of my T. It literally scared me to death when I thought about it. I don't know why, maybe i'm obsessed. No, I am obsessed.

The last 2 days we did other things. Went shopping, eating, buying some stupid stuff, went to the beach, watched tv, museums, and lot of other things. I enjoyed it all. I really enjoyed it. My anxious level dropped tremendously. Lets say i always hear my T. Everywhere I want. I think if i go to a rock concert, i could still here my T beside of it. But for some reason I feels like when i'm not aware of it, it isn't that loud. Because when I think shit, i'm not aware of it, there is a moment ( let say 1 second) before the T kicks is as loud it used to bed. I'm realizing while typing this in silence, it doesn't really cause me anxious.

The last thing we did today on the island was going to a museum. It was about some giant ships in history of ther Netherlands and lots of other thing. I hated museums all my life but there was nothing left to do. It's an small island. For some reason this one was really interesting, we walked around for 3 hours watching everything. There moments (1 minute) i wasn't aware of my T. I expect u to laugh, saying 1 minute? 1 minute sounds so hopeless, but for me it was life changing. This weekend was really life changing for me.

From monitoring my T EVERY second in great fear, to have minutes where I wasn't aware of my T felt SO good. Right now I'm having the hope to extend those periods. I expect them to go from minutes to a couple of minutes and possibly to an hour. And when i become aware of it doesn't cause me fear.

I know there will be bad days coming. I really know that. But right now, i'm in a much much better place than i was 9 weeks ago. The best thing was when we went to the boat, I was thinking by myself, luckily u didn't kill your self, u could never had experienced this weekend enjoyings those things witch such a beautiful, lovely lady. We were waiting for the ferry and I started crying again after thinking that. I looked at my wife and saw the fear in her eyes. She said no. don't tell me that. I telled her about my thoughts, happy to spent the last days together. Enjoying those things, and beiing not aware of my T for some moments. She started crying too, hugged each other. Never felt love like that before in my life. Tears from love. It was really the best moment of my life. She said sometimes she saw the old me,

Before this holiday i spoke to her, i dont want to talk about tinnitus these days. I really don't want. She said, i think it's important to talk about when u're anxious. I said no. Please do not talk about that thing. I will tell u I had some bad moments, but she always talked about other things, so sometimes i could forger much more easily those bad moments, than when we are talking about it together. It felt like i was more focusing on enjoyable things.

Despite I need sleeping pills, to get some hours of sleep and those horrible sounds, i enjoyed this weekend. I really think i'm on my way back to enjoy my life again. I will give it some years. Thanks for al those loving words when i needed it the most.

Bless u all.

 

What is the cause of your T?

Your T will most likely fade over the next year or two. You might even spontaneously recover.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/

I am glad that you didn't let the dark thoughts win. If you are ever in a bad place again being tempted to commit suicide, tell yourself to wait for at least two years after the onset of T. It would be horrible to commit suicide, if you were going to recover from T within a year.

 

It changes so much, i don't expect it to go away but i will really love it. I don't know the exact cause of my T. I have Hearing loss all my life. Never experienced T before. My mom also have hearing loss, much worser. She luckily don't have T. If I need to say one thing to cause my T: loud sounds. But Then the onset was later than the sounds. It worsened over one week and Then settled down a bit. From 9/10 to 7/10. I also testes my blood Because of other symptons, and Lyme was positif, also have Candida overgrowth since onset (White tonque and red armpits). Tomorrow i have an appointment in hospital Because of that. I don't know if antibiotics Can worsen tinnitus?

 

This is a very good sign. When it stays relentlessly at the same volume and pitch, there is less hope that it will change for the better.

My T began 10 days after my acoustic trauma.

If your T was caused by one of those conditions, then hopefully your T will go away once your doctors have a chance to treat those two conditions.

They CAN! Search this site for threads about antibiotics. If I remember correctly amoxicillin is one of the few antibiotics that are reasonably safe.

Explain your situation (you have T) to your doctor and then ask your doctor for an antibiotic that is Not Ototoxic.

Check out
http://hlaa-sbc.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Ototoxic_Brochure.pdf

You might also check out

https://www.ehealthme.com/ds/XXXXX/tinnitus/
replace XXXXX with the name of the antibiotic prescribed by your doctor

For example
https://www.ehealthme.com/ds/amoxicillin/tinnitus/

You may want to begin with a dose of antibiotics that is smaller than the prescribed dose, and then monitor your T. If it gets louder, then stop taking the drug!

 

My life also turned to utter crap once i got Tinnitus. I am still having a very difficult time coping and sometimes do cry. It was an amazing life, this now is nothing more than survival.

 

It will fade away. Give it time

 

That is an amazing story. It will take time (maybe 1-2 years) but I believe your T will fade away and you will be fine. You will be a better person for going thru this.
God Bless

 

Very much Thanks to you! Will discuss this monday in the hospital.

 

Hope you're right. Got any tips? Got a very good day today again. The sounds less bothersome today and sometimes wasn't aware of it for a minute.

 

@threefirefour From that TMJ article that I tagged you with yesterday. It stated that it's important to also chew soft foods on bad side.

