Doing better but could use some encouragement

Hi, I'm doing much better since my tinnitus became worse this past January but I still struggle with it. Sometimes I just feel angry and I grieve that I have a new and more annoying tinnitus to live with. I think about the meds I took that brought this on and just wish I had never taken them. I feel angry at the ENT who prescribed the meds and then didn't return my calls when my tinnitus got worse so I continued to take those meds when I probably should have been taken off of them pronto. I know what is done is done but I'm having a hard time accepting that I can't go back to the way it was. I was totally habituated to my old tinnitus and it no longer bothered me. I guess I would like encouragement that I habituated once and I can do it again even if the tinnitus is louder and more intrusive. I remember that when I first developed T years age, it drove me nuts for months. I don't even know how I did habituate. It just seemed like over time it just took up less and less of my attention. I hope it will happen that way again.

Changing the subject a bit, my doctor wants me to up my dosage of Zoloft from 50 mg to 75. That seems like a good idea except ringing of the ears is listed as a side effect. She also suggested I take Klonopin .5 at night and also in the morning. Night time is OK but I feel sedated all day when I take a pill in the morning. Any suggestions or thoughts about Zoloft causing tinnitus or the sleepy effect of Klonopin? Thank you.

 

Hiya @sgal

I am sorry your T has gotten worse and has not returned to the way it was before. But you are doing well! I believe you will habituate again. Could take you longer than before, but it will happen. I think habituating with T is simply putting up with the noise and doing the same things you did before. At least that's what I have found. I can ignore the sound in quiet now.

I think we just have to get used to the noise. But you will. You have already done it once, and I bet you thought that T was loud. This one is louder, but you will get used to it. Unfortunately we just have to put up with it for a while.

 

It's great that you can ignore the sound in quiet now! That's where you want to be. Thank you for your reply, it's encouraging, and encouragement is what I need now and then. I'll be doing fine and then I get weak or tired, whatever, and then I need the strength of others.

 

I'm feeling like you sgal...I get so tired of this sound in my head; it's exhausting at times! I know it's probably because I'm not at the state where I can accept it as part of my life. I'm still trying to "fight" it which I know is the wrong approach but I hate it so much! I think I've made some progress; I haven't used any masking at night for the past week, and I sleep OK (unless I'm worried/anxious about something else, and then I only sleep a couple of hours). I try to "put up with the sound" as much as possible and not let it stop me from going out with friends, etc. I've started going to a chiropractor; not sure it will help but I'm still looking for some kind of answer. Like you, I hope I will learn to cope in time. I'm encouraged by the success of others on this forum.
As far as Zoloft, I've been considering going on it but have been hesitant. Has it helped you cope? Were you on it before your T got worse in January? My niece has been on it for 8 years and she said it has really helped her anxiety (she doesn't have T). Thanks.

 

I'm exactly the same as you Debs, i won't accept it, i hate it and it hates me. I want the old me back, i don't want to be this person with a problem, scared of noise and crying in front of friends and family all the time.
I hate having to wear plugs and i just wish i could disappear from life.

 

I think we all have bad days with T. I mean, we all have bad days in life, so I suppose that whyenever we are having a bad day the T seems just too much to put up with. Usually I am okay, but I think it's because I keep telling myself it will go in time and I have to be pateint. I think if someone was to tell me that it would never ever go, I would be a basket-case.

You're doing really well. Like you said, you are doing fine some of the time, and eventually even on the bad days you will be okay. It's just time, which is so frustrating because that is not the answer that we want - unfortunately though, at this point it is all we can do. Hopefully in a few years time there will be a good treatment that will reduce the volume of T which I believe is the problem. I reckon if everyone was to block their ears, 95% would be able to hear something - but because it's so low they dismiss it as "silence".

Keep strong. It won't always be this hard.

 

Zoloft has helped me. I've always been on a pretty low dose. I've been off and on it a few times. I don't remember what I was taking when I first developed T. It's been too long ago to remember but anyway, I restarted Zoloft sometime in Sept. 2013 and the T didn't increase when I went back on it. I just don't want to increase the dose and find it makes things worse as a dose related sort of thing. I hope I'm making sense.

 

I hear you...in more ways than one! I hope you get some good days occasionally; they help keep me going. But on the bad days I'm so tired of it all and just want it to stop already. I live by the motto "one day at a time...just give me the strength to do every day what I have to do". We have to trust we WILL get thru this! As Citigirl said, "keep strong".

 

I know developing tinnitus is a lot like going though a grief experience. After all, you've suffered the loss of something. First there is shock, panic, anxiety, then regret and anger too. You're stressed and you cry. You want to go back to before this happened but reality and time won't let you. Eventually, you start to figure out how to cope. You return to your routine as much as possible and maybe even add some new things into your life. You find distractions in the early days that keep you from going insane. Then you begin to take regular comfort from those distractions. There is a gradual acceptance. You stop devoting so much time and energy to the loss and more to living. I know all this because I went though it when I was first struck with tinnitus years ago. I hate having to go through the process again but I do hold out hope that it will get quieter one way or another. In the mean time, I do really appreciate those here who virtually hold my hand. I know it gets better. I just still need to hear that sometimes.

