Help! Getting Suicidal

3 1/2 months in shouldn't things be getting better not worse ? Not sure how my symptoms haven't gotten worse but feel isolated from society. Please tell me it gets better.

 

Hi Rico,

You recently got tinnitus? I understand I am going through a rough time myself.

 

Hi Rico,

Do you want to talk?

 

Having a rough time and praying for miracle.

 

Hi Rico,

I know its tough. I am having a bad time myself. I was suicidal last week. I suggest you go to your local hospital and get either seen and or admitted thru Emerg to see a psychiatrist that maybe on duty. Then you might get access to some services if you do not presently have any. It seems only when you are at a crisis point do some people listen. I am now referred to Mental Health and finally getting some support only because I went that route. Today is a really bad day for me too. You might need meds to help you, no shame in that, sometimes you can not do it on your own. Prayer is helpful too, surround your self with supportive people. Read Karen's post under habituation.

Blair

 

Thank You Blair

 

Rico I agree with Blair,

I had to see a psychiatrist ASAP and was put on some Meds. Explain that your anxiety from the tinnitus is clearly affecting your well being and ability to make positive decisions. I was in a state of panic for the first few months. The meds I feel saved me. Just remember that there is help for you and you may have to go through some rough hurdles at first. I don't know how I have made it so far but I do believe that I will find a way to cope with this and find some peace. I feel the same for you. You will get better but it really sucks in the beginning. Don't be afraid to reach out for help and please see a doctor as soon as you can ...Im so sorry I know just how you feel. Hold on you will get better!

 

@Rico,

Suicidal thoughts and struggling with anxiety and depression are fairly normal in the early days for a tinnitus sufferer. I went thought it myself. I know that it's hard to believe when someone says that you will habituate to it, but you really will. Get out there and do normal things that you used to enjoy before tinnitus. It will be hard at first, the anxiety and tinnitus worry will still be in the back of your mind, but you have to keep your mind busy as much as possible at this point. You will get to that place where you don't even care about your tinnitus. Strange as it may seem, that day will come. Hang in there! If you're really suicidal, you might want to look into seeking professional help from a psychiatrist. There's nothing wrong with that and you honestly should think about it. Stay strong buddy, things will turn up for you!

 

Hi Rico, I agree with Hudson. The big 'S' word was dangling in front of my tired and stressed out mind too a few years back when T first hit me. When the mind sees no way out of immense suffering, deprived of sleep, hammered by stress, anxiety and panic attacks plus depression, then the big 'S' word will be dangling around. But it is ok. Many of us had been there, done that and survived. A few years back my ultra high pitch T was a total horror show, a dog whistle packed with so much condensed energy and pitch, like a lazer beam in a night sky. Then severe hyperacusis hit after the T, making all normal sounds glassy and piercingly hurtful, as if the ears being drilled all the time. I also suffered anxiety & panic disorders for decades prior to T & H. So obviously T & H just opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode, bringing with them another sets of horrible hurtful sensations to the weakened mind and body. I had to withdraw from social contacts, as I couldn't even stand any noise, not even social conversation, even my wife's soft voice hurt when spoken close to me. No more parties, no going out, no eat outs, nothing. Just miserable and hopeless. I thought I would never recover from this and the rest of my life must be hopeless with immense sufferings ahead.

Well, guess what, today I am back to normal. H faded long ago. T is still there, same high pitch scream. But for some reason, time plus being positive have helped to turn the tide around. I am living an absolutely enjoyable life today. I don't give a dime to T high or low. The same sound which used to cause panic can't even get any attention and reaction. I go about enjoying my day and T got faded out of consciousness most of the time, even on loud spiking days. That is a miracle and with the grace of the Almighty, I am back to normal. Hope you will keep up the hope and don't be too worried or sad. Give your body time to absorb the new sensation and experience. Try to read up all the success stories. There are many excellent ones in the Success Story Forum. I wrote my story to over there. You can learn the wisdom and insights from all of us who are either habituated, recovered or doing quite well. So don't give up hope. You will be well. Give it time and believe it. Take care and God bless you.

 

@billie48
You are such an inspiration

 

I'm ready to off myself on a daily basis. Almost 10 months in and finding it tough. I'm hoping time helps, although I'm not so sure. I relate to what you say about isolation. It's maddening enough to be isolated, but to be isolated with suffering on top is more than enough to push anyone over the edge.

Good luck man, hope time helps us adjust.

 

@billie48 , glad you have low days.

