I Don’t Know What to Do Anymore: I'm Now in a Psychiatric Hospital and Tinnitus Is Crushing Me

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Vicki3116, Dec 4, 2020.

    1. Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Hi, this is my first time posting and I could really use some support.

      Tinnitus started in August for no particular reason, started as a random beep in my right ear but then became a super high pitched noise every second on and off, on and off. It’s been 4 months of this now and it’s mentally torturous, there isn’t a minute of the day I feel ok and it’s progressed so much so that I can hear it over everything. It’s like electricity running through my head every couple of seconds which makes concentration near impossible. There isn’t a second of the day that I don’t suffer with this.

      I work for the NHS and I’ve tried to go back to work 3 times since this started and haven’t been able to. It’s become so intrusive and debilitating that I’m now in the psychiatric hospital attached to the hospital I work in.

      I can’t believe that such a debilitating disorder exists as 4 months ago I was fine and now my life is in tatters. The effect this has had on my life is unbearable, I literally don’t enjoy anything anymore and I struggle to face another day of it. The anxiety reaction to the noise has long gone but the despair and loss of sense of self is extremely prominent. This doesn’t feel like a life anymore, it’s just surviving day to day and praying to wake up from the most horrendous nightmare.

      I really don’t know what I’m asking for on here, just some hope that it won’t always be this way? I saw an ENT who said it’ll 100% go away but it’s got many times worse since, my parents took me to the Tinnitus Clinic in London but they said they couldn’t help me because the noise is too erratic and loud.

      I just feel crushed. Every day I’m amazed at how a noise can ruin a life.

      Any help would be much appreciated,

      Vic
       
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    2. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      HI @Vicki3116

      Welcome to the forum.

      Sorry to know that you are going through such a difficult time with tinnitus at the moment. It usually improves with time, although it may not seem like it at a the moment. Tinnitus can cause stress in the early stages, so you may have been prescribed something to help with this.

      Although you say the tinnitus started for no particular reason which is possible, in many instances something usually causes it. It is often caused by exposure to loud noise. Headphone, earbud or headset use. Prior to the tinnitus if you regularly used headphones, earbuds or used a headset any of these could have caused the onset of tinnitus.

      I understand that you may not feel up to reading at the moment but when you do. Please click on the link below and read my post titled: New to tinnitus what to do. You might find the information helpful.

      Hope you start to feel better soon.

      All the best
      Michael

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new-to-tinnitus-what-to-do.12558/
       
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    3. twa
      Busy

      twa Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017- mild /Sept. 2020-moderate
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      meds/acoustic trauma
      Hi Vic,

      I'm so sorry, I know this is very hard. I'm about 10 weeks in from an acoustic trauma, my little boy yelled in my ear and then I went to the dentist and the ENT. Mine is high-pitched also.

      I went through a difficult time about 4 years ago, it was almost as difficult as dealing with tinnitus. I had a great career, a little boy, travel and friends. My world turned upside down when my back went out, I had a spinal injection and a horrible reaction to the steroids. I had tremendous anxiety for the first time in my life, I could not work or drive. I was housebound and I did not feel like my normal self. After 4-5 months, I decided if I was going to get back to a normal life it depended on me to figure it out and get stronger, not my husband, not my church, not my in-laws, not my friends. I did have two wonderful people who I leaned on during this time, my 76 year old father and my neighbor.

      Slowly, day by day, I got better by praying, talking to friends, exercising, losing weight and eating very well. After about 3 months of not driving, I started driving and meeting friends for lunch. I calmed down quite a bit. I started doing things like picking up my little boy from school. I eventually, told my dad he didn't need to come over and stay with me.

      At 6-7 months I felt better! At 8 months I stopped journaling! There's a lot more to the story and how I initially got tinnitus. I say all this to remind myself I've been through a challenge before and it is possible to recover from something that seems insurmountable.

      I hope that you can start to heal and feel better very soon. Praying for you.

      twa
       
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    4. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Thank you both for replying, it means a lot as people around me don’t understand how difficult this is. It’s so isolating. I wonder if in the case it is noise induced then maybe it’ll improve over time. I just wish it was a constant tone as opposed to this consistently disturbing oscillation. Like I say, I don’t feel anxious about it anymore, more like mentally agitated as I can’t find peace in my head. I ignore it as consistently as I can but I still feel so empty inside and I can’t stop mourning the way things used to be. It’s like being trapped in an awful limbo where you can’t connect to yourself because the noise is so aggravating but you can’t connect to the world around you either because you’re constantly aware of your internal world.

