23 Years without Silence — Then a Tinnitus Spike from Celebrex I Can't Endure

(If you are feeling down about your tinnitus don’t read this)

Hi everyone,
I’m 38 years old, I obtained noise induced tinnitus from a firework going off near me at 15 years of age, instantly my ears rang like they do in the movies, but they never stopped. It was awful, I’ll never forget. Back then, I would email people and they’d give me advice, as a kid, people go out of their way to help, there weren’t many forums. I went to specialists , audiologists, ENT surgeons, I took supplements, I prayed, you name it I gave it a shot. Over the years it basically tainted my life, ruining college and Uni, i became depressed and always stressed. Eventually, I did TRT (Tinnitus RetrainingTtherapy) which is like CBT, for months with specialists. Over time, I habituated (a word that annoys me I must admit). In the end, I would hit the pillow at night (the worst time) and as the tinnitus level would rise (the pillow would muffle sound) but I would say (in my mind) “hello old friend” and go to sleep. I had complete mastery over it. Sure I longed for its absence, but it didn’t ruin my existence anymore. I was so used to it,that I had relationships for years and my partner would never know I had it. I learnt that you don’t give it “air time”. It wasn’t worth mentioning. In pursuit of tackling the depression, I exercised, a lot. So much so that It became my career for 10 years, I was so healthy that I gave talks on it.

I forbade my family and friends from asking me ”how’s that ringing in your ears” but when they did I would reply “I conquered it” and move on. It was still there, but I mostly noticed it at night.
Recently, after 23 years of constant ringing (it never ever changed volume) I went to the doctor for back pain, I slipped a disc. He gave me Celebrex for pain / inflammation. I didn’t tell him I had tinnitus - because I was such a master of controlling my tinnitus that I didn’t even remember or think to tell him. Given it had remained constant for 23 years... I thought it would never change.
After a few days of taking Celebrex I woke up one morning and noticed immediately that my tinnitus was very noticeable. I didn’t panic. I didn’t say anything, and all day I could hear it above everything. Eventually my girlfriend of many years noticed the pained look upon my face, and I told her all about it. Now that was 2 months ago, I didn’t take Celebrex again, but there had been no reduction in it, and the nightmare has returned.

I know many of you will understand this; I can’t begin to our into words, how hard this is. I’m not 15 anymore, I’m a grown man waking up in the middle of the night and crying. Not just gentle crying, but shear despair and sobbing like I’ve lost a loved one, holding my head in my hands type crying. It is so bad I can see how much it upsets my partner of many years, it’s heartbreaking just to see the look in her face. In lockdown at the moment, I get so desperate sometimes I will lock myself in a room and just cry till I'm exhausted, hoping she won’t notice as it’s so traumatic for to witness, but I can’t help it. I cry not just because of this nightmare has returned full force, but I cry when I think of the suffering I have endured for so long, how I felt like I managed it well after years of pain, how it tainted the years of my youth, how it changed my personality from a light hearted soul into a a more serious, more sensitive, but more somber person. But most of all, I cry because can’t see me “getting over it” again. I can’t see a future again. I can’t see me enjoying time with friends, a sunset, a movie, holding hands, everything I have ever achieved, I would give up to end this experience.

I feel I can’t ”habituate” to the new reality that - after all this time - life hits me with a doubling of volume, this time, I don’t trust that I have the strength overcome. My mood fluctuates, but not a day goes by that I don’t think “I can’t live with this” and experience suicidal ideation. I wouldn’t do it, but I think about it all the time.

I am not sure what my intention is for this post. My hope is that my tinnitus will return to what it was before (I’ve long given up hoping for cure) but now I’m in full panic mode and I worry as more time passes since I took the medication - the less likely it will settle down. Like I said, it’s been two months now, and I genuinely feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s so bad, that I hear it in my dreams.

Thanks for reading this far. Any advice is appreciated, I am aware that I need to control my response to it... but I just can’t seem too, despite having done it before... :-(

 

HI @Ben_2020

You have had tinnitus for the same length of time as me and that's quite a while. Pleased to hear that managed to live with it for so long and the help you sought in order to make this possible. I am sorry to hear of the recent increase in the tinnitus and it's true some medications can adversely affect it. Hopefully it will calm down in time since you have stopped taking the Celebrex. I would like to know if you listen to audio through headphones, earbuds or use a headset? Are you a musician and play in a band or work in a noisy environment? I am asking these questions because if the answer is yes to any of the above, they could prevent your tinnitus retuning to it's previous baseline level.

All the best
Michael

 

Hi @Michael Leigh, thanks for your message. No I don't do anything like headphones or loud music. I’m so protective of my hearing that I moved to the countryside where it’s very quite and peaceful and I never go to loud environments, I’ve been very careful until this mishap.. I am for the first time in many years using a sound app at night which in itself is annoying but less so they the tinnitus, I set it just below the level of the tinnitus. I’m not sure if it’s helping or hindering but right now it’s too loud to face with out the masking sound, I get too upset.