 

For me one side is much weaker than the other. I'm trying to exercise that side.

Also went to ortho today. I guess my top jaw is too narrow...

 

It almost hurts when i chew on my bad side.. It just feels so uncomfortable, like my jawjoint is going to crash into my ear.

I'm babying my jaw so much ,i think about what to eat, how to relax my jaw etc 24/7, even at night i wake up in panic when i don't have my teeth apart and scared that i might be clenching again and ruining the progress. When is this crap gonna end.

 

@Carlyi @just1morething @threefirefour @dpdx I can relate totally. For some like us, a mouth guard is not a real answer, but for most it is helpful.

Of all the studies, I think that this may be a good treatment. Light massage from another of the trapezius muscle before going to sleep.

Mentioned in a few medical journals is this -

"The highest levels of neck and jaw disability are known with higher levels of muscular tenderness in the upper part of the trapezius muscle and the temporalis muscle." This is common at night.

Second cause - during the day. Bad posture, extended neck and muscle spasms. The C1C2 disc places pressure on muscles in the neck like falling dominos and will continue to the jaw and ears.

 

The only tip I can give is to protect your ears for a while, avoid loud noise, and give it plenty of time. Don't try to put a time limit on it, it will fade on it's own schedule. It may take a few months or it may take another 2 years, so try to be patient.

 

@threefirefour Hi there - saw your post and wanted to recommend that you perhaps look at Myofunctional exercises - i.e. tongue and face exercises. They can help with TMJ and more. I've been seeing a great osteopath and he has opened my eyes on how the development of our facial, mouth and tongue muscles - for good or bad - have en effect on our entire physiology.

Here are some videos you might want to look into. Ignore the titles and focus on the ones that exercise the tongue.

Myofunctional Therapy Exercise with Dr. Audrey...

Myofunctional Therapy Exercise with Dr. Audrey...

Myofunctional Therapy Exercise with Dr. Audrey...

Just like any exercise routine or treatment, you have to be persistent before you perceive any results.

@Carlyi Have you considered a splint? I have one and it's made a real difference.

Cheers,
Ignacio

 

Guys, I want to let you know something. A hour ago i sold a new project for my business . That's not the only thing I want to let you know. I think it took some 15 minutes, I can't remember I thought about my tinnitus once. Now if that's an improvement . This week I drank some wine with my girlfriend. It didn't a fuck to my tinnitus, maybe a bit but we enjoyed a great evening.

Thangs are changing for the better. Life's good. Sleep is bad, but I expect it will improve in time.

 

Keep up the good fight! Stay positive!

 

So it's me here Again, Just to let you know i am able to sleep whitout medication again. Never thought for 3 months i Would ever be able to sleep whitout medication again. I Just close my eyes and sleep. Don't use masking at night Because my gf and tinnitus dont Like it. I have a masker in my hearing aids. Sometimes My brain tunes it out. I Can hear it over everything even the shower, but the minimum masking level is getting lower. When I don't focus on it and turn on the qooker I do Not hear it. But i Can If I try to. But it's getting more to the background, it's no longer on top of everything, more beside.

Hope things Will improve more!

And oh Yeah, I eat everything again. And it feels good. My tinnitus is spiking Because of Some things Like coffee. But I don't really care about the volume anymore. It's always there. So why getting anxious when it's a little louder temporary?

 

Thanks for your motivation! Hope things Will improve further. I'm busy with My business again, trying to make the best of it despite My tinnitus. I hope once it won't bother me that much and get My life back 100%.

And Yes i was desperate. Very very very desperate. But I am enjoying things again. Had So much fun the last days. I want to change the constant thinking about it. I am thinking about TRT in London. Sheldrake. Does anyone have Some suggestions? Im from the Netherlands.

Thank you. How is life for you?

 

Is Habituation those seconds you don't hear your tinnitus at all when in environment sounds at all, most of the time? Then I Would be fine again.

 

Hi Benoves, awesome story, i can relate to this, because i had very dark thoughts in the beginning too. Eventually it brought my wife and me closer together also.
Recently my T has worsened and on top of that i suffer from severe H as well.
Did you try TRT in the netherlands or UK? Experiences with InSentis maybe?
Hope you are doing well.

 

Hi Benoves, I would love to know how you are doing now! I'm also from the Netherlands (21 years old) but I'll keep it in english so other can read aswell. My tinnitus can also be heared over everything. I feel like I'm decently on my way to habituation but I still have times where having T makes me feel sad, especially the moments where I'm doing fun things. Those make me think how much more fun they would be if I didn't have the worry of tinnitus. The fact is, tinnitus shouldn't be a worry, and I know that. Somehow I can't train my brain to fully stop worrying about it yet.

Also another fun fact that I've heared from alot of people: Apparantly the cure for hearing loss and tinnitus is already out there. Frequency Therapeutics and Decibel Therapeutics seem to be 99% confident to have the cure in there hands according to the people that communicate with them directly. Unfortunately these cures will not be available to the public until they've fully completed the trials. Due to these official testing regulations it may take another 4 years to go public.