      I saw the doctor today who is prescribing me Sertraline. I’m very wary of taking medication but I’m in hospital because I’m suicidal so I don’t know what option I have really.

      Have either of you got to the point where you feel like yourself again? That’s the thing that hurts the most, it’s like trying to go on in life when you’re not here anymore.
       
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    5. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      HI @Vicki3116

      I, and many people in this forum know how you feel because we've been there. The tinnitus will improve believe me. When I first got tinnitus 24 years ago I was prescribed Sertraline and found it helpful. Please follow your doctor's advice. I have written many articles on tinnitus that are available on my "started threads" - I don't want to bombard you with the links now because it's a lot to take in and you need to take things easy. Please read my post in the link I've sent you: New to tinnitus what to do. If your tinnitus is noise induced, my advice is not to use any type of headphones even at low volume.

      When you feel a little better click my "started threads". This is achieved by clicking on my Avatar. A box will appear and you'll see the link: Started threads. Click on that and look through the list of posts and read my article: The habituation process.

      Things will get better, take care.

      Michael
       
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    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Thank you so much for your reply, I can’t explain how bad I feel right now but I know I don’t need to because you get it. It’s almost comforting I suppose, but I’m sorry that you know how this feels. I’ll give the Sertraline a go because I don’t know what I have to lose at this point, I’m glad it helped you x
       
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    7. DebInAustralia
      No Mood

      DebInAustralia Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Advocate

      Location:
      Geelong, Victoria
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2013
      Personally, I'd avoid Sertraline, and consider Mirtazapine in terms of avoiding worsening tinnitus.
       
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    8. BuzzyBee
      Bookworm

      BuzzyBee Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not Sure
      I am sorry you are in the hospital, but it's a safe place for you right now and you have people around who care and can help. Please keep us updated on the Sertraline since it gets so many mixed reviews from people with tinnitus. You are at least in a position where you can try different medications under the supervision of doctors and will have people around when and if the tinnitus spikes.
       
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    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Yeah, this is what worries me, I know people have very different experiences with it. I’m pretty nervous about taking it but I guess I’ll have to give it a go. Mirtazapine gave me excruciating pain in my legs, back and left arm for some reason even though I’ve taken it before without a problem. Good for sleeping though, just not so much for being able to walk the next day. ‍♀️

      Another question, has anyone consulted a neurologist over their symptoms? I have really unusual, uncontrollable movements of my right foot, electric like surges down my back and sometimes the electrical feeling in my brain that comes with the noise in my head makes my eyes roll. Some of my friends think I should see a neurologist but the thought of being told by another person that there’s nothing they can do is almost too much to take right now.
       
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    10. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Hi, have you tried Sertraline at all? I am concerned about taking it because a worsening would be even more devastating, but at the same time I’m not sure what else to do. Life is already unbearable but it still feels like a gamble. It’s so hard to know what to for the best isn’t it?
       
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    11. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      People react to medications differently. You are in the right place to get help, so please follow the advice of your doctors...
       
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    12. twa
      Busy

      twa Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017- mild /Sept. 2020-moderate
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      meds/acoustic trauma
      When I recovered from my back, yes I did feel normal again. I took lots of work on my part and time. I feel it will be much the same with the ears, patience, work and time.
       
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    13. twa
      Busy

      twa Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017- mild /Sept. 2020-moderate
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      meds/acoustic trauma
      I had electric zaps in my foot when I took Gabapentin. I stopped taking it as soon as I could.
       
    14. TrevorSanders

      TrevorSanders Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure/Ototoxic Medication
      It gets easier, just give it time.
       
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    15. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Hi, me again, I’m just wondering if people generally get back to feeling like themselves? Does happiness return? It seems as though I’m going to feel burdened for the rest of my life and the loss of that free, happy feeling is probably the worst thing about all this.

      Any reassurance would be great, thanks.
       
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    16. simb999

      simb999 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      nov 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise exposure
      Hi Vicki, things will improve, it just takes a long time but hang in there.

      I'm 2 years in and I've gone from very much feeling like you are now to generally enjoying life again.
       
