Marina Moon

Marina Moon

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  • Marina Moon
    Today, I did something I thought I'd never be able to do, something I feared. Today, I mowed the lawn! It was an eletric lawn mower and I wore earplugs. I was definitely sore afterwards (pain in my face) and muscle stiffness around my body, but I did it! And I had fun! :D
    Marina Moon
    T is normal like usual. My right ear was a little loud afterwards, but I did do a cardio workout earlier in the day before mowing, and the pressure in my right eustachian tube is always messed up. I'll wait and see.
    Marina Moon
    An odd thing happened last night, not sure if it was contributed to by the mowing. But in bed, as I laid on my left side, the ringing in my right ear went up and the ringing in my left ear turned off (or so quiet that I didn't even perceive T) This occurred for less than a minute, then it went back to as it was before. I don't know why this happens at times, but the human body is an odd thing.
    Marina Moon
    my sister yelled directly into my right ear. it was the first time for me that sound caused immediate ear pain, and it hurt alot. (the pain in my face/jaw today was bad, like most days. Woke up with my right ear and tmj hurting) My life is ruled by pain. I am filled with so much anger right now. I don't want to feel this way, i hate that too!
    Marina Moon
    i read over the after visit summary my doctor wrote. She wrote that i have cervical and lumbar spondylosis.......
    I DO NOT HAVE CERVICAL AND LUMBAR SPONDYLOSIS. I have x rays and mri's that prove otherwise! I already knew I wasn't going to go back to her again because she literally has not helped me getting to the cause of all my pain, but what the actual fuck???
    Marina Moon
    The NP wrote down that my low back pain was suspect due to "thoracolumbar spondylosis." They cannot make a bold claim like that especially since I had X-rays done of all three sections of my spine that showed healthy discs and spaces between them. I do have scoliosis and forward head posture, but there was no indication of degeneration or osteoarthritis. Should I make a complaint to them?
    Marina Moon
    The NP aslo wrote that I have BILATERAL arm pain. I do not. I literally told them so many times, and drew so many pictures on the human diagrams they've given me, that I have only left arm pain. I remember she was really cold to me during the visit, so it's confirmed that she really wasn't listening to me at all. You don't write FAKE symtpoms in for a patient.
    Marina Moon
    Good news! My finger healed! :D
    (It's been so long since something of mine became injured AND THEN healed completely T_T Maybe it's possible for more of me to heal...)
    Marina Moon
    I'm going to hate on myself rn because I'm such an idiot. I walked right past a group of landscapers and they were blaring their equipment really loud and I didn't cover my ears. I hope I don't get a spike or any more damage, I didn't want to cover my ears because I thought I would look crazy, but now I hate myself because I didn't.
    Marina Moon
    from the bottom of my heart I enjoy going on walks, but it wasn't until tinnitus that I hadn't become aware of all the loud sounds around me. Today I was more cautious while going for a walk and covered my ears while passing by landscapers, but now it makes me want to cry. A normal and relaxing activity like going for a walk has now become a stressful one. I refuse to accept this as my reality T-T
    Marina Moon
    A door slammed on my finger on the 14th of last month and it's healing better, i guess? It's still stiff and swollen but it doesn't hurt when I move it (much) hopefully it heals completely this month. I've been avoiding using it unnecessarily and have been splinting it, along with moving it a bit for light exercise.
    ECP
    That's great news! I hope it continues to heal quickly and completely. And I bet it feels strangely gratifying to watch an injured body part heal at a reasonably acceptable pace. Our ear problems are so much slower to resolve.
    Marina Moon
    @ECP Thank you! I can already tell that it feels better week by week :D I thought about this earlier and it really does feel strangely gratifying in perspective to everything else. The improvement reminded me how fast healing can occur, for some things. Being stuck in my chronic health issues made me forget that healing could occur at all 😂
    Marina Moon
    I also bit into an apple earlier today and my right TMJ hasn't stopped hurting. My facial muscles have been spasming alot more lately too and it's painful, and odd looking. I'd hate if anyone were to see me like this, because my facial expressions look funny. I'm not purposely making a face at anyone, my facial muscles (in my cheeks and jaw) do what they want without my control...but damn it hurts.
    Marina Moon
    It's been more than a year and I am back here. I don't really have good news, just the same pain and T symptoms like before, just kind of worse. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me, but I still crave for my old normal where constant pain was never in the scope of my reality. I have a follow up appointment with my physical therapy doctor tomorrow.
    Marina Moon
    i know i haven't been on here in a while, but recently I cracked my neck (becuase of stress) and it burns. the burning is radiating into my face and down my shoudler blades. 1 second of a bad mistake now results in hours of burning and muscle pain.... No effect on my tinnitus though.
    Marina Moon
    How do you conquer a very bad ichy ear? I need to itch it, and unfortuantely i have, but now it's starting to feel sore for days now.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    i hate my body. Why is my body my enemy? Why is it hurting me so? I want to be free from this existence.
    Marina Moon
    something is wrong with me. this isn't a simple textbook case of tmd, and i hate myself for self-diagnosing myself because now it has turned into a weapon used against me. My parents treat me like a normal case, like i have normal pains. 'if i grind my teeth i'll end up like you,' my dad told me. I feel so caged. I have been stripped of freedom my whole life, but only now it has finally broken me.
    Marina Moon
    Chronic pain stripped away any little freedoms i had left....but at least i can drive.
    Marina Moon
    I went to a TMJ physical therapist yesterday. I'm not better or worse, but i'm not hopeful. (will discuss in comments)
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    then he stop tongue depressors, stacked on top of eachother, and then put them in my mouth to stretch/open up my mouth. He says that's something i should do 5 times a day(?) and idk i don't want to do that....
