Member- Feb 9, 2014
- 536
- Tinnitus Since
- 03/2013
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Likely stress, anxiety, an antibiotic and nsaids
@Kathi just recently posted about her set back and it inspired me to reflect on my rocky-road to habituation (and its resident setbacks). So, I thought I would spend a little time and write down some thoughts in the hope they will help my fellow T sufferers (especially during those dreaded setbacks).
Kathi, I hope you don't mind I used your post as an inspiration; it just got me to thinking and I felt compelled to write (respectfully).
After a year of T I consider myself largely habituated (although there is always room for improvement). In my mind, habituation does not mean I don't hear my T anymore. It does mean I no longer react (to it), T no longer interrupts my sleep, it holds no sway over my moods, it no longer steals my focus, T does not depress me nor does it cause undo angst, and, quite frankly, most days I will go for hours completely oblivious to my T (cause it no longer registers in my conscious awareness for hours at a time). It also means I can truly say 'ha, ha T, I so kicked your butt!'
Right now you may be thinking 'well good for you Mark, now what about me?'; and I don't blame you for feeling that way (I did for most of last year), T is serious business and habituation does not happen overnight (or nearly fast enough for any of us). Furthermore, as if T were not difficult enough, it would appear most of us will just start to get on top of our T and start feeling positive about the future only to have a major setback. At least that is what happened to me several times. My setbacks were frustrating, scary, and downright discouraging – hated them!
Nonetheless, as much as I hate setbacks I must admit it was a major setback that finally pushed me into my habituated state. It was a biggie, a grand mal T spike. My T was going ape; the proverbial 600 lb. gorilla named 'T' using my mind and emotions as a play-toy! I was a year into T and already had many ups and downs and thought I had a handle on things; this one proved me wrong – thought I was going to lose it.
T sufferers are going to experience setbacks whether they want to or not; it's a hard, cold fact – I hate it, but know it's true. That being said, why not gain something from them? Make them work for you; get something out of them. If life is going to drag you through the mud why not dig for some gold? Why not challenge yourself with a new outlook? My last major setback pushed me into such an outlook (unwittingly) and I'm glad it did.
A New Outlook: setbacks are workouts for T sufferers
I go to the gym (some people say a lot); I love sports and I love staying active and competitive. I'm well aware of the quintessential improvement paradigm – failure is good. In other words, if you want to increase strength, endurance or athletic performance you must take things to failure. If you want to run faster/farther then you must take yourself to a substantial level of exhaustion (failure) and the next time you will run further – faster (even if just a little). The same idea applies to muscle and athletic performance. Of course, doing all this without injuring yourself (it's about growth, after all).
You may say 'great Mark, you go to the gym of your own volition (I get it); but I'm not a willing participant when it comes to T'. That's true, neither was I – nothing anyone can do about that (sorry).
Setbacks may cause emotional, mental, and spiritual failure; an equivalency to muscle failure. We may feel deep fear, dread, angst, anger, we may cry, we may lose focus, we may get depressed (at least I felt those things and more) – but we do not have to lose hope. Just like our cardio system and muscles fail, feel sore, and are weak for a time, so, too, our mind and emotions are torn and weak; but there is no call for a loss of hope – our emotions/mind/spirit can heal and get stronger (just like our muscles); even if we are not willing participants.
Therefore, a new (dare I say positive) outlook on setbacks is warranted. They are opportunities and cause for more strength (emotional, mental, and spiritual). Don't worry about an emotional breakdown (even crying in the corner sucking on your thumb), don't project negativity into your future (thinking it will be like this forever), don't fret an inability to focus (in fact, take that into account – you are not focusing well during a setback, so don't draw conclusions at that time) – all this (and more) may happen but realize it's all part of the workout (exhaustion/failure). Instead, realize it does mean you are still standing here (T has not destroyed you) and you are going to come back stronger; better equipped to handle the future (T and all). Furthermore, you may become enlightened about some of the emotional and environmental factors precipitating your spike(s) and learn how to either avoid them or handle them better.
I found this outlook diffused the power of setbacks (and resident fear) and allowed me to actually gain something from them -- even if I was an unwilling participant.
