Worsening Tinnitus... Stress? Benzo Withdrawal? Any Ideas?

Discussion in 'Support' started by Guest5401, Dec 2, 2021.

    1. Damocles
      No Mood

      Damocles Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear Infection
      Hi @Guest5401,

      So I've read a couple of your posts on the forum lately, and I can see you're going through a very rough period in your life.

      Tinnitus is a rude awakening for anyone who suffers it significantly; that our lives are as fragile as the world is brutal.

      Prior to my tinnitus becoming bad enough to disable me in 2009, I had been preparing to take a degree in East Asian Languages and Traditional Art. It was just when I was putting together my application that I got hit by the mother of all ear infections, that changed my reality forever.

      Despite this, for a couple of years I continued to entertain the thought that I might return to studying those subjects at university, eventually. Although I pretty much accept now, that for me, this would be impossible, and considering my reactive tinnitus, plus my semi-reclusive lifestyle (with tinnitus), not particularly enjoyable either.

      Keep in mind: I'm only talking about my particular case here. There's nothing to say you won't recover enough a couple of years down the line, that you won't be able to resume studying for your preferred career. But even if you don't, you'll eventually find something else you're passionate about, that you can contribute to the world through.

      For example, right now I'm studying several subjects, with the aim of giving some European languages a try next summer. And if that doesn't work out (with my ears), then I'll probably start studying programming and computer languages (see the connection there?), because I spend three-quarters of every day at my laptop already anyway...

      Seriously though, I totally get the thing about feeling useless when you develop a crippling disability like this. I feel like the failure in my family so often. Two of my sisters already have husbands, good careers, a house of their own; one even has a child already... and I'm the eldest sibling... yet I'm the "Peter Pan" of my family, still living with his parents, studying for university etc.

      But the thing is, it doesn't matter. You can't beat yourself up about your circumstances. Just look at @Zugzug (a member of Tinnitus Talk who I have great respect for). The guy is hilarious, super-intelligent and a very skilled Mathematician (with a degree), and yet life went south for him, just like us (only after he finished his studies, instead of before). So you see my point. It doesn't matter when it happened: it was going to happen somewhere down the line.

      Simple fact: We have to practice acceptance. That we have no control in life, and that there is a plan for us all.

      Forget what you can't do, and focus on what you can.

      Anyway, this may all be too much for you, too soon. I realise you're at the beginning of your journey, and I have had a good long time to come to terms with mine. But trust me, despite the fact it feels like the world has turned against you right now, you'll see with time, how it all comes to make sense. Just have faith, and focus on looking after yourself for now.

      All the best, @Damocles.
       
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    2. Johan001

      Johan001 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Medication
      Hi @Guest5401, I was feeling just like you when I was hit. I had some nasty personal circumstances around getting tinnitus too. Just progressed in my career and spent thousands of pound from my savings on a professional qualification and ended up disabled by tinnitus. The disrespect from doctors is unfortunately not foreign to my story as well. It was a rude awakening for me realising how full of s...t they are. I now have much more trust in the traditional medicine in case I need anything.

      I was unable to work for about a year, in fact I did work, but I was like a zombie at work. And the worst thing, the company went bust and the guys who ran it didn't pay me and my colleagues a penny for 6 months of work, which for me was extra painful, literally money earned with blood.

      On top of this, I was receiving horrific abuse from the narcissistic ex-woman who caused my tinnitus in the first place. No family of my own nearby, parents live in a other country unable to travel due to lockdowns, I was ready to end it all too.

      My tinnitus is severe and it didn't significantly change since I got it. It actually varies every day.

      However, I did manage to turn some things around for the better.

      My best mate helped me to break free from an abusive relationship and take a job that is less in qualification that I obtained but fantastic in lifestyle. I now have lots of time to take care of myself and I am grateful to have a job like this amid the global crisis where lots of people struggle to find one.

      After I stabilised my personal situation, I got more time to help my situation with tinnitus. Some supplements started to calm me down (before that, even benzos didn't take me, can you imagine), I got a hearing aid, started yoga etc. Everything that I do is directed at calming my anxiety. Of course, it's directly correlated with tinnitus intensity, but anxiety is at least something that I can do something about.