 

Do not isolate yourself from others, even if the only contact you have with someone you trust is by phone. Set up a kind of contract with them, especially when you are feeling suicidal, to call them every five or ten minutes. The conversation needn't contain anymore than a description of your day or a story about your childhood or what it was like when you were in the military (if you were). Deviate the topic to whatever suits you, away from your depression. Then call that person again after a short time. Remain in contact, do not elect solitude. Resist it.

Always keep in mind the terrible after effects of your loss to others. Believe me when I tell you, there will be people who will be so deeply saddened and hurt if you ever go through with those feelings -- and know this, they are only feelings. You do not have to respond to them. Allow them to pass, by thinking about other things, talking about other things. Know this too, that there are those who love you deeply and will be hurt if ever something would happen to you. Even we, on this board, will miss you. Stay with us. We need you here.

David

 

Im not sure as a family member what is worse-seeing someone suffer to no end or dealing with a loss.

 

I can't find a single reason why suicide should be an option...
There are other equally drastic courses of action that don't involve killing oneself.

For example:
I'd hospitalize myself at a mental institution and get two truckloads of seroquel and barbiturates to keep me sedated before I offed myself. Maybe after a couple of years they'd pump me full of AUT00063 and I'd be back up and running.

Oh, maybe I'd go around world trying to get some Retigabine. It is available as we speak, packages of it collecting dust in a pharmacy somewhere in Italy or the UK or the US... Why kill yourself when you can spend all your money going to Rome, enjoying the view from a 5 star hotel for a couple of months while chewing away on those delicious Trobalt tablets.

 

@Telis
What are your chances of getting trobalt/Potiga in your country?

 

@undecided
While I admire your enthusiasm please don't forget that some people have very severe t and are suffering badly.
It's not always that easy to find a solution especially with something that has no cure and when most of us just keep hitting one brick wall after another.

 

I think i had my biggest setback around the 3 month mark. I think it´s quite common because you think that you should have get used to T or that T should have faded during that passed time. Things gets better and your brain will be hardened to the sound.
It´s easy to get dragged down when sufring around T on the net, to much anxiety out there and it´s easy to get the feeling that you SHOULD have anxiety when having T wich is not the case.

 

Hey man,
Before you do anything I would go see a doctor. There is no harm in being put on antidepressants or anxiety meds. I have family members who have to take them everyday or they literally can't function. Mental health is paramount and there is nothing wrong with getting help. Whether its simply the way your brain is wired or a condition, like T, that brings on depression you shouldn't feel bad about getting care.

Take care man and seriously if you feel this bad for the love of God go to the doctor and get meds.

 

You can't get it. It was available up until last year I believe.

 

I can assure you that I understand both the anxiety and the suffering.

My post was semi-serious though. Here's the serious part: Don't do anything stupid unless you are absolutely certain that you have exhausted all the alternatives. Even if that means quitting your job, packing your staff and moving to another country.

 

I'm starting to think the reason I cannot get over my tinnitus for over 3 years now is because I am weak minded. I mean I hear stories of people with loud tinnitus living normal lives, so why can't I and the few people like me? ....

 

Well enjoying anything with severe T can be tough. And if you are suicidal you aren't thinking about how nice your hotel room is or how great the view is.

And living like a drooling idiot drugged out of your mind in a mental hospital and having T to go along with it, doesn't sound like a real plan. This guy is obviously seriously struggling and reaching out for real and viable advise. Not sure if you are just making fun, but this isn't a funny topic man.

 

@ Dan, of course we are weak Dan. That´s the reason we are around. Interesting point, i have always made a joke of my weak mind full of cathastropic thoughts. If i for example play a tennis match and serving and loosing the first ball (0-15), i always thinks "ok i loose my serve right away, great". Guess that´s pretty weak

 

That's such BS man. Speak for yourself, not others.

 

Sry Telis, didn´t mean to offend anybody.

 

Ok, @Telis and @Nick the Swede, you'll agree to disagree. And sometimes it's hard to understand what people really are saying in an electronic conversation. Thanks for keeping the netiquette.

So I wanted to mention that @Blair14 makes a good point, one that I saw in a professional journal article about tinnitus patients: If you truly are feeling overwhelmed, check yourself into the ER. They will stabilize you for the moment and start the process of getting you help for the anxiety and/or depression. You also can go out on your own and find a good psychiatrist or mental health professional. But I think sometimes, we can be so overcome by the terrible miserable that is anxiety, plus dealing with tinnitus, we don't know where to turn.

