Getting Married with Tinnitus?!

Why yes I am!! And let me tell you, that is not something I would have thought I would have ever said about a year and a half ago. I posted a intro on here about a year and half ago when my tinnitus decided it needed to try and be my best friend (jerk). And of course we had a very traumatic start to our relationship, but eventually I accepted the fact that tinnitus just wasn't going to go anywhere, and hey that is okay

I had same reaction that almost everyone has when they first get tinnitus. Anxiety, lack of sleep, weight loss, depression, mood swings, etc..I think, but am not 100% but I think my tinnitus was caused by a nasty sinus infection/stressful period. I was a mess. I constantly googled only to find negative information everywhere and believed everything I read. I felt doomed. What kind of life I was supposed to have like this?! I felt my boyfriend of almost 3 years could do better than put up with my craziness/depression. My anxiety was through the roof and for the first time in my 31 years of existence I started having panic attacks. My doctor put me on sleep pills and anti depressants (which I soon went off). My ENT said my hearing was perfect and hopefully this would go away. I was referred to a therapist. I found a clinic that specialized in tinnitus and I discovered my audiologist herself has tinnitus. She had me get custom musicians ear plugs and recommended different therapies but suggested I continue to go to therapy, wear my ear plugs in loud situations, and continue to mask when I felt I had to. She told me tinnitus sometimes is going to loud, and sometimes its going to be quiet, tinnitus is funny like that. She also told me to stop scanning the internet and stop believing everything I read. Slowly but surely I started getting my life back.

I started talking about tinnitus and discovered that my aunt, my future stepson, my mother, about 7 of my co workers, my old boss (and I feel I forgot some) all have tinnitus. I HAD NO IDEA! And the most interesting thing? None of them cared! I was shocked. They still went to concerts, NASCAR races, shot guns, etc. I forced myself to actually believe these people I knew and had relationships in real life, vice all the negativity of the internet world. My coworkers had me do burpees (you know that awful work out move where you have to jump into a push up position and back up?) every time they caught me googling horror stories. Let me tell you, that helped with not googling anymore lol

I also started forcing myself to be active. Not just sit at home and mope. Thanks to the advice from my therapist and audiologist I started getting back out there. I started running again. Want something to take your mind off tinnitus?? Run. Seriously all I could focus on was not dying. Can you say out of shape much? But consistency and a little positivity (thank you therapy!) I was well on my way to a half marathon. I ran a 10 miler and actually crossed the line with a smile on my face! Now I am not saying I couldn't have done this tinnitus free, but it gave me a little extra boost to start feeling normal again. And then of course I messed up my IT Band and had to sit the half marathon out but hey! There is always other half marathons! I discovered I loved baking, that I enjoyed planting vegetables and flowers. We adopted a dog that has become the love of my life (well next to my future husband ) I went to concerts with my ear plugs off course. Baseball games and movies. The moment I realized that I could still have a life and that tinnitus didn't affect it at all was probably the biggest turning point for me. This was about 9 months in I want to say.

I also understand the tinnitus relationship factor. Its hard. Especially when they other totally doesn't understand. I am so THANKFUL that my fiancé was supportive and understanding through all of this. But at one point, he sat me down and looked at me and said "I understand you are going through a rough time, but I really need my girlfriend back." Well as most of you can guess, I lost my shit. I cried, and cried, and well cried some more. I refused to let this ruin the best relationship I ever had. I decided that not only I was I going to get better for myself, but that I was going to get better for us. And well guess that worked out because come 10.29.2016 I will be a Mrs.

So just remember:
- This takes time and patience. One step forward two steps back but it will happen with a little faith and a little action. But it DOES get better. This is different for everyone so please don't compare yourself to anyone.
- Keep your self busy and active
- Mask when necessary
- Don't be afraid to ask for help...
- Get a handle on your anxiety, that is really half the battle
- Do whatever you need to get some sleep, that's another part of the battle lol
- Protect your ears
- Live your life!

Hope this provides a little hope to someone out there. It DOES gets better! Its a bit of a journey but what you learn about yourself on the other side may surprise you I don't even remember the last time I had a bad ear day. I still hear it daily but it doesn't bother me anymore. And its forgotten about as quickly as its heard.

I do what to give a shout out to @billie48, @awbw8, @I who love music , your stories helped more than you know!

Hang in there everyone! It gets better!

