How to Be with Someone Having Tinnitus?

Hello Bill,

Actually I like being on my own but I also really need to share with the people I love/like...

I like being lonely and have nothing planned for the weekends, so that I can rest and do whatever I want (limited).

I agree with you, people should not be happy only with other people ! We can be happy on our own !

But the thing is I am scared for the future or if I will want a relationship with a woman...

 

You mean being in a relationship ?

 

Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are you close to your parents?

 

Yes I have 2 older sisters and 1 older brother, all married and with a family, so I have 7 nieces...

I don't see my mother anymore and my father lives in Singapore...

I try to see my brotherhood quite often, but I almost need my earplugs all the time with the kids !

What about you ? Any family ?

 

I talk to my mom every day and to I talk to my grandma (who lives with my aunt in another town) every week or so. She is in her 90s. No other family (I am not counting the family of my grandmother's brother whom I had never met).

 

No brother or sister ?

Anyway this is good if you have contacts with your family's members...

 

Hi @Christophe_85. I can certainly see how dating and marriage would be difficult with T or H. I've been married since before acquiring this awful affliction. My husband doesn't understand it, which is very frustrating, especially since he is disabled and should be able to understand.

If you join a dating site, perhaps you can put down that you have tinnitus and will not be participating in any loud activities.

 

No (and I am very glad).

 

Hello !
Thanks for your message, people in general don't understand... But how could they anyway ???

When I see people working outside with very loud machines and who don't even wear protection it seems crazy !

In some points I would like to be with someone but it seems too complicated right now ! Because I have also other troubles than only T and H...

So with your husband, what kind of activities can you share together ?

All the Best !

 

I sometimes worry as well. I've become a bit of a drag sometimes since I've had this, I'm also a panicky mess whenever I get fleeting tinnitus because I'm always afraid it might not go. Going to events isn't as easy as it was sometimes neither. I'm definitely not as easy to be around as before I got this.

 

I am so fortunate to have someone who cares about my tinnitus. He is more protective than I am in certain situations. Also the reason I fought to get myself back to some type of normal. I never complain about it unless I am in real pain which he can see in my face. I just live as normal as possible.

@Christophe_85 you will find someone to share life with. Just be confident about yourself and that person will be attracted to you.

Oh and I agree about people working outside without ear protection. Next door my neighbors had their driveway jack hammered out and the guys did not have any ear protection.

 

Relationships are complicated enough without adding health problems into the mix.

None really. We watch some TV together, and I'm not even that into TV. But that's the way it's been since before I got T and H. He was limited by disability and I wasn't. But now I have limitations too and he's not reacting well.

 

That is beautiful Starthrower.

 

It's crazy how people are not sensitive with the noise !

They are so lucky !

Nowadays I am trying to move on in my life despite of this trouble, but I am tired a lot and it's difficult to do the things I would like to do...

 

I agree with you !

And this is not very fair from him to react this way !

Especially if he is disabled... :/

 

Yeah I get it. I think what helped me is finding something that inspired me to get off my butt. It all started a while ago when California had a drought and no one could water lawns or flowers. Somehow I got the idea to put in a drip system. I could have hired out but I sort of like working outside and doing stuff. So the project was a success.

 

In my experience, people who mock others for having relationships are just upset because of their lack of popularity among the opposite sex. Women aren't a "trap", I've been lucky enough to meet some really great people over the years, anyone who believes that is lying to themselves. Sure things don't always work out, but that's beyond just romantic relationships. ANY type of relationship has the potential for failure, I'm sure most of us have lost a friend or two over the years.

 

How large is your sample size?

In MY experience, this is a typical reaction of people when confronted with "Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)" ideas (that I came up with independently years before I first saw that abbreviation). But my sample size is not statistically significant, so this observation of mine is completely irrelevant.

Tell that to all of the folks making alimony payments.

They are not a trap in the sense that there is no expected benefit. They are a trap in the sense that the expected benefit is below the expected cost for many of us.

 

I always thought you were asexual like me and that was why you were so against dating.

 

I am not asexual. But I can have a lot of self control.

 

This is just so awful SM - we all absolutely need recognition, understanding, affection and love.
Everybody needs those things off course, but because we carry considerable suffering, it is so much more important.
So, even a ‘heart to heart’ would not get through to him SM?
His ignorance and total lack of empathy leave me without respect for him.

I am so lucky, like @Starthrower, to have Sylvie, my wife, who is such a kind hearted sweetheart.
She absolutely knows that I suffer.
She is a retired clinical hypnotherapist, and just a dream person. I tend not to talk about “T” as a general rule, though if she asks me, I may just mention that ‘it’s a bit loud tonight sweetheart.’
She will say “I know, I know - but you are coping really well Dave,” and give me a kiss.
As for @Christophe_85 - don’t be put off of relationships. I love and enjoy all good relationships with people, but I have to say, the most impressive people I have met in life, have pretty well all been women.
I believe the magic ingredient “kindness” is nearer the surface.
‘Big Arms All Round Hug to everybody’
Dave
Jazzer xx

 

You must buy tissues in bulk Bill (this is just a joke not looking to start anything)
Have you ever been tested to see if you’re on the Autistic spectrum? This is a genuine question and I mean no offence. You remind me of my cousin who is autistic and quite few things you say remind me of him.

 

Great idea and so good it worked !

You still doing it ?

 

Thank you Jazzer for your kind message...

I find it hard to live a normal life with this issue (Tinnitus)...

The other day I was at a friend's house and we watched TV, for them the sound was not strong enough but for me I had to put my earplugs on... And I feel I couldn't do it too often, too risky !

It's just an example out of many...

 

Chris - never be embarrassed to use your ear plugs. Your ears come first - You Come First !
I am a pro Jazz trombonist, playing in numerous venues up and down the country.
I use attenuated ear plugs, and push them in and pull them out as necessary.
Members of the audience sometimes ask me about it, and I just tell them the truth.
Take care
Jazzer
Dave x

 

He has chronic pain and I think that is the reason he has a hard time empathizing with people whose suffering is less than his. I had a relapse of my ocd last year and I think he has contempt for mental illness. To him, it is mental weakness. Now that I have H in my bad ear from a noise exposure, he regards it as unreal because of my ocd. Instead of us drawing closer to each other and supporting each other, we are a million miles apart.

 

I am the opposite of Autistic. My empathy bothers me, as is my sensitivity to the emotional state of the people I have to interact with.

I wish I were a psychopath, but I guess you can't always get what you want.

 

Ah ok, sounds like maybe Aspergers? I’ll leave the subject alone now. I was just genuinely intrigued by the way you respond to people and the personal bits you’ve said about yourself.

 

Took three online tests - no Autism, no Aspergers.

I used to have a self-diagnosed anxiety disorder. Not sure whether I still have it, as I changed my life in such a way that there are not too many things to be anxious about.