    Marina Moon
    I told him about all the other pain of my body, how so much of it is left sided and between my shoudler blades. He really...dismissed it like the other PTs who dismiss my facial pain. From both of their perspectives, neither pain is related to the other. It was a depressing session. I seriously thought this guy was going to find out my root cause. I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO EXPLAIN MORE ABOUT POSTURE.
    Marina Moon
    But i got my hopes up and i'm no better or worse. No doctors or PTs want to bothered to investigate a confusing case like mine. They should do their damn job. i hate medicine, i hate how cowardly these 'professionals' are all acting. Cowardly, mean, dismissive. Only someone who has a problem that is 'treatable' may be lended aid, but everyone who requires extra attention? Nope. fuck the health industry.
    Marina Moon
    I hate that this is my life, I'm almost screaming everyday for help now. i hate how pain turned me into this abomdinable version of myself
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    I guess it's all my fault, i wanted this treatment to work and i kept going, i'm an idiot for hoping this would help me. But now i'm stopping with this PT (i hate how my mom viewed these sessions as 'social visits' and kept flirting with my PT instead of viewing them as real physical therapy sessions to treat my chronic pain and asking geniuine ass questions about my condition)
    Marina Moon
    Not that my PT could answer any of my questions. He doesn't specialize in TMD. I'm the idiot for going back. Chronic pain changed my opinion on living, on simply existing--I am no longer a fan of it and i think it's dreadful. Everyday is torture. I just have to distract myself long enough to make it through each day.
    Marina Moon
    i think i lost all value to my parents when i cancelled taking the MCAT last summer, no longer pursuing the medical school route. To them, that cancellation usurped the beginning of my chronic pain; the end of a potential career as a doctor continues to overshadow my hellish condition. I'm broken, full of sorrow and anger.
    Marina Moon
    the health care industry is so corrupt.
    Juliane
    Oh yes. I wonder what would happen if all the good people in this world came together. We could stop them. We could create a world worth living in.
    Marina Moon
    @Juliane Yes, and urgently. The healthcare system needs a makeover.
    Marina Moon
    I started doing some hip exercises and now whenver i IMMEDIATELY sit down, my feet and ankles start tingling.
    BB23
    Paresthesia
    Marina Moon
    June isn't a good time for me anymore. It's just a painful reminder of my horrible beginning.
    TheCapybara
    Same here, late June is when I woke up with sudden hearing loss, two year anniversary coming up.
    Juliane
    Yeah so many dates and milestones ruined
    Marina Moon
    Reminder for me to stick with a soft food diet....also wondering regretfully if i should have gotten that brain scan...
    Marina Moon
    if any doctor can tell me what EXACTLY is the root of my problem then they just answered the million dollar question!
    Marina Moon
    Now for some good news! My belly button stopped bleeding! There is still some fleeting pain in my abdomen but it is mainly a lot better.
    Marina Moon
    My not so happy 1 year anniversary. Mother's day of last year was the first day i reported my symptoms, not knowing what was awaiting me.
    Marina Moon
    I'm bleeding from my belly button and it hurts. Don't know why. How am i supposed to live laugh love life like this?
    Marina Moon
    my mind screams at the idea of more pain, I can't take it anymore. i just can't
    L along the way
    Sorry to read.. (saying to myself too).. trying to be kind to yourself..
    Marina Moon
    NGL but i really just want to stuff my face with Doritos rn. Nacho cheese, ranch, the good stuff, MMMMMHHH!!!
    Marina Moon
    I'm the shittiest daughter alive. My mom fell & i couldn't catch her. I should have just threw myself down & been used as a human cushion.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    my mom was trying on outfits today, which is a good sign, because she always tries on outfits, like putting on her own fashion shows, in the mornings (usually). So she's resuming activities again, but slowly, she had to stop because it worsened some symtpoms. But it's a start. She's also taking time off work.
    Marina Moon
    horrid thought. My mom should have just fell on me. Sure, I would have been in more pain that i absolutely cannot take, but at least my mom would be fine.
    T
    @Marina Moon you are an incredibly caring daughter, but stop saying this.Your mum seems to be improving and you have enough pain to deal with. More than enough.
    Marina Moon
    I had a follow up appointment with the physiotherapist & i forgot to mention my T. I just didn't want to interrupt everything she was saying
    SumGuy
    how it go?
    Marina Moon
    @SumGuy She just wanted to check out on how i'm doing, how i'm liking physical therapy, though my pain is still persisting but she doesn't know why i have facail pain. It got worse yesterday actually, and then my mom suffered a head injury and had to be rushed to the hospital. She fainted then fell backwards and hit her head on the ground. Life...ain't too great rn....
    Marina Moon
    Are twitching muscles considered a headache? When i lay on my left side, the left temporalis muscle starts twitching VERY OFFPUTTING like.
    Marina Moon
    OMG I NEED TO MAKE AN UPDATE ASAP!!!! (what i learned today in PT)
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    Well, at least he's confident that i'll never need rotator cuff surgery lol
    Marina Moon
    But a few things are for certain. TMD is real, and people can have this same condition but experience it differently (the same is true for other conditions and diseases.) It is a multifactorial condition that has different causes and different treatments because no two patients are the same. Alot of poeple have it, but not alot of people treat it. We need more TMD doctors, because we are in a crisis.
    Marina Moon
    i wonder if my PT doesn't verbally explain much to me is because he has facial pain because of his TMD. That or he simply isn't one for explaining things.
    Marina Moon
    When will i wake up from this terrible nightmare?
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Let me know when you do! Because I am wondering the same thing!
    SumGuy
    waking up is the hardest part of the day. Knowing whats waiting for you :(

    I hope theres a treatment soon.
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