So first off, my name is Leo. I'm 20 years old and I've dealt with tinnitus for about 5 days now, going on 6 as I am writing this introduction. I know, compared to some of the stories I've read on here and other various forums about people who have suffered for years, even decades, a week seems like nothing... I guess it all begins somewhere though. So a little background about myself as a person before I get into the main point, as I feel like the most important factor whether it stays or goes away is that I remember who I am regardless of this ringing in my ear.
So, in general, I would say that I've taken a lot for granted in life. My health for sure. My diet is embarrassing and while it hasnt caused me any serious health issues yet, I wouldnt be surprised if it causes them in the future. To be honest, I feel like a weak minded person. Thats not to say that I'm not smart. Smart is sort of subjective; It really depends on who's judging and I suppose how useful the knowledge you have is to yourself and others. Anyways, I've struggled with depression and anxiety ever since I was about 13. Thats not to say I didn't have my temper tantrums as a child, but rather farthest back I can trace my depression to. I've never really gotten over it. Even to this day, I'm still very depressed. Its caused me to become quite suicidal at times. I probably dont have to mention this, but the tinnitus isn't making it any better. I try my hardest to pull myself out of it but it always seems like no matter what I do to become a stronger individual and a better member of society, there's always someone or something that happens that drives me right back to where I started. Thats not to say I havent made any improvements; rather that I've never exactly "kicked" the depression to where I felt like it was gone. Its caused me to pretty much lay around in bed and waste my time whining about it to both myself and others and I'm not proud of that... It just seems to happen. My depression weighs heavily on my shoulders. If it weren't for my very supportive and understanding girlfriend, I honestly probably wouldn't be writing this right now, but rather not here at all.
Anyways, the ringing in my ear that I've come to know as Tinnitus has been in my life for about six days now. I dont imagine its very hard for any of us here to realize just how much it can change your perception of things in life, for better or for worse. For myself, it is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because while I hope that it will go away as soon as possible, it has made me realize just how much we as human beings take for granted. Our hearing, our vision, our lives, could all be impaired or gone in an instant. We know that there are people who struggle every day, from various different illnesses and diseases and conditions, but for some reason it takes something happening to us or someone we love for us to realize just how important and gifted we really are in this life. Admittedly, I've probably cried more frequently in the past few days than I ever have in my entire life. I swear that regardless of whether or not it goes away, I will raise some sort of awareness for tinnitus.
I don't know if I'm the only one, but I honestly had no idea what tinnitus was before it invited its way into my life. Sure, I've heard about ringing in the ears, and I've always heard that in complete silence, but never this strongly. It really is a pain to deal with, but at the same time for me it is only worst at night. Throughout the day I would say it is not so bad, much more managable. At night time however, just as everything else for myself, seems to get unbearable. Even tonight as I write this, only a few hours ago was I contemplating suicide yet again for another day. I'm not proud of it. Even if I do hate myself as a person and I worry that I may never become who I truly want to be, I just can't seem to take my own life due to how it would effect others. I think about how my girlfriend, my mother, hell even my dog, would feel if I just offed myself one day. I guess that is what keeps me going. I know thats probably not the best motivator, but in my mind, its really all I can hold on to.