Melissa

 

So good to read your story Melissa. Can you tell me, how loud is you're T? Has it gone down in volume over time? Do you still hear it?

 

Hi @hartje5 ! For the most part its pretty low these days, but then I am not paying attention either. There have been and are still times when I can hear it when driving on the freeway, over fans, over the TV lol I still do hear it every day, but not all day. But when I do hear it, its like oh hey you! and then I am off doing whatever I was doing and forget again. I don't think the actual volume has gone down but my perception to it has changed which I think made the most difference!

 

Is you're T a pure tone? Or does it vary? I've got fluctuating T. On day's when it's low I can handle it. It's days like today that are driving me insane. Constant ringing in my head. Cannot imagine ever getting used to that.

 

It varies. Sometimes it's a constant tone. Sometimes it's hissing. Sometimes my left ear pulsates. Sometimes it's pulsating and the tone! Lol it really has a mind of its own.

 

I also got married with tinnitus, when it decided to go real nuts on me too.
Was kinda wasted on benzos the big night, ergo I had a fantastic time.

 

Congrats to your success story and of course you big day coming up. Getting married and moving on another chapter in life is exciting and rewarding. T can take a ticket while you are going to be busy preparing for you big day. I often tell it to go to hell while I get to live a bit of heaven. Your story is inspiration indeed and many will be helped by your positive message. Have a sweet and romantic wedding and may God's choicest blessings be with you and your family.

 

Congrats, Melissa, both on getting married and on having learnt how to deal with tinnitus. Your story brings light and hope to those of us who are just starting to live with this and are really worried about how our life will go on with it.

I also wanted to make a comment about something you said, not trying to be negative but trying to point out what I believe is an important factor that too many times gets omitted or not paid attention to:

How loud where these people's tinnitus? Because in my opinion it all comes down to volumes. I've had tinnitus since 2011 and I was living a most normal life with it. Like all the people you mentioned, I didn't care, and I would have given you a similar answer if you had asked me back then. Now, that was under a certain level of tinnitus. 6 days ago it got much, much worse and I can tell you it's a complete different animal and I have my doubts about someone ever being able to get used to something like this (all my hopes are in it getting lower with time). I don't want to be negative, what I want to point out is that we might find people saying "ah, tinnitus is nothing, just ignore it" but we might be talking about very different kinds of tinnitus. Or, in other words, that volume is a crucial factor.

Anyway, let's not change the mood of this thread which is celebrating your two big achievements. It's fantastic when anyone who suffers from this sh** is able to get his/her life back and it clearly takes courage, so props to you Melissa!

 

@Helmut83

Yes, even in this forum tinnitus and TINNITUS are often the same. It is difficult to quantify our subjective experiences. If I had only tinnitus I will not be spending any time here. Yes, I can try to ignore my brain being raped one hundred times every day. We are humans and we can adapt to almost anything.

 

congrats Melissa, may you have a wonderful wedding and a great life together with your soon to be husband <3

 

Thanks @Helmut83 ! I am sorry to hear about your increase. Majority of the folks I know that have tinnitus were prior military. Working on carrier flight decks, going over seas, listening to really high frequency noises for all hours of the day. I know my aunts is very loud. We were driving in my car with the windows down and the music on and she was like "oh ya I still hear it" At which point my jaw dropped. I asked her what she thought about when she heard it "absolutely nothing, its just there" My old office mate (he retired, lucky man!) told me I wouldn't believe the noises his head could make. We had a ship yard behind out office and they were working on a ship and there was a really loud high pitched noise and I said "well that is the most annoying sound ever" and he said "oh you can hear that!? I thought that was my tinnitus!" and just started laughing. He told me he hears it but it doesn't bother him but he can forget about it regularly. Mind you, they both have had there for several decades. But just talking to them gave me much more hope!

 

Thank you @seal & @billie48 ! agh its coming up fast! I feel the last time I checked I had over 300 days to plan and now I have 64...what!? lol

 

Thanks Melissa for your optimistic words and the examples you gave me. I think the key factor is wether you are able to get good sleep with your tinnitus or not. If you can do that, all the rest is much more manageable. I'm still fighting that fight.


Thank you too, @InfiniteLoop . Is there any thread where you expose your case? I'd like to read about it. Have in mind I have TINNITUS (as you call it) only since a week ago so I still can't bear the idea of having to adapt myself to that; all my hopes are placed in it becoming a softer tinnitus again.

