What Is Wrong with Me?

When i read stories like this it makes me worry i might have a tumor or cyst somewhere. They did a catscan of my head and said everything was normal. But a catscan wouldnt show a cyst would it

 

There's a doctor in Texas willing to do my surgery but I will have to travel. Thanks Karen! My insurance kicks in April 1st and then it's time to get the ball rolling. I will keep you posted.

My cyst did NOT show up on a normal CT scan, I had to do an MRI, with and without contrast. Not to make you worry, but you should definitely check it out, especially if you're having headaches.. Rule out everything, it's better to be safe than sorry. <3

 

I wish you well with your surgery Matty.

I discovered I have a pineal cyst several years ago on an MRI as part of a workup for chronic headaches. (pre t days)

I dont have pulsatile t. Why does your Dr feel your pineal cyst is the cause of your t?

 

He said it's very large (15 MM now) and it's nearly 3x the size as the gland itself. How big is yours?

 

@Matty, I hope the best for you and hope it all gets better.

 

I know what you mean about the Pulsatile Tinnitus takes everything out of you, I have tinnitus as well and fissures so I need to lay down a bunch, and when i lay down my neck gets all fucked up and I get it. Immediately I just want to not be in my body anymore, what kind of torture is this? Intelligent design my ass, I'd sometimes rather have a blood disease than this ringing=[ With time I hope I get used to it though, because I have kind of gotten used to the reg tinnitus. Good luck, man

 

Hey all,

I'm having surgery to remove the cyst next month - the Doctor believes it will rid my headache and symptoms (including tinnitus) once and for all.. going on 7 months now I am so relieved! God bless.

 

Matty, I read your story and was just curious how you were doing at this time? Hoping it all going well for you by now.

 

How are you doing nowadays @Matty ? Hope all is well.

 

This is why yyou stay away from mdma. I haven't touched mdma in 8 months Lool no one will ever understand the state it has put me in. I regret abusing the drug for more than a year straight. It fucked my brain up so much I will never feel the same again. I hate waking up every day I can't bare being me anymore. Mdma has given me all sorts of problems like schizophrenic type symptoms and pretty much everything from every day depression. Short term memory loss. Anxiety. Sleep problems. Hearing constant voices/thoughts/music in my mind (I can even make up music in my mind) bad memories. Random memories of when I was a child. Sometimes I just sit in my room look in the mirror and ill just cry and then 1hr later ill be like waiitt wtf I was crying over some dumb shit. My feelings towards things are constantly changing. I have had delusions. People have told me I have a flat face like it shows no emotion. My key worker said i look confused/clueless but by chatting to me she can tell Im not. Sometimes when Im walking down the street and someone across the road is saying something it will sound like something else.. It seems so real to Me.


ANYWAY whatever innit but here's one thing i havent managed to find online.. Ive taken mdma to the point where for the last 3 times I took it.. I didn't get high I just feat like shit and things were moving and no one believes me but it made me see things. Literally. I was sitting outside feeling like shit and I look up at a door and I see my friends little brother standing there with a football. I blinked and he wasnt tthere I was so scared.

I still smoke weed when I can tho. I know this drug shit has to stop like its fucked me up so much but i have alot of problems like Im only 18 ive never met my real mum n dad, was in a 2 yr relationship with a girl who fucked me oover big time. Got kicked out when I was 16. I hhave slept rough. My real dad is apparently schizo. Shouldn't have taken all these drugs then should I ? My life is so shit I dont feel like living llife anymore. Im probably gonna be in prison soon. I feel like my life is already destined like its already happened and Im just reliving it. I see living life as a punishment. What have I done ? Did I ask to live ?From day one we are slaves to the government, I just hate everything about life so much its so fucked up. Every day is just stress stress stress.

Idek why Im posting here tbh. Usually I read what I have written but Im not even gonna read it Cos if I read it ill probably end up deleting it all so Im just gonna post it

 

To me, it looks like drugs are both causing, but also exacerbating a problem that was already there. Given your life events, you probably had a very traumatic childhood development (which is nowdays officially recognized to possibly cause later problems psychologically, and neurologically since the 2 things are correlated), it's not uncommon that ppl with stories like yours grow up having some problem, more or less severe, wether they are "common" depressive and anxious tendencies, or more severe problems, but it could even be milder problems (i.e. extremely shy and low self esteem). I know nothing about you, so I suggest you to go to talk to a professionist about it as a first step and hopefully to take back control of your life again. Except for more severe problems (schizofrenia and similiar) where, usually, lifetime medications are needed, given the right time and Dedication there are great chances you can heal trauma and build a stronger psyche, it takes time and, at least in the beginning, probably help from medications.
Also, I suggest you to quit weed as soon as possible (also alcohol if you make large use of it), it exacerbates silent problems in a fragile psyche too. I'm not against weed, but it is not for everyone.
Good luck.