Hello, My Name Is Amanda and I Need Help. I'm Becoming Suicidal.

hello everyone my name is amanda and i am new here. please can anyone help me as i am becoming very suicidal. i am sorry to be so dramatic but this loud noise has lastest 2 months and all the help i had was to told to take steroids and sleeping pills. I s there anything i can do? i can explain more if someone replies to me. I have probably put this in the wrong place but I have lost my sanity

 

Hi Amandine ,happy that you've found us ,sorry your not so good ,you will get help,lots of threads for you to read up on ,hope you've made a start .
Just talk,someone on site will set you in right direction .regarding steroids and sleeping .
Stay watching okay. Not on your own ever with our condition I promise you .
Were all here for the same reason ,help and support .Best site ever .X

 

thank you for your reply. My situation is very precarioius and was so before this started. Now with this problem I cannot continue. Before this problem I was able to handle all the problems and the abuse and drinking from someone i share my life with. But now i cannot. I have no family friends am living in france in the countryside with no support from anyone. This person is not working drinks a lot is bored and frustrated and if i go he can do nothing because he speaks no french and depends on me. I am totally stuck and now i have this ear problem and not had any medical help. I am afraid and need help. i am useless now but he still drinking too much

 

amandine, welcome to the TT support forum. We are here to listen to you and hopefully can help you in some ways. Tinnitus is always hard to handle at the start. If you read the success stories, you will find every one goes through similar journey with the hardest struggle at the start. But given time and with some treatment(s) which help, many people do turn around and are well enough to write their success stories. Tinnitus doesn't have to be an end game. A few years back I was hit by ultra high pitch tinnitus as well as severe hyperacusis, both of which triggered relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode (because I suffered from anxiety/panic disorder for decades prior to T & H). Sufferings was unbearable. I though I never would recover. But never say never. I do recover and now live a happy and productive life. So relax and calm down. Try to explore treatment alternatives and try to learn some insights. If you need, get some medicines to help and get some masking sounds to help ease your negative reaction to T. Take care and God bless.

 

I feel you, when I got my Tinnitus in august I was suicidal, angry, depressed I hated everything mostly myself for going to a stupid gig.
But it got better for me, while it might be slower for you I guarantee you your Tinnitus will get lower and by doing so you on your own will habituate to it.
I am still not habituated completely, I have my moments where I get sad about Tinnitus but whenever that happens I just remind myself that it's just temporary and I will be back to happy in no time.
Keep yourself occupied and around soft sounds, I also recommend talking to someone, either in life or on this forum.
I didn't begin to feel better until I ranted a lot and expressed what I feel and how I feel.
After that I've been getting better.
TryMagnesium, gingko biloba, zinc.
If you are depressed like Karen said you can get anti depressant.
Keep in mind that for a HUGE amount of people with Tinnitus they end up habituating and not being bothered by it any more.
One thing that bothered me the most is me thinking how stupid I was for going and how good my life was before Tinnitus.
How I enjoyed every second of my life with Tinnitus but here's the thing.
Before Tinnitus I still had problems, whether it was girlfriend problems, friend problems (was a loner for almost all my life), worrying about college you get the idea.
It's not about the ringing but your emotion on it.
I treat my Tinnitus as backround noise, something that was always there.
I even feel weird at times when I can't hear my Tinnitus.

 

Welcome Amandine--you've come to the right place. I agree with @billie48 and @Karen. They are both veterans of this board and helped me very much during my journey towards habituation. Good sleep is crucial as is getting anxiety under control. Believe me, I know how hard that is but anxiety makes tinnitus worse.

I would suggest that you seek out a therapist, especially since you are having suicidal thoughts. If you keep having those thoughts, go to a hospital or doctor right away. A therapist may be able to help you sort out the personal problems too--I'm sure they must add to your stress/anxiety, and they usually work with a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications for sleep, anxiety and depression.

Like Karen says above, we do understand what you are going through.

 

hello Amanda, welcome to the forum. I am known to be blunt.
In my opinion, you should give your partner 2 choices:
Either get help for his drinking problem, or, you are going to leave him if he won't start attending his therapy. There is no compromise here. You now have stress induced tinnitus and you can't deal with his drinking problem that is killing both of you.
You must eliminate stress from your life and your tinnitus may resolve itself.
Get your hearing checked also, if you have no hearing loss its a good chance tinnitus will fade.

 

Yes @dan is right. A hearing test is needed. An audio gram can give good information.
My T has gone done quite a bit by reducing stress, eating better, taking supplements and working hard with CBT (cognitive based therapy). I am learning how to deal with the variety of sounds I have (mostly in my left ear). I also use masking sounds when needed. I have a sound machine, but also sounds on my i-pod and smart phone. I also carry ear plugs in my purse when needed.

