Applying for Jobs with Tinnitus Is Exhausting and Soul Crushing

Awesome! Huge congrats, luck. I honestly knew they were going to hire you lol. There’s too much quality in you (both professionally and as a person). Can’t pass that up. I’ll take a look at this disability confident scheme too. Much appreciated.

Anyways,
Cheers.

 

So I had an interview with a startup digital marketing agency last week and it went really well. It was an hour long interview and it seemed like the hiring person was impressed with a few of my answers especially during the competency questions.

Since the agency is small, the job that I’ve applied for is in charge of the company’s entire payroll operation. Processing payroll, employee benefits and garnishments are my speciality, so this is right up my alley and will be looking forward to it if hired. I’m also happy to say that tinnitus has barely been affecting my abilities this time around.

Now I’m waiting for a phone call which the interviewer promised. Yesterday was a holiday, so I understand if there’s going to be a slight delay. Hopeful about this one!

 

I was contacted by them today and they said they would like to get to know me better (good sign!?). We set up another on-site meeting for Monday. I’ll be spending half the day there meeting a bunch of people in the company and answering some of their questions.

I’ve been referring to this invaluable advice from @makeyourownluck to help prepare lately:

Guessing I’ll need to show them that I’m really interested (which I am) and enthusiastic about working there and a good fit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Meeting a bunch of new faces has always made me anxious (social anxiety as a teenager). But I’ve gotten way better at it as I’ve grown older (especially with tinnitus now), I feel like tinnitus has changed me, the stuff I used to worry about before tinnitus seem trivial to me now, so hopefully the nerves won’t get to me that much.

Hey, I was wondering how you’ve been faring in your new job so far? Are you liking it? I know you haven’t been doing too great healthwise which sucks. You had to take a day off due to it, but I’m sure they were understanding.

 

Hey @ZFire, sorry for the delay. The work is OK, but I am a mess with yet another severely debilitating condition. I cannot sit down for even 2 minutes without severe burning pain. Spending 23 hours of the day horizontal. Nerve pain is the pits. I can’t believe this is happening.

T 2.0

 

So sorry to hear, I can’t imagine how hard that is. I wish I knew what to say to help you through this. Hope it’ll pass for you soon...

 

I am with @ZFire. Wishing you better days and hoping your condition settles down into remission status and better.

@makeyourownluck, you have been on my mind since you posted about going to the hospital and taking a course of antibiotics. I wish I had reached out sooner. So on the late side - You are and have been in my prayers and I am wishing you the best, it's got to get better. Big hugs, hang in there!

DL

 

Sorry @ZFire, that was a horrid post to get back in return. You caught me in a very dark moment. I’m just so frustrated because I was reclaiming my life again after tinnitus, and now this. It’s not fair to my daughter either.

Anyway, I bit the bullet and started Amitriptyline last night. Hopefully it doesn’t increase tinnitus and I’ll get some relief soon. I only took 5 mg, baby steps, baby steps.

Alas, the job. It’s actually great but I’m not being as productive as I should be. They are being very understanding about all this though, and my line managers are lovely. One struggles with chronic pain, and I have bonded well with her over this, silver linings!

 

I really appreciate that @Daniel Lion, means a lot. Thanks for the support.

 

Update:

The final meeting with them went pretty good. I met the cofounders of the agency, the manager I’ll report to if hired, and a few of the employees. Nice group of people. We’ll see what happens, but I believe they’re going to hire me. They literally gave me a tour of the whole office as if I was hired lol. That’s got to be a good sign. And it’s a startup after all which comes with its own set of risks that not many people are willing to take working in one.

Traveling to this location was a pain in the ass though. I had to put up with construction noise, ambulance sirens, residential porters using power washers in front of their buildings, and constant car honks as I made my way to the office and back (I’m fine though). Geez, my luck how I’ve been gifted these ear problems and I happen to live in a city (NYC all my life) that’s consistently ranked top 10 nosiest cities in the world... The job does offer a flexible work schedule (WFH), so I’ll make good use of that if hired.

I haven’t disclosed anything about my tinnitus and I have no plans to do so at the moment. Unfortunately, where I live (the declining USA), tinnitus isn’t taken seriously here, so disclosing this kind of information especially when job searching could put you at a disadvantage. I’m not going to take a chance right now. Maybe if I’m hired.

