Depressing Mark of Tinnitus

@Samantha R You have the right attitude to tinnitus and a way of coping with it and you've only had it a short time. This is no reflect on Jason as everyone is different and we don't know what another person is feeling. I have tinnitus for many years and at times it has been exteremely severe. Tinnitus takes time to get to and if it is loud and intrusive treatment is almost always necessary in the early stages. Are you having any treatment?

 

@Michael Leigh yes, you are absolutely right. This is no reflection on Jason - I am still where he is, the 's' word had been on my mind too! I even wrote letters to my husband and children.
I would hate for him to take his life.
I am turning every stone in my search for answers / treatments.
I have TMJ so being treated for that, had a sleep study done in case of apnea, being fitted with a night guard due to clenching and grinding.
I have seen the ENT, had an MRI.
Chiro checking my spine via x-ray, CT scan my on head to check jaw, sinuses, airways etc.
I am trialling some in ear white noise generators this week.
Using sleep phones at night or a sound machine if really disturbed.
On my 3rd week my of CBT and have done 2 mindfulness sessions.
I still want further investigations on my head as there is a pulsating hiss/sizzle that is my tinnitus.

 

It is quiet in the mornings. Sound going in is the problem. No sound, no problem, unfortunatly life as I knew it is very much full of sound.

Right now as I type this all I can hear is a dull buzz really (half bottle of white wine also helped)

I feel the same as you when I look at my daughter, she is so happy all the time lol

I know a lot of people would have it worse on here, Sometimes mine is really crazy other times it's silent but the constant is I cannot live, work, restaurants, social life etc all send the t threw the roof. I can't relax, music is broken (massive problem I have mentioned over and over on here)

I am also a selfish individual, I am never satisfied, I always want more, never happy, even when things are perfect I always want more. It's the way I am wired and it's the reason why I am where I am today. (Excluding t)

So this is just not acceptable to me.

I'm not happy.

 

@Samantha R
I admire your determination Samantha and proactive approach to dealing with your tinnitus. If I may say so, and please do not see this a me being condescending in any way. All what you're doing I've seen it many times with people new to tinnitus and it can exhaust you if you're not careful.

Please ease up a little and take things easy. You are in the early stages of tinnitus. I know what it's like for I was just the same twenty years ago. I took advice from people that had tinnitus much longer than me so it's what I'm passing on to you and hope that you do not mind. Whenever you have time, please read my article that I wrote for people new to tinnitus which might be of some help. The link is below.

I don't know how intrusive your tinnitus is but if you sleep in a quiet you're better to use a sound machine. Since you use sleep phones and they work for you that's ok. However, I don't advise anyone with tinnitus to use them even at low volume.
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/an-introduction-to-tinnitus.12100/

 

@Michael Leigh Thanks for your link, that was very informative! In particular about EMF and computers. I don't use a computer much at all being at home, but I will keep this in mind for when I do. I also just turned off our wi-fi- just in case this might be aggrevating my tinnitus.... gotta try!

I thought you might say that about my search for a "cure". I realise it may seem obsessive, it's just that I'm the sort of person that needs answers before acceptance. As I have no clue as to what caused my tinnitus, I feel that I need to investigate further. The good thing is I am seeking help for existing conditions also (TMJ, jaw clenching and grinding), so at least I will be getting relief from that.
So if the tinnitus doesn't disappear, then at least I have left no stone unturned. Don't get me wrong, I expect I am with tinnitus for the long haul.
It could even be hormonal, who knows. I recently noticed all the extra hair from pregnancy is starting to now fall out, so I wonder if finally my hormones are starting to settle down. If only the tinnitus could disappear with the hair!
I have now even had 3 mornings of absolutely no head sizziling tinnitus - just my right sided ring that I have had for years that never bothered me, and there's also a new faint hiss in my left ear that is definitely new but very mild.
My tinnitus is intrusive at night, I cannot stand the sound of it so I do need to mask. Having said that, last night I tried to sleep without noise and was successful. The tinnitus was a little more settled.
My situation is tricky in that I sleep with my husband and have my 3 month old twins with me. My husband doesn't like the sound machine, so I use the sleep phones instead. I only have them on very low, and I find they come out of place pretty quickly anyway. I also set the sounds I listen to to only play for 30 minutes as I am able to fall asleep much sooner than this (thanks to 15mg of mirtazapine nightly)! However, your point about sound enrichment and the tinnitus is valid, so I was hoping a sound pillow might be an option?
What do you think of a sound pillow? Would you recommend these?
Otherwise hubby might just have to suck it up and sleep with the sound machine or sleep in the spare room!

Many thanks,

Samantha.

 

@Michael Leigh - I also thought it was interesting how you mentioned that "head" tinnitus could be tinnitus in both ears sounding like it comes from the head?
My "sizzle" doesn't sound like it's coming from my ears - just the right ear ring that I've always had that is definitely coming from the ears.
My tinnitus has a habit of waking me up from my sleep and my ears are ringing, but I come to and it's definitely sounding like a sizzle / hiss in my head.