When Tinnitus first came on for me, it was a difficult time for me. The folks here were a great support. Please continue to come and post. We are here to listen and try to help best we can.

 

Hi ALL, Thank you for replying. It is not so easy to get these things in rural france or to get partner to grow up. I wonder how it is sure that i have stressed induced tinnitus? Can stress be a cause ? I went to a hospital ear nose throat after being dismissed by my doct. They did hearing test and said normal. They have sent me an appt 20 october for mri - noone has done blood tests. I came now for a few days to bordeaux (big city) to stay with some religious people. I am in hotel and finding it more stressful. I cant go outside in city as noise is too intense. I am afraid of every sound. I am used to being in the countryside where it is very quiet and calm but also very boring. So the city is a big shock. I have just had exhausting 30 minute phone call with so called partner who was hysterical as usual.I had to calm him down on phone and explain to him that I will call him at 7pm sunday. He has no mobile and I have to call him on landline - I need to stay in touch with him so i can arrange with him which train i am coming on so he can collect me. There are no buses or taxis here. Now people are calling england to arrange for me to go to london. A skype friend who i never met in person (i was learning russian from him and teaching english to him) wants to pay for a ticket for me to bangkok. They (he Alek lives with his wife in thailand) are russian but gentle people. They said come and they will give me a spare room in their appt they will support me for 3 months and i can learn russian and they can learn english. It is very kind of them adn I believe that they are good people. BUT It is all too much and too stressful to think about. I want stability and not change but with someone normal and not alcoholic like my ''partner''. I want peace and peace of mind. I had to spend 30 minutes on the phone tonight telling partner not to be stupid as he said that he is driving 300kms to bordeaux to get me from hotel but he does not know where hotel is or the address. It is like speaking to a brainless child.This is a big city. He could never just find it. Do you guys see my problem and what i am dealing with here? I took prednisolone 60mg per day and it stopped the ringing to practically nothing for 1 day and then it started again. I took more prednisolone and it did the same thing. Stopped it for one day and then starts again. Nobody here seems to know what they are doing with this problem i have. The ringing is only in one ear. I cant get maskers or any normal things here. Too rural. The other day after another terrible violent episode with partner, I went to paharmacy to get help with facial injury. When there all the blood rushed to my head and I thought that the top of my head would explode. I became very dizzy and could not stand up. Took me half hour to calm down enough to move and leave pharmacy. Now my heart is beating really fast again tonight. The stress of being in this hotel room far away from home with brainless partner at other end and me not knowing what is going on or what stupid things he is doing is worse than being there with him. The volume of the ringing in my right ear is really really loud. It would be impossible to ignore it. Help! What can I do and why is this happening to me? Do I take more prednisolone as it wokrd twice to stop the ringing so must be a physical reason and not a mental one.All advice really welcome please. sorry this is so long. do i take sleeping pills?

 

People have reported T from stress here before, I think you have received good advice. Try and get the anxiety under control use meds if you have to. Most people do habituate and and do alright. The only thing i would add is if your partner is physically abusing you, then something needs to be done about that. There is no excuse for your partner abusing you. Maybe going to Bangkok or London would be a step in the right direction , as scary as those changes might be. @amandine

 

thanks - but i dont think that i can go to thailand and stay with people that i do not know. Toooo stressful. London is possible. Here among the god lot even though they are very kind is just too much for me. I aam totally knackered. Yes i know that he cannot abuse me. Obviously but how can i stop him when he is holding a knife at my head and he is stronger than me. What about prednisolone. Does anyone know anything about it? Thank you to everyone......

 

Ok huge RED FLAG right there. You need to leave your "partner" ASAP or better report him to local police authorities (Gendarmerie), and yes tinnitus can be STRESS induced, which is exactly what seems to be happening to you.

 

Like Dan said call the police or just leave get to somewhere safe , maybe a friend or family member.
I would take the prednisolone as recommended by your doctor.
People have reported their T getting quieter while taking prednisolone, but it seems to come back after its out of the system.

 

If someone threatens you with a weapon or hits you then you need to LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! Your partner obviously has his own problems but it is not your responsibility to stay and help an abusive person. You could be seriously injured or worse...

 

yes thanks i know this but have wanted to leave for a long time but have no support structure here. police are useless......

 

no i have to keep him very calm which when he goes crazy is impossible.