 

You'll habituate again.
Take it from an old timer..
Don't judge your T.
Say it again... Don't judge your T. Because when you listen TO it, you'll be listening FOR it.

Judge your response to your T. Don't say, "My T was loud as hell when I woke up." Say, "I woke up then heard the loud T and said heck with it and went into the bathroom."

I dare you to do it and watch what happens.

 

@sgal I agree with @I who love music Telling your T to "get lost" is therapeutic. Doing this is depriving your tinnitus of your attention. And that attention does feed it. All the studies I've read suggest that focusing on your tinnitus does increase its signal. But since you've habituated once, you know you can do it again.

And I understand you're hurting. There are few things more cruel than what tinnitus does to us. But feeling this hurt is not good for us! Easier said than done, but I know you're strong! You've habituated once so you know how to do it.

And, if I may ask, what drugs were you taking that caused your spike? Since you mentioned your ENT, it sounds like you were taking antibiotics. Which one(s)?

 

I was taking clindomycin, ciprodex and mometasone but I've reason to think now that it may not have been the medications but the virus I had that made my T worse. Thank you for your encouragement. It is time for me to tell my T to get lost. Dr. Nagler has suggested some tools that will help with that and I plan to use them.

 

Wow, that's some powerful advice there dude. I'll take your dare!

 

I hope can get there too. I try to tell my T to "get lost" but it thumbs its nose at me. Like yesterday I went to a wonderful piano & violin recital and my T was screaming so loud it competed with the lovely music. Very discouraging!!

 

Yeah, I understand. Telling it to "get lost" is not going to make your T magically disappear. But I believe over time having this attitude can train your brain to tune it out. When I say "over time," I mean months--not days or a few weeks. Your brain may get aggravated at the slightest provocation, but it will take many months for it to forget to get angry. That's just how it is. It isn't fair and it definitely stinks. But focusing on your noise will only feed it.

For example, right now as I write this I'm spiking. I went to dinner a few hours ago and my tinnitus was almost silent; shortly after I returned, it got loud--all within maybe 15 minutes. It went from a 2/10 to a 7/10 and it may get louder before the evening is out. I don't know why its spiking, but I presume my dinner had something with MSG in it. And so from now until tomorrow morning, my tinnitus will be whistling away. That's just what it does when it gets angry.

That said, over the last six months my attitude has helped me deal better with my spikes. And I'm having more quiet days. I attribute this progress to refusing to focus on my tinnitus.

I hope this helps. Tinnitus is unforgiving. But over time it does get better.

 

That is very encouraging! Thanks...I appreciate all the support and encouragement I can get!!

 

I have had some very good days since I started to follow Dr. Nagler's advice as carefully as I can (for now). I'm getting ready to go out of town so I'm a little scattered at the moment. I can tell my T to take a hike and get on with something else most of the time and I've been amazed at how much that helps. The one area that still gives me the most problems is going to sleep or waking up with T in the middle of the night. Going to sleep, I really can't go do something to distract myself. I do use environmental sound like white noise and that helps a little bit. Tried the sleeping headphones but the headband is too hot for me. I may give the pillow phones a shot.

 

Great to know your improvement, sgal and you are on the right track by following Dr. Nagler. That was what I did in a former forum when I was a total newbie. Yes, telling T to take a hike when you are busy is great. I used to tell it to 'stop screaming, shut up, and just line up to take a ticket' as I am busy with my life. Haha. It feels good to tell the bully to just step in line. We all need these 'mini breaks' from T to begin to build our confidence that over time we can have more and more of these breaks, and longer duration too. Things can only keep improving over time.

As for the sleeping, if it is really hard, you may want to consider meds like Rameron. If not, try to get yourself tired during the day, don't take nap, take a hot shower before bed time, have some soothing music or nature sounds (I like rain, running water, etc.). If that is not enough to distract the mind from focusing on T, I would just do some mental maths, such as adding or subtracting numbers while lying down with eyes closed. I wanted it to be brain teasing & difficult (so the brain has to focus on finding the answer) so I would start with deducting 17 from 1000, say the brain calculates the result as 983, then deduct 17 on the result, and repeat. If it is too hard, try just add 3 or 7 from zero and repeat. That way, the brain will slowly doze due to tiredness and boredom of repeating calculation and yet it is distracted from T. I learned this method to deal with anxiety & panic attacks as I was a victim of A & P disorders for decades before T. It works well for me even for T. May not be for every one, but never hurt to try as you can do this anywhere in silence or crowded places.

 

I do something similar when T wakes me up at night...I think of an old movie or TV show and try to remember all the character names (I'm not good at math!) The mental exercise does help distract me from the T noise!