 

Well, that’s nice to hear at least. You don’t have to apologize for anything btw. That’s what I like about you, you keep it real, tell it how it is.

I actually messaged my doctor today asking him about Amitriptyline, he told me it’s a similar tricyclic to Nortriptyline (which I’m still taking), but not entirely. Amitriptyline turns into Nortriptyline once it’s in the body according to him. I’m guessing the side effects might be similar then too which in that case, you might have some dry mouth, nausea, and drowsiness in the beginning like I did. No tinnitus spikes or anything like that at all though.

Anyways, I really hope the Amitriptyline will give you some relief, it’s unfair that you have to deal with that level of pain especially at your age. Hope to see you well soon.

 

Just have to keep reminding myself about all the good things in my life. I’m actually thinking of asking my doctor to switch me to Nortriptyline. Seems people do better with this drug.

Anyway, going to stop spamming this thread with my personal woes.

Really happy for you @ZFire, seems like you’ll be back in the work of work in no time!

 

I hope you're hired! And the WFH part sounds really good

As for noise, how would NYC be in the top 10 noisiest cities? My guess is any Indian city would be noisier, also Chinese cities, and a ton of other places...

For me one lovely city is Vienna. It's quiet, clean, in general things work properly... In Spain the main source of noise are motorbikes, absurd gardening (gardening to keep lawns in a place with no rain at all - besides wasting tons of water...), cleaning the streets (how did they fare with a rake a few decades ago, are those leaf-blowers really needed?)

 

Hey Juan, thanks! You know every time I google nosiest cities in the world, NYC always seems to make the top 10 from most of the lists I’ve seen. But yeah you’re right, there are cities in India and China that are way more noisier. Those places have much bigger population size after all.

NYC has a street design issue. 75% of our street space is dedicated to cars and car parking which is just ridiculous. Just take a look at this picture.



This is what you can expect everyday in Manhattan once rush hour hits. Now imagine if an ambulance or fire truck comes along and they have to navigate against this traffic while you’re walking along the sidewalk. You’ll be blasted by their sirens for minutes on end and on top of that, there will be obnoxious road rage in the form of car honking to make room for these emergency vehicles to pass by. Pedestrian walkways are all within the vicinity of these cars/trucks and it stretches for miles and miles.

It’s ironic because NYC is the least friendly city for cars in the US with the amount of rules and regulations you have to abide by and yet they get all that public space. Well, it makes sense because the city makes half a billion dollars from parking tickets/violations alone. Got to keep making that money Construction noise is another big problem here. Central Park is truly one of the few safe spots and I’ll always use the park as an alternative route to get to my destination. It has a great cycling path.

City noise here averages over 85 decibels. I hear Barcelona is similar to NYC in terms of noise pollution which surprised me a bit. Have you ever lived there? I look at European cities and I feel like their street design is so much better for pedestrians. There’s less noise pollution it seems. I’m looking at Vienna right now as you mentioned @Juan, and wow, you’re absolutely right. I love how much restrictive access there is for cars. It seems like a lot of places in Europe take initiatives to actually reduce car traffic.

 

Is it expensive to maintain a car in NYC? I mean, are parking spaces expensive, as in Tokyo or Hong Kong?

Tokyo is routinely reported as a noisy city but it is not. Everything is very well arranged, and public transport is really efficient there. On top of that, having a private car is a luxury and most people do not own a car.

I currently live near Barcelona. I try to avoid going to the city; actually I only go there less than once a month on average, and some years I have been to Barcelona city like... twice in the whole year. Barcelona is just horrible in terms of noise. There are these super loud motorbikes everywhere, and all the delivery drivers. The main noise source are motorbikes and there are a ton of them, and drivers make them loud on purpose, they alter the bikes to be noisier. Restaurants, cafés and bars tend to be noisier than elsewhere in Spain... and that means very noisy.

Vienna is a great city, one of my favourites. Scandinavian cities are also fantastic, Copenhagen, Oslo etc.