Anyways, more about my tinnitus. So I've been dealing with it for about 6 days now, and while I feel like it seems to be getting better, I still fear the worst. I know that a big factor in the "recovery" process so to speak is not to focus on it, and hope for the best. I try to focus on the good things, like the fact that I'm not completely deaf. So basically while I know tinnitus can have many causes or no known causes, this is what I've come up with. The most likely cause of it is probably a sinus infection, as I feel quite a bit of a pressure in my head. The pressure is what makes it hard to deal with. Sure the ringing is a pain in the butt, but honestly I find it rather easy to ignore it even when it gets pretty loud. The pain from the pressure is dull but it just.. seeps into my soul, if you know what I mean? Anyways, the reason I believe this to be the cause of my tinnitus is that sometimes my left ear is affected. Sometimes its my right. Sometimes its both. I feel pressure on the side that is affected, or both sometimes. I feel that if there was some sort of physical damage to the ear, that it just would never stop ringing on either one or both affected sides, but then again I have no experience in the medical field so I suppose I shouldn't really assume. Even though I suspect a sinus infection, I only really started feeling stuffy in my nose this morning, on the 5th day, which kind of leads me to believe it could be something else. Everyone in my life keeps telling me its going to go away, and I try to believe them, but after reading so much about it, its hard to feel like there's any hope. Another possible trigger could have been ototoxic drugs. So... I've always been somewhat of a stoner. I guess pot just always seemed to calm my anxiety, but anyways... Before this started, I was enjoying yet another of many toking sessions. Only this time, I honestly smoked so much and put myself into a panic attack. I've been smoking for almost 2 years straight and this has never happened to me before, so I feel like it could be a coincidence, but I'm really not sure. What I really suspect more so than the pot would be the Xanax. Now I'm not a pill person. Even if the doctor tells me to take something, I usually don't. I won't go into my negative feelings toward medication, but for the first time in my life, I took half a Xanax because I was so anxious and my heart was beating so fast I felt it was either that or a heart attack. So I did. The next morning, I woke up with the tinnitus and ever since I regret it. I've read that benzos can cause tinnitus in withdrawal, but I only took half of one. I'm 6'4 and 260lbs, and I believe that it was the lowest dose there is. It was just enough to make my anxiety slowly dissipate and then I was able to fall asleep. When I woke up, the ringing started. I assumed it was temporary and would go away after a few hours but... I could never have been more wrong.
Since then I haven't taken any Xanax, and I've smoked about twice but honestly I don't see that happening again because it becomes so loud its impossible to ignore. Well that and while it may be temporary, I somehow fear that the pot could worsen the condition. The T spike with pot seems to be temporary, but even then its just too much to handle. The interesting thing is... Caffiene was also listed as something that would spike T. However, it seems to make it go down in my case, so much so that I barely even hear it. Obviously that's good news, and that might be why its better during the day, but I cant drink caffeine at night because I need to sleep... Then again I can't sleep because of the T. So I really don't know how good of a thing that is. However, I guess in this case, any relief is better than constant suffering.
I don't really know what else to say so...
So, in general, I would say that I've taken a lot for granted in life. My health for sure. My diet is embarrassing and while it hasnt caused me any serious health issues yet, I wouldnt be surprised if it causes them in the future. To be honest, I feel like a weak minded person. Thats not to say that I'm not smart. Smart is sort of subjective; It really depends on who's judging and I suppose how useful the knowledge you have is to yourself and others. Anyways, I've struggled with depression and anxiety ever since I was about 13. Thats not to say I didn't have my temper tantrums as a child, but rather farthest back I can trace my depression to. I've never really gotten over it. Even to this day, I'm still very depressed. Its caused me to become quite suicidal at times. I probably dont have to mention this, but the tinnitus isn't making it any better. I try my hardest to pull myself out of it but it always seems like no matter what I do to become a stronger individual and a better member of society, there's always someone or something that happens that drives me right back to where I started. Thats not to say I havent made any improvements; rather that I've never exactly "kicked" the depression to where I felt like it was gone. Its caused me to pretty much lay around in bed and waste my time whining about it to both myself and others and I'm not proud of that... It just seems to happen. My depression weighs heavily on my shoulders. If it weren't for my very supportive and understanding girlfriend, I honestly probably wouldn't be writing this right now, but rather not here at all.
Anyways, the ringing in my ear that I've come to know as Tinnitus has been in my life for about six days now. I dont imagine its very hard for any of us here to realize just how much it can change your perception of things in life, for better or for worse. For myself, it is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because while I hope that it will go away as soon as possible, it has made me realize just how much we as human beings take for granted. Our hearing, our vision, our lives, could all be impaired or gone in an instant. We know that there are people who struggle every day, from various different illnesses and diseases and conditions, but for some reason it takes something happening to us or someone we love for us to realize just how important and gifted we really are in this life. Admittedly, I've probably cried more frequently in the past few days than I ever have in my entire life. I swear that regardless of whether or not it goes away, I will raise some sort of awareness for tinnitus.
