I'm back posting on this forum because I've regressed. I have loud multi tonal tinnitus and moderate high frequency hearing loss.
I'm becoming so depressed again and I can't imagine ever being happy again.
Every day a mountain to climb, I'm on ADs and in fact they made tinnitus louder.
I can't stop them as the S word will enter again.
Sorry for these miserable words, I just needed to vent. Hope I don't upset anybody.
Eve
Hi Eve, I hope this is a temporary blip for you, but it's good that you're reaching out for support. Depression is a truly awful thing to go through, and I have seen this first hand through my mother, and a good friend of mine. Both have severe depression which resulted in my friend drinking a concoction of corrosive liquids - which he had access to as the foreman of a foundry - and caused horrific internal damage. He was lucky to survive. However, that was another lifetime ago for him, and in fact, I didn't even know him when this took place as he is now 65. The point of me telling you this, as he would himself, is that he found a way through. He had his medication switched many times over the years until they found what really worked for him, and in his case, it was lithium. He tells me he still gets depressed and it's never going to go away, but he now feels like he can live a happy life, and from me looking in he seems happier than ever. He took up cross stitching and various other kind of knitting type hobbies, and he loves it (He doesn't seem the type to, but there you go). The point of me telling you this is that anyone can turn any situation around. When he saw no way out he tried to kill himself which is a decision he regrets to this day. He just didn't realise his life would turn around like it did, but now he has permanent stomach damage to live with.
My mother is a similar story. She had a horrifying upbringing which started to torment her when she hit 40. She said it was like a switch being flicked and she couldn't turn it back off. She also had to switch medication and saw many private psychologists, but none of them really truly helped her (she did like them, personality-wise). And then she met a Dr on the NHS through a mental health clinic and he was like a godsend. He changed everything. He weaned her off Effexor and put her onto something else, and at the same time he counselled her in a way which changed her thought patterns. In other words he saved her life as she was very suicidal. I have helped my mom face her demons for over 10 years now, and seeing it up close is never nice. In fact, it makes you need counselling yourself because it could get really bad (she cut her arms, and at one point cut her leg so deep I had to take her to hospital and I was on holiday at the time). Right now she is back in the light again; a stark difference to how low she was.
The point of me telling you all this is to demonstrate real life instances where people have come through incredible difficulties. When we are in the middle of insurmountable distress however, the light can fade so much that we can't see how it will ever reignite again. This makes our thoughts even more catastrophic, and only love and support can change that. I'm not going to pretend I know all the answers, but you can come through it. I wish you all the best.
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