 

@Helmut83 100% agree! Sleeping regularly makes everything much more managable. And I have faith you will tackle this beast!

 

I love when I read a story like this! It gives me that extra boost to keep fighting and know that things will be alright. Since getting T I have halted dating, mainly because of being an emotional mess. If I wasn't happy, how would I be happy in a relationship. My biggest fear was that if something good were to start, T would ruin me and that would translate to the relationship. I am 6 months in and certain things have gotten better, still got quite a way to go. But a story like yours is inspiration in reclaiming who we once were, in moving forward, and that there is happiness.

Congrats and wishing you a beautiful day on your wedding! May your life be filled with infinite love and happiness!

 

I can tell you from my experience asking everyone about their T that many have it pretty loud. I will tell you about several people I know that can hear it and what they say is "if I listen for it." My husband can hear it almost anywhere (if he listens)..beach, car on the freeway etc. My uncle...my old co worker..a new co worker that didn't even know she had it until I talked about it! like 3 of my therapists. They just get somehow to a point that they just know how to tune it out.

 

@Starlord that post was so sweet! Thank you! i totally understand where you are coming from. I was sleeping (or attempting to) in other rooms and was terrified that that's how it was going to be forever. But as I became more comfy with my new situation everything just started working itself out, and being a little positive and having a little faith in myself didn't hurt lol. Now I don't even remember the last time I went in another room! And you will be happy again, trust me! You totally have the right attitude!

What's that saying, things will be alright and if they aren't alright then it's not the end

 

Hi, Marie, thanks for your answer. As I see it, the experiences of those people don't tell me much about volume. I could have said any of those things about my previous tinnitus (or the previous state of my tinnitus, to be more accurate). I also heard it only when I listened for it. And it wasn't a terribly loud one, not compared to the one I have now at least.

About your co worker who didn't know she had it... well, you can be sure it wasn't a loud tinnitus.

But then again, we'll never know for sure what volumes we are talking about, as each of us can only know about the volume of his tinnitus (and not about the others') and it's a hard thing to quantify.

In the end, I hope you are right and that every human being can tune out (to use your term) every tinnitus possible no matter how loud it is. I'm not so sure it can always be like that for everyone, but I sure hope you are right.

 

My husband has had tinnitus for over 20 years. His fluctuates enormously, he can hear church bells ringing, pulsating, the works. The first year he told me it was louder than a tea kettle whistle. I believe him cause he's really down to earth and never exaggerates. He's the one that makes me believe even people with TINNITUS can habituate.

 

I didn't say every single person. I said what Dr. Hubbard said which is 98%.

 

Congratulations Honey Bee. I too got married with tinnitus. I just have to work on my anxiety level and yes having a good nights sleep helps a lot.

 

Hi @Honey_Bee that is such an encouraging post!! Your situation is actually very similar to mine. I am 26 and getting married this October as well. I developed constant tinnitus in March from a bad virus and a very stressful time. It has been six months and I'm hoping to habituate as well. Lately it's been hard because of stress from the wedding, buying a house and other things going on but I'm trying to remain positive. Also, mine fluctuates from day to day. Your story gave me hope and encouragement that I can conquer this. My fiancée too sat me down and said he needs the old me back and from then I've been better but not where I want to be. Can I ask, how did I you find a therapist that understands your situation? I just started to go to a counselor for stress/anxiety and I told her about my tinnitus and she never heard about it. She doesn't get how it impacts a persons life. Does anyone know how to find a therapist that knows about tinnitus? I guess I can email a couple and ask them personally

 

Hi @Sparkle92! Congratulations on the wedding! What's your date? I just got back from my bachelorette party in Nashville. My liver hurts lol

So my therapist was given to me by my ENT, but she didn't specialize in tinnitus. She knew what it was but more I was seeing her to get my anxiety under control. I honestly didn't think she was helping in anyway for a while. It wasn't until one day she asked me what my goals were before this happened. And I became all upset because wtf did my goals have to do with tinnitus. But she asked again and I answered. It was something like run a 10k and plant my first veggie garden. And then she looked me dead in the face and asked me what was stopping me. Check mate. Therapist 1 | Mel 0. Lol that was a wake up call for me. And also realizing that anxiety and worry are just emotions and that they will pass if you don't cling to it. That took a lot of practice.

But yea I would try google. That's how I found my audiologist. My GP is awesome but he didn't know anything about tinnitus.