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    17. MrC6688

      MrC6688 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Wim Hof breathing
      I'm very sorry to hear about your struggles. After doing something called Wim Hof breathing method back in June of this year, I developed high-pitched tinnitus also. Mine was not sound related and I believe the breathing method caused an inner ear issue with my Eustachian tubes (because my ears won't pop and I experienced a lot of ear pressure and ear pain in the beginning). With that said, I've been researching ways to treat the tinnitus and I found one chiropractor who has Eustachian Tube Dysfunction exercises that have helped me. I even spoke with him on the phone and he's legit.

      After not finding much relief for the past few months, I have tried committing to this man's exercises and been doing them for the past three weeks every day. I'm making progress. I know everyone's tinnitus is caused by different things but figured I'd share that with you. Here' a link to the exercises: Eustachian Tube Dysfunction ETD Exercises and Massage Techniques for Ear Fullness - YouTube

      Quick question, do your ears feel clogged? Other than the high pitched noise, are you feeling any pressure in your sinuses? Do you have jaw pain? Do you feel dizzy?

      Please hang in there. I know what it's like to wake up with the high-pitched ringing every day and to have to deal with it. It sucks... I know.. trust me, I know. But there are many people whose tinnitus fades away as quickly as it came, so we can't lose hope. Please feel free to post as much as you like here. We're all in this together and sharing our experiences helps (especially those who's tinnitus has waned over disappeared altogether!).
       
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    18. Kendra

      Kendra Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSNHL/ Acoustic Trauma
      Hi! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I would definitely recommend seeing a neurologist and getting an MRI done to see if something is causing it that can be fixed? Is it ever pulsatile? Like do the beeps happen in sync with your heartbeat?
       
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    19. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Many people whose tinnitus doesn't improve, report habituation about 2.5 - 3 years after the onset.

      It sounds like your tinnitus hasn't been fading. Might you be exposed to loud noises? Now that your ears have been compromised, the noises that the healthy people won't even notice can make a big impact on one's recovery.
       
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    20. Jack Straw
      Balanced

      Jack Straw Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      1990s
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Infection, Acoustic Trauma
      Do you know the cause of your tinnitus? Did you have exposure to a loud noise or are you taking a certain type of medication? It is unusual for it to appear out of nowhere on its own. It usually has some type of catalyst.

      Since it has come on so sudden and for what seems like no reason I would assume that there may be some other unknown issue? Did you talk with your ENT about maybe getting and MRI? Sometimes there is a node or a growth on the nerve that can throw things out of wack. I would be cautious about where you get an MRI though because certain machines are very loud and can do more harm then good. Be very cautious if you get one.

      Many people learn to live with their intrusive tinnitus and go back to a relatively normal life. It takes a lot of work and isn't easy, but people do get there. Try to be optimistic even though I know it seems impossible!

      Did your doctor give you a reason why he felt it was "100%" going to go away?
       
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    21. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Thanks for all the replies. It’s good to know that life can be enjoyable again because it really doesn’t seem like it at the moment.

      I don’t really have pain in my jaw, my dentist did make me a mouth guard as I grind my teeth but it doesn’t seem to be helping.

      I’ve had an MRI which was reported as normal but it wasn’t my whole head, just the bit that covers my ears. Do you think a more extensive one would be worth it? I don’t think they are in time with my heartbeat no, and the pulses of sound are longer than a heartbeat, more like someone trying to tune in a radio if you get what I mean.

      @Bill Bauer I’m really not sure about fading, it’s definitely less high pitched than it was when I was crying to my dentist, it’s more of an electrical sound now. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t feel anxious about the noise now, I just feel mentally disturbed if that makes sense.

      Also, I forgot to say that there’s times when everything goes away, it’s like my brain has righted itself, as if someone has flicked a switch and I feel completely like myself again but it doesn’t last long.

      I just keep telling myself to keep breathing, ignore it consistently and I’ll get through it but I don’t think I’ll ever feel like myself again. I think a part of me will always be trapped inside my head.
       
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    22. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      You will want to make sure that you don't hurt your ears during this period of vulnerability as your body is healing. You will want to avoid taking ototoxic drugs, avoid microsuction or syringing (performed when you need to clean wax out of your ears; a manual tool should be used), and not let your dental hygienist use an ultrasonic scaling tool on you (a manual tool should be used). For more details, see

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...eone-else-who-has-tinnitus.26850/#post-307822
       
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    23. Greg Sacramento

      Greg Sacramento Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Syringing + Somatic tinnitus from dental work
      @Vicki3116 From all your symptoms and your type of tone, it may be that you have developed body peripheral neuropathy, including occupational neuralgia from Mirtazapine. Occupational neuropathy (head) can increase with a low head position or head bending.