 

HI @Ben_2020

It is good news that you don't use headphones as they are something I don't recommend people with noise induced tinnitus to use, even at low volume as they can make tinnitus worse for some people. I suggest you return to basics but you know all this being a tinnitus veteran, so I'm not going to tell you how to suck eggs. However, I have written some articles on tinnitus and the information will not be new to you, so please see them as familiarizing yourself with what you already know. Please continue using the sound enrichment at night which I think is a good idea and also during the day. Quiet rooms especially at night is not good for tinnitus. Keep the volume as you have been doing below the tinnitus and not masking it.

By using low level sound enrichment (not masking the tinnitus) hopefully with time you will habituate again. Sorry to use this word as I know you don't like it but I consider it the most appropriate. Your stress and anxiety levels will be affected by the increase in the tinnitus even though you have a lot of experience with tinnitus. As this subsides I think your tinnitus will reduce too. You maybe adverse to taking prescription medication to help lower stress, so I recommend St John's Wort. It is a natural herb and can help lower stress and is a good alternative to prescription antidepressant. Please look up information online and have a word with your doctor before taking. I think in time you'll be okay and the tinnitus will return to it's previous baseline levels but in order to facilitate this process, the stress and anxiety the tinnitus has caused needs to be brought under better control. Please take your time and read through my posts in the links below.

I wish you well.
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new-to-tinnitus-what-to-do.12558/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-habituation-process.20767/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/

 

Hi Ben, I think if you had the strength it takes to fight tinnitus the first time, and were able to totally adapt and live with it, you will be able to conquer your freedom again. I am sure the tinnitus will get better over time. Don't give up! Best wishes! Juan

 

How loud was it originally? Just wondering what level of tinnitus you managed to live with so long. If I would guess from your post it was audible for most of the day, but some noises would mask it I guess?
How loud is it now? Unmaskable except in the shower?

 

Hi @Ben_2020

I’m so new to tinnitus, that I’m not sure I can offer any advice. However my tinnitus was caused by Ototoxic medication. I guess your noise induced tinnitus was worsen by the medication your doctor prescribed you because it too, was an ototoxic drug.

I’ve read and been told that antioxidants can help, as well as certain supplements such as NAC, magnesium, vitamin B, and curcumin. I’ve been taking all of them and feel my tinnitus has lowered in volume a bit.

Also you mentioned you’re very much into fitness which is great. As you know, keeping your body healthy will also help.

And as awful as a spike is (I’ve had them too) a spike can still return to baseline, and although it may not seem/feel like it - you can habituate again, and you will.

I would tell your partner every time your tinnitus is driving you insane. Let her know you’re struggling.

lastly - you know we’re all in the same boat here. Come rant and rave. Post as much and as often as you like. Tell us how you’re feeling, even if it’s suicidal. We’re all here to listen and help.

Also they’re a few promising treatments in the pipeline, and I, like many others, truly believe in five years time, they’ll be something that really will help us.

Take care and hang in there buddy. You’re not alone. They’re people on here which have had terrible tinnitus for years, and live a very good life. There is always hope.

Steph <3

 

I'd love to know who...

 

Hello Ben! I'm recently in a similar boat after the allergy season ratcheted up my tinnitus to level where it can no longer be masked by things that used to mask it well. My car's air conditioner on the lowest setting used to cover it up, now I can hear it even when the air conditioner is cranked up to max. I went through a lot of the same emotions you described, it was a dark couple of months.

What has been helping me stay calm and focus on it less is reminding myself that, back when I first got tinnitus and I was terrified I wouldn't live life like normal again, I was experiencing something way louder and more intrusive than the sound it eventually settled into. If I could go back in time and talk to myself when I first got the tinnitus, I would say "It will get better, the sound will fade with time, ear healing takes a lot longer than your average wound". I'd like to believe that a future version of myself is thinking the same thing about this spike.

When times get dark, the research news part of this forum is also helpful to relax I've found. Seeing what was once a really barren field of study get populated by things like the Shore device and FX-322 (I might not have the number right but I'm too lazy to check) is a helpful reminder that there are capable scientific minds working on this condition. The cumulative effects of this research is going to give us something that can reduce our baseline back to easy mask-ability or even cure it completely, I'm confident.

Stay strong, I know exactly how anxiety-inducing it is to suddenly have to worry about your tinnitus again after thinking it was something you had completely under your control. Just remember that it can take a long time to heal, so don't fret or think that your current mental state is going to be the rest of your life. It will get better, whether it's through the healing processes of time and neuroplasticity or the advancements of medical science.

 

HI @Steph1710

Yes, you are new to tinnitus and I like your positive and optimistic approach to life and tinnitus. Even though you are going through a difficult time at present, you are still able to be supportive and give encouragement to others and this is something I admire. Unlike some that prefer to beat the negativity drum morning noon and night, convinced their future is one of doom and gloom and this is not necessarily the case. Tinnitus can vary considerably in intensity and it's true no two people will experience it the same. However, many people learn to habituate to it with time.