Habituation takes time and is not easy; however, until they find a cure I firmly believe we can all eventually and collectively say 'T is not the boss of me!'
I hope this helps someone out there; until then – prayers for all, big ears to listen and a tender heart for the suffering…
Mark
Kathi, I hope you don't mind I used your post as an inspiration; it just got me to thinking and I felt compelled to write (respectfully).
After a year of T I consider myself largely habituated (although there is always room for improvement). In my mind, habituation does not mean I don't hear my T anymore. It does mean I no longer react (to it), T no longer interrupts my sleep, it holds no sway over my moods, it no longer steals my focus, T does not depress me nor does it cause undo angst, and, quite frankly, most days I will go for hours completely oblivious to my T (cause it no longer registers in my conscious awareness for hours at a time). It also means I can truly say 'ha, ha T, I so kicked your butt!'
Right now you may be thinking 'well good for you Mark, now what about me?'; and I don't blame you for feeling that way (I did for most of last year), T is serious business and habituation does not happen overnight (or nearly fast enough for any of us). Furthermore, as if T were not difficult enough, it would appear most of us will just start to get on top of our T and start feeling positive about the future only to have a major setback. At least that is what happened to me several times. My setbacks were frustrating, scary, and downright discouraging – hated them!
Nonetheless, as much as I hate setbacks I must admit it was a major setback that finally pushed me into my habituated state. It was a biggie, a grand mal T spike. My T was going ape; the proverbial 600 lb. gorilla named 'T' using my mind and emotions as a play-toy! I was a year into T and already had many ups and downs and thought I had a handle on things; this one proved me wrong – thought I was going to lose it.
T sufferers are going to experience setbacks whether they want to or not; it's a hard, cold fact – I hate it, but know it's true. That being said, why not gain something from them? Make them work for you; get something out of them. If life is going to drag you through the mud why not dig for some gold? Why not challenge yourself with a new outlook? My last major setback pushed me into such an outlook (unwittingly) and I'm glad it did.
A New Outlook: setbacks are workouts for T sufferers
I go to the gym (some people say a lot); I love sports and I love staying active and competitive. I'm well aware of the quintessential improvement paradigm – failure is good. In other words, if you want to increase strength, endurance or athletic performance you must take things to failure. If you want to run faster/farther then you must take yourself to a substantial level of exhaustion (failure) and the next time you will run further – faster (even if just a little). The same idea applies to muscle and athletic performance. Of course, doing all this without injuring yourself (it's about growth, after all).
You may say 'great Mark, you go to the gym of your own volition (I get it); but I'm not a willing participant when it comes to T'. That's true, neither was I – nothing anyone can do about that (sorry).
Setbacks may cause emotional, mental, and spiritual failure; an equivalency to muscle failure. We may feel deep fear, dread, angst, anger, we may cry, we may lose focus, we may get depressed (at least I felt those things and more) – but we do not have to lose hope. Just like our cardio system and muscles fail, feel sore, and are weak for a time, so, too, our mind and emotions are torn and weak; but there is no call for a loss of hope – our emotions/mind/spirit can heal and get stronger (just like our muscles); even if we are not willing participants.
Therefore, a new (dare I say positive) outlook on setbacks is warranted. They are opportunities and cause for more strength (emotional, mental, and spiritual). Don't worry about an emotional breakdown (even crying in the corner sucking on your thumb), don't project negativity into your future (thinking it will be like this forever), don't fret an inability to focus (in fact, take that into account – you are not focusing well during a setback, so don't draw conclusions at that time) – all this (and more) may happen but realize it's all part of the workout (exhaustion/failure). Instead, realize it does mean you are still standing here (T has not destroyed you) and you are going to come back stronger; better equipped to handle the future (T and all). Furthermore, you may become enlightened about some of the emotional and environmental factors precipitating your spike(s) and learn how to either avoid them or handle them better.
I found this outlook diffused the power of setbacks (and resident fear) and allowed me to actually gain something from them -- even if I was an unwilling participant.
Habituation takes time and is not easy; however, until they find a cure I firmly believe we can all eventually and collectively say 'T is not the boss of me!'
I hope this helps someone out there; until then – prayers for all, big ears to listen and a tender heart for the suffering…
Mark
.
Manager