 

It can get real expensive. It depends on where you live (the 5 boroughs of NYC). But if you live in the Manhattan borough, hell no to owning a car. It’s a nightmare and too much of hassle. Garage parking is crazy expensive. It costs anywhere between $600-1000 US dollars monthly. Public parking is free but you can spend hours just trying to find a spot because they’re either all taken or other desperate drivers beat you to that spot. There’s also many areas where you’re not allowed to park. You need to be at the right place at the right time. It’s all luck really.

But the worst of it all is this traffic law we have called, Alternate Side Parking. I can’t even begin to describe how miserable it is for car owners living in Manhattan. You have to sacrifice 2 hours of your day, removing your car from the public parking spot and waiting for the street sweeper truck to come clean the parking area where your car was parked at. If you fail to remove your car, a traffic cop will come and ticket you a hefty amount. You need to do this at least two times a week. It’s basically another job... so mind-numbing.

 

I got the call yesterday, it’s official. I start in 2 weeks.

This whole process has certainly been a humbling experience. I would like to thank the folks here who offered me support and advice. Much appreciated.

 

Woo hoo! YES. Very happy for you ZFire. So glad to hear this good news.

 

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I am very happy that you got the job. Congratulations! I read your other posts so that’s how I know.

When you say that tinnitus barely affected your other abilities, do you mean you getting better at ignoring it?

I know when there is other things going on in my life, I tend to pay more attention to whatever that is so then I stop thinking as much about my tinnitus even though it’s still severe and intrusive. I gotta be honest though, even after almost 3 years of having reactive unmaskable tinnitus, I still have times where I grieve my old self.

Almost 3 years ago, I had mild tinnitus that could only be heard in complete silence or when going to bed and back then it was kind of soothing to me.

When it became reactive and severe it just completely wrecked my world. It is honestly the worst thing I ever went through out of all the medical conditions I faced, reactive tinnitus is definitely the worst and most debilitating one.

I have days where I try to focus more on distracting myself with hobbies I can still do but then I have days where I still feel sorry myself especially when I got another health issue on top of this one that also appeared out of nowhere at the age of 24 and now at 26 years old I can’t imagine how bad it might be when I turn 50. I can’t imagine what other debilitating health issues I may end up having someday. Even if I do take care of myself, I can’t fully prevent debilitating diseases I guess if they turn out to be genetic or whatever but no one else but me in my family has severe tinnitus.

The tinnitus has been much quieter but still audible and reactive after getting a new hearing aid.

I still get depressed because my quality of life is much lower than it was compared to when I was a healthy 23-year-old with mild tinnitus and no issues with eye floaters (which I got at 24; now I gotta wear sunglasses outside). I can’t afford a vitrectomy yet but in the future, I imagine I may need one at some point.

My quality of life is lower and there’s no real treatment or cure yet for severe tinnitus and no easy treatment yet for eye floaters. I feel cursed sometimes because I have healthy friends who are my age and some drink and do drugs and they don’t suffer from health issues (I asked them). I don’t wish this on anyone but I feel so alone in my personal life because it feels like my coworkers and friends and everyone around me has a much more enjoyable and way better quality of life than me and without proper treatments, there’s not much I can do besides constantly trying to distract myself from my disabling ailments.

The reactive tinnitus is probably only much quieter because the amplification on my new hearing is much lower, otherwise it would be pretty awfully loud like it was with my old one that got worn out.

 

Hey @Ava Lugo, long time no see. I appreciate the response.

Yes to some extent. It’s like you said, keeping yourself very busy and distracted with other things makes you stop thinking about tinnitus and even the reactivity too. When I was preparing for interviews extensively, I could hear it loud and clear, but I didn’t care because I was too caught up with trying to do all I can in getting hired. And the actual in-person interviews themselves went smoothly. Tinnitus was not at the forefront of my mind when I was answering their questions and meeting the people who work there. The previous time I failed, I ran into issues dealing with phonophobia and the fear of my tinnitus getting worse from noise threats around me. It’s more difficult to function normally when these thoughts occur too.

The tinnitus and all its anxieties that you can expect from it have had minimal impact on me this time around. I wasn’t hindered by it in anyway which made the job hiring process a bit more easier. This is what I meant when I said tinnitus hasn’t been affecting my abilities lately.

I think many of us still feel the same and it’s totally normal. It’s not your fault what happen to you, remember that. The best thing we can do now is try to build on something new. That’s all we can do really.