 

@Samantha R
There is nothing wrong in looking for a cure for tinnitus, my only advice is to try and be careful as you are not sure what might have brought it on and you are still in the very early stages. For some people within the first six months to a year they habituate to tinnitus and it can also go away completely.

Furthermore, you have already had a lot of tests. Whilst I have nothing against complementary medicine it’s not something I recommend someone new to tinnitus try, as there are a lot of con artists and charlatans out there, ready to relieve someone of their money whose looking to cure their tinnitus. Sad, but true so please be careful.

Using sound enrichment at night is strongly advised for anyone that has tinnitus. I have written about this many times and it’s something hearing therapists tell their tinnitus patients. A sound pillow speaker attached to a sound machine is fine; just try to keep the volume slightly below your tinnitus. It is important to hear your tinnitus above the nature sounds, as the brain cannot habituate to the tinnitus if it can’t hear it.

Although the tinnitus sounds like it's coming from your ears it is actually coming from your brain. Usually the cochlear, which is in the inner ear, sends the tinnitus signal to the brain, the part that is known as the: Limbic system and it is here the noise is generated.

All the best
Michael

 

@Michael Leigh thank you for your kind and caring response.
I will definitely be sure not to be taken for a ride.
I make sure I fully understand what I am being told and have confidence in myself that I won't be ripped off. I am like looking for answers but I am not foolish.
I sought referrals for this TMJ dentist as getting a night guard is not a cheap exercise. My jaw physio referred me to him and confirmed I am grinding and have jaw issues. I also consulted my family dentist.
Thanks for the advice on the sleep pillow. I will use this tonight and see how I go.

 

May not come as a consolization but when I got the static, I just one day went "screw it" and try to relearn the music notes. One day I just heard the music crisp and clear without the static though the static is still there.

Also completed an old deaf trick of placing a speaker into a cardboard box or plastic and listen with your fingers when the hissing is too loud to risk it.

 

@Samantha R
It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. TMJ can cause tinnitus and I think you done the right thing getting a referral to a dentist.
Some people look at their diet (food & drink) to see whether there is something that might be triggering the tinnitus. Anything is possible and in my early days of tinnitus I pursued this route only to make myself very miserable so I advise caution.
You might find my post: Food, drink and tinnitus, helpful. Please click on the link below.

Best of luck
Michael
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/food-drink-and-tinnitus.12063/

 

I'm currently in holiday in beautiful turkey. Its just perfect. Warm. Blue sky. Gentle sea. Good food. Amazing people. And my loved girl friend with me. The way of life I love. The way I lived.

Its my first real holiday after getting tinnitus 8 month ago.

But the sad truth is I cannot enjoy. I just become more and more aware that my life is not the same anymore.
Worst thing is when I lay down to relax, even at the beach its exhausting for me with this sound in my ear/head.

Its always following me. In my thoughts. In my attitude. Don'tlike to come back to the calm hotel. Don't like to sit somewhere. Don't like to rest and kiss my girlfriend with this sound interfering. Its all about being busy and try to avoid this sound, which by now I describe more as a pain.
Evil mornings when you wake up after dreaming sweetly. Dreams are still unaffected and a reminder of the past. But after 5 seconds of becoming conscious again I'm in agony and ready to cry about my misery. My girlfriend is cuddling with me enjoying the lazyness in bed and I just wish to be dead.

I know it sounds depressed. But its just the depressing reality of a hellish disease. Not a day I don't consider suicide. It seems like worst irony that this disease doesn't take your life in a honest way amd you can do the right thing and fight for it but just pushes you slowely over the cliff. I'm calculating the pro and cons, the impact on my girlfriend and parents, the likelyhoods of wonders, medical break troughs and remedies. And of course the ways of doing it without risks of pain and self crippling.

Anyone of the more experienced people here survived the same for a reason? My main problem is not having a tinnitus. Even a loud one I would finally accept I guess. What makes me so miserable is the kind of sound. Its painful. A fluctuating very high screeching. Even if its low it can make it impossible for me to endure it. And often its very loud.

@Telis @Martin69 : I know it might be kind of unfair asking you for words of hope since I know you are struggling yourselves. But is there any any little bettering? My mom as a sufferer herself says the painfulness will subside after a while. Can you say the same? On the suicide scale any improvement? What thoughts keep you surviving?
@glynis . I know your agony must be tremendous right now and I feel so much for you. With all modesty you remind me of my mother with your way of dealing with it though. Always keeping good spirit even if situation is gloom. I'm so different and have deepest respect for your strength and faith.
I hope for you.