And you will totally habituate! You have the right mindset! keeping yourself busy totally helps especially since we are both past the 60 day mark on wedding planning!!

 

Thanks @Honey_Bee!! And congratulations to you too!! My date is the 7th so it's coming up quick now! That's cool you had your bachelorette party lol.

That is encouraging about the therapist. I just started going so I will keep at it. It makes sense that anxiety and worry will pass if you learn not to cling to those emotions, it's hard at first to do that but it is possible! I agree it takes a lot of practice, I'm hoping to learn techniques that will help me overcome these emotions. I too think goals and hobbies are important to keep, it's vital to stay busy with things you love in order to get better. Planting a veggie garden sounds like a lot of fun too, I should give that a try! Like you mentioned before, I love to bake too so that is something I am going to do more of.

Thank you!! I know in time things will get better and I will habituate too. Your story is inspiring and encouraging so thanks for that! Yeah the wedding is keeping me busy for sure! I still have to pick DJ music out lol I hope your planning is going good

 

@Honey_Bee congrats on the upcoming wedding! I always love your posts. So positive and funny!

Tinnitus really is the strangest thing. I'm basically at the one year mark. I have good days and bad days. I have good and bad in the same day! Like yesterday, woke up, it was there but seemed a little quieter and not bothersome, sat at my desk all morning working with no masking. Then it started to get bothersome and today it's been a stressful day since the second I woke up. For me the rollercoaster ride is the tough part. When I have good days I feel good and the T is 90% minimized. When I have bad days, it's in my face and the anxiety and stress kicks up and the negativity returns.

That being said, and I hope I can help others through my struggles, is that a year ago I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, was worried sick because my second daughter was about to be born and I was a disaster. I lost about 15 pounds. It was in my face 24/7. I couldn't find a sound that masked it much. Eventually I did find an app called White Noise that has been so helpful. It is adjustable across the sound spectrum as well as the frequency. I use violet noise at 10k Hz. If I use my ear buds in both ears at about 20% volume on my iphone...bye bye T. I usually just mask in my right ear (it's worse) but if I'm having an especially crappy day I'll mask in both. The rainforest sound in the iDream app is pretty good too. You are also correct about staying off the internet. I think this is the first time in 6 weeks or so I have even been on the site.

I have faith I will habituate. Even when I have a bad day I can sleep without any masking, though as you once said my earbuds are on hot standby on my nightstand. I can honestly forget about my T when I am engaged in an activity I am interested in or out with family and friends. I'll go 2-3 days, maybe a little more and feel pretty good, then I seem to crash down and it's right back in my face again full blast. Maybe a little CBT is in my future . I struggle the most when I'm at work or other quiet places.

A year on though and I suppose that in the big picture things are better though some days suuuuuuck. I have an awesome audiologist too who, like me, has a moderate hearing loss in one ear and has had T for 13 years. She is very encouraging and gives me hope. Sometimes life is a struggle, no one said it'd be easy. I have faith that I will look back and said damn that was hard for a year/2 years/whatever but I overcame and am stronger for it.

Well, as usual I have been super wordy but I hope I can help someone. Your success is great and has helped me a lot. Be well, and again, congratulations on the wedding! Now, I am off to do something other than read about T on the internet, like work.

 

@gobolts07 Thank you! I try to bring my awesome humor out in most things lol I knew things were going back in the right direction when my therapist well your sense of humor is back! You will absolutely help someone, just being there is huge. It is an interesting situation wanting to come back and be helpful. Half the time you are like "Yes! I want to help!" and then the other half is "Uhhhh I would just really love to forget that awful period in my life" but funnily enough I have met a few folks on here that in the beginning all we did was talk about tinnitus and now, we rarely bring it up. It is so awesome!

When you are able to forget about it is also a huge milestone. I remember in the beginning I would get out of the shower and immediately listen/hear it. The other day I got out and was like holy cow, I haven't thought about listening for it/or hearing it in the longest time! The mind really is awesome. And I am so very happy to hear your progress! You will continue to kick some serious butt and will go on to help people! But totally agree, life is totally a struggle some days. But hey that only makes the good days that much sweeter!

I know, I should probably get back to work too...bbuuutttt its Friday...ssoooooo maybe ill just browse the internet lol #TGIF

 

and @gobolts07 your daughters are adorable! You will be fighting those boys off in a few years!