I Can't Shake the Feeling of Hope That It'll Go

[theekarwash]

Ever since my T started I've been told me lots of people "it's going to go, don't worry". Two GP's said to me it will go within weeks and that they didn't think that playing drums for over 7 years had anything to do with it, that my cold/ear infection was the cause. I took a round of antibiotics for 1 week and ear drops for 4 weeks, which didn't help really. That was 6 weeks ago.

My whole family are convinced it'll leave me at some point soon.

But I don't know, I'm torn between thinking it's because of hearing damage or an infection. I wear earbuds to bed (I play the volume below 50%, podcasts mostly; talking podcasts) every night and have done for a few years. I (before T) wore headphones almost every day for the past 4 months listening to mainly podcasts but sometimes music.

I'll admit I've been to my fair share of concerts and never really wore hearing protection. When I played drums I normally listened to music alongside the drums through headphones/ear buds. When I was younger I did abuse my ears (who didn't at 12-15) but since then I've made a conscious decision to try to lower the volume of everything to avoid hearing loss/tinnitus.

The morning/day/night (I can't really remember at what point that I noticed it) I got my T, I had listened to something in college too loud for 5/10 minutes, to the point where it was hurting. I turned it down to a point where it wasn't hurting shortly after. That was the day before the onset of my T.

A day/two days following the onset of my T, I got a cold and an ear infection. The ear infection wasn't particularly sore, mild pain intermittently. I went to the doctor a week after the onset of T and they told me I had otitis externa.

A few weeks later my doctor mentioned that my ear drum was retracted, which led me to believe it was ETD, since my ears were popping very frequently (whenever I sniffed and swallowed) and they hurt whenever I hiccuped/burped, and T is a symptom of ETD.

I had an audiogram done and the audiologist told me that I had normal hearing for someone my age. I'm 19.

I also developed pulsatile tinnitus for 2(ish) weeks at about week 5/6.

Since then, I've tried to live with it. I want it to go. I really, really want it to go. I feel like I haven't been myself or happy since it has begun. I don't know if I'm hoping in vain or not, I've not read a lot about people actually losing their T. I'm just feel scared and lonely. I've been anxious and stressed and been thinking about anti-anxiety medication. I don't know what to do.

 

[Quentino]

My hearing is worse, -10 db on all, with -20 db right hear, 500 and 1000 hertz, and i have the same age .Never had a good hearing, but i've never done anyting to save it ( big user of headphones, even if i think it's a concert that caused my T).

I've seen a psychyatrist, who gave me a little antidepressant. Since that i feel better, about that there's no shame to have about that.

My advice : think about habituate before thinking about T disappear. Because if you continue like this, you will be permanently stressed.

 

[Grace]

Im sure you have said this on here before but how loud is your T and how long are you into it now?

 

[RaZaH]

Yeah mate , I am 2 years in and I am still hoping for it to go.
We are always told to not give up hope , but to be honest hope can be painful and disappointing.
I kind of feel that giving up hope is the way to go, sounds crappy and unintuitive but I really think that its essential to getting over this and in fact I think its more likely to actually go away....I hope... Sigh.

You are young , audiogram looks great and a cure is looming on the horizon.
Best wishes dude.

 

[theekarwash]

Im sure you have said this on here before but how loud is your T and how long are you into it now?

It's hard to say, I can block it out if I don't think about it (which is rare), but when I do hear it it's quite loud. I can block it out if I'm outside during the day, at night I can hear it pretty clearly, inside and outside.

 

[theekarwash]

Im sure you have said this on here before but how loud is your T and how long are you into it now?

I'm 2 1/2 months in.

 

[cullenbohannon]

Its a good thing to have hope that it will go away, or maybe we get some treatments soon, which seems likely to me at this point, but dont put all your hope in it going away and being heart broken if it does not. @washashore posted this in another thread,http://stringplayer.websitetoolbox.com/post/words-of-wisdom-2964711 I usually recommend letter to a tinnitus sufferer, this has that and more. Ive used Anti anxiety meds and they were very helpful to me , if you need them use them. And as @I who love music I who says measure your response, i think by doing this youll train yourself over time to learn that the volume or not being able to mask it is not quite as important as your reaction. Things will get better buddy.

 

[I who love music]