      All your neuropathy should go away, but it can take several months for peripheral neuropathy and occupational neuralgia to completely heal. Your tone (sounds) should at least lesson. I would see a neurologist and also taper any medications when the time comes to discontinue.
       
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    24. Rafalek73

      Rafalek73 Member

      Location:
      Poland
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss
      @Bill Bauer can you get used to having a hearing loss?
       
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    25. lis

      lis Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      severe 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      @Vicki3116

      Severe oscillating tinnitus plus distortion obliterated my career (similar to your field in research and health) and life as well. It is a cruel disorder, a 24/7 sound torture chamber. I tried every treatment possible in a state of sheer panic and claustrophobia in my own body, only to transition to major depression. But, I've been told it will absolutely get better (at least the perception if not the ailment) - the brain adapts slowly and neuroplasticity takes TIME. Support makes a world of difference.
       
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    26. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Yeah, probably to get me out of the consultation room. I did notice she didn’t look me in the eye when she said it, so I wasn’t convinced.
       
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    27. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      I’m so sorry to know you’re suffering the same, I’ve been through many major mental health crisis before but nothing has ever felt as insidious and disturbing as this.

      How long have you had your symptoms? Have you seen any improvements at all? x
       
    28. Ben Winders
      Pensive

      Ben Winders Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic
      Every single person on here knows how you are currently feeling.
      I told my girlfriend these exact words: "I'm sorry, I will be gone for a year or two, please stick around because I will come back".

      This is exactly how I'm feeling. I am here but I'm really not. Every single thing that used to be easy and carefree is now covered in fear/tinnitus. Exactly as how you describe it. The careless life is just gone.

      BUT - two important things.

      First: I am absolutely certain that there is a way to live with this as so many people have shown. Yes - for me it is worth "checking out" of the life I used to know for a year or 2 and try to find a way out of it and become "normal" again.

      Second (and most importantly): we are SO CLOSE to finding a potential cure for this (so many different meds / devices / pathways coming out in the next year and years to follow) that it would be a pity (for lack of a better word) to give up now. Imagine one gives up now and in half a year something would have become available that would have cured (or seriously diminished) the tinnitus... now that would be a double tragedy.

      Hang in there.
      Remember that when you wake up in the morning someone like you fighting the same fight is waking up too. At 8.00am or at 8.05am - you are not alone. As my girlfriend said "This is going to be the fight of your lifetime but as a third party observer, I just know you will find your way out of this. It just doesn't look that way for you because you are the one carrying the burden".

      Because we have to live with it, we fail to see the bigger picture - which is understandable. That's why we have to trust on the people around us that are able to have the helicopter view.
       
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    29. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      They’re really lovely words and I agree with everything you’ve said, especially the bit about everything being difficult now. There is nothing this doesn’t touch, absolutely nothing. I’m just trying to save a tiny piece of my soul from it because I know underneath it all, I am the same person. I have to believe I am.

      Being in the hospital isn’t really helping and it’s almost surreal to find myself here because I don’t feel mentally ill, I know exactly what’s happening to me and that’s what seems to make it unbearable. It feels like everything I loved has gone, but it hasn’t gone because I can still see it, I just can’t experience it anymore. Sometimes I envision myself in a glass box, desperately banging on the glass to be let out with the rest of the world passing me by.

      When I talk to people about it and say it’s because of a noise in my head, I can barely believe I’m saying the words because it just doesn’t seem possible does it?

      I miss reading books so much you know, and right now the titles of two of the books on my bookshelf keep coming in to my head, the first one is ‘Just One More Day’ and the second being ‘But Inside, I’m Screaming’.

      I think that pretty much sums the whole thing up.
       
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    30. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Vicki3116

      Vicki3116 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      August 2020
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      The nurse in charge has just spoken to me and said he’s concerned about me because he can see I’m really struggling. He says I need to be honest with the Doctor tomorrow because that’s the start of recovery.

      The problem is, being honest would be to admit how desperately I don’t want to be here anymore. Ah man, I wish this was something that antidepressants could actually fix. Imagine that.

      The hardest thing to admit is that you can’t fight this, not head on. It’s a part of you and I think the only way to win is to be more loving and patient than it seems possible to be. But that’s far easier said than done when you want to smash your head against the wall.
       
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