I don't know if I'm the only one, but I honestly had no idea what tinnitus was before it invited its way into my life. Sure, I've heard about ringing in the ears, and I've always heard that in complete silence, but never this strongly. It really is a pain to deal with, but at the same time for me it is only worst at night. Throughout the day I would say it is not so bad, much more managable. At night time however, just as everything else for myself, seems to get unbearable. Even tonight as I write this, only a few hours ago was I contemplating suicide yet again for another day. I'm not proud of it. Even if I do hate myself as a person and I worry that I may never become who I truly want to be, I just can't seem to take my own life due to how it would effect others. I think about how my girlfriend, my mother, hell even my dog, would feel if I just offed myself one day. I guess that is what keeps me going. I know thats probably not the best motivator, but in my mind, its really all I can hold on to.
Anyways, more about my tinnitus. So I've been dealing with it for about 6 days now, and while I feel like it seems to be getting better, I still fear the worst. I know that a big factor in the "recovery" process so to speak is not to focus on it, and hope for the best. I try to focus on the good things, like the fact that I'm not completely deaf. So basically while I know tinnitus can have many causes or no known causes, this is what I've come up with. The most likely cause of it is probably a sinus infection, as I feel quite a bit of a pressure in my head. The pressure is what makes it hard to deal with. Sure the ringing is a pain in the butt, but honestly I find it rather easy to ignore it even when it gets pretty loud. The pain from the pressure is dull but it just.. seeps into my soul, if you know what I mean? Anyways, the reason I believe this to be the cause of my tinnitus is that sometimes my left ear is affected. Sometimes its my right. Sometimes its both. I feel pressure on the side that is affected, or both sometimes. I feel that if there was some sort of physical damage to the ear, that it just would never stop ringing on either one or both affected sides, but then again I have no experience in the medical field so I suppose I shouldn't really assume. Even though I suspect a sinus infection, I only really started feeling stuffy in my nose this morning, on the 5th day, which kind of leads me to believe it could be something else. Everyone in my life keeps telling me its going to go away, and I try to believe them, but after reading so much about it, its hard to feel like there's any hope. Another possible trigger could have been ototoxic drugs. So... I've always been somewhat of a stoner. I guess pot just always seemed to calm my anxiety, but anyways... Before this started, I was enjoying yet another of many toking sessions. Only this time, I honestly smoked so much and put myself into a panic attack. I've been smoking for almost 2 years straight and this has never happened to me before, so I feel like it could be a coincidence, but I'm really not sure. What I really suspect more so than the pot would be the Xanax. Now I'm not a pill person. Even if the doctor tells me to take something, I usually don't. I won't go into my negative feelings toward medication, but for the first time in my life, I took half a Xanax because I was so anxious and my heart was beating so fast I felt it was either that or a heart attack. So I did. The next morning, I woke up with the tinnitus and ever since I regret it. I've read that benzos can cause tinnitus in withdrawal, but I only took half of one. I'm 6'4 and 260lbs, and I believe that it was the lowest dose there is. It was just enough to make my anxiety slowly dissipate and then I was able to fall asleep. When I woke up, the ringing started. I assumed it was temporary and would go away after a few hours but... I could never have been more wrong.
Since then I haven't taken any Xanax, and I've smoked about twice but honestly I don't see that happening again because it becomes so loud its impossible to ignore. Well that and while it may be temporary, I somehow fear that the pot could worsen the condition. The T spike with pot seems to be temporary, but even then its just too much to handle. The interesting thing is... Caffiene was also listed as something that would spike T. However, it seems to make it go down in my case, so much so that I barely even hear it. Obviously that's good news, and that might be why its better during the day, but I cant drink caffeine at night because I need to sleep... Then again I can't sleep because of the T. So I really don't know how good of a thing that is. However, I guess in this case, any relief is better than constant suffering.
I don't really know what else to say so...