Hey,
I sold my drums when I was 17. I knew I was screwed up. That was the first step in the right direction. Most of the loud concerts I attended were in the past, too. I didn't know I had "Tinnitus." I just knew when I was around loud sounds my ears would ring, and other people's didn't. I hoped a lot that my ears would get better. I remember laying in bed one night, 17 or 18 years old and felt scared, and weird. Back then people didn't talk about being depressed or having anxiety, or even being "bored." Weird, huh? There weren't a lot of words for feelings. I remember thinking that I'd have to spend my life playing another kind of music and also spend my life dodging loud sounds. That's exactly what I spent my life doing. This stupid tinnitus drove me into another direction, one that I may not have followed otherwise. And looking back at my life in my 20's, 30', 40's and now my 50's I don't remember my tinnitus - at all. But I have a string a musical accomplishments to remember. So.... don't give up on music. Just give up the loud music.
Then...
(from one drummer to another) I suggest you do three things.
1) Find a new kind of music to listen to or play. One that will require all of your attention. Something to be passionate about. Because when you're very engrossed in something (especially aural) you won't hear the T.
2) Take cotton wherever you go in case loud sounds should pop up. Because like me, your ears are not what they used to be and we have to protect what we've got.
3) This is the big one. Quit measuring your T. Start stating your response TO it.
You're on the road to recovery and I don't think you know it. I noticed you said, "I feel like I haven't been myself or happy since it has begun. I don't know if I'm hoping in vain or not, I've not read a lot about people actually losing their T. I'm just feel scared and lonely. I've been anxious and stressed and been thinking about anti-anxiety medication. I don't know what to do." Is that great or what? You're measuring and describing your response, you're not describing the volume, the hissing, squealing etc...
By doing this, you'll create a pattern of action - which is WAY different than hoping, or worrying, or waiting, which are not actions but merely states of mind. You're telling your brain to quit measuring T, and it will. You're telling your brain to start measuring your response. And you're already doing that. And in my opinion this is the quickest way to deflate the worry, the anxiety, and even the perception of T. This has to be done every time you notice T sounds. Just measure your response. It's not in vain. This really works. When you catch yourself listening FOR T, or worrying about it, quickly shift your thoughts to how you are responding to it. It's almost like the T comes creeping up and suddenly he doesn't get attention and gets mad and runs away. Like a spoiled little brat.
And I learned about this here on this forum. Cool, eh?
So have hope in this and do it regularly and watch what happens.

 

[Grace]

Hey,
I sold my drums when I was 17. I knew I was screwed up. That was the first step in the right direction. Most of the loud concerts I attended were in the past, too. I didn't know I had "Tinnitus." I just knew when I was around loud sounds my ears would ring, and other people's didn't. I hoped a lot that my ears would get better. I remember laying in bed one night, 17 or 18 years old and felt scared, and weird. Back then people didn't talk about being depressed or having anxiety, or even being "bored." Weird, huh? There weren't a lot of words for feelings. I remember thinking that I'd have to spend my life playing another kind of music and also spend my life dodging loud sounds. That's exactly what I spent my life doing. This stupid tinnitus drove me into another direction, one that I may not have followed otherwise. And looking back at my life in my 20's, 30', 40's and now my 50's I don't remember my tinnitus - at all. But I have a string a musical accomplishments to remember. So.... don't give up on music. Just give up the loud music.
Then...
(from one drummer to another) I suggest you do three things.
1) Find a new kind of music to listen to or play. One that will require all of your attention. Something to be passionate about. Because when you're very engrossed in something (especially aural) you won't hear the T.
2) Take cotton wherever you go in case loud sounds should pop up. Because like me, your ears are not what they used to be and we have to protect what we've got.
3) This is the big one. Quit measuring your T. Start stating your response TO it.
You're on the road to recovery and I don't think you know it. I noticed you said, "I feel like I haven't been myself or happy since it has begun. I don't know if I'm hoping in vain or not, I've not read a lot about people actually losing their T. I'm just feel scared and lonely. I've been anxious and stressed and been thinking about anti-anxiety medication. I don't know what to do." Is that great or what? You're measuring and describing your response, you're not describing the volume, the hissing, squealing etc...
By doing this, you'll create a pattern of action - which is WAY different than hoping, or worrying, or waiting, which are not actions but merely states of mind. You're telling your brain to quit measuring T, and it will. You're telling your brain to start measuring your response. And you're already doing that. And in my opinion this is the quickest way to deflate the worry, the anxiety, and even the perception of T. This has to be done every time you notice T sounds. Just measure your response. It's not in vain. This really works. When you catch yourself listening FOR T, or worrying about it, quickly shift your thoughts to how you are responding to it. It's almost like the T comes creeping up and suddenly he doesn't get attention and gets mad and runs away. Like a spoiled little brat.
And I learned about this here on this forum. Cool, eh?
So have hope in this and do it regularly and watch what happens.

Hey you ever think of gettin a good electronic drumset? Turn the volume down and wear plugs still and that shouldnt be dangerous at all! Ill give up acoustic but i wont stop, i cant! I just have to switch to mesh/rubber pads instead

 

[I who love music]

Hey you ever think of gettin a good electronic drumset? Turn the volume down and wear plugs still and that shouldnt be dangerous at all! Ill give up acoustic but i wont stop, i cant! I just have to switch to mesh/rubber pads instead

Yes, I've thought of that, but I don't trust myself to keep the volume down. And it would only take one loud hit to give me a year long spike.
That's a great idea for drummers, though!

 

[Valentin]

unfortunately for your age, your audiogram isn't that good, you have a cookie bite in the right ear and a starting ski slope in the left ear, high frequencies weren't even tested.