I am one of the people that you speak of who endures severe tinnitus as it is variable: Silent, mild, moderate, severe or very severe. It is completely random. It has improved but is still unpredictable and I take medication (clonazepam) when it reaches severe levels to make it more manageable. I went through four difficult years of learning to habituate for the second time. I have been there done that as others have in this forum. They are here as you are to give positivity and encouragement to let people know who are having difficulty with their tinnitus, not to give up because there's always hope. If necessary and one is able to then seek whatever professional help is available.

Thanks for writing such a positive and inspirational post.

All the best
Michael

PS: Some time ago I wrote a post titled: Is positivity important? A link is below. I believe it is an essential requirement in getting to grips with tinnitus and life. This does not mean a person must never feel negative or feel down occasionally, about how their tinnitus makes them feel but everything has to be kept in balance.

Please see a segment from that post: I have read posts from people just a few months in with tinnitus, and been taken aback by the maturity, depth and understanding that they bring and makes a veteran like me smile in approval.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/

 

@Michael Leigh

Your message really brighten my day! Such a wonderful thing to wake up to and read! <3

The thing about tinnitus is - you can either let it beat you or you can beat it. And with me, my life is my life. Tinnitus can hitch a ride.

I would like to add, that my tinnitus fluctuates so much too. Sometimes it's barely noticeable and other times I can't mask it during the day. Oh and I also have pulsatile tinnitus. So double whammy!

It's on the days I can't mask it, I use a sound app to "try" lessen it and busy myself in writing or research. I still always notice the tinnitus, but I give my attention something else. (easier said than done - I know!)

When I first developed T, don't get me wrong, for two weeks I was a mess. I had the whole "I can't live with this" stage; however, I looked to the future and thought about all the potential treatments and how close we are, and I felt okay.

Also one thing that helped me, and might help @Ben_2020 too, is reading about all the successful celebrities who suffer with dreadful, unmaskable tinnitus and look how well they do. I thought to myself, if they live with it and are as successful as one can be, then so can I.

I would also like to add, the grieving part is so normal and natural and even if you've had tinnitus for years then have a spike, it's normal to grieve again.

I believe grieving is healthy and there's absolutely no shame in weeping like a child for your old life. It's when we let the grief take over completely and don't pick ourselves back up, it becomes an issue.

I truly believe my exercise is what helps my positive attitude. Also being outdoors in general. Last night I sat by a fire and swam in the river. Could I hear my T - yes. Did I care - a little.

These are the unfair cards we've been dealt - so this is the hand we've gotta play... whether we want to, or not.

Steph <3

 

I would like to add *can't* pick ourselves back up - not *don't* pick ourselves back up.

I know for many, it's some times impossible because of other health issues... I know I'm one of the "lucky" ones who is able to do so.

<3

 

Thank you for your kind comments @Steph1710 . I believe you are doing all the right things by engaging in activities that you like to do. Please remember you are in the early stages of tinnitus and you will get there. Habituation is a process and takes time.

All the best
Michael

 

Thanks again @Michael Leigh I will get the St. John’s wort, I have a number of things going on in terms of camomile tea, reishi mushroom extract and magnesium etc which is really all about calming myself, as opposed to directly trying to target tinnitus. I’ll add St. John's wort to it my daily routine. The Dr gave me melatonin tabs which I understand is pretty safe, as at the moment I’m terrified to take anything that might exacerbate it. Thanks for the links of your articles I’m going to check them out. Really appreciate it and your responses and advice, thank you.

 

Thanks @Danny B for taking the time for that response. I gotta get out of the negative headspace but it’s just so upsetting. I will give your suggestion ago of thinking about this retrospectively as if I a future version of me is giving me advice. Did your tinnitus return to previous levels?

 

Thanks @Juan. I do deeply hope you are right.

 

Currently I'm still at the higher level, but I've experienced one such period (albeit one that lasted a few weeks less) that eventually died down to the previous baseline. Sometimes fluid in the ears or other seasonal factors can have an affect, so I'm assuming that just like the first time I got tinnitus, this new spike will also eventually lower in volume.

Dealing with it emotionally is by far the hardest part for me as well. I broke down crying, something that's pretty rare for me, a lot of times in the first month of this new tone. Now I'm happy to say that, despite it still being louder than the things that previously masked it, I've managed to have several days of it barely registering on my attention scale. I just try and stay positive, every day that passes you are another day closer to neuroplasticity or scientific developments helping you out and lowering the volume.

 

Hello Ben_2020,

I read your post, and understand you. When I am at my lowest, I would let my husband know. Talking to him helps me try to gain back my strength and not be so consumed by my tinnitus. Know that you are not alone. There are people who care and will listen such as the people in this Forum.

 

I wonder what happened with the OP.

 

I sincerely hope he was able to cope. I could feel the desperation in his posts. Tinnitus can sure be damn cruel.