It’s definitely the most challenging things I’ve ever faced too. I had no idea how sophisticated tinnitus can get. Such a rude awakening.

But would you say you’re handling reactive tinnitus better now than you did year 1? Even if it’s slightly, I would see that as a good sign. I feel like I’m starting to handle it better.

I really feel for you. I would say, try not to compare yourself to others. It’s easier said than done especially with something like reactive tinnitus, but it doesn’t do you any good to keep ruminating about it. These people you’re comparing yourself to, are you really sure their lives are all good and happy? They could be hiding some hardships that they don’t want people to know. The only person you should be competing with is yourself. We are all products of our situations. We're all dealt with a different set of cards and the only thing we can do is make the most of what life has given us. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

 

Hey, I apologize since my response is late because I haven’t been on here much. I hope you had an awesome Halloween by the way. I haven’t had time to post because of work and other stuff in my life but I’ll give an update.

It has been 3 years now that I have had reactive tinnitus and I would say that the way I cope with it is better now than the first year because by the second year of having it, I found some tinnitus relief videos on YouTube that don’t really mask it of course but take the edge off or I just find sounds that sounds similar to my tinnitus and it kind of blends together so I can ignore it better. Even if it’s not fully masked, I still get partial relief. I don’t play it super loud either and I listen to it through my Bluetooth hearing aid.

I am having another issue though where I’m really struggling to find new hobbies even after 3 years of having condition. I want to try diamond painting and jigsaw puzzles but I have never done those so I hope I have the patience to do them lol. I have been paying bills and paying my dad back so I haven’t gotten around to buying those things I want to try but I’ll try diamond painting soon. I did buy a couple puzzles but I need the right table for it, like a puzzle board.

I also want to play video games and even more mobile games but I’m getting very frustrated and even feeling kind of angry because I always read about the game on my iPad before trying it out and a lot of those gorgeous art puzzle games and hidden object games/adventure games with great storylines mention “beautiful handpicked music to suit the mood”. It really sucks because this would NOT be an issue if I didn’t suffer with reactive tinnitus. I would have no issues listening to the game music to be fully immersed but the reactivity sucks the fun out of it a little. It makes me feel slightly offended for some reason. I understand great soundtrack is part of gameplay but what about when you have hyperacusis or severe tinnitus? I read comments like “how dare you play video games without sound! It’s a crucial part of gameplay”. Some people listen to something else and mute the gameplay. I feel bummed out because I feel like I can only enjoy Pixo Cross, chess or some block puzzle games. I have already been suggested Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley but I still want to play the video games with beautiful graphics like Legend of Zelda but people mention the sound track is part of the experience so I feel like I can’t play it. I tell myself “well I can still give those beautiful art picture games a try and just avoid the ones with musical pictures since it’s just color by number so I can ignore that feature and enjoy the visuals and gameplay”.

I want other hobbies too but also really want to play video games with beautiful scenery like Ori and the Blind Forest but it also mentions having a beautiful sound track when I read about it. I thought I could get by playing it on mute because it has subtitles.

Do you play video games @ZFire? What video games have you played while having this condition? What video games with great graphics and adventure could I play without sound? This world is definitely not made for people who have our condition that’s for sure lol. Every fun, beautiful looking game seems to be made only for those with healthy ears and no sensitivity.

 

Hi @Ava Lugo, always good to hear from you and appreciate the update.

Reactive tinnitus sucks. I’m still in disbelief that such a thing could actually exist. No one should have to deal with that. But it’s good to hear you are coping and managing more better as time goes by. That’s all we can ask of ourselves at this point.

It seems like you have an interest in problem solving which I must say is a great way to distract oneself from tinnitus. Diamond panting sounds neat. If I could offer you some more hobbies to try, might I suggest building model kits? I used to build Gundam model kits when I was younger and it was a great way to pass the time (stress free too). You focus on the steps in the directions and you build something from nothing. There are beginner kits for newcomers, but the more advanced ones allow for more creativity (requires you to paint). You could also get yourself a Rubick’s cube and try mastering it. Pick it up anytime you feel like solving it.

Video games is in my DNA. If I had all the free time in the world, that’s all I’d be doing to be honest. It has been one of the best ways for me to cope with tinnitus. Unfortunately, I don’t have much time for it anymore, but I do try to keep myself up to date with the latest gaming news.

