dipp

dipp

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Member From Spain
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  • dipp
    (2/2) Right now, I continue not because of me, but for my wife and my family. I don't know what can I do to get a little better. I truly want to live of course, but right now it's hard to see the point in any of this. I just go through days and weeks the best that I can, but it's hard when you are being tortured all day 24/7. If I surrender someday, at least I know that I tried as hard as I could.
    2049v
    Hey my friend, I'm really sorry to read what you're going through. I noticed you joined the forum back in February 2017. Has it really been bad all this time? Didn't you have any better or more tolerable periods — times when things felt a bit lighter or closer to baseline? It's been over 8 years now. I've had very severe tinnitus too, for more than a year. I went through suicidal-level days, but also some okay ones. Not many, but still not every day was terrible. I just wonder if you had any of those moments too.
    dipp
    • dipp

      dipp

    @2049v , thanks a lot for your message. Yes, during this years I´ve had lots of good times. My main problem is that year by year my hearing is worse, and my T louder. I somehow habituate and then I became worse and then have to habituate again, and I´m reaching very severe levels. I started with very low single tone T that I heard only at night, and progressively gone worse and now I have lots of sounds, the worst ones electrical hissings that I can hear it next to a highway or driving with music on. Maybe I can overcome this once again, but the bad thing for me is that I know that sometime I will worsen again. I´m getting out of strength to keep fighting. But I have to try.
    2049v
    @dipp, yes, I also had that electrical-type ringing, especially at the start. It couldn't be masked at all, and I cried until my tears ran dry because I couldn't sleep or if I did for a few minutes, the noise woke me up again. It was pure torture, truly horrifying. No one can understand unless they've lived it. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've had awful days too, but I try to stay hopeful and live day by day now. Not every day is hell, though many are hard. I hope things get easier for you too. Only those who suffer like us can truly understand. By the way, do you know why your hearing keeps getting worse? Is it due to acoustic trauma or age related?
    dipp
    (1/2) Yesterday I should have had a good day. Easy work in the morning, and later I went with my wife to get a coffee and some doughnuts. Then we cooked some dinner and watched a episode of one of my favorite series, The flight of the Conchords. Anyway, I was feeling terrible and so depressed, because of loud T and hearing loss. I hardly enjoyed any of that. I was being tortured. If I can't enjoy some of this things, then I don't see the point in continuing living.
    dipp
    Had a mental breakdown while talking with my parents on the phone.
    H
    Hey we never talked but I've read alot of your posts. You've always managed to get through it the past and I feel like you'll do the same now. We're all hoping the best for you.
    dipp
    @hey Thanks for your kind words, that meant a lot to me. I tell that to myself, but my situation is always getting worse. T related and HL related. I'm struggling to get through every single day. Maybe I can overcome this, but not very hopeful this time.
    dipp
    Talking with people makes my new ultra high pitched electric sound go wild. I can stand in silence without much problem, read a book and so on. A little chat or something on TV, and it worsens a lot a it´s highly noticeable. I don´t know how to handle this. It seems like the end.
    dipp
    I know it doesn't makes any sense but this thing appears to force me to the end of me on purpose. I want to live. I want to win. But man...
    dipp
    Why when I adapted to my multiple tones, hissings and hearing loss do I have to develop an ultra-high pitch electric sound?
    J
    Same. I habituated to the tones in both ears and then high pitch electric static blasted over it and fills my whole head now. Been almost a year since it got to this level. Non stop screeching in both ears. I'm sorry when I see others have the same. Hang on my friend. You're not alone.
    2049v
    @dipp how much hearing loss do you have?
    dipp
    I´m having also some episodes of fleeting T that are awful. What is wrong with me.
    dipp
    2 weeks of lower T(the very high pitched in the right mostly went away)and now is back in full force.Can handle lots of sounds.Not this one.
    BrOKeN_1
    Hopefully just a temporary spike. All Ive ever known is that super high pitch squeal. It's rough.
    dipp
    Then what about me? I have not a single minute free of T.Only more or less in the shower.When I go to bed I feel relieved that the day ended
    Pinhead
    Same. Every second. I can't eat, breathe, or think without it taking over.
    dipp
    I really don´t like reading that somebody´s T is bothering them when going to sleep. Did you have a T-free whole day and you complain??
    dipp
    Really screwed at the moment.Don´t know what to do anymore.Have been thinking about my T 24x7 in the last month.Not a single moment of peace
    dipp
    Don´t know if I can overcome this last worsening. I feel I have no more strength in me. Don´t know if this life is worth anymore.
    dipp
    I´m thinking about how good is that we humans only have 2 ears.Can´t imagine how awful would it be to have 4 or 6 ears and T in all of them.
    View previous comments…
    SarahMLFlemmer
    For real. ;]
    dipp
    @Mo8409 Actually it is a serious thought I have. Maybe I can imagine that I have 4 ears and have 2 of them with no T. But I´m glad that it made you laugh anyway :) Since my last worsening this thing makes me think weird things like this. I just want some peace.
    Mo8409
    @dipp I get it. We all do. Silence was nice while it lasted.
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