 

i have the audio player open now on neuromod.....tt player. I can feel my ear drum bouncing. Its really weird. it is bouncing with the high sounds. I am going to try to sleep without pills but with audio player going all night

 

Amandine, maybe if you have to travel or go to London or Bangkok to get away from your partner it will be stressful but it sounds like it is going to be impossible for you to stabilise while you are with him. In time you can work out how to manage the tinnitus, as well as negotiate your relationship with him, but perhaps right now you just need a safe place - even though it will be stressful getting on an airplane to get there

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with T on top of what sounds like a really difficult situation. Partner abuse is enough to make you suicidal alone let alone T - please hang in there and keep updating on this site

 

thanks right now i am alone in my hotel room and not sure how i can get back home. no sleep exhausted...

 

is thee anyone from the UK there please? I need to ask about treatment on the NHS please.

 

Hi,
I am from the UK and happy to answers any questions you may have.

From reading your situation, it it possible your t was either caused by the immense stress you are under or maybe even the injury to your face/head from your abusive partner. Things will not get any better if you stay with him...that goes for your mental health and your tinnitus. I think you need to be brave and come back here to the UK....just pack your stuff and leave...there is plenty of support here for people who are homeless etc and the NHS is resonably good at dealing with medical issues and plus it's free for UK citzens so can't really complain.

I really think you need to oput yourself first here, be brave and leave, I think although it will be scary you will feel so much better just getting away from your abusive partner.

It is your choice of course but I am just telling you as someone looking in on the situation what I feel the best thing would be.

Please contact me on private message if you wanna chat xxxx If you have skype you can add me there also - rhea.maughan

 

Please see a psychiatrist ASAP (go to ER. They can help you with the problem immidiately, sometimes hospitalization is required. Do not wait till it gets worse. ADs might be more helpful than sleeping pills, but consult a good doctor.

 

If your a Brit ,just get on a ferry and get home ,your out of his grasp, if French go to your nearest hospital ,
Most country's in the West have women's refuge centres ,as Karen mentioned yesterday .
If your passport is a Brit one ,just get on a ferry and go to nearest refuge,when back in England ,you can easily loose yourself in either France or UK ,then no further communication with the scumbag .
If you stay in continual contact with him your never be free,and your be his punchbag if you go back .First time he done it should have been your wake up call,maybe your tinnitus is stress related ,plus if you've been hit on head ,or the face in any way ,another way to its onset .
Decide today . Get to nearest terminal and get on ferry .UK police won't tolerate his behavior ,I'm surprised when you say French police are no good,in regards to this chap.What nationality is he ? How old are you ?
Hope someone can help you out there,you need it that's for sure .Stay on site ,better to chat to somebody if your on your own out there.Have you got money to last out till you get this sorted .?

 

i am 58 years old. the french police maybe ok....he is not like it all the time....most of the time he is utterly irresponsible like an idiot child. I have to do everything as he speaks no french. Every time i said i am leaving he told me that i cannot leave him in france. Now this problem with the buzzing in my ear. If it was not for that then i could cope but it is the buzzing that is destroying me otherwise i could be strong. I cannot imagine a life with buzzing

 

Until you sort issues you have with him ,think your going to continue as you've been doing ,big mistake walking backwards into situation you've just walked away from ,especially no ties ,even if there were ,I'd keep walking never to look back .
Drinkers never change ,especially the ones who can't keep hands to themselves be it through drink ,even if only now and again ,your words .
So he can't speak French not your problem I'd say ,he'll make out fine trust me .
Have you asked for help from French police prior.?
If your English just come on home ,then get the tinnitus looked into ,your priority is you .Wont get any better going back to him will it .Your the only one who can do it ,get those ears looked at ,then regroup and move on .
Get some peace back into your life .Why let one person place all this stress on you at 58 or any age .
Your wish you'd done this whole lot sooner . That's my advice ,hope you take it Amandine .

 

i have been to pharmacy today to get relaxants and sleeping help but herbal. The names of these are RHODORELAX with plan it is a red flower on packet. Also have sleep heral caled ESCHOLTZA with yelow tulip like flower on it. Anyone know anything about these herbal relief pills? Please thanks

 

thank you karen so it is not harmful to me then....that is ok? thank you again karen....i have been taking prednisolone on and off for the past couple of weeks and each time it reduced the ringing to practically nothing for one day and then back again. I am now tapering off with only 1 pill per day the last one tomorrow. I dont want to take these pills nor sleeping pills as they seem to make me feel really bad. I am holed up in this tiny hotel room. I was supposed to go back tonight but he does not have any petrol for car and all closed so have to wait here tonight and get train tomorrow lunchtime so that he can collect me from station. I just want to go home now and sleep and try to relax. I am in big city and it is torture, busy, noisy and i am used to countryside silence.....this ringing has gotten louder here and i want to get back to home where it or I was more in control. Big mistake coming here to the city for a few days. Plus it is really boring andis obsessing about the ringing in my ear....