Yeah I know the feeling. The reactivity in music sucks the enjoyment out of it sometimes. I just power through those moments. Maybe you could try muting the music volume and just keep the sound effects on. I think it’ll have less impact on your reactivity. Not sure though.

Don’t listen to these people. It all really depends on the genre. If it’s a rhythm game, then yes sound is important, but most genres you can get by with no sound. These people don’t realize there are many gamers out there who are completely deaf and it hasn’t stopped them from finding enjoyment in the hobby. Music is great in video games, that’s true but it doesn’t make or break a game IMO. There’s lots of other things that go into making a great video game. You could have good music, but if the gameplay design sucks, then I won’t be playing it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Slay the Spire. I clocked in 300 hours last year. I believe it’s available on mobile. No volume is needed. I actually prefer if there’s no volume for that game because the music and sound effects isn’t anything special. But the gameplay is fantastic.

I think many of the Zelda games are perfectly fine without sound. Don't get me wrong, I love the music of Ocarina of Time and it's a key focus of that game, but you're not going to be missing anything in terms of story or fun gameplay. For me the puzzle solving is the best aspect about Zelda. But you also have The Legend of Zelda: Breath of Wild which is very minimalistic with its music. You're usually just hearing sounds of nature in that game which were the developer’s intention (being immersed in the natural world). There’s also a puzzle game called The Witness. Nice graphics and there’s hardly any music in that game.

If you’re interested in puzzle adventure games, I absolutely recommend the Professor Layton series (on mobile too). The Curious Village and The Miracle Mask are my personal favorites, but they’re all worth playing. Lots of cool puzzle solving that requires you to think and the plot draws you in with its mystery. You can play with no volume. The story and dialogue is told through text and there a few cutscenes.

Hope this helps. All the best to you!

 

Thank you so much for your response ZFire I really appreciate it. Yeah I was thinking of also buying one of those miniature doll house kits from this arts and crafts store that I really like, it’s called Hobby Lobby. They have great things for crafts. I wanted to also learn sewing. I heard that it’s best to take a class on how to sew but I worry how well I’ll be able to concentrate with the reactivity but I figured maybe I can learn how to do it from books. I know there’s YouTube videos on how to sew too but yeah I’d have to really concentrate since I would also have to listen while I’m watching so hopefully I can still learn by listening despite the reactivity but I guess I’d have to concentrate harder than if I didn’t have it. You can also do other things with fabric besides sewing. I look at different ways to use stuff when reading on the internet. If I do ever learn to sew, I’ll probably stick with making pillows and maybe blankets because it just seems easier to sew. I have sewed before but only sewed a few simple things and it’s been years.

Do you also think Mario Kart and Super Mario games are okay to play on mute while listening to something else? I’ll probably just listen to my tinnitus relief stuff while I play it because that’s usually what I listen to when I do other stuff. I color in coloring books and play hidden object/match 3/solitaire style mobile games but I’ll probably buy a new handheld game console too. I bought a lot of those coloring books for adults that have the detailed designs but some are not too detailed but not too easy either and the pages look beautiful when finished.

I also want to ask if you think hyperacusis and reactive tinnitus are the same thing? Some people say reactive tinnitus is just hyperacusis and some argue that they are different but similar.

I know you said you had loudness hyperacusis but that it’s mostly gone now? That’s great!

Things don’t necessarily sound louder to me and I don’t usually get any burning ear pain. It’s just the tinnitus getting louder with noise and that’s it. I can’t remember if I asked you before if you thought that they are the same thing but I apologize if I did.

Does your tinnitus react to people’s voices? I don’t mean on TV but in real life. I still notice my tinnitus when having conversations with people, I’ll hear the tinnitus competing with their voice but I’m finding as time goes on, I pay less attention to it and focus more on what the person said than the tinnitus.

Hopefully I have the patience to do these miniature doll house kits and jigsaw puzzles since I have never done them before. I finally have a clean area in the house to do them.

I hope you have been having a good week so far by the way.

 

Absolutely, it’s okay to play those games on mute.