 

Hi @Marlino.
I know how hard it is to wake up to the atrocious noise everyday and like you some days do get to me and In tears.
Make sure you are sleeping well and try mix your holiday with busy times and resting times and becareful drinking on holiday and spicy food can increase your tinnitus.
Try to think you can still enjoy your Holliday by pushing hard to get through the day with things you like doing and have music on low if around the pool or on the beach.
Treat yourself to a music download and a nice look round the shops and a nice swim.
Go at your own pace and don't put to much presure on yourself.
Your holiday does not have to be amazing just think it's nice fresh air and a change from your normal life and don't think you have to please everyone.
Try also instead of thinking my ears are so loud to cope with,think blinking heck my stupid ears need to go to naughty school or like me my naughty monkeys are going get hearing aids shoved in them to help a bit.
Tinnitus can be mental torture but we have to stay strong but emotional release is good too and the odd tear when things are tough help as a cup can only hold so mutch.
Have a nice walk along the Shore and keep posting when need us as we all will try uplift you
....chin up....lots of love glynis x

 

I know exactly how you feel.

I am almost 5 months with noise induced T, hearing loss and balance issues due to a powerful alarm.
One of the hardest parts of this is not being able to relax, I can't even listen to music as it just sounds broken, even walking into a shop that is playing music and all I can hear is the broken speaker effect - a constant reminder of this disability. Can't go to restaurants as they are too noisy for me now, holidays, cars, gym, Socilising with friends - all gone.

I wish I could give you some encouragement on how to deal with this but I can't.
I know what I am going to do about it, I know how and I know when. Just knowing this actually makes me feel better but I know it's a massive waste of a life I used to enjoy but of course that life has passed already and I shall be soon too follow.

 

@Marlino
I feel exactly the same. Counting pros and cons. Unfortunately I cannot give you much hope either. I just try to tell myself to keep going for at least one more year. You are only 8 months in, that's not too long.. I met at least two people, who had T for years and it went away. Of course you cannot expect that to happen, but it does indeed happen. And not too rarely.

 

@Emmi: this is my best bet. That it goes as it came. Without any reason. Or at least fades a little.
I'm not patient and not as strong as I thought I'd be. I have to learn.

Its so weird, only my girlfriend and my parents know about my condition. From outside I look perfectly normal. Inside its a tragedy.

I'm currently living without any medication. But I fear I will not be able to stand for long anymore. To go the benzo route with 34 just to endure my life is not the life I want to live and brings me back to suicidal thoughts.
Maybe I'm still on the high horse.

 

@Jason C
That sounds not good about the distorted hearing. I don't have that. Nothing besides the tinnitus and maybe some weird feeling from neck/jaw/ear/temple. But this is likely imagination.

All the activities you mentioned. I still force myself to do them at least a little. But I'm losing energy by it. I get more and more reluctant, since its not rewarding anymore.

Well, shit it is.
Thanks anyway.
Compassion is the only thing which helps and can be done here. I keep telling that to my girlfriend as well, who is miserable not beeing able to help me.

 

I think if you wait it will go to background. You will find your concentrate. It happens to me. Believe me. But change in life has come you should accept that. I know it's difficult (at least for me). and of curse consider any treatment.

 

If your hearing isn't distorted then you are very lucky indeed. If your T was not caused by noise then there is no reason why you cant go to places like cinema etc

If it was just the ringing I could deal with it. Annoying yes but I could deal with it. Although I am sure I would feel the same as you if I had not of expresenced these other issues too.

The distortion kills me, even watching tv and if any music is on it just sounds rubbish, same with computer games, cars, engine noise anything with sound really.

This has literally stripped all the enjoyment from
many parts of my life.

 

Glynis you are amazing. This is so very true. Even though it's hard to swallow it's true that expectations also play a role. Expectations of the perfect holidays and of yourself.

Thanks and my best wishes to you.

 

@Jason C
I cannot say how its for you. I deeply believe that even plain tinnitus is never the same for two individuals. But how you describe it I understand your pain.

We might face different problems but the outcome is the same. I'm not lucky.

 

True. I am not playing down your problems I am sorry if I came across that way, Tinnitus is sole distorting in any form. It would annoy me not knowing what caused it but in my case it is very clear what has caused this.

Well it's Friday again lol Wine helps.

 

Very true. Even if this plays a minor role to me right now. But I'm asking myself, was it too much poking in the ears for ear wax during my studies (was obsessed about it for while), was it too much in ear phones usage, too much club nights, a fall from a horse 6 month before which gave me neck problems, a flight with ear problems and tremendous ear pain 2 month before, diving in corals water and an infection, the old crt television at my girl friends place which makes sounds at the same frequency or was it just too much stress summed up over the years?
The answer is: just bad luck.

 

I had issues with ear wax for years, it was soooo good getting my ears syringed, it was like having brand new ears lol

 

Sounds lame but just One day at a time. Try and enjoy something each day, move forward in that way. Even if it's just a good shower or nice meal, try and look at those little things that can still be pleasant, try to forget about how much you suffer. That's all I do, keeps me going for now. And if your T and H is fairly mild, and your hearing is decent (unlike mine), try and be thankful for that as well. I would also say, if you are on holidays, you are probably doing well, so gain confidence in that. Not much help I'm sure but That's all I've got

 

I don't wanna sound like a pussy. Like you I cannot show my tinnitus to others. All I can say I struggle badly.

Thank you for your realisitic view. It's not cool to hear that but is helping though to adjust.