      Do I feel like a failure? Hard to say. It's a wrong thought in the first place. I probably became much less materialistic, less judgemental and more compassionate. It made me realise my mortality and amidst massive health crisis, it made me realise how fragile we are and how all these things like status, money etc is just unimportant, but people keep chasing it. I now feel less of a failure because this tough period made me realise the true values, being more grateful and compassionate.

      Another positive progression, I started to study again. Interesting, before tinnitus, I was studying for diplomas and fancy titles. Outwards basically. The stuff that I study now is about getting myself the skills I want, so pretty much inwards.

      That being said, it's still possible to adjust your life and continue something that you are passionate about, albeit in a different form.
       
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    3. Forever hopeful
      Depressed

      Forever hopeful Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015 resolved, 4/20 L ear, increase 2/21
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2015,noise,2020-21 SNHL
      I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I am really perplexed at the thought that you’ve seen all these EMTs and they refused to test your hearing. At my ENT practice the first thing they do when someone complains of changing or worsening tinnitus is test the hearing. I don’t know where you live but that just seems crazy. What the heck is wrong with these doctors?

      If in fact you have sudden sensorineural hearing loss, the treatment for that is prednisone or a steroid injection and in severe cases, HBOT.. So in terms of talking about the window for treatment if you have prednisone and you won’t take it there’s probably not much they can do for you to recover your hearing. I totally understand being medication adverse. I’ve taken prednisone many times and have had no impact on my tinnitus. In fact, it significantly improved a drop in hearing I had. It’s very easy to attribute changes in tinnitus to certain things that may or may not be the cause. My otologist said there are over 200 things that cause tinnitus and apart from hearing loss, you almost never really know the cause.

      I have read about many people talking about the negative impacts of microsuction on their tinnitus.

      I highly doubt that the benzodiazepine withdrawal is causing your tinnitus. You would have to abruptly stop taking it and that would be after a long period of consistent use. And tinnitus from Benzo withdrawal tends to improve in time not get worse.

      I hope you can find some relief soon.
       
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    4. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Guest5401

      Guest5401 Guest

      @Damocles, thank you for your kind words, and all your support. I understand your point but it is still hard, really hard. I sometimes almost have panic attacks when I think about where I was and where I am right now. It feels surreal...

      And yes, I feel like I am the black sheep of the family too...

      Actually I can't do much... 2 months without being able to enjoy anything... Specially these last weeks where I am worse than the last month... If it would just stop progressing I could habituate. I think I am still habituating quite fast to each new change/worsening. But this madness has to stop or I will lose it.

      I'm having faith, but sometimes I feel really desperate, not only because all I have lost in this life, but because I know tinnitus can be so bad that it's almost impossible to habituate to... And I am writing while wearing earmuffs and listening to my tinnitus 24/7 with null reaction to it (maybe the sound sensation I got its around 50 dB, pretty loud), but still just annoying can't concentrate on other things.

      Guess I still need time to figure out what can I do to feel useful for this world.
      I don't know how old you were when I hit you so hard, but I'm only 27 and I can't imagine living like this or worse for the rest of my life, just wow. I'm still inspired by how you managed to cope.

      @Johan001, thank you for your support, I hope I can find something to be useful at... I'm really desperate to finish my career since it was pure vocation, it wasn't because of the money. And actually can't find anything else that would fill this emptiness I feel.

      @Forever hopeful, thank you for your kind words, I felt the same, why would they refuse to do an audiogram? I don't know. I have done one this Monday, and the thresholds were about the same as before (no hearing loss). Still I don't know my hearing feels a bit less or maybe it is just my imagination... I haven't started prednisone, but I would be out of the 2 week window I think... I still could give a try, I asked my professor ENT about what to do, and he told me to take Deflazacort... Still don't know what to do honestly. What I have learnt from this is tinnitus can be way worse than you would imagine... And that is what I am scared about...
       
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    5. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      Guest5401.

      Sometimes I think we are all just waiting until our tinnitus improves.

      Some of us rush to ENT, some take supplements, some do yoga.

      I did all those things. None helped really. It got better after 2 and a half years. Very little sound. Life was normal.

      Now I’m back at the beginning again with one little COVID-19 jab.

      The only healer is time. Do what you have to to put the time in.
       
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