To be honest with you, I don’t even know anymore myself. But I’m starting to lean towards there being a distinction between reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis as time goes on. It’s been over a year for me and while my loudness hyperacusis has improved in dramatic fashion, the reactivity of my tinnitus can still be very much perceptible daily. We then have people like you and others who don’t experience any of the common symptoms that is known for hyperacusis like sensitivity issues and ear pain, but have reactive tinnitus solely. I think reactive tinnitus might not always be hyperacusis. It can be separate.

Interesting question. No, I don’t experience any reactivity in people’s voices IRL as far as I know. I do experience tinnitus reactivity when people snore though. And strangely, my tinnitus does react to people’s voices on TV sometimes. It doesn’t happen that often though. My reactivity competes the most when I’m taking a shower, when cars pass by, any white noise, and listening to certain music, But like you, I try to focus elsewhere despite it reacting.

I should mention, I did experience distortions from people’s voices. People’s voices came across as robotic and synthy.

Much appreciated... I hope you’’ll find some real enjoyment out those jigsaw puzzles and house kits.

P.S. If you do decide to take up sewing, please be sure to post some pictures in the Chit Chat thread. I would love to see some of your finished products. Show us a blanket please!

Nice chatting with you!

 

@ZFire, how is your job now? Are you able to do it with your tinnitus? I am fortunate that I am a self-employed journalist working from home.

 

Hi @brixenbrixen, the job is pretty good. I found out real quick that my job is actually a managerial position (it wasn’t advertised as that at the time). It was a bit shocking and nerve wracking at the time because I’ve never worked in management ever. I had to learn the ropes fast and quick. I manage the company’s entire payroll operation.

I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to function properly anymore because of tinnitus, but somehow I’m doing it. It keeps me real busy, to the point where I don’t even have time to think about my tinnitus (even when it’s spiking). But it’s not to say that tinnitus doesn’t bother me entirely. I have moments from time to time where my productivity takes a big hit due to bothersome tinnitus. It sucks because it means that I have to work longer hours (without overtime pay) to finish up my duties and tasks for that day. But all in all, it’s better than I expected to be. The owner of the company likes me too. I have experience in management now It’s going to look good on my resume if I decide to look for a new job.

Working from home is great, glad you’re able to do it too.

 

@ZFire, this sounds fantastic.

 

I should have read all the posts, it seems the OP has a job. Congratulations! But I typed it all up, so may as well post these little tips I had.

1 - The more interviews you have, the more confident you'll become. It will become easier each time. So consider applying for small type jobs, just to get into the swing of it.

2 - Go into an interview feeling that if you get the job, fine, and if you don't that's fine too. I was on unemployment in San Francisco once and liked it. But they required me to do X amount of interviews each week. So I showed up for one unshaven and in my rumpled casual clothes because I was in no hurry to return to work. My whole attitude was, I could care less if I get this job. I'm just here to talk and bullshit w/ you.

But it backfired. The heads of both departments must have mistook this attitude for something else and they both wanted to hire me! One of them did mention they wanted to see me cleaned up a little bit, LOL. I took the job w/ one department and hated it, but it did get me hired.

3 - The Charlotte Crawford System. Charlotte was my 3rd wife, and when I met her she had a really cool job. I couldn't figure out how she got it. When I asked her, she that said her system was "dazzle 'em w/ brilliance, or baffle them w/ bullshit" (which was sorta how she hooked me). Her theory was that in the first week or two at the job, you had learned what to do or they fired you. Either way, you had a job for a while. Charlotte had a lot of charm, you will need it for this method.

 

Just had a read through this thread; so pleased your job is keeping you busy! Hope you're still enjoying it!

This is hilarious and so typical! I was a nervous wreck for my PhD interview but went in with some novel ideas, such as providing colour-blind accessible presentation slides, that landed well with the panel.

 

Are you still taking the Nortriptyline, @ZFire?

I've been prescribed it, not for tinnitus or hyperacusis, but for potential nerve 'damage' or hyperactivity caused by the microsuction I had (which brought on the tinnitus) by the London Neurological Hospital as they feel it may be the root cause of my chronic throat spasms and tightness, which seems to be getting worse as of late - and most of the time worse than the screamingly loud reactive tinnitus.

I don't have any pain with it, but it is so terrible uncomfortable all the time and affects my breathing and swallowing, which can be scary at times.

I have been hesitant to take it, so trying to get as much feedback as I can if possible.