I know that I, and others here, had very dark thoughts in our early days of tinnitus. I love life and all it brings us, even in bad times, and never thought I would be a person considering: Is it worth it? But there I was, contemplating stepping in front of an oncoming car on a beautiful summer night. If you are at the point, please please go get the help you need. Don't be afraid of medication at these times; it can make all the difference and, if used under proper supervision, can be a life saver. Hugs to you both, @Blair14 and @Rico Napoli

 

I am someone who has been converted to the power of positivity. So suicide is not something I like to talk and dwell on. But since this is a serious subject here and some dear members' lives are at risk, I will reveal my own story a bit about the subject and hopefully it will help someone to change his/her mind about doing the unthinkable. This is a personal thing and I don't mean what I feel or believe means anything to anybody else. People are free to choose what they think is best for them.

I am with other on this about suicide ideation. If you are at that point, do pick up the hot line, go to ER, or whatever your city can provide to help desperate people. Like LadyDi, I was entertaining some very dark thoughts too at the beginning, because it was not only the severe T & H which haunted me daily, but also the relentless anxiety and panic attacks triggered by T & H. Panic attacks are absolutely horrible. When it came on auto mode daily, sometimes hourly, and my will power failed to stop them, the only option was drugs. I thought if drugs could not stop the attacks, then I would be most likely a dead man, to the point that I decided to check out the stories of people with near death experience due to suicide. There are many of such stories. You may want to check out youtube by searching on 'near death experience by suicide'.

I came back with the conclusion that I would rather soldier on, as hard and impossible as it may be. Being a Christian, I consider not just this life, but what may come next. I would rather endure a temporary hell and give my body time, as much time as it needs, to be able to handle the horrible sensations. I read the stories of Dr. Nagler, Kevin Hogan, Paul Tobey, and members of various tinnitus forums, and saw that many of them take a year(s) to turn around. So I formed my own 5-year plan. I thought anything which can beat me up so bad that I have to think about doing the unthinkable would need to prove that it can beat me up 5 years continuously before I concur and submit to its will. I need to fight back at least and not bow to this bully. But before that 5 years are up, I wouldn't care less what the darn thing would do my body. I would live as abundantly as I can, ignoring the pains, worries, horror sensations, drugged if I had to be, and I would live my life as I will, as I please. And let's see if I live like that, co-existing with the sufferings, that my life would still be not worth living. I bought "The Power of Now" to learn the idea of being transparent to sufferings, and develop my own concept of being a compost to benefit my own children. LOL. I was armouring myself up for the long battle with sufferings, at least for 5 years. Also, in 5 years, the medical world may catch up on us and as you see there are now a few viable treatments out there.

After 5 years, if nothing improves and the medical world still can't stop my sufferings, I would embrace the ideas of climbing Mt. Everest, or trekking to the North Pole, or doing sky diving or biking around the world. Yes, I would do dangerous stuffs I would never thought doing (like Rose of the Titanic, LOL). Whatever power wanted to take me, it would have to do it this way, not with me kneeling, begging for mercy or crying to no end to this T bully. That is just me and my way of dealing with the darkest time in my life and I imply in no way that is right or wrong way of dealing with this. This is very personal and I wouldn't reveal this kind of secret thinking without an important reason. But if it helps some of the suicidal members here to change their minds, so be it. It will be all worth it. But honestly, in my case, the T bully couldn't hold up its tyranny on me for 5 years. It is now just a paper tiger. The dog whistle is still there. But I live my life a happy man, whistling merrily along the way and the heck with T. It can go to hell. I kick its A*&$#SS.

 

Inspirational, @billie48. Thank you. It is amazing how many of us have emerged from deep darkness and some of us, like you, even stronger. And your story has given me some strength today that I sorely need.

 

Hi Rico ... don`t trust your mind man ... it will make you believe all sorts of stuff ... it isn`t real !! I have Tiinitus for 5 years now and the first months I had suicidal thoughts to, crying and praying to god on my knees ... it gets better ... maybe not the sound but your ability to cope with it ... Don`t jump straight to meds .. imo and i`m going to speak freely here without any inhibition ... it is not the way to go! ... people taking meds do it out of fear but the fear itself isn`t a real thing .. it is a body sensation that gets exagerated in the mind ... and the mind itself isn`t real either, it just has the ability to seems real .. when you are thirsty and walking in the desert you suddenly see trees and water, you believe it, but than you see it sin`t real .. still the experience was real.... you see a snake on the road and you feel fear and are prepared to die ... suddenly you see it is only a rope ... this is the mind ... don`t trust it ... Than what to trust? maybe for now just follow your breath ... sit down and focus on the breath untill the fear subsides...

for those not agreeing with me ... i`m not open for discussions about meds no meds ... this is my opinion only and thats that.

stay well my friend, keep healthy.

xx