 

[theekarwash]

Hey,
I sold my drums when I was 17. I knew I was screwed up. That was the first step in the right direction. Most of the loud concerts I attended were in the past, too. I didn't know I had "Tinnitus." I just knew when I was around loud sounds my ears would ring, and other people's didn't. I hoped a lot that my ears would get better. I remember laying in bed one night, 17 or 18 years old and felt scared, and weird. Back then people didn't talk about being depressed or having anxiety, or even being "bored." Weird, huh? There weren't a lot of words for feelings. I remember thinking that I'd have to spend my life playing another kind of music and also spend my life dodging loud sounds. That's exactly what I spent my life doing. This stupid tinnitus drove me into another direction, one that I may not have followed otherwise. And looking back at my life in my 20's, 30', 40's and now my 50's I don't remember my tinnitus - at all. But I have a string a musical accomplishments to remember. So.... don't give up on music. Just give up the loud music.
Then...
(from one drummer to another) I suggest you do three things.
1) Find a new kind of music to listen to or play. One that will require all of your attention. Something to be passionate about. Because when you're very engrossed in something (especially aural) you won't hear the T.
2) Take cotton wherever you go in case loud sounds should pop up. Because like me, your ears are not what they used to be and we have to protect what we've got.
3) This is the big one. Quit measuring your T. Start stating your response TO it.
You're on the road to recovery and I don't think you know it. I noticed you said, "I feel like I haven't been myself or happy since it has begun. I don't know if I'm hoping in vain or not, I've not read a lot about people actually losing their T. I'm just feel scared and lonely. I've been anxious and stressed and been thinking about anti-anxiety medication. I don't know what to do." Is that great or what? You're measuring and describing your response, you're not describing the volume, the hissing, squealing etc...
By doing this, you'll create a pattern of action - which is WAY different than hoping, or worrying, or waiting, which are not actions but merely states of mind. You're telling your brain to quit measuring T, and it will. You're telling your brain to start measuring your response. And you're already doing that. And in my opinion this is the quickest way to deflate the worry, the anxiety, and even the perception of T. This has to be done every time you notice T sounds. Just measure your response. It's not in vain. This really works. When you catch yourself listening FOR T, or worrying about it, quickly shift your thoughts to how you are responding to it. It's almost like the T comes creeping up and suddenly he doesn't get attention and gets mad and runs away. Like a spoiled little brat.
And I learned about this here on this forum. Cool, eh?
So have hope in this and do it regularly and watch what happens.

I've since bought an acoustic guitar and it's really been helping me out, still feeling upset a lot of the time though.

 

[theekarwash]

Another thing I'd like to add, when I sniff hard and my ears pop, another sound comes around in my right ear, when I swallow it goes away.

 

[nogood]

Hi
if you think you are suffering from etd try inhaling steam. From what you explaining you probably do suffering from etd.. So start with 3 to 4 times a day and slowly reduce it to as you need basis.
Steam will help clean the sinuses. And open up the tubes and also melt away the mucus (if any stuck in your inner ear).
It's only water vapor so no need to worry about side effects. But remember to not to over do it.. As I mentioned before start 3 - 4 times a day and slowly reduce to 1-2 times a day before stopping.

Other tips:
keep your room clean change your bed sheets, blankets and pillow covers regular (2-3 times a week). This also helps for etd.
Avoid anything that can cause cold. Like milk products, cold drinks, ice water etc.

Another thing I'd like to add, when I sniff hard and my ears pop, another sound comes around in my right ear, when I swallow it goes away.

 

[I who love music]

I've since bought an acoustic guitar and it's really been helping me out, still feeling upset a lot of the time though.

An acoustic guitar is the best thing to have to focus your hearing on. It appears you're doing the right things.

 

[theekarwash]

Hi
if you think you are suffering from etd try inhaling steam. From what you explaining you probably do suffering from etd.. So start with 3 to 4 times a day and slowly reduce it to as you need basis.
Steam will help clean the sinuses. And open up the tubes and also melt away the mucus (if any stuck in your inner ear).
It's only water vapor so no need to worry about side effects. But remember to not to over do it.. As I mentioned before start 3 - 4 times a day and slowly reduce to 1-2 times a day before stopping.

Other tips:
keep your room clean change your bed sheets, blankets and pillow covers regular (2-3 times a week). This also helps for etd.
Avoid anything that can cause cold. Like milk products, cold drinks, ice water etc.

I tired it before, it seemed to help.. Maybe? I couldn't tell, I thought it was, but then again, it could have been just me believing it was helping. Who knows. I'll start again tomorrow and see how it goes for a little while.

 

[nogood]

It will take few days for the tube to open up completely incase if mucus or some liquid is in middle ear. Mucus can get very dry and sticky so try it for few days.
Either real effect or placebo it did help right so keep doing it for few weeks.

 

[theekarwash]

It will take few days for the tube to open up completely incase if mucus or some liquid is in middle ear. Mucus can get very dry and sticky so try it for few days.
Either real effect or placebo it did help right so keep doing it for few weeks.

Okay thanks, I will do that!

 

[theekarwash]

I should also probably add I suffer from seasonal allergies (hay fever) each summer and my T began in May as allergy symptoms started. I've been taking nasal spray and antihistamines for it since.

 

[stacey]

@theekarwash, what's the update, has it gotten better?