I Cry in Bed Sometimes

I won't deny that I have had a bitter and angry side to me, but this affliction really brought it out. Some days I cry as I lay in bed. At such a young age an affliction like this is unbearable. I even cuddle a stuffed animal because how depressed I am.

I need meds to sleep, and some mornings I wonder if the fall from my third floor balcony is enough to kill me. I want to die, I think about it everyday yet I don't do it. I need something to kill my lust for life so I can move from talking about dying to actually dying,

 

Sorry you feel so bad

Life is challenging, I know this first hand. You need to remain calm and know that life will be ok. Tinnitus can be a challenge and a hard thing to deal with. As time passes by, it does become more manageable. I hope you lean on family and friends that care for you. Don't go about this, on your own. Seek help, support and love. It is out there, just ask for it and don't fight this alone.

Life is brutal for me as well, i have borderline BP and I go for walks and at times like tonight....I had a massive headache and i was feeling dizzy. I still went for my 1-2 mile walk and cared less if i collapsed or not. I will live my life and nothing stops that. (I don't recommend doing what I do and please don't)

I have many physical issues, and its a challenge everyday. Pain is with me each day, I still say the hell with the pain and go to my martial arts. My mindset is super strong and i wish that for you and those that suffer..

I hope you find that courage and dig deeper and carry on. Life is very difficult and we just have to do our best.

 

It really is a bastard of a condition. It causes suffering and misery which make it worse. It feeds itself.

 

One year closing in some days I want to stick a sharp object in my ear but then realize I can live with this. Walking really helps to take the mind off the noise

 

Hugs to you. I feel your pain. I was there just a few weeks ago and I still get back to that state sometimes, but I am slowly getting better I think.

Just know this, their is absolutely NO SHAME in lying in bed crying, and relying on sleep meds. Let me tell you, I have broken down so many times, and these past 4 months I have cried hysterically into my pillow and I still need meds to sleep. But I am getting better, and getting more and more good days and so will you. You WILL get better. For now, cry the pain out, hug your stuffed animal, mask the tinnitus and survive......the sun will soon come out to shine on you too.

 

Anybody that has had loud intrusive tinnitus which has been sustained and says, that they haven't cried or being emotionally upset over it isn't telling the truth. When I've counselled people, both men and women have cried when talking to them on the telephone while explaining to me the torment of what they are going through.
Michael

 

You are not alone. As others have already responded, what you are feeling is common. I cry, usually on my commute to and from work as I prefer to do so alone. I will even play certain songs that strike an emotional chord with me to elicit tears because I need to be "cried out" before I am with people.

I have stuffed pembroke welsh corgis, one in my living room on the chair and one on my desk at work. Only one friend at work (gone now, but will return) knows why I really have that corgi (I ended up getting her one after she borrowed mine because she needed it).

Again, many of us have been there (and some of us have tried to end our lives). We understand how you feel. We understand the depths of despair that tinnitus can drive someone to. But suicide is not that answer. You are considering throwing away a young life over something that can be overcome. I know that at this time you probably do not feel that you will ever be able to cope with this, but take it from us, you can. We have felt that way at one time (and more than one for most) but we have all managed to keep going. You will be surprised how strong you are and what you are able to handle when you have to.

If you have not yet, look through the "Introduce Yourself" posts (find people who's responses to your and other's posts have struck a chord with you), I am sure you will find many who felt that they were at the end of their ropes, who felt that they could not continue with the unrelenting ringing (or however their tinnitus manifests itself). You will also find that they are still here, not only have they managed to keep going, but they are also helping others despite their own suffering.

Tinnitus is debilitating, it is horrible, and it feels like it is stealing your life away. And, it can if you let it. But the secret there is you have to let it. You are in control, even though you cannot stop the ringing, you can control how you let it effect you and your life.

Staying positive is very important to coping with tinnitus.

@billie48 wrote his success story demonstrating how positivity helped him habituate.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

And, conversely, a negative attitude can make tinnitus worse:

@Michael Leigh wrote the following, excellent post on negativity and tinnitus:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/

I wish I could tell you that your tinnitus will go away, although you have a fairly good chance of that happening:

@Bill Bauer wrote the following post discussing studies that show a fairly high recovery rate from tinnitus ( https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/ )

But, even if it does not, you can learn to live with it. Your tinnitus is fairly new (based on your first post stating that you first noticed it in April). It takes time to learn to deal with it.

It is a common idea that there are seven states of grief ( http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html ). You are probably at at least one of them and will need to go through the stages because, when hit with something as traumatic and debilitating as tinnitus, you will need to grieve. There is a feeling of loss, the loss of sleep, the loss of a calm state of mind, the loss of "sanity", the loss of the love of life, the loss of silence, etc.. While these things can return to you, at this time you probably feel that they are gone forever (most are not, the silence may not return, but the others absolutely can).

Again, while I cannot tell you that your tinnitus will go away, or that you will ever experience silence again, I can tell you that you can learn to live with it, and that you can get your normal life back.

 

I cried every day for months on end but then I realized that it wasn't helping me or changing anything, and I was just bringing other people down with me. I have tears right now because I read your post and it brings back those intense memories for me. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this at such a young age @Gl0w0ut . It is so tough in the beginning.

 

I'm sorry you're having a hard time I'm going through the same thing and I know how that feels. Life can be really difficult with this condition. I hope things get easier for you.

 

Make sure you have a great support system at this point. Talk to your family and make sure they understand how the noise is affecting you emotionally and mentally. For me I was super clinging when I got to my lowest and sometimes I still am. If they don't quite get it find something similar to your T sound and play it for them. That always seems to work.

Even now when I'm doing better sometimes a little cry helps me level out. (Coming from someone who use to never cry.)

 

Hello,

Sorry to read you like this...

Do you have an idea how you got this Tinnitus ?

Peace

Christophe

 

I cry everyday.......usually out of frustration and just because I am so tired from lack of sleep. I was relieved when I finally got the diagnosis of the acoustic neuroma....at least there is a reason for the tinnitus, now I just have to learn how to live with it. I am hoping after the gamma knife treatment next month that it won't be so loud

 

I'm so sorry, but I totally understand. Many (if no all) of us have done the same thing. Because your T is relatively recent, there is a good chance it will eventually resolve it self and fade away. Try to stay strong

 

@Gl0w0ut I can totally relate. I can totally understand this desire to end it all. This condition is not a walk in the park. I have cried the hell myself out like you. I once tried to describe to a friend of mine this feeling of despair. The pure desire to get out of your own body. I know that deep inside you didn't mean that you would actually harm yourself. For me it took 9 months to start see improvement (not to my tinnitus, but my mood). However, I don't want to tell that i am actually better, cause this thing is a rollercoaster. I still have my ups and downs and a long way ahead. For now life is just not the same, but to this point it got easier then the beginning. Try not to relate so much to the others. Everyone's tinnitus is different and personal. As much as we suffer together, deep down each one of us is alone to this. Each one of us have different tolerance over pain. For now allow yourself to be in pain. This is your story and only YOU will figure out how it's gonna go. Give yourself time. Use the forum wisely. It's not easy to find the right information that's useful for you. Whoever feels better and resumes with life is not a frequent visitor here (if not a visitor at all). I send you a big hug and i wish you patience and all the best.
V.

 

@vermillion

First class post! Absolutely spot on advice! I totally agree with what you've said. Your words are inspirational especially when you too are suffering but also able to offer support. I truly admire that x